Last Christmas

-December 24th-

Jinki entered Kibum’s flat hesitantly. He was already feeling nauseous. He didn’t want to come in the first place, certainly not after what had happened the year before, but Kibum had begged him to come. He couldn’t say no, he already knew how much Kibum was hurting because of this. They were all friends after all before what had happened.

Jinki took off his coat in the entrance and heaved a sigh. The party was already at its peak, Jinki had pondered for hours whether he was going or not. Going could mean leaving those memories behind him and that was why he had decided to leave his flat and come to the party.

He took a deep breath and walked in the living room. Alcohol was flowing freely and the music was deafening. He took a moment to observe the people in the room and finally noticed his friends. They were having fun: Taemin and Jongin were dancing, and Luna and Soojung were chatting and drinking. Seeing them made Jinki realise that he was really not in the mood to party. He bit his lip nervously, lowering his head. Coming really seemed to be a bad idea.

“Hey, hyung” said someone next to him.

Jinki jumped a little, because he hadn’t seen them coming. He turned his head towards that person who was actually his friend Minho.

“Oh, it’s you! You scared me!” said Jinki, scratching the back of his head.

Jinki was internally hoping that Minho wouldn’t notice is uneasiness.

“Kibum is going to be so happy to know that you’ve come” said Minho smiling at Jinki and putting a comforting hand on his shoulder.

Jinki looked away, the floor suddenly seemed to be very interesting. He was wondering why it had come to this. He was hurt, but hurting them was the last thing he wanted to do.

“Talking about Kibum, where is he ?” Jinki asked after a minute of awkwardness, keeping his head low.

“He is in the kitchen, you should go talk to him” said Minho.

He squeezed Jinki’s shoulder before walking away. Jinki heaved a sigh and walked towards the kitchen. The kitchen was less crowded than the living room, people only came to grab a drink before going back to the living room.

“Jinki hyung!” shouted a very familiar voice.

Kibum threw himself at Jinki, hugging him. The elder hugged him back, heaving a peaceful sigh this time.

“Thanks for coming” said Kibum, pulling away.

The younger took Jinki’s hands in his and smiled softly at him.

“I made a promise” mumbled Jinki, his eyes drifting to their linked hands.

A small touch like this...It was everything he needed after this strenuous year.

“I leave you two together for five minutes...and I’m already cheated on” said Minho abruptly from behind Jinki, making the elder jumped once again.

He let go of Kibum’s hands and threw a harmless glare at Minho.

“Stop talking nonsense, you know I’m only yours, idiot” said Kibum walking closer to Minho.

He put a hand on the taller man’s chest and pecked his lips. Jinki looked away to give them some privacy and also to keep bad memories away. He shook his head and tried to think about something to distract himself. He chose to grab a drink, only taking a small gulp, but the taste was enough to make him feel better immediately.

“Okay, I need to go back to my guests to see if everything is alright” said Kibum. “Try at least to have fun, hyung” he then added, looking Jinki straight in the eye.

Jinki swallowed. Having fun seemed almost impossible. He didn’t think he would be able to have a happy Christmas anymore. Not in the near future anyway. He simply nodded at Kibum and the two younger men left the room. Jinki heaved a sigh for the umpteenth time, before going back to the living room with his drink in order to at least talk with his friends. Anything to keep his thoughts away. He froze in the doorway as someone entered the living room. The one he wanted to avoid, the one who had hurt him last Christmas, Jonghyun. He was with another girl who Jinki knew very well, Shin Sekyung. They had broken up last year, but it seemed that they were back together seeing how she was clinging on to Jonghyun’s arm. Jinki thought about going back into the kitchen and staying there all night, perhaps Jonghyun wouldn’t notice him. But on the blink of an eye,  Jonghyun’s eyes met his. Jinki stopped breathing and froze completely. He tried to look away, but it was impossible. He was looking him straight in the eye and memories kept resurfacing. He was unable to stop them.

~

-Last Christmas-

Jinki lost himself in Jonghyun’s eyes, thinking about the Christmas present he wanted to give him: Confess his love and ask him out.

Even if to him they were already a couple. They held hands, they sometimes kissed, they often cuddled at night when Jonghyun had insomnia. The only thing was that they weren’t official, but Jinki felt as if they were already together. They had gotten a lot closer after Jonghyun’s painful breakup.

Jonghyun pulled Jinki away from his thoughts:

“Hyung ! Why did you bring me here ? There is no alcohol and no music…” whined Jonghyun, a pout adorning his lips.

Jinki started thinking about how cute Jonghyun was when he was drunk with his slightly dilated pupils and rosy cheeks. He brought his hand up, his fingers brushing against Jonghyun’s cheek as he rested his forehead against the younger man’s. Jonghyun’s scent was mesmerising.

“Jong...I want to give you my present…” whispered Jinki against Jonghyun’s lips.

There was only a small gap between the two men and Jinki lost himself once against in Jonghyun’s eyes.  But he didn’t met the younger man’s eye who in the meantime was looking at his lips. A smile appeared on Jinki’s face.

“I love you” he said before crashing his lips against Jonghyun’s. He felt the younger freeze and thought he must have been surprised by Jinki’s confession, because a few seconds later Jonghyun was already eagerly responding to the kiss. Their tongues started playing with one another. Jinki moaned, his eyes closing.

That night was one of the best nights Jinki had ever had. Witnessing Jonghyun’s face filled with pleasure as Jinki was settled inside him.  Something Jinki would never forget.

However, all good things come to an end and it also applied to that night.  It all ended with a little note left by Jonghyun next to Jinki on the bed the morning after:

[ Hyung…

I’m so sorry… I don’t know what got into me yesterday...I was drunk and I...I should have pushed you away because...I’m...I’m not in love with you, hyung…. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you believe that...but...I think I got closer to you because I needed someone and you were there for me. I’m sorry. I think it’s for the best if we don’t see each other for a while...I’m too embarrassed...And I’m not gay...I’m sorry, really.

Jonghyun ]

~

Those eyes that Jinki thought were once filled with love, now seemed to be as cold as ice. Jonghyun was staring at him, but his eyes were empty. As if he didn’t recognise him. Jinki’s heart sank and he absentmindedly crushed the glass he was holding in his hand, which was fortunately a simple plastic cup. He felt its content coat his fingers. No one seemed to have noticed the tensions thanks to the loud music. Jonghyun finally looked away, his eyes drifting to Sekyung. He smiled at her before kissing her lips softly. Jinki’s eyes started burning, unshed tears trying to find a way out. He only wanted one thing: Escape. But he didn’t move. He made a promise to Kibum and he just had enough. He had been Jonghyun’s toy for too long. He turned away and entered once again the kitchen which was now empty. He threw his cup in the bin, before washing his hands at the sink. He turned his head to the side when he felt a presence beside him. His eyes met Jonghyun’s and he tried to look as indifferent as possible. Jonghyun was leaning his back against the countertop, staring at Jinki. The elder couldn’t decipher his facial expression.

“It’s been a while, hyung…” said Jonghyun suddenly.

Jinki hadn’t heard that voice in months, but he realised that it didn’t have the same effects on him anymore.

He said nothing back and simply mimicked Jonghyun’s pose. He didn’t want to talk to him, but he was too polite to ignore the younger man.

“I miss you…” Jonghyun added in a whisper.

Hearing this, Jinki faced away, pretending that he was wiping something on the countertop. His blood was boiling, not because he liked what Jonghyun just said, but because there was just one thing he wanted more than anything right now: Punch him in the face.

“You’re back with Shin Sekyung ?” said Jinki in a cold tone.

Jonghyun took some time to answer. Meanwhile, Jinki tried his best not to look at the younger man.

“Hyung...Don’t be like this...I said I was sorry…”

“So you think that a little piece of paper is enough ? How long has it been since we last talked ? Do you really think that a little ‘I’m sorry’ written on a scrap of paper one year ago is enough ?” said Jinki harshly, finally facing Jonghyun.

He glared at Jonghyun, crossing his arms. The younger man bit his lip and lowered his head. One year ago, Jinki would have hugged him to comfort him, but not now. It was over. He had given up.

“Hyung, I want us to be friends again”

“I can’t” said Jinki before walking away.

He felt a hand tightly grabbing his wrist. He stopped walking but didn’t face Jonghyun.

“Hyung... I think...I think I’m…”

“You think ? Save it. It’s too late, really too late. Until now I thought I was still in love with you...but I was in love with an illusion...a memory...and I just get it now. Of course, I’m not okay, but I don’t need you. I need to find someone, someone special I will be in love with and who will also love me. And this special someone is not you”

Jinki finally let out everything that was weighing him down and he thought he had never felt better before. Jonghyun said nothing and Jinki pulled away without a glance towards the younger man. Jonghyun let him be.

“Bye Jonghyun” whispered Jinki, before leaving the room and the flat, small tears threatening to fall.

Hi~ here is the first drabble I decided to post :) so like I said before this was originally in French and I decided to translate it and post it here !

What do you think of this drabble ? If you could tell me your honest opinion about it, I accept constructive criticism ! Of course I would also be happy if you just say that you like it ~ ~ 

Have a nice weekend :)

-Minewnnie (A/N: I will probably change my name here as soon as I have enough points because this is an old account and now I use 'Minewnnie' as a penname)