It was hard to live without the person I loved the most. And it was too hard to bear that he was not by my side, at this darkest time of my life.

All I could see now was darkness, and all I could feel was pain—in my heart, in my eyes, and in my thigh that was cut half.

I didn’t know why I deserved this. What did I do wrong that I had to get hit by the truck, that the wheels crushed my leg and the sharp steel slashed my eyes underneath. I just wanted to have some rest—I sat along the sidewalk to enjoy a cup of coffee, and then the truck suddenly came like it was really me it wanted to mash.

I was just sitting on a chair. I just wanted to have a break from all the pain. What was wrong with that?

My tears fell, but I could feel it was blood that was coming out of my eyes. They hurt so much—no-- they didn’t really hurt, because they were actually gone. I could feel the empty space beneath my eyelids—or I now wouldn’t call them eyelids because I had no eyes and they wouldn’t look like lids. They were gashed in all directions, distorted and smashed. My head was dressed with thick bandage and it felt wet. It was blood, I knew, and not the tears I was shedding.

On my arms I had dressings. On my stomach I was sliced. In my heart I was bearing all of them, and the heaviest of all was the leg I lost.

One month. It would just be one month before our group could finally debut. What I prayed for was to break my leg on stage, not for it to literally break under the wheels.

Someone injected a needle in my arm. A nurse, I thought. A while after, the pain lessened, and I felt the need to sleep.

Suddenly, I felt like this was just a dream. There suddenly came a run of images in my head and they were altered and muddled that I affirmed this was definitely a dream. The truck. The sidewalk. Our holding hands. Our books. The airport. A butterfly. And Jaehyun.

His smile was the last thing I saw, and then I fell asleep.

 

When I woke up, the pain came back. The images were gone and I realized that this wasn’t a dream. This was a real nightmare.

So I cried for the nurse and told him to inject me. Inject me a liter of that same drug so I could see many pictures again. I wanted to see Jaehyun—his cook wares, his clothes, his books and pens, his shoes and towels—I wanted to see everything of him. With that syringe, I could be with him.

Yet the nurse told me it was not yet time. He said I had to endure it for a while.

“For a while?” I snarled in tears. He knew nothing. He didn’t know I had been enduring pain ever since Jaehyun left. Six months looked short to many, but living that long without Jaehyun was triple the time. How dare this nurse consider my pain as just ‘a while,’ when in the middle of my longing for Jaehyun I still had to shed a sea of sweat to reach my dream.

“Inject me,” I commanded, because I couldn’t bear it anymore. “Inject me!” I screamed, for I badly needed to be with Jaehyun.

 

 

Jaehyun was having a good life in New York, in fact better than how it was while he was here. He now owned the restaurant of his grandparents and he had already been able to add a number of his creations for its menu. He was always busy in the kitchen, cooking for people and making sure their food would be the best. Sometimes he would call me while he was there, and he would show me how big it was and how many more chefs there were. He would focus the camera at the dishes he made and tell that their presentations were inspired by mine. He would tour me all over the place, and share more about how good his life was going—that his younger brother would always say that he wanted to cook as greatly as him, that his father would always visit him at the culinary school, and that his mother promised she would give him more capital to branch out his business to other states. And then he would tell me again his dream to spread Asian cuisine to the world in varying ways to suit every people’s taste.

I couldn’t ruin how well his life was running. I couldn’t tell him that I became like this and then ask him to come back just because I needed him. He was so happy there. I wouldn’t shatter his smile out of my terrific luck.

So I gripped tight on the rail and exerted my strength to sit. The nurse held my arm, but I shoved him because I could stand by myself. He told me he would help me to the wheelchair so I asked where it was. On my left, he said, so I d around. And the moment I held it, I jostled it away. Because I could stand on my own and I didn’t need that stupid wheelchair. I didn’t need anyone. Not even Jaehyun.

I stood up. And quickly fell to the floor.

“Get out!” I shoved his arms because he was insulting me. He was trying to carry me when I could get up by myself.

I fumbled for the bed’s rails and moved myself up. My leg seemed to lose strength so I put weight on my chopped thigh. I didn’t care if the stitches would open because I had to stand up and prove that I could do it. I gritted my teeth in pain and gripped the rails tighter while hearing how the wound of my thigh cracked open.

I did everything I could. But I only fell back.

Pathetic, I remarked at myself just as I lost all my strength. I simply crawled my palms against the floor, and poured the tiles with tears spilled with blood.

I didn’t dance for years to be like this. I didn’t strain my muscles all day and crack my bones all night just to crawl on the floor like this.

“Jaehyun,” I cried.

I tried to move up again, but it was I who stopped from doing so. The floor was where I belonged. This was where I was meant to dance forever; and perhaps, this was also where I was meant to sob every day.

This was where I belonged…so I remained pitying myself here for long…until I heard footsteps coming from the far side.

I halted sobbing for a while. I listened to the footsteps…that were slowly coming toward me.

The sound stopped. I crawled my hands in front of me, and found a pair of feet.

And suddenly, there were drops that fell on my arms.

They were warm…so familiarly warm.

“Jaehyun,” I whispered.

--

 

I threw the wheelchair and the crutch. I knelt on the floor and started to crawl to the table without anything and anyone helping me; then I sat on the chair and d for the utensils and food.

But when I fumbled further, I found nothing in front of me.

“Where’s the food?” I snarled.

“I won’t give it unless you accept to use your wheelchair and crutch,” Jaehyun said.

“Are you trying me?” my blood boiled. “Didn’t I tell you I don’t need them? And didn’t I tell you to go back to New York? I don’t need you here. You should have not listened to Yuta.”

“Give me my food!” I yelled.

“You have to admit that you need people around you. I won’t give you the food to make you realize.”

“No,” I gnashed my teeth. I stood up, hopped to the fridge, opened it and took the first thing I touched. I took a bite of the apple and smashed the door afterwards. I raised the apple in my hand and stressed it at his face. “You see this? I was able to get my food. I just need someone who will put food here, and my mother does that every week. So go away because I don’t need you. I only need my mother.”

“You need me here,” he retorted. “Your mother works. She is aging, she is tired and she can’t always be with you. You need someone to be with you all the time. I will be that one.”

“You?” I sniggered. “You are not my family. Do not act like one.”

“I am your family,” he said. “I will prove that to you.”

He suddenly scooped his arms on my shoulders and leg, and carried me back to the chair. I heard the plate and utensils being set, and I felt him place the food in front of me. I sensed the scent of his ddeokbeokki, and all of a sudden, I smelled the past.

My throat clogged, for I could see the way he transferred the dish to my plate. He was careful, and he was smiling, and he would stare at me before putting the empty pan away. He would sit on the other side and stay still, to watch me eat and tell that I am beautiful.

I missed this moment…so much.

“Why did you come back?” I asked, as my heart weakened out of the second, “you’re already living your dream there.”

Jaehyun remained quiet in front of me, until he said, “while living my dream, I’m dreaming of another dream.”

“…That is to come back and be with you again.”

 

 

Every day I would command Jaehyun to guide me to the bathroom because I couldn’t bear a day without taking a bath. On the first days he kept telling me to just take a bath every other day given my condition, so I snapped at him every time because he was asking me to be unhygienic and that was no different from asking me to just die. “Take me to the bathroom!” I would yell, then it would be followed by some more, and usually my last scream in the room would be, “hey, dry me properly.”

At nights I would change my clothes, and I would try to do them on my own so I would open the cabinet and pick my shirt and pants. I had always wanted order in my cabinet, and I didn’t want to see any imperfection in their alignment and folding. But every time I would pull clothes now, I would always sense some clothes fall to the floor and feel how uneven the line-up of their stack became. I would then get mad. So I would tug them and confetti them all over the room.

I had started to study braille with Jaehyun and we were having more materials every day from the tutor he hired. We were just studying at home, at weekends my tutor would come, but Jaehyun was really my teacher although we were both students in braille. He would learn the lessons in advance and then teach them to me afterwards. Oftentimes, I would learn more from him than the professional dude. And doubtlessly, Jaehyun was the most patient of all the teachers I had known. I would usually crumple the papers every time I would screw up, so Jaehyun would simply sigh or grumble beside and would just give me another copy of the lesson.

Then I would always practice using my crutch because with it I could feel a sense of achievement, unlike with the wheelchair where I was just sitting pretty. With my crutch, I felt like I could walk, although my left limb would just be a thin wood from my armpit down its circle foot. Jaehyun would always be by my side, to catch me whenever I would fall. But every practice, I would always lose my balance and I hated it so I would dart my crutch to the floor again and it would get broken. The next thing I would hear after that was Jaehyun’s voice saying, “I’ll buy another crutch tomorrow.”

 

Every day, I would always feel so lucky that Jaehyun came back for me. Every day, I would for his hands, and whisper a lot of thank you before his ear. At nights, I would hug him on our bed, say a lot of sorry from all my yells and attitude, and promise to improve myself more each day. And then, he would hug me back, and tell that he loved me. There was no prelude, no closing. Just a tender mumble of, “I love you.”

Oftentimes, he sounded tired. So every day, I was always scared, because it was really tiring to have someone like me, and I didn’t know how longer he could bear being with me. I would silently cry after he had fallen asleep in my shoulder, and I would embrace him tighter in my arms, because tomorrow, I couldn’t be sure if he would still be by my side.

One morning, I felt him shivering in my embrace. I fumbled on his cheeks and neck, and found his temperature too high. The past few days, I had noticed how often and dry his cough was, and he also complained that his head was aching so much.

“Hyung,” his voice shook as he pulled the blanket tighter in his fists, “I can’t move.”

Quickly I sat up and took my wheelchair on the side. I went to the fridge and grabbed a lot of ice. I ran the wheels back to him and placed the ice bag on his forehead, and I started to damp his body with the cold cloth.

I felt his neck after minutes, and his fever was rising up again. I then went to the living room to search for the medicine kit. When I found it I looked for the one for flu, but I only sensed the texture of my own medicines.

I then took myself off the wheelchair and crawled silently to the corner where my crutch was. He would scold me for doing this, but I had to go out and buy his medicine. Discreetly I moved toward the door, and closed it without a sound.

I walked my *ss along the corridor until shortly I reached the staircase. I gripped on the rails, and step by step, I moved down. From the third floor I just used my *ss to reserve my leg strength for the walk I had to take. Now that I reached the ground, I took a deep breath, before standing with my crutches and taking my first step. I got nervous, because this was the first time I would walk without Jaehyun.

I did my best not to bump on someone. I sharpened my senses and took a straight line on the sidewalk. This way was usually clear and the path was well-cemented thus I was somehow confident, although I still went really slowly and carefully so I wouldn’t stumble. The pharmacy was just a short walk from the house, and since it was right at the street corner, I took the cars’ sound as my guide toward it. When I heard cars coming from the left, I halted walking because it meant I was already at the corner. I then turned to my left, until I sensed a ceiling and a glass in front of my chest.

“Is this the pharmacy?” I asked, and I went so glad when I heard a yes.

I counted the steps I took from the house earlier; I had 250. I was already at my 200^th now, so just 50 steps more and I would be home. My arms and leg were already shaking, but I could do this.

Suddenly, I bumped on someone. I quickly bowed and apologized; however, despite repeating my sorry, he remained standing still in front of me. I felt something different. He was intently blocking me.

I moved to the side to avoid commotion, yet the person blocked me again. This time he stood nearest me.

I began to shake, until I recognized his scent.

It was Jaehyun.

“Where the did you go?” he muttered at my face.

I gulped. “I – I…”

“You’re so stupid,” he spat, and then he lifted me from the ground, “for walking without companion and going out with that thin shirt.”

I carried my crutch and wrapped my arms on his shoulders. There I felt how high his fever still was, and then he even coughed so dryly. So I furrowed at him and retorted. “If I’m stupid, then you’re a moron. For carrying me with that state of yours and for still being with me.”

“Shut up,” he said.

“Shut up too,” I snapped.

 

I told him I could climb up the stairs, but he just squeezed me tighter in his arms and went up without a word. He didn’t rest his arms and carried me until the third floor without a pause.

When I felt him step on the corridor, he suddenly lost his grip on me. I fell to the floor, and to my shock, he collapsed beside me.

“Jaehyun!” I screamed.

“Don’t shout,” he muttered, and he held my shaking hands, “I’m still alive,” chuckled he.

“Do not laugh,” I scowled. “You scared the hell out of me.”

He chuckled again as he tried to sit up, and he gripped me tight when he feebly said, “come on, let’s crawl to the house.”

 

We crawled, and when we reached the room, Jaehyun lost the strength to still move toward the bed. So I lifted him up, and pulled him until we went beside the edge. It seemed he had already slept in my arms, so I just pulled the blanket and spread it on the floor; then I took the pillow and placed it on his head.

I took another basin of ice and wet him with the towel. The medicine should take effect by now, so in an hour I supposed his fever would go down. I went back to the fridge when the ice melted, and did another round of damping to hasten his temperature down.

I wrapped him with more blanket, and with my arms to give him more warmth. I thought of sleeping with him, until I heard him call me softly.

“Hyung,” he said.

“Yes?” I grazed my fingers on his cheek and ran my palm on his hair.

“I missed this,” he whispered, and I heard how his lips spread, “it feels like our college days.”

“…you used to damp cloth on me, and wrap me like this,” he giggled so softly.

Remembering those times, I smiled. Jaehyun would often get sick from the tiresome training, and we needed to stay at home for him to recover. Yet every time he would have fever, he would still go to the kitchen and play with his cook wares and ingredients like he wasn’t sick. I would scold him for moving and moving around and he would only stop when he felt so bad again.

“Ayyy,” I tittered as the memories ran back, “don’t be a stubborn kid now when I tell you to just rest.”

“It’s different now,” he answered. “I had to cook, because you won’t be able to eat warm ones if I won’t.”

My heart shattered. With what he said, I felt useless. I knew it was not what he meant; I knew he was just telling the truth. But it pained me to hear it, for it meant how hard it was to have me; it meant that he needed to work even if he was this sick, and that he would always get tired because of me. I cried, because I couldn’t be at my best self, I couldn’t take care of him well enough, and I couldn’t see his face anymore.

He was definitely too stupid to come back and choose me.

“Hyung,” he called me again, and I felt his hand hold mine. “You’re wrong with what you said.”

“…I am not a moron. You…are the wisest choice I will ever make.”

 

 

When he came back for me, I almost forgot that I couldn’t dance anymore. That was when I realized, that between my dream to dance and my dream to always be with him, I wanted to have the latter so much more.

But still, it was so hard to accept what happened to me.

I opened the television and turned to my favorite music channel. That was where I first got interested in dancing; I remember I was a sophomore then, when the boyband Exo performed so excellently their Growl dance. The moment I saw it, I fell. I learned the dance, and from then on, my desire to learn and dance more didn’t stop. I watched more videos, copied their steps and perfected them, and I began to create my own steps on the music that I would hear. The time came when I desired to dance with other people, lest my decision to join our varsity.

For years, that channel served as my source of flame, my fuel to dream; whenever I would see the artists dance, I would always dream to be like them, to be someone who would give light to people’s dark nights.

Christmas songs were being played now-- the usual sound of carols was being twisted with electro beats and dance hymn. Some were familiar, many were new; and all I was sure about was that they were dancing to it…and I couldn’t see it. I could hear them, but I couldn’t dance along the way I used to before.

As usual, it hurt me that the truth kept banging me right at the face. I cried again, because it was Christmas and I could only wish to dance.

Suddenly, Jaehyun took the remote and turned the television off. That was his habit, every time he would see me listen to a dance show and cry.

“Stop crying and stand up,” he ordered.

Here he went again. He would pull me up to dance when I couldn’t even stand properly and walk in my crutch without occasionally stumbling and smudging my knee to the ground.

“No,” I said.

Yet as usual, he already pulled me up and laced his fingers on mine. He hung my arm on his shoulders, and he s his round my waist.

“We can’t do hip hop, so let’s do couple dance,” he clasped me tighter in his arm, enough for me to feel his heartbeat.

“Didn’t I already say,” my heart leaped as he let me lean completely toward him, “that I can’t dance?”

“You’re wrong,” he quickly retorted, “because you can.”

“…If you believe,” he whispered, and began to glide me beside so gently, “you can.”

I hopped the little distance where he took me, and with that little jump, my heart did as well. He glided some more, so I hopped some more…and when he turned, I turned as well. We extended our arms, and waved them softly in the air; and then, he pulled me down to the side, with his arm clasping me tight.

We had started to…dance.

As he leaned toward me, and as I hung my arms round his shoulders, he mumbled, “now…do you believe?”

His breath was tickling my skin; his touch was pouring me warmth. He grazed his palm up my arm, slid his fingertips on my shoulder, and he touched my neck, so softly that it held my breath.

He was the music. Jaehyun was my music; my life would be a mistake without him.

I placed my palm on his cheek, and started to believe. “If you hold me like this…” I whispered, “then I do believe.”

He put his face closer on mine, and said, “I’ll always hold you, and be with you like this.”

I ran my fingers on his hair, and told him, “I believe you.”

He giggled, brushed my cheek with his fingers, and remarked, “you are beautiful.”

I chuckled, and placed my face nearest his to tell, “you are handsome.”

We softly laughed in silence; and while the beat of our love played, he pressed his lips on mine, and I welcomed it with my whole heart.

--

 

Early in the afternoon, Jaehyun carried me from the table back to the room. He changed my clothes and lifted me again, and I instantly questioned him when I sensed us going out of the apartment.

“Where are we going?” I asked.

He started to walk me down the stairs before he answered, “you’ll know when we get there.”

 

I smelled the hospital the moment we went off the cab. And I was not mistaken when we entered; I heard nurses calling patients’ name on my left and doctors talking about medical jargons on my right. Jaehyun pushed my wheelchair until we entered a room.

“What are we doing here?” I wondered.

Jaehyun didn’t answer me. The room was quiet and I had no idea why he brought me here. My heart started to pound; this place felt weird. There was no one making a noise but I could sense them all in front of me. One, two, three…there were around seven people in this room. I felt like they were all looking at me, they were creeping me out per second going by.

“Who are these people?” I reached for Jaehyun and pressured my hold on him, “hey who are these people?!” I panicked.

I jolted from my wheelchair when someone suddenly guffawed. Everyone else followed.

The guy nearest me yelled, “five six seven eight!” and then everyone suddenly sang, “booming system up up, TY track, TY track!”

“Hyuuung!” a wacky-voiced person yelped and hugged me so tight, “we missed you!”

I burst out of joy when I recognized him and all the voices I heard. This naughty child hugging me was our maknae Haechan, the guy who shouted was our baby Mark, and all around me were my brothers whom we trained with. Taeil, Ten, Yuta, Doyoung and Winwin - one by one they asked me questions—how I was, did I miss them, was I watching their stages, was I still an assh*le. They all cheered me up.

They were NCT, the group I was supposed to belong.

 

They plotted this thing and Jaehyun was an accomplice. My limb was now being measured by the prosthetist, and he oriented us about the different types of leg I could use. He said it would still be hard to control and walk on a steel leg, but it would be a lot better especially when I learned how to use it.

I couldn’t describe how happy I was at that moment. I was so glad, elated, blissful, and all—I was so delighted of the thought that I would have my leg back, and that it was my brothers who would gift me with such a special thing.

“Give our hyung the best leg he can have. We’ve saved enough for it,” Taeil told the doctor.

If I had my eyes, I would blink too frequently trying not to tear up. They didn’t need to do this; they could have enjoyed their money and just spend it on things they wanted to have. But here they were, telling me not to worry about anything. They said this was where they wanted to spend their money, and it would break their heart if I won’t accept.

They were busy people. As their brother I knew how hard their life was now, and I knew what more they still had to bear for the coming days. Right now I knew they had too little time in their hands, yet they were here with me, making me laugh, brightening my world even more. I got so hesitant to accept, for the leg was so expensive and I didn’t want to be their burden. But how could I resist, if this was what they show me.

“Hyung, you really need a leg because you have to break them on stage. On December we will have our first solo concert, and you have to perform there,” Ten said.

I went silent. I didn’t know if I heard it right, until Doyoung spoke as well.

“Perform with Jaehyun, and let the people see you dance.”

At that second my tear dropped. I couldn’t believe…that they were telling me that. Were they just making me smile, were they simply cracking a joke, or was it…real?

“Are you…serious?”

“Yes we are,” Winwin answered, “because you will always be a part of us.”

 

 

The leg fit so good on me. The steel served as my bone and its joint served as my knee; it was coated with flesh-colored silicon and it appeared almost like the leg I lost. I loved my new leg—it was stiff yet it softened my heart in gratitude; it was hard to move, but there was Jaehyun who would serve as the fuel for it, for me to step forward.

“You can do it,” he said, as I gripped on his firm arm while practicing to walk with my feet.

I had stumbled repeatedly—but I had Jaehyun by my side, so I never fell. I stood up straight and walked again. Step by step, I knew I could do it.

Many weeks passed and I had finally learned how to use my leg. I still couldn’t walk like normal people do; it was still awkward and hard to balance especially that I was blind. What was important, nevertheless, was that it had been making me smile every day, and though it usually felt heavy, it gave my life so much light.

“Let’s dance,” I would tell Jaehyun after I practice walking. As of now we had already formed our steps, and the music we would use now had his voice. Listening to it was the best thing ever—his tones slid solemnly cold, but they also came as warm as these summer nights. Sometimes I didn’t want to dance to it anymore. I just wanted to sit and listen, while having his embrace.

Still, day and night, we practiced. We kept repeating the routine, so that little by little, the story we wanted to narrate would be clearer. We kept changing the steps with new ones elaborating more meaning, and we kept doing our all to make the dance at its best. However, I still couldn’t dance. I couldn’t move my feet properly—I couldn’t lift my weight from one side to the other, and no matter how I try, I kept losing my balance when I move. Given my standard, I wouldn’t call this a dance. This was just using the wheelchair and crutch as props, and hopping awkwardly while smoothly gliding my arms.

But then, when Jaehyun would start lacing his hand on mine, I would feel…that I was the greatest dancer in the world.

After practice, we would take a bath; and then, we would go to the kitchen and cook together. Jaehyun would place his arms around me, and he would hold my hands for us to slice the onions together. I would feel every of his breath, and love every tiny move his fingers would make.

“Jaehyun,” I whispered. I turned to him, and said, “I miss seeing your smile.”

“Here,” he brought my fingers to his lips, and muttered, “my smile.”

 I touched his smile, and found how wide it was. I felt his dimples beside, together with his puffy cheeks that hadn’t changed. They were still rosy, I supposed, and his eyes were still sparkling with those little dusts. I touched every part of his face, and saw how bright his beam was.

I wanted him to always wear that vivid smile. I wanted him to be happy forever, because that was what he deserved. So I held his hand, and gently told him, “I can now do things on my own. Stop spending all your time to me. Go back to cooking, and make your dreams come true.”

He filled the while with silence, until he answered, “as you wish, hyung.”

“I also have something to ask,” he added.

“Anything,” I replied.

“Marry me.”

“Of course,” I swiftly said. “When? After the concert?”

“Will that be okay?”

“Of course, duh?”

We laughed, and kissed each other again.

 

 

Everyone was loud. My brothers were yelling their nerves out around me, and I sensed how they started forming a circle to pray for a great show. Each of them said their prayers aloud, and all of them included me. They said they were so proud we were complete, and they wanted every of their concert to be like this.

Before they climbed up on stage, they guided my hand in front of me, and put our hands altogether until they screamed, “To the, world…we are NCT!”

The songs played. For every song, the fans cheered so loud. They were screaming and shrieking, singing along and chanting out my brothers’ names. The people’s response was overwhelming, that I couldn’t help but cry backstage. I was so proud of them.

The concert smoothly ran. They introduced themselves, performed more songs, and had several encores in between. The hours had already passed, and only a few minutes remained for the show.

Jaehyun and I went nearer the stage. We held our hands and prayed together, because our performance would be next.

“Before we end our show, we want to introduce someone to all of you,” Yuta spoke to the fans, and my heart pounded harder as the seconds came.

“…NCT was supposed to be an eight-member group. But due to an untoward incident, we had to debut only as seven.”

“…One of us got hit by a truck, and lost his sight and leg in effect. Because of the accident, we presented ourselves to you incomplete.”

“…He is someone who has taken care of us since the first day we trained together. He guides us on the things we do, and he loves us like his brothers.”

“…Fans, let us introduce to you our leader, Lee Taeyong.”

The whole stadium went quiet, and the video started to play. Its music was soft and touching, and it somehow bloated me in tears. They told me it would be a compilation of our memories together—the selfies we took at the studio, our photos when we ate, walked, and hanged out at places, and our clips when we rapped, danced, and practiced together.

Suddenly, I heard myself singing and rapping. They played my parts on our songs, and the next one I heard was my full verse in Mad City. My tears fell, for I missed those beats so much.

And then, Jaehyun told me that I was already dancing with them in the video. I listened to the music—The Seventh Sense, Firetruck, Another World—and I realized that they were playing the parts where I was at the center of the dance.

The people gave a round of applause, but at the same time, they seemed to be crying.

The video ended. Jaehyun pushed my wheelchair forward, and suddenly, I felt myself already on stage, in front of all the people.

They clapped so loud, until our music started to play.

The slow chord of the piano glided, and Jaehyun’s voice began to echo delicately in the whole place.

Keobeorin aicheorom

Honjadeon namuchereom…

I had heard the song endlessly, but until now, it sounded so fresh in my ears. On my wheelchair I moved my arms, and gestured them slowly as the acoustic waved my soul up above. My body was trembling, but I hid it inside. I breathed deeply, let the guitar tones seep my heart the deepest, and let Jaehyun’s words ooze all my passion to my feet.

…Until Jaehyun held my arms, and it was time for me to give him my hand.

 

Take my hand and draw a circle

This is how much we’ve shared together

My whole heart is by your side

Your dreams are by my side.

Living and enduring

If we’re together, it’s happier

Once again, we’re connected without an end

Can’t live without you.