13:30 already and he there was still no sign from him. She looked at her phone the millionth time and still no phone call or text. Lilia hugged her still hot chocolate looking for warmth. She looked out the window; it was the first snow of the year and probably the first snow since she started living in Bordeaux, France. She decided to wear her white coat today to match her fair complexion and red cotton scarf in which she dug her chin. Even with a beany covering her head, she was still feeling cold, not knowing if it was due to the weather or the emptiness she felt inside. She took another sip of her drink. The liquid traveling to made her relax a little bit. She was never a big fan of chocolate which made her more unlike any other girl. But for the day, she felt girly in a weird way. She wore a dress and heels to accompany her slightly makeup face. She wanted to look desirable for the person she had been waiting for about 40 minutes now.

She knew deep down that he was not going to show up. But even so, she was still sitting in her reserved table with her hope accompanying her. She already promised herself to leave if he didn’t show up in 20 minutes, but she did wait twice that time and probably going to stay for the thrice. She had hoped that for at least this day, his birthday, he would come.

She looked again at her phone. Still nothing…

She thought about calling him, but she was scared; scared that she would have to pay for her drink and go back to her dorm with this heavy bag that was his gift. She went the day before to buy him the new leather jacket he has been raving about for a month now. She even went on a restricted diet to be able to buy it for him. And for the moment, she was not only skinner, but colder.

Lilia felt a little embarrassed, not by the looks people were giving her, but because of her own stupidity. She felt ashamed of her hope and patience. She knew deep down that he was not showing up. She knew he would forget like he did the five previous times. Taking another sip of her hot chocolate, she knew that she should’ve got herself a hot black coffee.

*ring ring ring*

Lilia looked at her phone… “mom”. She chuckled as she picked up.

“yes mom”

“baby, I heard it’s snowing out there. Are you warmly clothed?”

“yes mom. Dad already sent me my winter clothes and thank you for the new red scarf”

“I’ll send you more money and buy yourself a nice coat. Your white one won’t protect you from the cold.”

“okay mom, thank you. I have to hang up. I’m waiting for a call”

“okay baby. Have a nice day. Call me later”

She hang up first and looked at the front door again. Still nothing…

 

She looked at her phone for the last time. It was now 13:59… 14:00. Lilia picked her bag and the one containing the leather jacket. She decided to go for a walk. She didn’t want to back to her room and deal with the moral lesson that her roommate was going to give her. Break up with him. When are you going to understand that he doesn’t care? How long are you going to deal with his bull? She knew Jacky only wanted the best for her. But she, just like everyone else, didn’t understand her or her relationship.

Even if the weather was cold, the beautiful white layer that covered the ground made her feel some kind of happiness. She had always been fan of rain and “bad weather” and she was never satisfied with the exceeding hotness that was her country; one more reason to love France.

Lilia loved watching people as they walked beside her. She saw as man rushing around. She guessed because he prolonged his lunch and had to head back to work. A couple walked by her as they were holding hands while sharing the warmth of his coat pocket. Another couple was glued to a wall as they were French kissing like no one was there. Meanwhile, an old woman was carrying a bag full of groceries with a wide smile that made her bags feel lighter than they seem. Lilia at her turn smiled. As Christmas approached, the streets were decorated with a mixture on red, white and green. A man dressed as Santa was ringing a golden bell while whishing people “merry Christmas”. But on the same streets, homeless people were lying on the frozen grounds hugging their dogs for warmth. Lilia gave one old man the change she got from paying her coffee and continued her walk.

 

“Zara”. She looked at the boutique she carelessly ended up in front. Her bag holding the same name, Lilia stood there thinking. She really wanted to return the jacket back. It did cost her about 200 euro after all. It was quite a sum, enough to pay a month of rent. At the same time, she did buy it with a loving heart and she wanted to give it to him more than anything.

“Miss are you going in?”

She snapped back to reality. She looked down from the big “zara” sign to the owner of the rusty voice. A tall Asian man was standing in front of her. He was handsome enough for her to feel her jaw drop a little. She guessed he was in his twenties. His hair was as dark as his eyes while it dropped on his forehead. She noticed a small mole on his right cheek just under his eye. His lips were chapped from the cold weather but holding a standing smile. He was wearing a leather jacket, the same one she bought for her boyfriend with black jeans and holding a motor bike hamlet. He was quite a face to look at.

“Am I that handsome?”

He said with a little laugh. Lilia then blank twice and then started to laugh. She then noticed that she standing at the door, blocking the entry to the shop 

“Yes sir, you are”

She said in joking tone. He thanked her as laughed along with her. She entered and held the door for him to follow right behind her.

She came to a final thought that her boyfriend was nowhere worthy of a 200 euro leather jacket. Maybe a nice warm shirt would do.

She walked straight to the woman section. Calculating all the things she could get with that money, she was going to buy herself the black and pink long shirt she had been raving about. She was also buying her roommate the fruity perfume from the new collection as a Christmas gift. With still 140 euro worth of clothing, she decided to only leave 40 for her boyfriend and the rest, she was going to spoil herself. She sure knew shopping was her therapy.

Gloves. She thought. She needed a pair. It was going to get colder as January comes. So she picked red ones to match her beany and scarf. She also chose a nice pair of jeans and a burgundy sweatshirt. With not much to her taste left, she decided to keep 60 euro for his shirt. Well, his luck.

She went then to the man section. She looked around for a few moments before her eyes landed on a coat on sale. The coat was long and gray, quite stylish for previous winter collection article and only his size was still available. It was about 56 euro. Well if you think about it, if she bought it, it will look like as if she bought something expensive but not really. It was win-win situation. She won’t look cheap as he bought her, for her birthday, the newest pair for guess heels.

With a wide smile on her face, she picked it up and went straight to the cash desk. The line was quite long. Christmas was 3 days away and people had been taking a leave from work to buy gifts for their beloved ones. Luckily for her, she only had to buy a gift for her roommate. And Jacky didn’t like expensive gifts. She would be satisfied with anything as long as it doesn’t exceed 20 euro.

“We meet again”

Lilia turned around with a startle. It was the same Asian guy she met at the entry. He was standing in the line behind her. He had took off his jacket and looked even better with his dark blue sweatshirt and a black scarf she didn’t notice at the first encounter. Most of the time, when guys talked to her out of the blue, they had the intention of hitting on her. But with this guy, she didn’t get that feeling. He had a genuine friendliness to him. So she took the freedom to converse with him.

“Buying Christmas gift?” she asked him.

“Not really, I didn’t bring my winter cloths with me.” He chuckled. Lilia noticed from his accent that he wasn’t a native. “So I’m buying some winter cloths until my package arrives from South Korea.”

“I guess it’s your luck. The cloths this season are beautiful.”

“That’s what I thought too. I also gained some weight since my arrival to Bordeaux. So my shirts won’t fit me anymore I guess”

Lilia give a quick look at him. For someone who gained weight, he was well fit.

“I’m Taehyung, my friends call me Tae. It’s easier I guess” He offered his hand and she shook it.

“I’m Lilia and I have no nickname. I guess one can’t go easier than Lilia” She said as he laughed. In some way, his laughter made her heart feel a little warmer. She liked it when people smiled at her. She used to be someone who easily laughed too. But since few months, it became harder for her to keep a happy heart, even in happy situations.

Their conversation was cut as she was called by the cashier to pay. She gave him the bag with the leather jacket and took out the old recite she kept in her purse. She didn’t need to explain to him that she was exchanging the jacket with the articles she held on her hand. As the man was having a conversation with his manager about if they can give her back her 4 euro or if she had to buy something else because they didn’t return the money, she looked around and saw Tae who was looking at her articles with a questioning eyes. After all she was not only blocking the line but also she was returning the same jacket he was holding.

“It was just too much for a first birthday gift in a relationship”. Lilia didn’t know why, but she felt like she had to explain herself.

“Oh… I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to look.” He said in an embarrassed tone.

“It’s okay.” She gave him a light smile and turned back to the cashier. They finally agreed to give her back the change. She took her, now, bags and left.  

The cold breeze brushed her face as she pushed the door open. She stood few steps away from the store and opened one bag and pulled the red gloved she bought. It took a moment before she started to feel warmth in her hands. Add to the cold, now her shoes were hurting her and the bags were starting to feel heavy. The bus stop was a hundred meter away so she tried to walk as quickly as possible.

Luckily for Lilia, and for the first time this day, she didn’t have to wait long for the bus to arrive. She found a sit by the window. She sat and took off her high heels. It was going to take 30 minutes to reach her dorm and she was not ready to keep them on all that time. She took few breaths as she closed her eyes. What a ty day. She complained to herself. She finally took her phone from her purse and unlocked the screen. One text…

“Sorry babe, I just woke up. Yesterday I didn’t sleep much, I had to work. I hope you didn’t wait long. Next time I swear I won’t let you down.”

She read his message with a cold heart. He didn’t even look for a new excuse or a lie. It was the exact same text he sent her last time he stood her up.

“Happy birthday…”

She sent it and turned off her phone. She didn’t want to talk to him and surely not see him. He didn’t even propose to see her later or meet in front of her dorm. I should’ve bought that black dress. She thought to herself as she closed her eyes again. 

At that moment she wished that Taehyung had hit on her and she hit on him back.