Namjoon

Yoongi had been playing alone in his front yard when he made his first ever friend. The bright-eyed boy with dimples had fallen in front of Yoongi’s toy train set while running, and Yoongi had raced down to help him. And Bam! The seven-year-old boy, had made his first ever friend.

“Can I sleep now?” Yoongi asked in his sleep induced drone. The pale boy with droopy eyes regarded the nine-year-old sitting in front of him with his staple frown. He looked at the wall clock in his bedroom that showed the time to be three in the morning.

Namjoon looked up from the scrabble pieces placed between them and shot Yoongi with a nervous smile as he stated, “this is the last game I promise!”

“You said that two hours ago, when we playing Go!” Yoongi huffed annoyed but nodded his head lazily in affirmation. “It's the last game. Okay? The last?”

Of course, Namjoon nodded a yes but the look of despair flashing his features was missed by the elder boy as he shifted under the covers to sit cross-legged on the low mattress. Sleep forgotten for the while as he stared at the four alphabets in front of him.

An hour went by in a blur of giggles and back slaps and gummy smiles and promises of revenge. Namjoon’s small hands clapping against Yoongi’s slender ones. With Namjoon scoring 450 points and Yoongi lagging with a mere 170. As soon as Namjoon bent to pack up the box of playthings, Yoongi switched the lights off before Namjoon could suggest another game and ducked into his comforter with a quick “G’night!”

That night, Namjoon didn't sleep. He stayed up the entire night, snuggled beside Yoongi watching the elder with remorse guiding his features.

The boy with dimpled cheeks remained aware of his surroundings as he sat up to finish Yoongi's English homework, that he knew the boy was struggling with. The younger boy downloaded all of Yoongi's favorite songs into his CD Walkman because Yoongi had always claimed he like the sound of CDs better than MP3s. He sat writing short messages to Yoongi on small colored papers, which he then placed into a large bowl for the boy to read when he was feeling down. Namjoon then cleaned Yoongi's entire room, which wasn't that dirty to begin with. And, he left a goodbye note.

It was a Friday and the thirteen. The next morning, when Yoongi woke up, he had lost a friend.

The only things to suggest that Namjoon had, in fact spent a night over in Yoongi's room him were, an immaculate bedroom, with his English homework done sitting in the corner on the study table. A bowl of compliments and cheer up messages. A brand-new basketball. A pair of Jordans. An easel. And many more memorables to remember him by. And, a small goodbye note.

Yoongi never saw Namjoon again.

Hoseok

Yoongi had been ten when he met his second friend. The boy with heart-shaped lips and an ever-present smile, had literally ran into him during lunch while Yoongi was searching for Namjoon in the basketball court. They had become friends over music and Yoongi’s loss of his first friend.

“No way!” Yelled Yoongi as he stared at the present in his hands with a look of utter confusion and awe. He looked up at his bright-eyed best friend and, despite himself, leaped into Hoseok’s arms with glee as he yelled inaudibly. The elder boy sat up with his mouth his hanging and asked Hoseok in a hushed voice, “where’d you get the money to get these!?”

Hoseok simply shrugged his shoulders in all his nonchalance and replied cheekily, “I had some spare cash left.” The younger, dusky-skinned boy, ran his finger along the rim of the black and white headphones as he stated with mirth in his voice and a wink in his eyes, “had to make sure you’d remember me forever.”

Yoongi shot the boy his gummiest grin yet and nodded in all earnest as he examined the headphones. “You know I will!”

“I’ll hold your word on that!”

The newly thirteen-year-old suddenly looked up at Hoseok with a solemn expression and stated with a warmth in his voice, “I hate you, but you can count on me on never forgetting you.”

The boy turned his attention back to the present in his hands and missed the wetness in Hoseok’s eyes as the boy muttered to himself so that Yoongi wouldn’t hear. “But… you forgot Namjoon, didn’t you?”

However Hoseok too, vanished. The boy claimed to be moving away and Yoongi spent the last days with his best friend in a flurry of unshed tears and stupid chick flicks. Six-hour cycle rides and endless bickering about their favorite rappers. Sleep-overs and eating competitions.

His warm smiles and his bright eyes; his silly laughter and his hopeful demeanour, was the only thing Yoongi had left, when exactly seven months and four days later, Yoongi ran to the music store near his house to find Hoseok gone.

Hoseok left, with only his sunshine smiles left as a memory. Their special meeting place, lost forever.

Yoongi never saw Hoseok again.

Seokjin

Yoongi’s next friend was elder than him and despite his reservations, he found himself opening his heart to the handsome, full-lipped boy. His screeching laughter and his annoying cackle soon making its way into Yoongi’ heart, becoming his first crush, confession, relationship. And, heartbreak.

Yoongi watched Seokjin bite into the steamed fish bun with a “wooooh”. He smiled as he simply kept staring at the elder, taller boy. A soft wind blew and the smell of something far too familiar caught Yoongi off guard, bringing memories back that he didn’t register. Seokjin then turned to him, his eyes quirked up in question.  His lips in a pout.

And Yoongi could’ve stopped himself. He chose not to.

In a leap of faith, Yoongi drew in the scent of the Han River by which they stood, the smell of fish bun’s being made by the street vendors, and the citrus scent that Yoongi had come to recognize the elder by. He went up on the tip of his toes, straining his head up as far as he could and held onto Seokjin’s arms for balance as he touched his lips against the elder’s gently as ever. His eyes closing off on his own.

He knew he should’ve been shocked, because Seokjin had replied to the touch with a braver kiss and Yoongi would’ve never thought of that happening. But this, them kissing alongside the Han River, while holding sweet steamed buns and standing closer to each other to fight the cold, seemed just too right to Yoongi.

And two years were spent like that. With Seokjin greeting Yoongi with ‘Good Mornings’ and cuddles and Yoongi muttering soft, shy ‘I love yous’ to the elder over the phone at nights. With Yoongi writing lyrics for Seokjin, talking about his eyes, his lips and his scent and everything. With Seokjin making cupcakes and sandwiches and anything edible for Yoongi on the days he would practice for too long in the basketball court. With Yoongi whispering compliments into Seokjin’s ears while they snuggled during a movie. And with Seokjin peppering Yoongi’s lips with kisses during sleepovers.

But, just like every friend Yoongi made, Seokjin had to leave too. The excuse was mediocre and Yoongi couldn’t help but let his tears fall down his red-tinted cheeks. Seokjin was holding onto the waist of a senior girl with a sad smile and teary eyes.

“I- I- I re- realized… I- I realized, I’m not gay… Yoongi-ya.” Seokjin had muttered to him three days before their three-year anniversary. His eyes wet with tears, and the girl on his arm snickering sickeningly. Yoongi knew it was a lie but he never questioned it. His red eyes betraying his nonchalance about the breakup.

And four months later Seokjin was gone. The elder seemed to have vanished from the face of the earth, leaving behind only the bittersweet memories that Yoongi had shared with the boy. The final image of a crying Seokjin, eyes red and puffy and words jumbled and voice shaking, the only thing Yoongi kept in his sixteen-year-old heart. His citrus scent, never leaving his being.

Yoongi never saw Seokjin again.

Jungkook

Yoongi didn’t think he could do it again. He didn’t think he was stupid enough to make another friend, but then fate happened. The boy who was too young, with his bunny teeth and angel’s voice, came into his life and Yoongi found himself making a mistake again. He made a friend again.

“I swear I just want to shove them in front of a bus or something!” Yoongi growled as he tended to split, bloody elbow in front of him. With every wince Jungkook hissed, Yoongi winced back in accompaniment.

Jungkook smiled despite the scars that adorned his face and chuckled lightly as he muttered to the elder, “It’s okay hyung. It doesn’t hurt that bad.”

Of course, Yoongi growled in warning, “don’t you act all tough, young man.”

“Hyung, you’re just four years older than me.” Jungkook responded with an impish smile. His sweet voice echoing with childish innocence.

Yoongi’s death glare served to shut Jungkook up, naturally. Silence prevailed as the elder boy quietly wiped the blood off the younger one’s shins. “Just tell me who they are, why don’t you?” Yoongi whispered once he was done with the bandaging. He replaced the first aid kit in the pantry and came back to sit down on the counter table beside the boy. Jungkook, who had his head lolled into his chin biting his lips, didn’t let his shock show when Yoongi placed his fingers under the boy’s chin. Making the boy look into his eyes, he muttered with a wry smile, “let me teach them a lesson before you have to leave.”

The confusion that painted Jungkook’s features, made Yoongi smile a sad smile. “I- I’m n- n- not leaving, Hyung” Jungkook said with wild eyes and the eyes screamed lies and nothing else.

Yoongi smiled sweetly at the boy and ruffled his hair in the most big-brother way he ever had and hugged the boy as he murmured to himself, knowing well enough that Jungkook could catch him speaking but not hear what he said. The elder boy stared forlornly at the calendar stuck on the refrigerator. The angry ‘X’ mark on the thirteenth of the next month making his eyes water at another friend lost.

“You’ll be gone in the fifteen days too, right?”

And sure enough, just like Yoongi had known it would happen, Jungkook disappeared. Without a trace. A single suicide note addressed to Yoongi and sweet lull of his angel voice, the only proof of his existence.

Yoongi never saw Jungkook again.

Taehyung

Yoongi was ready this time. He was ready to drown