He could always blame the fact it was late at night. Jihoon knew it was common for him to think too much at the given time, almost like a habit.

Their day had been so nice, nothing too spectacular happening, just how he liked. When you have such an agitated life style as an idol, the quiet, comforting moments were much more appreciated and important, such as spending time with people you love, not a single camera to capture their actions.

All of them had stayed inside all day, watching movies while being strewn around the floor of the living room, dozing off from time to time, waking up, mumbling unimportant things to each other, simply enjoying the relaxed mood they were all in.

When that happened, even Seokmin and Seungkwan, two people known for being loud and agitated stayed quiet and just as calm as everyone else was.

Jihoon’s own boyfriend, the enthusiastic Kwon Soonyoung had spent the majority of the day beside him, cuddling and napping together, sometimes paying attention to whatever was on the television.

It was everything Jihoon needed, really. But the bubble of happiness around him popped when nighttime came.

He and Soonyoung had already gone to bed when Seungcheol turned all of the lights off, both of them tangled with each other, breathing in sync, sharing warmth under the soft blankets.

The raven haired male had passed out only a few minutes after laying down, but Jihoon hadn’t had such luck. It was past four a.m. and he hadn’t done as much as blinking for a while now, half unconsciously staring at his sleeping boyfriend.

It would have had the usual effects it usually gave him, such as a light head or a fluttering stomach, but Jihoon’s brain started over thinking once again.

He had just been thinking about how much he was thankful for Seventeen, the fans, the other members, the nice people they worked with, everyone who worked hard so they would get were they were, Soonyoung.

Everything that composed his life at that moment, he would be forever dumbstruck about how lucky he was to have them present. They were all lovely feelings inside him until his brain decided to make him break in a sweat.

What would happen if he ever lost so much as one of these things?

The thought brought a shaky breath out of his lungs, his chest contracting. No, that would- could never happen.

He was well aware of how much he depended on those things. On these people. He sat up and looked around the room, Jun and Minghao sleeping on the bed beside them, Chan directly above them on the upper bunk.

He imagined Seungcheol, Jeonghan, Seungkwan and Hansol on the bedroom next door, Mingyu, Wonwoo, Seokmin and Jisoo on the room down the hall.

Life without these guys... at that point, it wasn’t imaginable.

He turned and looked at Soonyoung’s sleeping figure. He had been a significant part of Jihoon’s life for a while now, was part of their own family of thirteen. The times Jihoon has laughed, cried, gotten hurt and healed, he was always there.

Tears started falling down his cheeks slowly, running down his face silently, not to be noticed by no one else but himself. He wasn’t good at showing emotions most of the time, although living with these boys had made a deep change within himself.

God, he loved them.

Past Jihoon would have thought the amount of love he held for them was dangerous, something that could hurt him profoundly if he were to ever be deprived of them, but that Jihoon didn’t care. One of the most important things he learned from them was that caring so much could never be a bad thing when he had their love as well, so he didn’t try to hold in the tears, only his noises, trying to make his breathing as shallow as possible, wanting the quiet and peaceful night to remain undisturbed.

His heartbeat was slowly finding a calmer rhythm, his sobs disappearing down his throat, muscles unclenching. He had just broken into a smile when he felt a hand touch his own.

“Jihoonie?”, came Soonyoung’s small voice, always careful and caring when needed.

Jihoon leaned down so their faces were closer to each other, Soonyoung bringing his hand up to wipe at his face. “What happened? Bad dream?”

Jihoon shook his head. “Bad thoughts. And then good thoughts. Either way I’m better now.”

Soonyoung nodded, blinking up at him and offering an understanding smile, knowing crying did Jihoon well from time to time.

“Come here”, he whispered, kissing Jihoon’s forehead when he was back in his arms.

“I love you”, Jihoon breathed out.

Soonyoung squeezed him tight, taking his hand in his own. “I know”, he said, sensing Jihoon needed the confirmation. “I love you too.”

“Can I... ask you something?”, he hesitated.

“Of course you can.”

“Do I love you well enough?”

Soonyoung smiled, fitting the younger’s head under his cheek. “You love me the best, Jihoonie.”

And that, that was what he needed.