I wonder if you loved me too. I feel like I must have been the only one in love // She Didn’t Love Me – Yang Da Il

Jieqiong wakes up with a jolt, hand reaching out and where slender fingers should have been wrapping around hers in concern, it was met with the curve of an armrest.  A flight attendant looks at her in concern and just as she was about to make her way towards her, Jieqiong raises her other hand to assure her that she’s fine.

It takes her a full three seconds to realize where she was, and another three seconds to look out the window just to make sure. Dusk was falling rapidly. She fishes out her phone to check the time, how long she’s been asleep and the first thing that greets her is a picture of her and Nayoung set as her lock screen.

The one where they were just strolling around from all those years ago when she first came to Korea, Jieqiong remembers how the picture came to be.

How Nayoung made up a lame excuse to borrow her phone while she was busy familiarizing her surroundings. Nayoung called for her, she takes the picture just as Jieqiong rotates. The outcome was a rather messy blur, but it was as good as it was possible to be with the sun sinking behind them, Nayoung wearing one of those hoodies Jieqiong always liked to borrow, candid smiles adorning their faces. Everything was out-and-out.

Was.

She wonders if it’s too late to turn back now, to forget her parents’ wish of her return, to try to search for a parachute possibly hidden in some compartment and just push the door open and jump right off.

But she can’t do that. The girl who has everything will not give up everything she has just to drown in a pool of gingerbread eyes that looks at her, only her with so much affection.

And when family calls, she cannot deny it.

It’s not gingerbread. Nayoung’s eyes are warm brown.

There’s an instantaneous ache in her chest, an undeniable throbbing pain beneath her ribcage, and as a finale, Jieqiong herself pulls the knot residing in her stomach tighter.

She unlocks her phone completely, chooses a photo at random—one that does not have Nayoung in it—and makes it her new lock screen.

She goes through the rest of her gallery, experiences the ache of saudade over and over again with each picture.

Only then when Jieqiong feels a tiny tear in her heart—feels it about to bleed but doesn’t— does she stop. She considers deleting the images, but does not have the guts to do it.

So instead, she accepts her cowardice and puts her mind at rest that she deserves this kind of pain.

xx

“What you need is space.” one of her childhood friends tells her. “And I’m pretty sure that’s what this Nayoung person needs, too.”

Jieqiong thinks about it, all she ever wanted for Nayoung was the best.

So she cuts everyone off for a while, if that’s what everyone needed at the moment, then that’s what she’ll offer.

That lasted a grand total of five months. She picks up her phone, dials Eunwoo’s number because of course she knows it by heart.

Eunwoo picks up almost immediately. “Hello?! Hello?! Kyulkyung?! Is this a prank? You !”

Jieqiong smiles when she hears her best friend suppress a sob. “I miss you, too.”

xx

“No news is good news” her father says one time during family meals. Jieqiong forgot what they were talking about but was sure it was all business-related matters. For whatever reason, she didn’t like how it rang in her ear. And although the main purpose of someone ever saying it was to make people feel less worried, Jieqiong couldn’t help but feel her stomach churn.

She thinks of Nayoung. How she never asks of her—for her during phone calls, too panicky that maybe the older girl would just hang up on her. She did ask about her once, an insincere question with a sincere tone nonetheless, if that made sense at all.

Oh, and is Nayoung okay?  

Granted, it sounded as if Nayoung was not a significant influence to her, as if she belittled her.

But then again, chances are Nayoung might not even want to hear from her.

The guilt was just about ready to eat her alive, so she phones Sungyeon.

“Nayoung may or may not be having a fling with someone at work.” Sungyeon tells her.

Oh.

Oh.

“Yeah,” She hears Siyeon scoff through the other line. “’Oh’.”

That is not fine.

She didn’t know why it was dangerous to say it but Jieqiong, no matter how hard she tried to convince herself otherwise, was sure of one thing: she was pained.

It was tormenting to think of someone else being with Nayoung, someone else replacing her, so she steers the conversation into safer waters when they asked her how she was doing.

“I went for hotpot.”

And Sungyeon babbled on from there. Pain was momentarily forgotten, and when pain is no longer endured, the body yearns for the infeasible.

Jieqiong stayed up weeping that night, yearns for the impossible; yearns for Nayoung.

Never has she ever wished for someone to be unspecial.

xx


Her mother’s brows are furrowed, lips pursed, fingers tapping an unsteady rhythm against their kitchen island.

The image reminds Jieqiong of herself when she’s brooding. She’s holding in her breath, her fists are balled by her side, she waits for a response.

“Okay.”

Fortunes can dwindle, the world can change, and somehow, Jieqiong had managed to convince both her parents to allow her to fly back to Korea. Her eyes release a twinkle and she knows her mother notices when her lips are painted with a sudden soft smile.

Their eyes meet. There’s an exchange of unspoken I love you’s.

xx

“I’m coming back.”

The next thing Jieqiong hears is collective screams and squealing. She knows that Eunwoo and Yebin had been jumping around at the revelation because the line gets cut off. One of them probably pressed something by accident.

She throws her phone away and settles herself by her room’s windowsill. She remains unmoved and plagued by the thoughts of returning to the one place she ever felt like home, the thoughts of the possibility that said home might not want her back anymore.

It’s been half a year already, give or take a few months.

She wonders if she’s selfish; if what she’s doing will pull people back when they were finally moving forward.

She absentmindedly thinks of the winter holidays she spent with her family, how winter seemed colder without sunshine. She shivers.

Nayoung had always been warm.

xx

A few weeks on (and a lot of death threats from Siyeon), Nayoung now awkwardly stands waiting behind the couch along with Yewon, a confetti popper in hand, who looks too excited for her own good.

“I’m coming back.”

But that was exactly two weeks prior, a phone call through excited squeals and the bouncing and pouncing of her friends who were there listening.

Nayoung doesn’t have anything against joyous experiences. She thinks the world needed more of those, but this… this is just borderline masochistic, and as Kyungwon once said: just straight up Awkward with a capital A.

She marvels at how she got roped into this in the first place, how Siyeon blatantly threw threats against her life straight at her face just so she could join in on Jieqiong’s surprise welcome back party, which was decided to be held in her apartment because screw her freedom of speech and the majority of Eunwoo’s made-up voting system.

“Why does it have to be at my place?”

“Because you live alone and it’s really spacious.”

“You have a really nice kitchen.”

“Our Disney movie stash is in your drawer.”

Nayoung can feel a headache coming just by thinking of last week’s arguments. The only thing that served as a form of distraction for her was Yewon practically strangling the object in her hands.

“Careful with that,” Nayoung teased, although her words were a bit slurred.

The fringed girl pouted at her in response and Nayoung’s worries were momentarily replaced by complete adoration. “I’m just scared I might not pop this thing on time. You know I’ve got a weak grip with these things.”

Nayoung opened to reply but was quickly cut off when Yebin looked up from her phone and began shushing everyone. “They’re in the elevator already! Kyungwon and Minkyung are bringing her up blindfolded!”

Her heart was threatening to jump out of her chest, her vision was becoming blurry, she swore she heard Siyeon say something along the lines of “Blindfold? What did they think this was? A kidnapping?”

A tap on her shoulder, she turns her head to see Yewon with a comforting smile painted on her lips.

She can do this.

The door to her apartment makes a creaking noise, she whirls around just in time to see the makeshift blindfold dropping in midair, sees Minkyung And Kyungwon’s lips stretched all the way to their ears, and in the middle of the two her eyes land on the person she’s been dreading to see and by god she was fatal just as she was beautiful.

Her breath hitches and it was nothing like in those movies she’s seen where everything becomes slow motion because Jieqiong looks so so lovely, lovelier than she has ever been, gives off an illusion that the entire room was spinning at full speed.

She hears a chorus of squeals and “welcome back!’s”, sees bodies colliding with Jieqiong’s and the only thing that snapped her out of her trance was the bustling beside her, Yewon finally twists the popper with enough force causing a fair amount of streamers and confetti to go off in the air.

It falls directly on the mess of limbs that is her friends’ cuddle pile and the glitters were despicably shiny, but then Nayoung sees Jieqiong laughing, mouth so wide and tears making her eyes glisten, jumping around with the other girls as her hair goes along with her movements.

The glitters don’t seem so bright anymore.

Their eyes meet, and a familiar twist in Nayoung’s chest makes her feel as if she cut off her own air supply.

Jieqiong’s lips part to say something. “I’m home.”

She can’t do this.

xx

Nayoung supposes taking one for the team has become second nature to her. Grocery shopping for the party? Check.

Sacrificing her own apartment for said party? Check.

Cleaning after the mess of confetti? Check.

Assuring the younger ones’ parents that she’ll take care of them during their little sleepover? Check.

Having to force herself to swallow the bile in and accepting Jieqiong’s hug with a complementary “I missed you” and replying with an awkward “welcome back”? Check.

Washing the dishes while the kids have made their own pillow forts with Zootopia playing on her tv? Check.

One of those is not like the other.

And now she is stood by the fridge watching Kyungwon prepare snacks.

“You could go watch with them,” she snaps her out of her thoughts. “I can handle a few snacks on my own.”

Nayoung stares at her, Kyungwon stares back.

“I don’t trust you with my kitchen.”

The blonde fake pouts and was about to argue back but Minkyung steps in between them. “I think you’ve done enough, so go and watch with them already.” she says this to Nayoung.

She turns to Kyungwon, says nothing and just helps with the food.

Nayoung shrugs and leaves the pair to their business but not until she hears Kyungwon scoff. “So you trust Minkyung with your stupid kitchen but not with me?!”

xx

In hindsight, Nayoung should’ve known better than to let Eunwoo prepare their pillow forts. She should’ve known that the rest would conspire against her and fixed her fort right beside Jieqiong’s.

 She should’ve known better than to agree to go for one last movie when everyone else was clearly passed out.

The only ones left awake were her and Eunwoo, and in between them was a sleeping Jieqiong.

She had her knees tucked under her chin as she watches Aladoob. Aladweeb? Aladin? She doesn’t remember.

She does, however, remember that the last time she watched this was also with Eunwoo. Only the circumstances were different.

This time, Eunwoo wasn’t crying herself out in her arms, wasn’t a mess. She was too preoccupied with raking Jieqiong’s hair, smiling every now and then, Aladweeb long forgotten.

“She missed you, you know.” Eunwoo breaks the silence, although she doesn’t meet Nayoung’s eyes. “She didn’t tell me straight but I could hear it in her voice every time we talked on the phone.”

Now this would’ve been helpful information to Nayoung back when it mattered the most. But as of now, she felt conflicted.

“Any reason as to why you’re telling me this now?” she bites back the sarcasm. It would be wrong to take it out on Eunwoo.

She shrugs. “I just thought you should know.”

As if on cue, Jieqiong tosses in her sleep and rolls over on her side and faces Nayoung.

There was a momentary flash of mirth that graced Nayoung’s features when Jieqiong furrowed her brows and started mumbling in her sleep, curling herself into a ball under the sheets.

She brings her fingers to Jieqiong’s face, hesitates, but pushes through anyway and massages the gap between her eyebrows gently until the younger girl’s face relaxed.

Nayoung allows herself to put her guard down and stares at the sight before her because…

Because there was Jieqiong. There was Jieqiong with her messy hair and the slight crinkle around her eyes. And nothing else was meant to exist except her.

It’s in the eye of the beholder, and it’s her Nayoung’s looking at.

She thinks of the mess they’ve made, thinks of how much of the amazing things they’ve missed out on. She can’t bring herself to appreciate whatever past they had but she smiles at the sleeping figure before her nonetheless.

The stupid flying carpet pops up from the screen, and Nayoung remembers what Eunwoo asked all those months ago.

“Yes.”

Eunwoo looks up at her, confused. “What?”

She bridges the gap of their gazes. “Yes. I did miss her.”

xx

Much to Jieqiong’s surprise, she wakes up earlier than the rest. She had to pinch herself a couple of times to make sure all of this wasn’t a dream, that Yebin was in between a cuddle sandwich that was Kyungwon and Minkyung, that Yewon and Sungyeon were really holding hands in their sleep, that Siyeon and Eunwoo really were right beside her.

She pinches herself one last time.

It’s real.

She sits up fully and looks to her right, the former occupant had cleared out their fort. Typical Nayoung.

It was what? Seven in the morning?

She looks around for her, hopes that when she does find her it wouldn’t be as awkward as the last time. She felt a tad bit pleased when she catches no sight of Nayoung.

Avoiding each other wasn’t right, but it wasn’t wrong either.

What would you even say to her when you see her? Jieqiong thinks. Ask her about the weather? No. Apologize? Maybe now’s not the time. If you did apologize, where would you begin?

She stands up with wobbly legs and makes her way to the bathroom to freshen up, still practicing whatever the hell she was planning to say to Nayoung on their next encounter. She pushes the door open, eyes focused on the ground and muttering incoherent words. The next thing she hears is a strangely girlish squeal and the sound of shower curtains adjusting and—Oh.

Oh.

“Kyulkyung.”

Her eyes slowly trail further up, meets with tanned skin, long legs dripping wet. She’s still so toned.

“Kyulkyung.”

Then she finds herself staring at her thighs, shower curtains barely covering them. Why is everything so difficult? Why is she so difficult? Jesus christ it’s suddenly so hot.

“Kyulkyung!”

Her gaze finally meets Nayoung’s face, a dark shade of pink spread across her cheeks, her body awkwardly slanted to cover herself with the thin shower curtains but Jieqiong could still see just enough skin to make heat crawl up her neck.

“Kyulkyung, can you please just turn around and lock the door on your way out?”

Jieqiong remains unmoved. It might be the jetlag talking but what she said next only took both of them by surprise. “But why?”

“What do you mean—?! I’m in the middle of a shower!” Nayoung shouts in embarrassment, disregards how Jieqiong sounded adorably innocent because now isn’t really the right time for this. “Just please get out.”

Jieqiong, despite not being fully awake, does as she’s told. She takes one last look over her shoulder and throws a lazy smile at Nayoung.

“We’ve seen each other already. I’ve seen you wet, you’ve seen me wet. I don’t know what the big deal is.” She says before completely going out.

She hears a grunt of frustration before the door clicks.

xx

The ride was weird and awkward and uncomfortable all at the same time. It was never like this, not when Yebin, Eunwoo, and Jieqiong are together.

Minkyung clears , gathering everyone’s attention. “So we’re dropping Kyulkyung’s things at Yebin and Eunwoo’s before we meet up with the rest.” Yebin hums in response for them.

She gives one last glance at Nayoung on the passenger seat before stopping at a corner.

“I need to meet with Siwon for a bit. We’ll catch up with you.”

Nayoung glances at the rearview mirror, ignores how silent Jieqiong is, and sees how Yebin and Eunwoo instantly light up at the mention of Siwon.

“She’s coming with?”

Nayoung only smiles and reaches out the back to ruffle Eunwoo’s hair a little before stepping outside.

Minkyung maneuvers the car back to their original destination and once Nayoung was out of sight, she speaks.

“Spill. What happened?” she doesn’t really say this directly to Jieqiong, more to Yebin because everyone knows Yebin is a weak when it comes to Minkyung.

But Jieqiong fully trusts Yebin not to say a word of what transpired this morning. Yebin’s her one-out-of-two best friend. She, her and Eunwoo are the all around package deal. What happens inside their sinner circle, stays inside their sinner circle. And besides, those who don’t know the value of loyalty can never appreciate the cost of betraya—

“Oh, she saw Nayoung .”

This whipped . Traitor.

“Really?” Minkyung chuckles, eyes more on the rearview mirror than it was on the road. “That’s so vanilla.”

Jieqiong’s face reddens, plants it deep on both her palms and tries her best not to strangle anyone. “Please never say that ever again.”

“But it really was vanilla.” she hears Eunwoo mutter.

She just gives up at this point. A beat. And then an epiphany. She whips her head up.

“Who’s this Siwon Nayoung’s taking with us?”

The car falls into silence once again, save for Minkyung tapping her fingers on the steering wheel. Jieqiong only has the slightest idea.

She looks to her side, sees Eunwoo and Yebin nudging each other violently with their shoulders.

She frowns. Eunwoo catches it.

“Siwon’s the fling we told you about.” Eunwoo laughs uneasily. “But you’re fine with it, right? I mean, you said so yourself.”

There’s a moment of unsureness, the crease in her forehead doesn’t look like it’s about to disappear anytime soon. Jieqiong settles for a sigh, then answers. “Yeah, why wouldn’t I be fine with it?”

Her friends’ shoulders visibly relaxes, meanwhile hers keep getting tensed with every moment that passes just by thinking of finally seeing this Siwon girl in person.

Jieqiong’s frown deepens.

Minkyung notices.

xx

Jieqiong is not fine with this. Abso-ing-lutely not.

Her throne is threatened, feels her metaphorical crown slipping off her head and, and…

And she does not have the right to feel this way.

Nayoung asks them to drop her off somewhere, tells them she needs to meet with someone first, then shows up with a really really really tall and pretty girl which she can only assume is Siwon.

They’re at the local amusement park (because Sungyeon suggested it, and Jieqiong can’t really say no to that face) and her palms are getting clammier with every step their group takes towards the pair.

Jieqiong knew it, had already acknowledged the idea that Nayoung had long forgotten about them. But to bring someone else with her when the day was dedicated to her return, Nayoung was asking for too much.

Her forgetting doesn’t automatically mean that she’s forgiven you.

“Siwonie!” at least about half of their group ran towards her and tackled her into hugs. Eunwoo and Yebin were no exceptions.  She looks to her left, sees Kyungwon holding onto Kyla’s little hand—because of course Kyungwon couldn’t say no to her babysitting duties—looks so conflicted as she looks from Jieqiong to Siwon.

Jieqiong sighs. “It’s fine.”

It’s not.

And there Kyungwon goes, leaving Kyla in her and Minkyung’s care as she dashes towards their friends, also shouting “Siwonie!”

“She’s quite the charmer,”

“You’ll like her. She’s nice.” Jieqiong hears the smile in Minkyung’s voice, and it’s so convincing that she had no other choice but to go along with it.

Everyone seems to admire her, everyone seems to be wrapped around her finger, and as they get closer, Jieqiong couldn’t help but notice how Nayoung’s smiling from ear to ear just by being near this girl.

And quite honestly, Jieqiong doesn’t know what to do.

Not when this Siwon girl looks so much prettier up close, much taller than she originally thought she was now that she’s face to face with her and for the first time in a long time, Jieqiong feels so small.

“You must be Kyulkyung,” she offers her hand, in which Jieqiong awkwardly takes. “I’m Siwon. It’s nice to finally meet you.”

She remembers the look of fondness in Nayoung’s eyes earlier just by looking at Siwon.

She smiles. “Likewise.”

xx

Minkyung was glowering at them all.

“If Kyla wants to go to inside that horror house, then we damn hella have to go with her inside that horror house.”

Kyungwon was the first to speak up because, let’s face it, she’s the only one who has enough figurative balls to talk back to a scowling Minkyung.

“Okay but how about this,” she clasps her hands together and lets the curve of her fingertips cradle her chin, she takes a deep breath. “Why don’t we just not go inside the cheaply funded haunted house?”

They ignore the staff glaring at them from the ticket booth.

“It’s really not that scary inside.” Kyla says. No one is convinced.

Kyungwon bends down until they’re at eye level and takes her shoulders in her hands. “Kyla, you’re still young. You don’t know what you’re saying.”

Nayoung has no idea what she’s gotten herself into. She looks over at the rides, notices that each one’s starting to form a long line and she decides she’s had enough of it. They’re all too grown up to be wasting time like this.

“I’ll take her to the haunted house.”

Everyone visibly relaxes as their supreme being saves the day yet again. The corner of Kyla’s lips tugs into a small smile as she walks over to Nayoung and takes her hand she’s all too familiar with.

She glances over at Siwon, basically pleads with her eyes for her to come with because deep down Nayoung’s just one big chicken.

She belatedly realizes that was a mistake because Siwon smirks at her. It’s not even the playful kind of smirk. It’s the I’m-going-to-get-you-to-get-your--together smirk.

“Let’s line up at the ferris wheel before it gets too crowded.” Siwon suggests. “I’m sure you’ll be able to catch up with us before we get on. That is, of course, if you want me to accompany you here I’ll be more than happy to—“

“No!” Jieqiong, one who’s been uncharacteristically quiet, shouts all of a sudden. That one sudden outburst was enough to attract a fair amount of people around them, so she figures there’s not much shame left to go on. “I mean, no. I-I can go with Kyla.”

She looks at Nayoung, and it elicits a jumpstart somewhere in her chest. Ribs? Nayoung’s not sure where the hell it came from. “I-If that’s okay with you.”

Nayoung nods in response, tightens her grip on Kyla’s hand when Jieqiong’s eyes light up.

Nayoung had no idea she’d been staring, only realizes it when Siwon passes by her, gives her a shoulder a tap and whispers, “You can thank me later.”

The rest follow her. Jieqiong takes Kyla’s free hand and drags them inside the haunted house.

xx

Kyungwon had never been so wrong in her entire life. This place isn’t cheaply funded at all.
The moment they entered, Nayoung was so sure that a hand was just about ready to drag her by the ankle and take her to the eighteenth circle of hell.

Out of all the things that a six year old would want to go to, it just had to be a very uncanny horror house.

She hears said six year old giggle at the sight of fake blood spewing out of the fake victims at the side being violently butchered. Well, at least one of them is enjoying this.

Maybe Kyla’s enjoying it too much, seeing as how she suddenly let go of their hands and ran away. The two supposed guardians were about to go after her, but not until a screech boomed through the halls.

Out of fright and instinct, Nayoung grabbed onto the nearest solid thing which just so happened to be Jieqiong’s hand.

“S-Sorry,”

She felt Jieqiong hesitating to pull away, but seeing as how they won’t be getting out of here any time soon, and with Jieqiong being as much of a marshmallow as she is, she tugs on Jieqiong’s sleeve, loops her finger on Jieqiong’s pinky. Slowly, she musters enough strength to fully lace their fingers together.

“Your hands are cold.” Jieqiong says, amused.

Nayoung doesn’t respond, only tightens her hold on Jieqiong’s hand.

They continue to walk with hands joined together, jumping in surprise every now and then as they follow Kyla looking around the place like it was a damned museum.

“Siwon seems like a nice girl.” Jieqiong says, oh so suddenly. “Are you two…?”

Nayoung chuckles nervously. “No, she liked me but I—“ she catches herself, then clears . “I don’t like her that way.”

Nayoung’s taken back to that time Siwon kissed her, how she rejected her because she was troubled with the thoughts of grey eyes, plagued with the thoughts of Jieqiong.

“I’m sorry.” Jieqiong starts. “For leaving.”

“You’re back,” Nayoung merely shrugs. “That’s all that matters.”

“You’re too nice for your own good.”

Silence.

A beat.

“I had hopes that something was waiting for me here,” Jieqiong says. “I guess we have some things to figure out.”

Nayoung should say something. Say that she was waiting for her, is still waiting for her. But Nayoung was Nayoung, and it felt stupid not to understand. Nothing could ever compensate for unsaid words, and she’s left wondering if what Jieqiong’s saying would be one of the little truths or just another lie she’ll force herself to believe in.

Because this was Jieqiong, and her poor battered heart can convince her to go for one last kick at it for her.

But Nayoung takes too long to say anything, and her silence is given meaning.

The next part of the house they walked into was darker than the previous ones. She asked Kyla to walk slower, silently asks Jieqiong to stop lighting flames on what’s already burnt out.

But of course luck was never on Nayoung’s side. Kyla heads straight for the exit, Jieqiong shoots straight for her heart.

“It’s good that you’re not really together, you and Siwon.” do not read into it, Nayoung reminds herself. Jieqiong continues. “I don’t think I could’ve handle that.”

She whips her head up, looks at Jieqiong partly with anger and mortification because how dare she say things like this out of nowhere? Where does she get the gall to put her heart on her sleeves when Nayoung has been struggling to keep it in, has been trying her best not to explode for months?

She disregards the bile residing in once again, continues to stare at Jieqiong and even in the dark, she sees the shine in her eyes. She feels the hand in hers with a slight tremble.

Even if she does look at her with ire, the other part was purely on unsatisfied love.

“I’m glad me and Siwon aren’t together, too.”

They walk out of the haunted house, sees Kyla waiting for them. They untangled their fingers.

xx

It’s been a couple of weeks since that fiasco? Semi fiasco. Things had been a little difficult, but their friends had understood and kept mum about it.

 Jieqiong was on the balcony, she was only waiting for Yebin and Eunwoo to return from uni before the three of them would have dinner together.

She heard the jingling of keys behind her, it couldn’t have been her roommates; they were never home this early, and only Minkyung had the spare key to their flat but as far as she knew, the older girl had also been busy as of late.

Jieqiong half expected it to be Kyungwon or Sungyeon, a tiny part of her hoped for Nayoung.

She turned and saw Siyeon sliding the door open. She was still in her uniform, quite a mess as she didn’t even bother to fix her bowtie.

“I asked for a duplicate key from Yebin.”

Jieqiong huffed. “If you’re going to yell at me, can it wait until tomorrow lunch?”

Siyeon doesn’t answer back, merely wanders over with her hands in her pockets until she was standing next to Jieqiong, and they both look out over the skyline. “So you screwed up getting some with Nayoung?”

“I—“ Jieqiong swallowed. What is wrong with her friends? She swallows again. “Yeah, I think so.”

“If it makes you feel any better, it wasn’t that much of a disaster.” Siyeon looks at her out of the corner of her eye. “You’ll be there tomorrow, right? At lunch? With all of us?”

“I’ve behaved badly enough as it is,” Jieqiong laughs lightly as she ruffles Siyeon’s hair. “Of course I’ll be there.”

Siyeon grins, then her expression turned serious. “You both have been behaving like complete s, but making all of us more miserable than we already are isn’t going to make things better.”

“Besides,” Siyeon continues. “Nayoung forgives you.”

xx

Jieqiong considers what Siyeon said. She lets a day pass after their group lunch, which then turned into a group slumber party despite their busy schedules. It was too soon to be tasteful, but at least this time she had it planned out. Hopefully.

She wakes up once again before anyone else in Nayoung’s apartment, it had already been a default venue to their little group. She remembers seeing Nayoung pouring over paperwork after paperwork before she fell asleep.

She gets up and tries not to make too much noise, also tries not to step on the bodies lying on the floor as she gets out of the living room.

And like every human being who has ever breakfasted alone in someone else’s kitchen, she settles with instant coffee.

She hears something being placed on top of the kitchen counter, she turns around and sees Nayoung looking back at her, face carefully blank.

She takes a deep breath, raises her chin and says, “I understand now.”

Jieqiong looks at her skeptically.

There was an echo of what they had said to each other back at the haunted house. Nayoung purses her lips in thought. “Okay, I don’t completely understand.”

“But we can’t not talk about it.”

This makes the both of them pause. But Jieqiong presses further into the counter. “I don’t know how much I want this…” she trails off. It should’ve mattered less and less, time should’ve done the healing part.

But both her and Nayoung had always been stubborn, doesn’t want to heal at all. Jieqiong has half a mind to back out from this, but before she could even make two paces away from Nayoung, the older girl had already shot her hand over the counter and caught her wrist in a firm grip.

Now that Jieqiong has a closer look, she notices the bags under her eyes on full display, realizes how exhausting this must’ve been on Nayoung’s part, ten times worse than hers.

In a way, it makes her dizzy, how everyday Nayoung waited for her was a day she’ll never get back again. How Nayoung had managed to put up with how she’d push her away with her hand all the while pulling her close with the other.

Nayoung was still for a long drawn out moment.

 But god how adorable Nayoung looked with her bed hair and her head slightly lolling to the side and she can’t think straight, can’t comprehend anything.

This much she hears:

“I really want you.”

With the way the words drew from her lips, the urge to kiss Nayoung skyrockets, how bold one gets when one is assured of being loved.

“Your name is safe in my mouth.” And that was all the permission Jieqiong needed.

And so she kisses her, and she feels Nayoung melt into it.

Jieqiong kisses so soft and light, something Nayoung has craved for that is in heavy contrast with the thick feeling that had settled in her stomach in the past months.

“I love you.”

Jieqiong knows that admitting it was hard, mind boggling, and downright took every ounce of courage to do so on Nayoung’s part. So she smirks against her lips, says I love you back, assures Nayoung that everything was worth it, feels much realer this time.

xx

Nayoung had given Jieqiong control over her again, making her dive head first instead of the usual testing of waters.

She had breached her walls knowing she had snuggled herself comfortably in the corners of her heart.

“So there was a Siwon and a Sowon?!”

“Me and Sowon only had a lunch date,” the older scoffs. “I don’t know what kind of lies and or rumors Yebin’s feeding you with.”

They’ll be alright, Nayoung thinks.

I.... am not happy with this work. I had 6 different endings to this and... yeah it was frustrating. But hey, at least I got something out, right? wrong  ah, tell me what you think? It's 5am here and i havent proofread anything yet so yikes

someone also requested the playlist i listened to while writing this lmao should i post it or...?

napink's been so tragic lately and as a filipino would describe it: putangina ang sakit

may or may not add a character spinoff but for now im marking it complete. yay.