02. Why so lonely

Jinhwan

Jinhwan watched the door for a while, held the bunch of keys and found the courage to enter the house, to do it for himself, for Hanbin, for both of them. He inserted the key into the lock, triggered the mechanism and entered in. He looked around, headed towards the fireplace, standing where the fire had been lit so a comfortable warmth was issued and wood logs crackled between the spurts of continuous flames.

"Hanbin?" Jinhwan called him, "are you here?" a vague slight smile was reborn on him.

"Hi" Hanbin greeted him peeking from the kitchen, "dinner is almost ready" he warned, then do to get closer to him.

"I have to take a shower" Jinhwan answered quickly, "so I'd better go".

"I'll make you a warm bath" Hanbin replied stepping forward, "let me take care of you" he said taking some steps forward, stopping in front of him so close yet so far away.

"All right" Jinhwan asserted with a nod, looking into his eyes as if he were looking for something that had been buried in them.

"I'll be right back" Hanbin said before turning around heading in the direction of the corridor.

Jinhwan took a bottle of wine, poured a bit of red liquid in a glass and drank it all. He looked at his reflection in the large living room's window, stood listening to the sound of water running in the tub until it didn't stop and someone else appeared beside him, at his side, another person. It was him, it was Hanbin and now they were together, reflected on a glass surface that had reproduced both.

Jinhwan looked at Hanbin, and Hanbin looked at Jinhwan. They looked at each other for so long, without saying or doing anything, only with their looks crossed through the mirror.

Hanbin wanted to surround him in his arms, but Jinhwan pushed him away. Jinhwan turned, faced him and sustained eye contact.

"Time and space" Jinhwan said, "I told you I need time and space" he reminded him, then even if he was about to get away the other grabbed him in order to keep him from doing it.

"How long will this last?" Hanbin caught him by the shoulders, "can we solve this out?" he had his chin between his fingers so he the skin with his thumb.

"How can you forget what you read?" Jinhwan asked going to meet that touch so familiar and intimate, "how can I make you forget what I wrote?" his irises were filled with tears.

"How can you forget what I've done to you?" Hanbin asked back, "how can I make you forget what I have done to you?" he continued to the chin but then his thumb moved on his cheeks.

Hanbin leaned over him, he was about to place his lips on his to give him a kiss when Jinhwan turned away from him, gave him a last look and then went to lock himself in the bathroom. Jinhwan undressed slowly, the clothes fell on the floor, build up to a very messy pile, and then he surrounded himself in a hug as if it was useful to make him feel less guilty than he was. He immersed in the bath, the water reached nearly edge, and the bubbles burst creating a colorful chaos. He ran his fingertips over his own body, touching every part of it: he slipped mainly on the spots where Hanbin's eyes, lips and teeth were focused last night leaving him with a multitude of marks that he was more than grateful to have. He was his, he was Hanbin's, he belonged to him, and all of those marks just remembered him even if he could never forget who owned his heart, his body, his soul, everything of him. It was Hanbin.

"Jinhwan-hyung?" Hanbin knocked interrupting the flow of his thoughts.

"Come inside" Jinhwan said, "just come in, Hanbin, come in" he added, hearing the squeak of the hinges.

"How do you feel?" Hanbin asked kneeling in order to be at his height.

"Tired" Jinhwan replied, "how do you feel?" he asked him the same question, looking him straight in the eye.

"Tired" Hanbin gave him the same answer, "dinner is getting cold" he laced his fingers with his, brought the back of his hand to his lips and kissed it.

"I'll be right back" Jinhwan's smile resulted rather forced than natural, "just wait for me" he said, watching him get up and walk away.

Jinhwan stepped out of the tub, wrapped a towel around his waist and went into the bedroom where there was Hanbin.

"Do you want me to leave?" Hanbin asked, "it would be better if I leave you?" his voice trembled a little, then he started shaking, and in the end his black gaze wandered in the void.

"What?" Jinhwan asked squinting to keep from crying, "what are you talking about?" he approached him with slow, measured steps.

"You need time and space” Hanbin's false words vibrated as they were crystals ready to break, "you don't need me, it's not me that you need” he was pretending that the idea of being separated from him wasn't killing him.

"Of course I do!" Jinhwan wanted to convince him otherwise, "I need you the most" he cupped his face and tried to kiss him but the kiss was denied.

"Why did you write it?" Hanbin asked biting his lower lip, "if you love me and you don't love him, then why did you write it?" he kept asking, still torturing his lower lip.

"I wrote it when Jiwon came back, you and I were in crisis and I was confused" Jinhwan explained, "it was just a rant" his voice as that of Hanbin crumbled to pieces.

"Is there truth behind