At the time he crouched down and covered his face, I was anxious and surprised at the same time. The fact that the heartless Yoongi suddenly cried had struck us up like a hurricane. We didn’t realize at first, but when I thought back about it, at the first time my leader had mentioned that we were going to the beach, Yoongi had been silent all the time.

The beach at evening was very beautiful. Its soft breeze was heart-warming. When we arrived, everybody was running to the water immediately, including me. Only Yoongi who had walked slowly as if he absorbed the wind coming through him. He ignored everyone’s shout, asking him to walk faster.

His expression was unreadable, if I might say. As the time went by, he laughed along with us when someone did a silly jokes, when our leader tripped on his own feet and fell to the water, or when we did a run-in-the-water competition. But I dared to say that his soul wasn’t with us at the moment. It was only his physical, his mind was elsewhere.

I was the only one who was brave enough to sit beside him in the beach. His pale foot were dirty because of the beach sand. He hugged his knees, his eyes wandered to the dark sky above us. The twinkling stars up there were very beautiful. We would never see this kind of starry night in the city.

“Hyung, what are you doing?” I spoke as I sat down beside him. Yoongi just hummed an answer.

“The sky is beautiful, yeah?” I tried to make a conversation between us. But then the answer was just a hum.

I gave up. It was impossible to do a conversation with someone who wasn’t here. Instead, I leaned back to the sand and closed my eyes. Even without the stars visible, the beach ambience still gave me a calming effect. The shore sounded like singing a unique tune, and the soft wind was the instrumental for it. Maybe this what they called nature.

“Do you want to know why I didn’t go into the water?” Yoongi suddenly said.

“Well, if you didn’t want then it’s totally okay for me,” I answered without opened my eyes. I knew from his tone, Yoongi would tell me the reason. Sometimes telling other people what did you feel was the best way to calm yourself.

“I was afraid I would drown myself in the sea.”

I sat up straight away. I didn’t expect the answer. “Why?”

He didn’t response. He lied down and closed his eyes like I did a moment ago. Yoongi let out a deep breath. His breath misted in front of his face, making a ghost-like image. I stared at his white pale face. It was translucent with sadness. I wondered what was in his mind right now.

The sun was shining too brightly to Yoongi’s liking, but it wasn’t bright enough to match this boy’s smile in front of him. They finally went out together after the school’s exam period was over. Yoongi had waited for this opportunity to came, not that he showed it to the younger, though.

It was only ten in the morning, but Yoongi was yawning already. He didn’t get himself a good sleep a week ago, and today he was about to sleep all day. But Jimin was his top priority, so went on a date with Jimin automatically came first.

He did his best to hide his sleepy face around Jimin, but, Jimin was still the Jimin who noticed everything. He had said that it was okay if their date would be on Yoongi’s couch or Jimin’s comfortable bed, but Yoongi insisted they had to go somewhere outside.

“Whatever you want, Hyung,” Jimin had said with a cheerful smile on his lips.

I didn’t expect Yoongi to answer when he had been silent for five minutes after my last question. By this time, the stars were still shining brightly; gleaming on the perfect dark blue layer beyond us. Our friends were still screaming and laughing in joy on the beach, I wasn’t sure whether they had a limit of energy or not.

I didn’t know anything about Yoongi’s past friends, his past school, or anything about his past life. The only thing I knew was his present; how he transferred into my school, and how he perfectly got his math and English an A effortlessly. That was why when he talked about his Jimin, I imagined a small and slim cute boy with a very wide smile, wearing a snapback and sleeveless shirt, because according to Yoongi said, he was a total opposite of Yoongi.

“I made him stop at fourteen,” Yoongi said to no one in particular. “I can’t took him to the beach for the very last time.”

“I am sorry.”

Yoongi’s hand reached up, he made a gesture as if he wanted to reach the stars. As if he could reach his beloved once again. His eyes shot open and grinned to me.

“Why are you sorry, you don’t even know him,”

 I sighed. “But, still, it’s the appropriate way to express condolence, Hyung.”

“He was counting to fifteen, but I made him stop,” Yoongi continued sadly, reminiscing the past. When he looked back to the sky, I swore I caught a glance of a single tear running down from the corner of Yoongi’s left eye.

It was so cliché, Yoongi could vomit a rainbow. Jimin didn’t care a bit. They were on the top of Yoongi’s apartment building. Jimin insisted that they needed to see the place, in preparation of Jimin’s birthday. They had re-acted the famous scene from Titanic, and Jimin giggled like crazy.

“Come on, Jiminnie, you can fall all the way down. You can die on the spot.”

Jimin turned to look at Yoongi with his sparkling eyes. Oh, how Yoongi loved those eyes, how he wanted to kept it blinking and smiling forever. Jimin grinned and placed both his palm on the older’s cheeks. His hands were warm.

“Really? Can I die right away?”

“Come on, let’s go back to the hotel.”

I tore my glance from Yoongi. Our leader had come with the rest of the gang. They looked messy and wet. They were still laughing, chit-chatting about how they had fun on the beach today. I myself had fun, but I didn’t know if Yoongi hyung did too.

“You finished?” I said, smiling to him. “I got cold in the middle of it, so I stopped and waited for you guys here.”

“I’m cold too,” said someone in the back. “Let’s go back. I’m hungry as well.”

“Yeah, I am too.”

“Come on, let’s do a race up to the hotel and…”

“No! You can’t run first!”

“…”

“…”

In an instant, I was alone again with Yoongi. Seemed like we were too lazy to catch up with the other boys. He sighed and frowned to the running boys in front of us. He started to walk as well, though. I didn’t know how I would ask him to come back to the hotel in this awkward situation.

“I always don’t know how they can get all those energy.” Yoongi said grumpily.

“I don’t either,” I smiled to none in particular.

After a short silence, I couldn’t hold myself anymore. I was curious.

“So, what happened to Jimin?” I asked carefully. I tried my best to not offend him.

“Jimin? I killed him, of course.”

Jimin squeezed both of Yoongi’s hand. He was crying, of course, but Yoongi didn’t.

“You had promised me, Hyung.”

“I know.”

Jimin held onto Yoongi’s hand even tighter. His tears started to fall again. Automatically, Yoongi released his hand and wiped the tears. A thirteen years old Yoongi wouldn’t think that he now could act like that. Where was the old Yoongi, the grumpy Yoongi who despise everything and everyone else?

“I don’t want to continue my counting.”

“I don’t want to lose you.”

Yoongi formed a fist, as if he encouraged himself. His nails were pressing his palm deeply. He closed his eyes and felt Jimin’s soft lips on top on his. They were kissing with a weight in their heart. Both of them could feel the sadness on their kiss, even the seagulls sounded like crying.

Yoongi pulled first.

“I don’t want this anymore.”

“But, you promised.”

“I don’t want to kill anyone, Jiminnie. I don’t want to kill you.”

Jimin closed the gap between them. His hand searched for warmth in Yoongi’s jet black hair. Without him realizing, Yoongi’s mind spontaneously recorded the touch; how Jimin’s small fingers running through his hair, his neck, and slowly moved down.

“You can make me forever young, Hyung,” Jimin whispered. His lips moved under Yoongi’s. “This is my dream, something that I hope from a very long time, and, this is the only way for me to go forward.”

“You what?”

Yoongi was a few steps ahead of me. Even without seeing his face, I could sense a smirk on his words.

“Surprised, aren’t you?”

I didn’t want to admit that out loud so I kept silent. I waited for him to continue.

“I killed him, as his wish. He wanted that. I promised that I would when he asked,” Yoongi chuckled. He talked like it was nothing. Suddenly the beach was too cold for my spine. I shivered.

“And why is that?”

“Have I told you where did we met? No?”

I shook my head. What, was this had something to do with the first time they met?

“We met in a website where everyone could sign in and did a suicide together.”

Counting to fifteen, counting to fifteen, counting to fifteen.

Jimin was smiling, because this was what he wanted. It was right before his fifteenth birthday, as he liked to. Jimin was fourteen, and Yoongi was sixteen. Yoongi was amazed that he could make it like an accident. It wasn’t something that a sixteen years old could pull out.

They had counted slowly to five, and when it was six, Jimin released his hand and he drowned. Yoongi watched him swallowed a lot of salty water, hoping that he could do the same thing, but he couldn’t.

When it was nine, Jimin’s face had turned kinda blue, and Yoongi pushed his head down to the water. At this point, Yoongi couldn’t look at him anymore. He turned his head to look at the orange sky and crying. He had lost his counting. He didn’t want to count any longer. Both of his hand felt numb, he couldn’t feel his left hand who pushed Jimin’s head down. He couldn’t feel the hair, he didn’t know if Jimin was already gone.

He continued to count, after a while he stopped counting. When it was fifteen, Yoongi swam back to the beach. He stopped middle way back, he glanced back to the spot when he had given his present to his beloved. His dear, his beloved Jimin. Nothing was coming up. Yoongi half wished that his action was failed, and he found Jimin coughing and glaring madly at him. But nothing popped up, nothing happened, not even a wave. The sea was as calm as a pool.

Yoongi turned, now he was facing me. I stopped abruptly, I didn’t deny that I did feel slightly afraid of this boy as he told me his story. What if he strangled me or—?

It was Jimin’s dreams, hope, and his way to move forward. He had said that before.

At the beach, Yoongi lied down. The sun had risen, the shine hurt Yoongi’s eyes but he didn’t care. All he cared for was Jimin and Jimin only, and now that he was gone, he had nothing to do with his life any longer. He was signing to the same website as Jimin, living was not in his option list.

But, he had granted Jimin’s wish, Yoongi told himself repeatedly. And he promised to continue his life for Jimin. He had done a good thing. He had done a good thing. He had done a good thing. Yoongi whispered like crazy.

A moment later he got up, and walked back to his home like nothing had happened.

But he didn’t.

“Jungkook,” Yoongi called my name for the first time. “Tell Namjoon I won’t come back.”