« I never thought it would happened to me you know ? Becoming a single mom. At the age of 16 I was more the kind of teenager to judge that kind of girl. Well, it was until I met him »

The brown hair women, cozily seated in her hospital bed had her hands wrap around the fuming mug of tea. She briefly looked at her audience for the day; as usual, it was this doctor, Moon Byul Yi, the one following her case for the last 6 months, the closest of a friend she ever had.

« He was the perfect guy for the foolish girl I was. Blinded by love, I pushed away everything else, everyone else, even my own family. I gave him everything I was, and when I found out I was pregnant, I took it as a sign we were meant to be. 

But nothing went the way I imagined it. He left me, just a few weeks after I told him about my pregnancy. In the midst of our foolish love story, I forgot he was an exchange student, or was it an excuse for him to leave me like that ? He never replied to any of my messages, calls, letters, and could I do, a pregnant teenager with no family, go to the US to find him ?

No..the most important thing was my baby, my sweet little girl. I stopped school and start working to earn a living. Because I was obsess with the fear of my daughter missing something, I had so many jobs, some I am not very proud about, but in the end, I failed to realize the most important thing... »

« Yongsun ssi..? »

As her patient stopped talking and stood motionless, looking at her lap, the doctor's reflex got her on her feet, ready to check Solar's heart. She sighed out of relief when she noticed that the other woman was conscious, but in deep thought.

She met Kim Yong Sun a little more than 3 months before, when the 1^st symptom of the latter illness appeared.

Cardiomyopathy.

It was a word thrilling enough to take the young doctor attention, but after spending time with her patient, she got attached to her, and more than having a brilliant Cardiomyopathy solved case on her resume, she genuinely wanted to find any way possible for her new friend to feel better.

« I failed her Byulyi ssi..I failed my duty as a mother, I wasn't there for her, I was working so much I failed to see her grow up. Now that I think about it, being sick is what I deserve to abandon her like I did. »

« No..listen to me Yongsun ssi, we spoke about it already, right ? Your daughter will understand, all the sacrifice you did, your whole life, were for her well-being. She's 17 right ? Give her time, she's still a teenager, but she will understand one day. Until then, do not give up, keep contact with her, you need her as much as she needs you. And please, you don't ''deserve” this sickness nobody does. Until the day we find a cure, I promise you I won't let you down, so please, promise me the same. »

« But Byulyi ssi..it's been 3 months, ever since my heart attack, I hadn’t seen Hyejin, she refused all my calls, she ended up changing her phone number. I don't know where she is, if she's safe. I..I don't know what to do anymore.. »

Moon Byul Yi never thought she would, one day, see a stairwell this dirty, this scary.

Why do I feel like I'm in the middle of one of those American police show ? Will I found a dead body if I turn my head to the right ?

At the end of the corridor, she hesitated. Why was she doing this ? All her coworkers, her teachers always told her this : never involve yourself with a patient.

But here she was, on the verge of knocking on that rusty door, to plead her patient's daughter to at least see her mother.

She didn't had time to recount her thought when the door loudly opened, only to reveal a girl around her height, with blue hair and fierce yet troubled eyes.

« What do you want ? »

« Are you Hye...Hwasa ? »

« The one and only. »

The doctor internally patted herself. She had hard time to find the girl location, and wasn't sure if her information were correct.

« So ? Just tell me what you're looking for, I don't have all day. »

Moonbyul stayed silent for a while and just observe the young women. All the thing she read about her, on the file from her last social assistant, seemed to be painfully true. Her foggy eyes, the dark circles around it but most of all, the needle’s scars on the inside of her arms..Moonbyul saw girls like this one too often and understood right away.

She's taking drug...

« I.. »

« God dammit decide! Wait, are you a new customer maybe ? What are you running on? »

Wait, she’s dealing too ?

« No, Hwasa ssi I'm- »

The doctor voice, slow and soft, somehow betrayed her. She was shocked and sad to discover side of the teenager, and her wish to help this broken family only grow.

« My name is Byulyi, I'm a surgeon and- »

« I don’t care about your life, just tell me what kind of drug you want or get out ! »

« I'm not here for that Hyejin ssi. »

« ..How do you know my name ? »

« I'm..I'm your mother's surgeon, and her friend. I'm here because- »

« Because she's too much of a coward to show herself ?! Well Ms Mighty Surgeon you came to the wrong neighborhood, just get out, that women is dead to me, I have nothing to tell you ! »

« Hyejin..listen please, you mother is- »

« Sick and on the point of dying ? Why should I care for her while she never cared about me ?! Whatever crap she told you, she surely forget to tell you how many time her 7 years old daughter had to take care of the drunkard she was, or how she would disappears for months ?! I don't care if she's dying, I just want to life my life like I want, so now get the out ! »

« What was that Heejinie ? »

The now irritated blue hair girl slammed the door in front of the doctor. She waited a few second, ready to punch that adult but sighed out of relief when she heard nothing more.

« Ugh.. Apparently the 's new minion »

« Yah, don't call your mother like that ! »

« Okay okay..the...the witch then ? »

« hmm..I guess it's better »

The fierce teenager walked back to her sofa, her eyes now focused on the other side of the room. She wanted to poke her dimple of the cute girl so badly but refrained herself, for the sake of their chit chat.

« So, where were we ? »

« You need to take care of Kkomo when I'm away »

Now comfortably seated, the blue hair girl took back her joint and the time to smoke a bit of it, to calm her nerve after the previous encounter. 

« I'm allergic to cat Wheeny, I can't »

«You got treated for that, when you were 11. »

« Yeah, and if I remember correctly, your mother took me to the doctor, not the witch »

« Heejenie.. »

« What, I'm just stating the obvious, she never cared about me,.”

“You know it’s more complicated.”

“No it’s not, you were there Wheeny, and you know the story of my pathetic life. My father was a coward who left and my mother is a who gave the education of her child to her neighbor.”

“Heejinie..”

“The only good thing is, you were there. Without you, my life is empty Jung Whee In”

“Hyejin..you know I feel the same, I love you but..please, go see your mother, you didn’t let that doctor speak, what if something happened again ? Do it for me ?”

Putting her cigarette’s on the already full ashtray, Hwasa softly smiled, hearing the tone of her lover. Whee In and her knew each other since day one, of course she knew how to make her do everything, even thing she despite.

“Okay..let’s see the witch”

Taking a walk on the hospital’s park, it was Solar dearest goal, being bedridden for so long. She did ask her doctor several time, but the best answer she had was Doctor Moon pushing her in a wheelchair while passing along the red and pink roses surrounding the rocky road around the hospital.

Instead, Solar would always open her bedroom windows, on sunny days like this day, and enjoy the view the 5^th floor the tall hospital gave her. For the flower, doctor Moon would bring her freshly cut roses every time she could.

It was her routine for the last 3 months, and Solar couldn’t stand it. Drown in regret, she only could thought of all her action and decision ever since she became a mother, when her fear to become a bad mother turned into reality, when did she lost her daughter.

“Yongsun ssi, I’m here for your daily checkup”

Solar turned around, only to see the face she got used to see every day, Moon Byul Yi. She found her to be a very efficient doctor, but maybe, just maybe a little too clingy. After closing the windows, the sick woman took small steps until her hospital bed, where doctor Moon and her stethoscope where waiting for her.

The checkup went silently, something odd coming from the doctor, who would always try to initiate the conversation, even with pointless subject. Solar believed the doctor had a lot in mind, until her bedroom’s door loudly opened.

“I’m in the middle on a checkup, please come later”

The doctor, with her back facing the door declared.

“You get out doc, I need to speak with my “mother” “

At the mention of this world, the two women turned their head toward the door. Hwasa stood there, dressed with a ripped old jean and an oversized hoodies. She had the hood on, but blue strands could be seen. She was as pale as Moonbyul remembered, it only accentuates the dark circle under her eyes, It was obvious for the doctor, the young girl was currently high.

“You’re deaf doc ? Get the out.”

“I-“

Moonbyul’s attempt to leave the room was stopped by the hand of Solar, nervously holding her white coat. Only a brief look in her patient eyes was enough to understand; Even though she wanted to see her daughter again, Solar was too scare to speak to her alone.

“She can stay Hyejinie, she’s my friend.”

“Tss, whatever, here.”

Hwasa throw a dirty bag at Moonbyul’s feet, which the later took right away. Inside, the two older woman saw bundle of money, some were neat, other were fold and dirty.

“You wanted that huh ? What, you didn’t find a new sugar daddy to pay the hospital bills ?”

“Hyejin ssi..”

“Shut up doc I’m speaking to my “mom”

“Hyejinie..It only happened once..I was despair and out of my mind, I’m so sorry”

“Cut the crap, Where were you when that disgusting dude hit on your 15 years old daughter ?! Already outside, trying to find another dickhead with a full wallet to rob !”

“Hyejin ssi please stop..”

The atmosphere oppressing, Hwasa’s words sharp as a dagger piercing on her helpless mother. The older woman couldn’t say a thing, as tears a guilt strangled her.

“Oh, she never told you this story doc ? Of how she got manipulated again by a walking who stole money from a gang and hide it in our ing house ? Come on, mom, it was only 2 years ago, you don’t remember how those gang members one night show up with the dead body ? How they ing ruined the house looking for their money ? How they freaking threat to kill me to have it ? How they ing put the blame on us for the missing bills ?!“

“STOP ! Please..Hyejinie..I’m sorry..so, so sorry, I thought he was different, that we could have a better life thanks to him..I was wrong, forgive me Hyejinie..I..I worked hard for them and there isn’t debt anymore, they’ll live us alone, I paid everything back, you don’t need to hide anymore.”

“I ain’t hiding stupid, I move out and have my own business, I don’t need you, in fact I never needed you. Only Whee In matters now.”

“Whee In ?”

“Yeah, so I don’t care what will happened to you now, take that ing money and leave me alone with her ! “

“Hyejin..you’re still seeing her..”

“Got a problem with that ?”

“She..she’s dead..6 month ago..It was devastating, for all of us..but Hyejin, you need to accept that-“

“Oh god shut up ! You’re ing high on meds or what ?! She’s not dead, she survive that effin accident and live with me now ! She’s outside, waiting for me and you know what ? I’m out too, I’m sick of seeing your face again !”

Not without slamming the door, the young girl left the room, leaving her mother in a state of shook and the doctor confused.

It took a long time and some sedative for the older woman to calm herself after that stormy and disastrous meeting.

Doctor Moon didn’t left her sight for the whole afternoon after, fearing for her heart condition. Feeling she owed the doctor some explanation, Solar gave her more detail about her past life, and her daughter’s girlfriend.

“Jung Whee In was my neighbor’s daughter. Her mother and I quickly became friends, as we were both single mother. She offered me to take care of Hyejin as a baby and during her childhood when I was working, and maybe I took this offer for granted.

Hyejin and Whee In started dating at 14, but who was I to say anything ? All my relationship ended in chaos. Beside, Whee In was the only one able to bring a smile on my daughter’s lips.

When the gang’s problem happened, Hyejin ran away from home, she was scared and angry at me, but unknown to her, Whee In would always tell me how she was doing. At that time, I was so scared for her life and my own, I took the offer of the gang leader to work for him as a bartender and..host for his customer.”

“Did he force you to-“

“No..he never allowed those men to touch me.”

The brown hair women took a deep breath, speaking about this not too old part of her past shaken her more than she would admit.

“Anyways, I work diligently for them, for making them forget about Hyejin, my only fear at that time was that they’d force her to work as well, I lessen my contact with her or Whee In, because they’d look into my phone to be sure I wasn’t calling the police.

But then, 6 month ago, Whee In got into a car accident. That driver didn’t stop at the red light, and she didn’t pay attention to the road, she was on the phone with me, telling me Hyejin’s day..

Since then, we all lost our happiness, but Hyejin..she was devastated, dead inside. She screamed at me for so long, putting the blame of her girlfriend’s death on me. She didn’t show up at her funeral, begin to deny the reality.

And then one day, she told me while smiling that Whee In was in fact alive, she saw her at their favorite coffee shop, that she survived her injuries.

But I also noticed how her eyes were empty, the smell around her, how she grow thinner..I’m not blind you know ? I know my daughter is taking drug, I did everything I could to help her, but she pushed me away every time, she keep on doing it.

I had my heart attack at the gang headquarters and they left me in your hospital 3 months ago. They just told me my debt was over and to never come back again, I guess they don’t want to be involved with me now that I’m sick, but at least I’m free. I just want to help my daughter now, but I don’t know how…

“ing business, why a customer want to buy LSD in a graveyard at 10 am ? Junkies are crazy I swear.”

The blue hair girls was mumbling to herself

She spotted a rather suspicious figure, 10 meters from her near a row of grave. Black cap, black mask, and oversized black and furry coat. She already knew which type of customer it was.

She approached the figure, and without verify anything threw a small bag on the ground.

“If you think you’re being discreet here, you’re wrong dude. Did you see all the people eyeing you ? Give me my cash and get out, because I bet you the cops will be here in 10 minutes.”

“Hyejin ssi”

“Oh my ing god…doc ?!”

The young girl throw her arms dramatically in the hair while Moonbyul took off her mask and cap, hiding the proud smile she had, her plan of luring Hwasa disguised as a drug addict worked.

“What the you want doc ?! Did I was clear yesterday ? Leave me the out !”

“I want you to face your demons Hyejin ssi..for your sake..and your mother”

“Of course it’s about her, what ? you’re in love ?! Try being a to her she loves that.”

“Hyejin ssi ! I’m a doctor, and when a see a teenager like you ruining her life I cannot stand idly by when I have the means to do something, I’ve seen enough kids like you in my hospital ! You think you’re strong, that the world is unfair to you ? Did you even realize how much you mother had to sacrifice for you ? I know she’s not the perfect mother, but try to understand her sacrifice !”

“Oh please, I’m fine doc, cut all that crap.”

“You’re not, you’re a drug addict who can’t admit her lover’s death, you hide behind heroin to live an unreal live where Whee In is alive. I understand how appealing it is to you, but all you’ll gain in the end is a freaking overdose !”

“Stop with this, I told you Whee In is alive !”

The woman and the teenager were in a heated argument, and even if the doctor hates being this pushy and harsh, she knew Hwasa needed some kind of shock to see the world as it really was.

“really ? Then why are standing next to her grave ? You didn’t even show up at her funeral, what kind of lover were you ?!”

Hearing the last few words of the doctor, Hwasa’s eyes fall on the grave and saw the letters written on it. She looked at it, one by one until they formed words she read.

“Jung Whee In, 1995 – 2012”

“No..What crap is that doc ? You’re ing kidding me, Whee in’s not dead !”

“Heejinie”

Beside the grave suddenly appear Whee In, the wear she dressed, her small bangs, her dimples, everything was exactly like that day, when she has her accident.

“She’s right Heejinie, you need to admit it. I’m sorry, I confused you by staying by your side, but how could I live you alone ? I was so worried about you. But this doctor..really wants to help you, and your mother. Please, give her a chance.”

Seeing Whee In triggered something in Hwasa. Like a spellbound breaking off, she noticed the sad smile of her lover, how pale she seemed to be, how the situation seemed so unreal.

“But how I’m supposed to live without you Wheeny ?! I ing can’t !”

The outburst startled the doctor. She looked at the young girl, whom stare was looked to the empty space beside the grave.

She’s having a hallucination.

“I don’t know Heejinie, but I know you will, you’re strong enough for this, you’re the girl I loved after all.”

“Don’t leave me Wheeny !”

Hwasa didn't wanted to admit It out loud, that the memory she shared with her girlfriend for the last 6 months were only figments of her imagination, boosted with any substance she could get her hand to.

“Please Heejinie, promise me you will take care of Kkomo for me. You know how mom always get the wrong treats for him.”

Hwasa fell on her knees, her hand holding her tears as the reality hit her in the hardest way. Instinctively, Moonbyul put her arms around her, in a way to help her

“Whee In wouldn’t want you to live like that Hyejin, so do you mother. I can do something for you, just let me in okay ? I won’t lie, it’s gonna be hell for you, and I can be strict, but in the end, you’re live worth better than this. I’m pretty sure you’re an amazing girl Hyejin, and I want to bicker with you for a long time, but not the drug addict version of you.”

The blue hair girl stay silent, immerged in her thought. In front of her, Whee In disappear, not without one last smile. She stayed in front of the grave for so long after, crying the name of her girlfriend, asking her for forgiveness, telling on much she missed her.

On the other hand, Moonbyul decided to step away. Feeling unwanted, she waited for the young girl at the entrance of the graveyard.

Beside the car’s engine, not a sound could be heard in the surrounding of Hwasa. She did try to listen the radio, but her driver for the day, Moonbyul herself, shut the radio off when heavy metal at full blast pierce into her hear.

Hwasa was beyond bored, for the last hour they were traveling, and this is how the idea of bothering the adult sprang in her mind.

“Doc, you didn’t answer me tho”

“About what ?”

“That you like my mother”

“What ?!!”

The young woman alternate between quick stare at the blue hair girl and the road, evident blushes on her cheeks

“I..It’s not like that Hyejin ssi, I don’t like your mother that way, she’s my patient and I only want her to feel better.”

“suuure, do you care that much about your other patients that you use your mighty surgeon influence to get them a place in a convalescent home ?”

“…”

“yo doc I’m talking to you.”

“And I’m driving let me focus, and FYI it’s been a while that your mother was on a list for this establishment.”

“Whatever you said”

It took them another 30 minutes to arrive at their destination. In the countryside of Gyeongju, Solar was admitted in a convalescent home for heart sick patient, thanks to an old friend of Moonbyul. As her condition improve, she couldn’t stay in the hospital, but still needed medical cares, and this place was known to be the best.

Hwasa took baby steps behind the doctor, who was leading her to her mother’s room. After the graveyard episode, she made the decision to accept Moonbyul’s help, even if that meant she wouldn’t see Whee In again

She wasn’t real, I need to accept that, she wouldn’t want me to keep this way.

“Hyejinie ?”

Solar’s voice snapped her out of her thought, as she didn’t realized they were already in the middle of a cozy room full of light. Her mother stood from her chair, surprised and apprehension in her eyes.

“Hi mom, I…just wanted to say hi”

“We didn’t travel all the way to Gyeongju for you to say hi kid”

“Shut up doc”

Moonbyul had to hide her smile. Seeing a uncomfortable and embarrassed Hwasa was somehow interesting to her.

“Hyejinie-”

“Mom-”

They spoke at the same time. Not without scratching the back of her head, Hwasa motion to her mother to keep going.

“Listen Hyejinie, you and I aren’t the best example of a healthy daughter/mother relationship. But I hope you know how much I love you right ?”

“..Mom”

“I’m ashamed about a lot of thing, about what you had to face your whole life because of my decisions. I wasn’t the mother you deserve, and I want to make amend of myself Hyejinie..give me another chance ?”

“I..I ain’t the perfect daughter either..”

“But you’ll always be my pride”

“let’s try again mom..after I get out of rehab.”

“You’re going ?!”

“Yeah, you’re girlfriend found me a place”

“Yah Hwasa ! Stop with this !!”

Moonbyul, who was a silent spectator suddenly shouted, red as a tomato.

“Shut up doc we’re having a moment here !”

It was the cue for Moonbyul to leave the mother and daughter alone. She knew they needed time, and would need a lot of talking to repair what’s been broken the two of them. But she was confident that this time, the both of them were willing to change.

Her teacher and colleagues always told her to not get involve with patient, yet the emotion she felt, the tears of joy and this feeling of pride she was having, as she watch them hug while she left the room, told her otherwise. 

----------------------------------------------------------

Yeah ! Finally after 30 years I finished this fic, you at the 3rd row, leave this rock on the ground, don't throw it at me !

It's angsty sorry ;____; but I let Moonbyul distribute the tissues ;)