Kyungsoo is not impressed. As in 'throw a pot of still warm bouillon over Byun Baekhyun’s head’ not impressed.

“You what.”

Baekhyun has the gall to grin sheepishly at him from under his sopping bronze bangs, tongue peeking out to at a droplet above his lip.

“Broth’s a little salty, by the way.”

Kyungsoo glares at him.

“Byun Baekhyun.”

“Yeah?”

“What did you just say?”

Baekhyun grins at the black-haired man sheepishly.

“Haha. Ha. C’mon, Soo. It’s fun.”

“That gives you no right to sign me up without my permission.”

“Jongdae’s my friend. And you don’t even have to go anywhere like I did with Chanyeol! This is a special event held at the café! Come on. I met Chanyeol and we’re happy together now!”

Kyungsoo blinks at him, gaze burning into Baekhyun’s soul.

“I literally walked in on you throwing a frying pan at his head this morning.” he deadpans, and Baekhyun shrugs.

“Love-hate relationship, babe. Love-hate relationship.”

Chanyeol pokes his head out from behind the door where he’s been eavesdropping with a pout, an empty platter in one hand, a white towel draped over the other and a still-lingering red lump on his forehead.

“That actually did hurt, though, Baek.”

Baekhyun doesn’t even bat an eyelid, not bothering to face Chanyeol. “Go do your work, Dumbyeol.”

“Sorry, sir.”

Kyungsoo raises an eyebrow at Baekhyun again, and the shorter man simply shrugs, hopping off his perch on the counter and mouthing ‘love-hate relationship’ at Kyungsoo before he saunters out of the room.

Staring down at the blind-dating brochure that Baekhyun has left in his hand, Kyungsoo feels wronged.

Extremely wronged.

;-;

It’s a warm, bright Saturday and the birds are chirping when Kyungsoo wakes up. The clouds are out and the sun is shining and everyone is happy and it’s this sort of weather that Kyungsoo hates because ew, people.

Obviously, Kyungsoo has better things to do than this. He ponders all the other things he could be doing today as he hops around his room with one leg inside his pants. He could be sleeping. Or… or eating. Or… basically just sleeping or eating, actually.

He remembers the blind dating agency that Baekhyun decided to enter his name into for quote-unquote ‘a little fun’, and sighs again.

Deciding that he will only play this game on his terms, Kyungsoo makes a resolution that he will only stay there for an hour at the most, before heading back to work. 

Technically it’s his off day, so he doesn’t have to go to work, but it’s not like he has anything better (like a social life, perhaps) to do with his life.

Kyungsoo reads the profile that Baekhyun has submitted to him on the way to the café and highly regrets agreeing to this.

-

Hi, I’m Do Kyungsoo!

I’m twenty-two years old and enjoy long walks on the beach and travelling!

Looking for a kind and cheerful man who can give me an exciting and committed relationship!

-

How fitting.

When he walks in he is greeted with the sight of about twenty different people, all perched on plush leather seats with varying expressions of anticipation on their faces.

He walks straight to the man sitting in front of the banner on the wall, handing him his profile and receipt with pursed lips. The man, Jongdae, his name tag reads, stares at the paper for a few moments, skimming over the text briefly with inquisitive eyes. He looks up at Kyungsoo for a moment, taking in the deadpan face and seemingly-permanent scowl, and then looks back at the profile.

“Are you sure this is the right profile, Kyungsoo-ssi?” he asks with a raised eyebrow and quirk at the lip, and Kyungsoo gives him a blank look.

“Apparently so.”

Jongdae sighs, giving him a knowing look.

“Baekhyun’s friend, right?”

Kyungsoo inclines his head.

“After this? I’m not so sure.”

Jongdae throws back his head and lets out a hearty laugh, handing the profile back to Kyungsoo.

“I like you, you’re funny. Well, then, Candidate 12! You can head over to your first match, Candidate 68! He’s right over there at table six!”

;-;

DATE #1

“Do Kyungsoo. I don’t want to be here right now so don’t get the right idea.” He deadpans and the boy barely bats a heavily lined eye.

“Right back at ya, short stuff. Name’s Huang Zitao.”

Kyungsoo’s lip twitches at the nickname, but he doesn’t say anything, simply opting to stare at the thin boy judgementally.

The boy stares back at him blankly, and they settle into silence, arms crossed in a mirror image.

Across the room, he can see Jongdae waving at him and pointing to Zitao, making lewd hand gestures and mouthing frantically. Kyungsoo completely blanks him.

After a few minutes of awkward silence, there’s a bell signalling the end of the first date, and Kyungsoo and Zitao get to their feet wordlessly.

Kyungsoo gives one last nod of acknowledgement to Zitao before heading off. After all they’re two birds caught in the same cage.

;-;

DATE #2

Kyungsoo plops himself down in his chair, not even trying to mask his groan anymore. He lifts his head to glare at his newest candidate but ending up not being able to because this one’s just so smiley.

“Hi, I’m candidate 10! My name’s Zhang Yixing, it’s nice to meet you!”

Kyungsoo blinks at him, and Yixing beams.

“It’s great to meet you! My friends recommended I try this out for a change, and here I am! How’s it gone for you so far, uh-“ he glances at the profile on the table, “-Kyungsoo?”

Kyungsoo blinks again, before nodding slowly.

“Uh, good. It’s… good. Yeah.”

Yixing beams at him again, and he’s smiling so hard that Kyungoo’s cheeks are starting to hurt.

He’s tempted to reach over and stick a finger in one of Yixing’s dimples, but he doesn’t. Because he’s a normal functioning person, and normal functioning people don’t stick their fingers in people’s dimples.

Of course.

…

“Ca-can I touch your dimple?”

Yixing smiles at him.

“Of course!”

Kyungsoo leans forward timidly, reaching a finger out to poke at one of the dimples in Yixing’s cheeks before leaning back again with satisfaction.

The rest of the date is spent in uncomfortable silence and painful periods of eye contact, with Kyungsoo shifting awkwardly in his seat because why is Yixing so smiley.

After a few minutes, he ends up looking at his feet with grimace, and the silence is making him want to cry.

He will realise later that Yixing had fallen asleep near the end of the date.

;-;

DATE #3

Kyungsoo is done.

Like, le