It had been a while since the girl had accounted for her feelings. The simple reason for this is that she is growing. A better word to describe the situation would, in all actuality, be learning. The girl is finally improving on her sprout into the world. She had a late start due to seeing the big picture, but soon enough the people around her, the people around her supporting her with their love and patience, raised her from the dirt that the world caked her in. But that is not the reason the girl came to her diary today. The purpose of this entry today is to address the difference in her depression and others.

The girl has always known that she was not the only one who cried herself to sleep due to deep thinking. She knew that others were what you would call “depressed.” Even so, she continued to feel alone. Although now since the circumstances have changed slightly to her advantage, the girl is now able to sneak a look at the people around her instead of disregarding them, and only focusing on the death of the crumbling world. When she saw the true meaning of depression of normal people around her, it was in most cases due to social stress. Not being loved. Too fat. Not smart enough. No friends. She thought this is odd, and found it curious that people would give up their precious lives over something so small.

Almost immediately her thinking system answered and corrected her own questions. Of course she was in no place to judge. Mentally she was completely different from the others. Even though they could all be put under the same category as depressed, each one was different. They all had their reasons like she had hers. The people around her wanted to die from embarrassment or not being loved when she feared dying. The thought of leaving behind a world with people she loved… leaving them behind to a dying world. Just the thought of being forgotten made her feel as if the air around her evaporated. It made her feel so alone to think about death which lead to fearing death, and hating the world. She was mad that she had to work for happiness, but then die to be forgotten and alone. It was truly a tease. Life was just a teaser to the real thing. It must be. There has to be something bigger, and brighter than this decaying world. And it made her think of how unfair that she would never be able to experience the future. But what if this was all there is? Was there nothing to even look forward too? No longer would there be a future to be imagined by anyone.

That made her feel she needed to stop working for future happiness. Enjoyment in the present was the top priority. But in this cruel society, that path results in failure. So either way, she was already dead. Funny isn’t it? As her body grew, it was slowly dying. And while she grew in her dying body, the world around her had already been set to disappear… just like she, and everyone else would. Ironic isn’t it. So she escaped from this unfair world by living in stories, movies, and worlds created from her and other’s own imagination. That was the safest thing she could hope for. So with this choice she made unawarely, she set herself in the category of depressed.

Credits for the video goes to Moon Bean :)

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Credits for the Cover go to Style-Ran :)

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