Ex-Boyfriends Are Off Limits To Friends! (It's The Rules Of Feminism)

When You've Truly Outgayed Yourself

The first day of school was a blur. A stressful, surreal blur.

Na Jaemin had just moved to Orlando from Osaka because his step brother, Yuta, got a new job placement. (He also wanted to live with his new boyfriend Hansol, hence, being the great, supportive little brother that he is, Jaemin got dragged along to the other side of the world.)

Jaemin had lots of friends back in Osaka, one could say that he was pretty popular too. I mean, who could resist those large doe eyes and charming smile?

But when he stepped into his first class of the day (history, ew) he had never felt so panicky about making new friends. Maybe it was because his classmates were 90% white people and white people never really liked Asians. Or maybe it was because he accidentally mistook a rather mature looking student as his teacher and almost got punched in the face.

And so, when the actual teacher finally came in and introduced him to the class, he strategically chose to sit next to two of the more Asian looking boys near the back of the room. Settling his books on the ridiculously tiny table, Jaemin sinks into his chair, very aware of the stares he was getting from the two boys.

Annyeong haseyoKon’nichiwa? Uh, Moshi Moshi?” One of them suddenly greets him in a very thick accent. Jaemin almost laughed, but he didn’t want to be branded as a rude Asian outcast on his first day.

“It’s okay I can speak english.” Jaemin turns to him and smiles.

“Oh thank the ing lord,” The thickly accented boy gives a relieved sigh, “I thought I would have to use google translate for the next few years.”

Jaemin merely chuckles.

“Is that your natural hair colour?” The boy asks, and Jaemin nods, fingers playing at his light brown locks. The boy suddenly pulls him by the neck and brings his face next to his. “See this is the colour I want, Tae. I think Johnny will like it on me!”

The other boy who went by Tae (he had really strong features and platinum blond hair) rolls his eyes at his friend and turns to look at Jaemin. “This is Chittaphon Leechaiyakul, but you can call him Ten. He’s almost too gay to function.”

Ten fakes a gasp and shoves the other boy in the shoulder. “Oh please, you’re gay as well, Tae. Don’t act like you haven’t been Jaehyun’s in the library.”

“OKAY YOU DIDN’T NEED TO MENTION THAT.”

“Just saying, Taebreeze~” Ten makes a gross kissy face at him and the other boy cringes.

“Anyways, I’m Taeyong and-“

“Nice wig, grandpa, what’s it made of?” A random bulky dude teases Taeyong as he walks past his desk. Taeyong rolls his eyes and gives him a cold glare.

“YOUR MOM’S CHEST HAIR.” He retorts. “Anyways, Ten, please don’t dye your hair again. Johnny called you Ronald McDonald when you dyed your hair red thinking he would fall in love if you.”

With that, the two of them soon fall into a very ridiculous argument about hair and whatnot. Jaemin smiles in amusement and scans his new friends. Ten was a cute Thai boy with a sharp nose and an extremely bright smile. He was a really big chatterbox who loved whining and acting cute.

Taeyong, on the other hand, was the complete opposite. He was very good looking, yes, but he often walked around with a constant resting face and almost never smiles. Ten also says he’s a neat freak who would come to school in a space suit if he could. Taeyong denies it but the big bottle of febreeze sitting on his table said otherwise.

-

During gym class, in which they skipped and decided to sit under a shady tree next to the field instead, Ten and Taeyong told Jaemin every single detail he needed to know about Neo Culture High School. They even scandalised his timetable.

“Why are you taking 12th grade calculus?” Ten questions as he scribbles hearts on his timetable sheet.

“Because I like math, I’m good at it.”

“Ew you’re such a typical asian nerd.” Ten judges him, flicking a measly twig past his shoulders.

“But you’re asian too, Ten.”

“NO I’M NOT, I’M THAI!”

Taeyong sighs and stops scribbling in his sketchbook. “And this is why Johnny does not want to date you.”

Ten ignores him and pouts, fingers still fiddling with the grass beneath his thighs. He shifts his gaze to the football field, where the gym class that they skipped were running onto the open space.

“In the name of all that is holy, would you look at Park Jisung’s gym clothes?!” Ten complains, pointing at a skinny blond boy strutting on the field. Said boy was in the shortest gym shorts Jaemin had ever seen, and his shirt was so low cut the milky white skin of his chest was blinding him.

“Of course all of The Chopsticks are in the same gym class.” Taeyong says with a roll of his eyes. (Jaemin swore that boy rolls his eyes more often than he squirts hand sanitiser onto his hands, and that says a lot.)

“Who are The Chopsticks?” Jaemin asks confusedly.

“They’re teen royalty.” Ten explains. “If Neo Culture was Céci magazine, they would always be on the cover.”

“That one there is Park Jisung.” Taeyong nudges his head towards the blond boy they were talking about earlier. “He is one of the dumbest boys you’ll ever meet. Ten sat next to him in English last year.”

“He asked me how to spell chewing gum.” Just as Ten says that, Jaemin witnesses Jisung signalling someone to throw over the ball to him, but he doesn’t catch it and the ball simply bounces off his curly blond mane.

“And that little red head, that’s Mark Lee.” Jaemin squints a little to see said Mark Lee strolling over to Jisung with his phone pressed to his ear. His voluminous auburn hair flipping around in the wind. “He’s from Vancouver, and he’s totally rich because his dad invented apron overalls or something.”

“Mark Lee knows everyone’s business. He knows everything about everyone.” Taeyong adds on. “That’s why his hair is so big, it’s full of secrets.”

Jaemin smirks a little at the way Ten and Taeyong were describing them. He turns back towards the field to see a cute smiley boy being carried onto the field by some jocks like some queen.

“And evil takes a human form in Zhong Chen Le.” Taeyong seethes between gritted teeth. “Don’t be fooled, because he may seem like your typical selfish, back stabbing, faced hoe bag. But in reality, he is so much more than that.”

“He’s the queen bee, the star.” Ten continues. “Those other two are just his little workers.”

“Zhong Chen Le.” Taeyong says the name almost dramatically, emphasising on every syllable. “How do I even begin to explain Zhong Chen Le?”

-

“Zhong Chen Le is flawless.”

“He has two Yeezys, and a silver hoverboard.”

“I hear his smile’s insured for $10,000!”

“I hear he does hoverboard commercials. In Korea.

“His favourite show is Dragonball Z.”

“One time, he met U-Know Yunho on a plane, and he told him he was cute.”

“One time, he hybrid-dabbed and slapped me in the face. It was awesome.”

-

At lunch, Jaemin was walking towards Ten and Taeyong’s table when he was stopped by one of the school’s jokers, Donghyuck, repeatedly asking him if his muffin was buttered.

Extremely confused, Jaemin kept his brows continuously raised, unsure of how to respond.

“Is he bothering you?” Jaemin looks over to see the one and only Zhong Chen Le looking up at him with a cute dimpled smile. “Donghyuck why are you such a skeez?”

Donghyuck rolls his eyes. (There was a lot of eye rolling today, Jaemin notices.) “I’m just being friendly.”

“You were supposed to call me last night, Hyuck!” Mark huffs from next to Chen Le, pouting as he flung a french fry at the tanned boy.

“Donghyuck.” Chen Le begins, staring at said boy with a sarcastic smile. “You do not come to a party at my house with Lil Marco and then scam on a poor innocent boy right in front of us three days later. He’s not interested, honey.”

To say that Jaemin was pretty shocked that Chen Le was standing up for him (though he was technically still seated at the lunch table), would be an understatement. Especially after everything he’s heard about the Chinese boy from Ten and Taeyong.

“Do you wanna have with him?” Chen Le pointedly asks him. Jaemin widens his eyes and grimaced, shaking his head profusely. “Good, so it’s settled. So you can go whiten your skin now. Bye, Donghyuck.”

“What a ,” Donghyuck mutters and walks away, ignoring Mark’s shouts of call me!

Jaemin is even more surprised when Chen Le invites him to sit down at his table with the other two boys. Jisung was staring into space while Mark had whipped out a mirror to fill his eyebrows. Jaemin didn’t have the heart to tell him that his brows looked like seagulls, so he just settles into the seat opposite Chen Le and smiles at them.

“Uhm, I’m Jaemin, and I’m new here.” Jaemin introduces himself when Chen Le wonders why he’s never seen him around before. “I just moved from Osaka.”

“Oh ma gad, that’s so cool. I’ve been to Osaka before, it’s great!” Chen Le coos excitedly. Jaemin smiles at how adorable he actually was. “And you’re like, really cute too!”

“Oh, thank you!”

“So you agree? You think you’re really cute?” The Chinese boy questions with a raised brow. Jaemin left his mouth agape, not expecting to be bombarded with such a question. The pretty boy just smiles and replies the Chinese with a tilt of his head.

“Well yeah, I guess.”

“So you came all the way from Japan to here, in Orlando?” Mark suddenly asks, in which Jaemin hums in response. “Well that’s a long ride.”

Chen Le furrows his brows, little wrinkles forming between his well sculpted brows. He turns to the raven haired boy with a grimace. “What’s a long ride, Mark?”

“Oh it’s like a slang… From Vancouver.”

“Wait so if you’re from Japan…” Jisung stares at the pretty boy with wide eyes and the most lost look Jaemin has ever seen on his face. “Why are your eyes so big?”

“Oh mY GOD JISUNG PRAKKK,” Mark literally screams. “You can’t just ask someone why their eyes are big!”

-

It was during 12th grade calculus when Jaemin first saw himHim with the soft, jet black hair and broad shoulders. Him with the smooth skin and addicting eye smile. Him who went by the name of Lee Jeno.

Jaemin knew he was ed when his eyes first caught sight of the boy’s smile. Oh, the way his thin lips stretched over his perfect teeth and the way his eyes crinkled into the most beautiful crescent moons.

Lee Jeno was the exact definition of perfection, and Jaemin wanted him so bad. So. ing. Bad.

Propping his chin onto his palm, he stared dreamily at Jeno’s back like a lovestruck puppy with the dumbest grin plastered on his face. His wild imagination making up cheesy scenarios that may or may not ever happen.

He imagines him turning around and giving him that beautiful eye smile, asking him sweetly what day it was. And then Jaemin would comically reply with “it’s October 3rd”, effectively making the older boy fall in love with his wits. He sighs in content, not noticing the entire class, the teacher included, staring right at him.

“Mr. Na Jaemin?” Said boy was pulled out of his trance by the voice of his math teacher calling his name. He shakes his head and stares wide eyed at the blackboard, heat rushing to the tips of his ears because he can clearly see Jeno staring at him with an amused smile.

“The answer for question 7?” Mr. Willis, the math teacher, repeats himself.

Slightly panicking, Jaemin looks down at his open textbook, scanning the question and rapidly doing the calculations in his head. Within seconds, he looks up at the impatient middle aged man and gives his answer. “x equals 4.”

“That is correct,” Mr. Willis nods in acknowledgement and turns back around to scribble more numbers on the blackboard. Jaemin releases a breath he didn’t know he was holding and slumps back into his chair, smirking triumphantly at his smartness. However he sits up straight again when Jeno unexpectedly speaks to him and gives him a bright smile before turning back around to face the front.

“Nice one, Na Na.”

Jaemin blushes, whispering a soft thanks, his insides bubbling at the nickname the older boy gave him.

“BLESS.”

-

“So, seen anyone that you like yet?” Jisung asks Jaemin cheekily at the lunch table the next day. Chen Le had invited him to sit with them at lunch every day, and who could say no to that adorable face, so there sat Na Jaemin in the middle of the cafeteria with The Chopsticks.

“Oh ma gad, Prak it’s only day two, give him a break.” Chen Le complains and pokes the dumb blond with his perfectly manicured finger. The Chinese boy hops out of his seat and grabs his food tray. “Whatever, I’m getting Mala Crawfish.

“They have Mala Crawfish here?” Jaemin asks, bewildered. He thought they only served the typical ty cafeteria food like dry meatloaf and pathetic excuse of mac n cheese.

“Only for President Chen~” Mark rolls his eyes, flinging his fries around and making faces at a certain table.

“You didn’t answer my question, Jaeminnie!” Jisung stomps his foot and pouts at said boy. Jaemin grimaces and smiles apologetically.

“Sorry, I…” Jaemin starts, a little hesitant. He wonders if they were trustworthy enough to know but decides to just it. They seemed harmless to him, and besides, Queen Bee Chen Le wasn’t there to hear it either, so he spills. “There’s this guy in my math class.”

Mark finally looks away from the jokers’ table and gives Jaemin his utmost attention. “Ooh what’s his name?”

“Lee Jeno?” He says the name mindlessly, not expecting Mark to let out a loud gasp. Jisung also gasps three seconds later. “Why what’s wrong?”

“Lee Jeno as in,” Mark questions a bit panicky with wide eyes. “Smart and sporty with the most unnecessary eye smile Lee Jeno?!

Jaemin wants to laugh at Mark’s given description of his crush but decides it wasn’t the right time so he just nods.

“Oh God no!” Mark suddenly pulls back with a shocked scream. “No no no! You can’t like Jeno!”

“W-what do you mean?” Jaemin asks confusedly, head whipping back and forth between the two boys. (Jisung was still gaping at him so he decides to divert his whole attention to Mark instead.) “Why can’t I like him?”

“Jeno is Chen Le’s ex-boyfriend!” The Canadian boy utters dramatically. “Le Le was devastated when Jeno broke up with him last summer!”

“I thought he dumped Jeno for Ren Jun though?” Jisung comments, finally unstoned.

“Eh, irregardless!” Mark waves a hand in Jisung’s face in dismissal. “Ex-boyfriends are off limits to friends! It’s like, the rules of feminism!”

Jaemin watches Jisung nod profusely in agreement, curly blond locks bouncing together with his movements.

“But we’re all male?” Jaemin adds.

“Oh but don’t worry, honey.” Mark ignores him and cheerfully remarks all of a sudden, a total opposite from his defensive demeanour just seconds ago. “We’ll keep it a secret from Le Le!”

“Yeah you can trust us!”

Na Jaemin mutters a thanks? still wondering if he made the right decision in telling the two about his little crush. His eyes shuffle between the two’s sickeningly sweet smiles and thinks that maaaaybe he could trust them.

But damn boi was he wrong.

 

-

Author's Note:

What am I doing really HAHAHAHA update for lost boys will be up next week I'm so sorry for the wait!!! Meanwhile I hope you guys enjoyed this! <333

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Comments

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pizzamon #1
Chapter 1: this ff is so funny that i laughed every 3 minutes (i counted?) how can one write such amazing story tho ;;
Jwonuu #2
Chapter 1: mark's eyebrows tho lmao
arosequartz
#3
Chapter 1: Okay first the title caught my eye and I couldn't stop laughing. And then when I realize dit was a Mean Girls AU I clicked and wow not regretting it one bit! (^<>^)
AffxtedShawol
#4
omg this is funny already i cant want to read more <333
namsongdustbin #5
Chapter 1: this is hilarious it got me choking - thanks for writing this its nice to see something new!
Joyer12
#6
Chapter 1: Hahahha! Long ride is right. I love Mean Girls so thanks for this!
shin-pads
#7
Chapter 1: I wonder what happened between Mark and Donghyuck here~ are they frenemy or one-sided-love (I guess its the later) hahha
chxn2lx #8
Chapter 1: It's a long ride, Wt- HAHAH!!!
PandaTen #9
Chapter 1: Bless Na Na and Jeno
PandaSchemes #10
THIS IS HILARIOUS!! I hope Chenle doesn't murder Jaemin lol