Change

by infinite77

Story Title.

One word titles are usually bland and lack the ability to capture readers’ attention almost right away. This one is definitely not a head-turner and the “change” has been used to much. Though, kudos because the title really depicts what the story is all about, in just one word.

Description.

I really, really, really like the description. It’s simple and straight to the point. It gives us just a gist of the story and the end sentence has gotten me, as a reader, interested and curious about what’s going to happen.

It’s also kind of short, which is good. It doesn’t let out any other important details and spoilers, which means it’s up to the readers if they want to read to learn more or not at all. Good job.

Writing Style.

Your writing style is simple and concise, although sometimes it is very descriptive and you like to detail things. The first chapter was already full of depth and background, which was okay. I mean, personally, the description had just the right amount of words and content while the first chapter felt like a bomb exploding on your face. Not quite in a good way, not quite in a bad way either.

On the second chapter, it was doing okay but then when you get to the middle and the end, it was full of dialogues. And the posh, clean writing I read on the first chapter slowly fades away to make room for a more comedic color and tone. This is what happens in the next chapters too. Where chapter one is just full of in-depth writing, the rest of the chapters lack it especially amongst conversations.

It’s okay though, you still write well and you have a lot of potential, but be sure to keep your writing style concise next time.

Grammar and Spelling.

Your grammar is already good, it could use some tweaks here and there but overall, it’s quite plausible. Just continue writing and before you know it, your grammar is flawless. You already have a good vocabulary, too. Keep that up.

There are some small spelling errors, so make sure you proofread all your work next time. (e.g. uncapitlizaed i when she is referring to herself)

Here are some sentences and phrases I found and took the liberty and effort of correcting them:

 “I sure sound like I don’t care, right? Because I don’t really/honestly.” Sounds better to me.

“It’s noisy, polluted, crowded and lacks space.” The “and” would be used twice in the sentence, making it redundant and “unspaced” is not even a word.

“I quietly stood behind, wait