It wasn’t unexpected. None of it was. They were always fighting, screaming, yelling, whatever, and they couldn’t care less about me. The only reason they ever acknowledged me was so they could use me to threaten one another. I was nothing more than a prop. It hurt, but eventually I got used to it. It made my mom leaving with another man less painful anyway. At least they prepared me for that.

The house was quiet after she’d gone, save for my father’s crying. Which I heard muffled from across the hall. Why he cried? I had no idea. There wasn’t any love between them. None that I could see anyway.

The still house was weird to me. It had been noisy since I could remember. I moved through the halls like a ghost, not wanting to disturb my father. Neither of them had ever yelled at me unless I accidently walked into a high tension situation, but since mother was gone, I didn’t know if my father would need some sort of outlet.

So it stayed like that for a while, me moving in and out of the house like a burglar. Until my father called for me. The moment I heard my name my palms started sweating and my heart race quickened. Did I accidently not move something back in place? Was it finally my time to be on the other end of his anger?

I wanted to delay the meeting, but I was also too afraid too. So I walked into the kitchen and saw him standing at the island with a grave face. He didn’t look mad, just dead. I didn’t see any life in his eyes. The only thing there was to see was the red his puffy eyelids. He looked like a totally different man. He looked small, frail. Did he age ten years while he cried in his room? It looked like it.

“Solar,” he said without looking at me, sounding just as dead as he looked.

“Yes, dad?”

“I’ve done you wrong, haven’t I, girl?” He finally raised his eyes to me with water in his eyes. I could tell he was having a hard time keeping it together. It was such an unreal site to see. Were those tears there on my behalf? Was this a dream?

“I’m not sure what you mean.”

He laughed humorlessly as tears escaped and rolled down to his chin staying there in his unshaved scruff. “You were too good for us. I’m sorry. I truly am. If I could do everything over I surely would, but that’s impossible. But now at least, I’m going to do the right thing now.”

When I realized there was nothing I could do to impress my parents or make them notice me, I just wanted to escape. To have another family, or runaway with a circus or whatever, just to get away. Now I could tell this was sounding like a goodbye, and against all reason I was getting choked up.

“Dad, what’re you talking about? What’s the right thing?”

“I’ve called your aunt and uncle and they’ve agreed to take you in.”

My aunt and uncle? He was giving me away?

“Girl, why are you crying?” He said basically sobbing himself. It was a fair question. I wanted the answer as well. “I’ve done nothing to deserve your tears. We made this house a terrible place for you. I’ve noticed you slinking around here like you don’t belong. No child should ever feel that way. So don’t cry. Instead use that energy to pack your things. Go on. Do as you’re told. You’re still my kid.”

I nodded and tried to wipe the tears from my eyes. He was right. He didn’t deserve my tears, but I gave them to him anyway.

The drive to their house was silent. I looked out the window watching the scenery pass by feeling more and more nervous with each mile we got closer. It was sunny at least. I was hoping that was a good omen. This was good. This was going to be the start of something good, and maybe getting my hopes up this time wouldn’t blow up in my face.

We’ve visited them a couple times before. I remember the last time we’d come, I didn’t want to leave so I hid somewhere in the house hoping my parents would leave me behind. It didn’t work out as planned, in fact it backfired because I’m sure that’s the reason we never went back. I threw a tantrum admitting I would prefer them to be my parents. The concern in my aunt and uncles eyes was everything I’ve ever wanted, but I had to watch them disappear out the car window. I hope they didn’t remember that incident.

Once we got there, my dad and I quietly grabbed my things, which wasn’t much, and headed to the front door. I let him knock and we waited with a thick tension between us. He wanted to say something, I could feel it.

My aunt opened the door with a bright smile. She was just as pretty as I remembered. My dad returned the smile somewhat. It’s the most I’ve seen out of him in ages.

“Brother! It’s been way too long! Come in and set everything down so I can hug you. You too, Solar! My god, you’ve grown so much. You’ve become so beautiful!” Her genuine cheer was almost overwhelming. When was the last time I’ve heard something sweet directed at me?

She gave my dad a long hug, and while she was doing that, my uncle walked in. He made a perfect match for my aunt, beautiful in every way.

“Is that you Solar? Wow, look at you. Come here and give me a hug.”

I did, albeit a bit timidly, but when I was in his arms I basically melted at the warmth. Touch wasn’t something I was too familiar with. It was wonderful.

“Darling, we’re so happy to have you with us.” He whispered into my ear. It was enough to almost make me cry.

“Alright Chen, you’ve had your fill. Let me have a hug.”

He chuckled softly and let me go. I was immediately enveloped in another pair of warm arms that were just as pleasant.

“We hope you’ll find this place feeling like a home soon. We’re very happy to have you with us.”

I couldn’t even manage to say anything so I just squeezed tighter.

“Alright,” she said while finally letting go after a bit. “Let’s show you your room, shall we? Chen help her get her things upstairs.”

“On it. I’ll get these for you, Hoya.” He said to my dad, taking the bags from his hands. “Follow me, kiddo.”

I picked my bags off the floor and did just that. The house looked almost unfamiliar to me now. They must have done some decorating, but just like I remember, it still looked warm and welcoming.

“Do you remember where everything is?” Uncle Chen called over his shoulder as he marched up the stairs.

“Just about.” The layout was the same as I remembered it, at least.

“Great! If you have any questions, don’t be afraid to ask.”

“Okay, thanks.” I probably would anyway.

He stopped at what used to be the guest bedroom and turned to me with a small sheepish smile. “We hope you feel comfortable in here. We didn’t do too much so you could choose how you wanted it.”

The first thing I noticed was the brightness. The sun shined through the window and lit up the white room. It was just about as bare as my old room back home with one stark difference, it felt comfortable when I walked in. It almost seemed to welcome me itself.

“I love it,” I said breathless meaning it.

“Thank goodness.” He said with a breath of relief. “Well, why don’t you take a bit to get comfortable, and come down when you’re ready.”
“I will, thank you.” While looking around. It wasn’t anything special technically, but it felt special to me.

“No problem. This is your home now after all.”

It was, and that was going to be hard to get used to. I didn’t want to get all my stuff out just yet. Maybe this was too good to be true. Maybe my dad would change his mind and take me back to the house that now always stood still.

I brushed my hand over the desk surface and walked over to the bright window. From there, I could see the house next to us and a couple across the steet. This looked like a nice neighborhood.

Oh! There was a girl at the window in the house across the yard. I was scared she saw me, but she seemed oblivious. She wasn’t paying attention to what was outside her window. It looked like she was on the phone. She was laughing now. She looked so happy here. Would I look like that soon?

Her smile must have been contagious because without me noticing, I was now smiling too. It was the first smile I’ve had in forever. Really, I don’t remember the last time I have. I tried to get a better look at the girl. She was blonde, and charmingly attractive. Will I see her at school? I hoped so.

A throat being cleared interrupted any further thoughts. The smile was wiped off as soon as it had come.

“Solar, I think I’m going to be heading out.”
“Okay.” This was real now, wasn’t it? He was making it final.

“Come over here for a second would you?”

I nodded and walked so I was standing in front of him. This was the first time he’s ever requested me something like this. It was bound to be awkward, and it was.

He raised his hands and awkwardly set them on my shoulders.

“Solar, I-” He was barely able to keep eye contact. “I know I was a bad father towards you, and I never expect you to forgive me for those horrible years… But I’m going to better myself, and when I do I hope that one day you’ll find it in your heart to forgive me. We’ll see each other again, and I promise I’ll be a whole new man. A better man.” He tried to smile, but it didn’t come out just right.

I didn’t know what to say, so I just nodded.

“Okay then…. Be good for your Aunt and Uncle.”

“I will, dad.”

“I know you will. You’ve always been good.” He brushed my hair down, and this time it felt organic.

“Bye now.” He turned and marched down the stairs quickly.

“Bye.” I murmured to the empty space in front of me.