-I'm just too good at cool goodbyes-

Sam Smith 

Too Good At Goodbye

He thought he would continue crying, but he didn't. After angrily and dramatic break up, he sat in the car for a long minutes, there weren't enough tears that could come out, he just felt empty like he did every other time he and Jaebum decided to break up. He lost count over how many times they fought and how many times they told each other 'let's break up'. Sometimes there wasn't even word and they were seperated. In nights where he discovered his beloved boyfriend cheated on him he would drink to death and he would have those one night stands, sleep until he was satisfied next day, that's how it was, but right now he doesn't want to do anything. He just needed somewhere to have good night sleep and that's all he wanted tonight no more dramas,he was tired of them. 

"Jungyeon, are you at home?" Calling Jungyeon was the first option that came into mind. 

"No, I have press conference remember? I'm in Jeju, I told you last week"

"Oh yeah, I remembered"

"What happened?"

"I just broke up with him"

"Again? How many times is it again?"

"Yeah, I know. I got out of the house in pit of anger, and nowhere to go so decided to call you"

"What happened this time? Don't you guys thinks it's time to settle down a little?"

"I wanted to like an idiot. But I guess it wasn't me he wanted to settle in. It's always been the same excuse he wanted to be apart for a while, saying he wants to date someone else or so, but this time he ing cheated on me and this time I happened to witness it.  

"What the ? Why did you go out of the house, you should've kicked him out first."

"Yeah, I regret that I didn't do it." he chuckled a little. 

"Like I always say Youngjae, get over him. He's not worth it anymore. How many times has it been already?"

"I know, I know" he sighed, "I'm really stupid. I should've given up on him long ago."

"It's not too late. Get yourself more handsome young man and get over him"

"Eww I'm not into younger man, Jungyeon, plus who would even be attracted to 35 year old ajusshi?" 

"If you're gonna talk about age, I'm 37 you brat, if it makes you feel even better I'm still single and fabulous. Money can get you anything" 

"Well to make you feel even better, I'm not rich as you Madam" Youngjae said, Jungyeon became successful cardiothoracic surgeon over the years. If he's been with Jaebum for 20 years he had been with Jungyeon for equal years and they've been more close with each other as they've been together since high school to university even landed in the same hospital. 

"Just go to my house and sleep there you know the password." 

"Thank you Madam."

"I'm going to sleep"

"Yeah goodnight"

"Night"

He bid Jungyeon goodnight as he drove to Jungyeon's apartment complex that was located near the hospital, it was great location to be honest. It was near to hospital with 10 minutes distant, 5 minutes away from the bus stop, 15 minutes away from the subway, big Mart near, located near the Gangnam, has spacious and gorgeos streets, if he had children it would've been great location spot as it was safe and the securities were tight. When he first visited Jungyeon's apartment, he was allured by it, everything around them screamed family and he naively once imagined for short period of time, imagined himself with Jaebum as they were moving in here, adopting a child and dog or cat, even though he can't stand cat, live together in this lively and comfortable place as they would drove their kid to school and would come home together and on weekends they would play together on the playground go to family restaurants together. 

Thinking about it now, it was just a silly dream. How could they even settle together anyway? It was all useless and stupid. It was just his wishful thinking. He imagined life with Jaebum when the other didn't wanted it. 

He's always gets glimpse of hope then crushed in the end. 

Ah, he wanted to smoke again.

"After all the pain in quitting."

He buys couple of beers, a pack of cigarettes and light on the way. In front of the supermarket he sits down on the chair, opens a can, sipping a little, looks up, litting up one cigarette, inhales in satisfaction.

"ahhh, how pathetic. Choi Youngjae!" he told himself. 

After 3 cigarettes and one beer he finally gets up parks the car, gets in the lift. All his body felt heavy, he felt tired and empty maybe it was because of the beer and smoke kicking in and right now he just wanted to get into a bed and sleep tight. 

In the lift he pressed the floor with blurry and dazed eyes, he opens another can, litting up another cigerate, inhales the smoke, drinking the beer. 

"Let's sleep, sleep. No more crying and self pity." he mutters to himself with heavy heart. 

He opens the door, undressing himself as he made his way to Jungyeon's bedroom, "Sorry for intruding your personal space Jungyeon, you're really great friend" at this point he knew he was getting drunk with his eyes blurry, and his head getting dizzier, no more words he made his way under the covers. 

'Oh so warm, Jungyeon's fluffy toys are always so warm" He thought to himself and slept. 

It was 7am In the morning he woke up by the alarm.

"Turn off the alarm." he heard someone said nudging him to the side, he quickly shut them off obediently. As he was about to dive into the dreamland the voice was heard.

"When did you come back?" 

"Last night" he mindlessly answered

"I missed you"

"Yeah me too" he answered back hugging the person inside his arms, he was too sleepy and didn't even paid any attention, it seemed familiar to the morning he had with Jaebum and he answered automatically.

After long silence just as he was about to get to sleep. He was kicked in the gut. It was too sudden and painful. He growled out in pain and anger. 

"Ugh, What the hell!!!" and he was finally awake. Next to him was a pretty girl, even without make up and hair do's, she was still pretty, being gay doesn't mean he can't appreciate someone's beauty. Clutching onto the bedsheet to cover herself and screamed at him 

"Who the hell are you? What are you doing here?" 

"I should be asking that question here!!! Who are you!" he equally screamed out.

"Did you do anything to me?!!" the other one was still louder than him.

"What? No! Last time I checked I was still gay!" he screamed out the answer. 

After that it became more civil between them. More likely awkward at the sudden decleration of uality. 

"I'm a... - friend of Jungyeon, I guess.. Tzuyu" the girl said. 

"Ah, I'm Youngjae, also a friend of Jungyeon." Jungyeon has always been social butterfly, female version to Jackson hyung, so it was no wonder to him. It was probably one of her friends she invited into her house and forgot to mention to him. 

And they awkwardly make the bed, and Youngjae fled to the bathroom to shower and fresh up, he reeks of cigarette smell. After 15 minutes he came out and in the kitchen Tzuyu already made breakfast, invited him over to sit down and asked

"So you and Jungyeon are just friends?"

"Yeah, since highschool. How do you know her?" 

"Just recently. My brother was her patient and we got close"

"mmm, you seem young, how old are you?

"I'm 26 years old."

"Eeeehh, so young! Jungyeon is at the age where she could even be your aunt!" he exclaimed. At that comment Tzuyu's facial expression changed into scowl, 

"What's wrong with being so young! It's not my fault being young it's your fault being so old, okay. How old are you anyway Ajusshi!" 

"35"

"So old! and plus gay!" the comment shoot two rows straight into his heart. 

"Why you little! Yes I'm gay and also old, what's wrong with that!"

"Then what's wrong with me being young!"they glared at each other.

"Being called young isn't an insult, you brat" Youngjae left the table quickly after that. 

He called Jungyeon just as he get out. But she didn't pick up his call. 

"What an ill mannered ganster. I just called her young and what's so wrong with that, people should be happy to be called young!" he mumbled. 

For a while this silly argument get his mind off of Jaebum and his sadness. Then another day rolled in on him, he smiled and greeted everyone. It was same as the other day began busy as always, he was lucky to be busy.

He spent the entire weekdays in the hospital, staying in the hospital when it wasn't necessary. If he isn't in hospital keeping himself busy, he felt like those blues would hit him. He needed distraction. It was pathetic. He felt pathethic. Just because Jaebum could easily affect him even after all these years. And he knew inside the bitter truth he would never affect Jaebum the slightest same way Jaebum made him feel. 

He remembered the times of his series of depression he had over the years during his relationship with Jaebum. Their relationship wasn't always rainbows and sunshine all over. Jaebum was attracted to both es, even before they started dating he still saw tons of people, while he was stuck with unrequeted love for 5 years, faking friendship in order to stay close to him. When they started dating, he was happy beyond words, was ready to do anything for him. Silly and pathetic he was. When they first started having , Yougnjae didn't feel anything good, all of it hurted. It continued on, when he started denying he knew they were at the bridge of breaking up. When he first countered his first break up they had. He didn't knew he was depressed until Jungyeon dragged him out from the couch to night club much to his denial. At that time Jaebum broke up with him first, there wasn't even reason, he just wanted time for himself, he said. Youngjae blamed himself, for being boring, not being good enough, he felt insecure. It was obvious that Jaebum left him for other people. He didn't eat nor did he sleep. He just felt empty. Feeling used and left behind. 

That feeling of loneliness and emptiness he didn't want to experience aga