“I just keep waiting...”

Amber, came home from a busy schedule, tired and bombarded with stress, she immediately throw herself on the bed. She lifted and played with her pillow to release the tension that she has been feeling, and then a photo came off flying right onto her face. She quickly removed it and took a good look.

It was a photo of them. The last photo she had with him.

She tries to divert the feeling that’s starting to fill up her heart. She has been avoiding feeling it because she doesn’t want to feel the loneliness.

She can’t help it. She can’t stop it.

The feeling that she’s been avoiding by working non-stop is slowly creeping onto her heart.

“Hello, how are you these days?

 I guess you’re doing well

 I guess I’m curious, boy”

Amber opened her laptop; she vowed to herself that she wouldn’t look for him, any news about him or even pictures but tonight was different, she was curious.

Was she the only one feeling the loneliness?

Was she the only one suffering?

The photos of him didn’t lie to her, he has been smiling, he has been living healthy, happily and the realization that she’s not part of it hits her hard.

“Don’t you miss me?

 Even if its not as much as me missing you

 You said that you wouldn’t regret

 with such confidence”

She noticed that it’s not the same smile he had when he was with her. It doesn’t reach up his eyes. His eyes looked gloomy and empty.

“Lies, stop lying

 You need me, you need me”

Amber remembered the promise he uttered to her before he left. It was two years ago but it’s still vivid. He promised that he would come back for her, to be with her for the rest of their lives. What happened to us? Amber sighed.

“If I were to be honest

 I’m still waiting for you”

Home isn’t four walls for her; it’s been suffocating her ever since he left. JackJack, Gongju and Tuna were there for her but it wasn’t enough.  For home for her is to be with the man she loves, that man who took a large part of her heart with him when he left.

“As I’m trapped alone in my room

 I remember

 I miss you but why aren’t you coming home

 Words you used to say when you called

 I’m coming home

 I’ll run to you

 All alone”

Countless nights of thinking about him, sometimes she even falls asleep crying. The loneliness succumb her, those sleepless nights, she survived it.

Amber diverted all those thoughts from clouding her mind through writing songs, songs about him.

“But now I’m all alone”

She knows that waiting for him would be this painful but she didn’t give up, still fighting because that’s what keeps her alive.

Her love for him.

She thought that if she gives up its like giving up on life and you just pretend that you’re alive but inside you’re already dead.

 She still holds on to that tiny thread of hope.

“I k