"I'm falling for your eyes, but they don't know me yet

And with a feeling I'll forget, I'm in love now.

Kiss me like you wanna be loved."

       Jackson decided to set aside his confusing feelings for Mark. He decided to force himself to believe that he sometimes got rainbows and butterflies in his stomach because of Mark. It was not right. He had been taught so, by his father, by church, by his friends. And he knew they were right. But as it is said, man is just a faithful dog to his heart.

       It took Jackson every ounce of setting aside of his ego and the stereotypical conscience to come to terms with his uality. He had always liked girls. He remembered how he took Mary on a date in high school. She had let him hold her hand while returning and he could feel his heart thumping. 

     So when his heart thumped again when Mark tidied his shirt collar one morning, Jackson knew he was in trouble. Mark was really close to him and he could feel his breath tickling the exposed area of his neck. He must have blushed, for sure, as when Mark was done and he faced Jackson, he placed his palm over Jackson's forehead with a worried expression. "Are you alright?" Jackson hurriedly replied 'yes' and ran towards Jake. 

      Jackson for once thought he must be biual. But then, when he tried to undress some man near the petrol pump, mentally, he could feel all but gross. He couldn't understand why it was only Mark. It was only Mark whom he fancied. It was only Mark he wanted near him. It was only Mark he wanted to kiss. He was confused. What was it that he felt for Mark. Admiration? Adoration? Infatuation? He didn't know. 

      It took Jackson exactly three stages to whisper a "I love you Mark", to himself, in the bathroom, while he was taking a shower. Denial. Anger. Acceptance.

     After having a truce with Mark, Jackson was happy. Well, kind of happy. It made him feel good to be in good terms with Mark- to make merry with him, to punch him jokingly, to race with him. But somewhere, he knew he was far away from him. And the close physical affinity did nothing to cover the space between them. Thus Jackson did the only thing he could. He denied.

     He denied his feelings to himself. Every time his heart fluttered when he saw Mark, he told himself that he just admired him as a man. A guy like Mark was always appreciated in his community. Mark had immense strength and upright character. So according to Jackson, in plain terms, he just liked Mark because of his physical strength. Yes. Nothing else. 

        The feeling of anger came out when the two went for a night out. It was a Saturday and Jackson was sipping his coffee while chopping vegetables. He heard a honk in the front gate. For once, he thought that his parents had returned. (And no, he was not disappointed at all) But when he went out, he saw a very happy Mark, leaning on a mini truck. He smirked before saying, "Hey Pup. Meet my baby, Rion." Jackson ran to Mark, leaping and jumping. He finally stood in front Mark and in sheer excitement,  he hugged Mark chiming his congratulations. Surprisingly, Mark hugged him back with equal fervour. After shining in their entangled state for a while, they realised the awkwardness of the situation and broke away from each other, mildly patting their backs. 

       "Isn't this what you always wanted to buy?" Jackson asked excitedly. "Yes! Used all my savings. Isn't she beautiful? Hey, let's go on a ride to the downtown bar. My treat!" Mark wiggled his eyebrows, suggesting Jackson that they should do some hanky panky business with the girls around. He had once told Jackson he had always wanted to do that. Drive his car to the bar and pick up some girls to have fun. Jackson just smiled and shook his head looking at his own shoes. His mind screamed "don't go idiot". But somehow Jackson said, "Yeah. Let's do that. "

       Jackson did not feel angry when he saw a buzzed Mark dancing with some busty chick, too close for his liking. Jackson did not feel angry when he saw Mark groping the girl's . He did not feel angry when he gulped down the entire bottle of beer in a minute because he couldn't take the sight in front of him. He couldn't see Mark having fun with someone else while he sat on the bar stool, avoiding eye contact with any girls around him, apparently interested. 

      Jackson only felt angry when he could see no more and barged out of the bar, his legs jiggly due to the massive intake of alcohol. Jackson knew something was wrong with him. Something was wrong as it hurt somewhere when he saw Mark like that. It hurt so much that he couldn't stand on his own feet anymore and he sat on the pavement, staring into the darkness of the night. Later, Mark came out calling his name, all flustered and worried. He took a sigh when he saw Jackson and sat beside him. "Are you okay? I searched almost the entire bar for you. Why did you come out without telling me. Don't scare me like that. I was worried that my mate had been abducted by zombies." 

      Jackson smiled softly at Mark's attempt to make a joke and muttered, "I'm fine. Drank too much and I didn't feel good in the enclosed air. I'm sorry." Mark put his arm around Jackson's frame and pulled him closer saying, "It's okay. As far as you are alright, everything's okay." He pulled Jackson's head a bit more closer and made it rest on his shoulder. That was when Jackson realised that it was his heart that was hurting.

      Jackson's heart hurt because Mark, inspite of his sturdy nature, always treated him in a friendly manner. He had always helped him, right from the beginning, and what Jackson did was fall in love with him. He felt like he was betraying Mark. And Jackson feared. What if Mark came to know how Jackson felt about him. Jackson dared not think of the consequence. That is why he felt angry. He felt angry for liking Mark because it was not a proper thing to do. It was not right to like his friend, who all but treated him good, exclusively. 

      That night, Jackson clenched his heart as he tried to sleep because it kept on hurting when he thought about the other. 

     The acceptance came after quite a while. Jackson had already prepared dinner. Mark couldn't cook to save his life. After they would come back from work, (that is taking the herd to graze around) Jackson would get fresh and get the dinner ready. Mark on the other hand disappeared in his room god knows doing what. He would appear in the kitchen for dinner at nine and the two would eat together. After that, Mark did the dishes and Jackson cleaned. They then said their goodnights and went to their respective rooms. That day though, Mark had went to the supermarket to get some stuff. After returning, he had placed the groceries on the counter and fled to his room in the basement. Jackson didn't ask anything because Mark was a man of few words. He didn't like explaining everything to others. So Jackson, the wallking question bank, kept his inquiries to himself when it came to Mark. 

        But when Mark didn't show up for dinner even after ten, Jackson slowly made his way towards the basement. As he was descending the stairs, he saw Mark curled up on his bed, his body visibly shaking. Jackson then ran towards Mark and asked, "Mark what's wrong? Are you hurt?" Mark answered with a deep and groggy voice, "Go away Jackson. I don't want you to see me like this." Althought Mark was facing away form him, Jackson knew he was crying. And he felt...helpless. Really, he couldn't see Mark like that. He sounded so broke and pained. Jackson had to do something. 

     He carefully sat on his bed, lightly running his fingers through his red streaks. "C'mon Mark. I'm your friend. Tell me what's wrong. Please." Mark stayed silent. "Mark?" Jackson whispered. But there was no reaction from the said boy. Jackson knew how stubborn Mark could get. So he gave up with a final sigh and stood to leave. But as soon as he put a step forward, Mark held him from behind, encircling his hands around Jackson's waist. He rested his head on Jackson's lower back and said, "Don't leave me alone." 

     Jackson slowly turned and sat so that he could hug Mark. Mark didn't say anything further and just sobbed. Jackson let him wet his shoulder without further question and just kept on running his fingers through his hair and back. After a while, Mark stopped and broke the hug. He was still close to Jackson and it killed Jackson to see Mark in that state. Mark then said, "I called to check on my father. But the agency told me he died a week ago. He stepped on a mine while searching for some seeds. They said they couldn't  reach me so they buried his remainings." Jackson did not know how to offer condolence to this guy in front of him. He knew Mark's father was his only family. And it wouldn't be fair if he just said it was going to be fine. So he kept shut. Just stared blankly at the other's eyes, tightly holding his hand. Mark continued, "I never got to tell him I loved him. Jackson. I'm an orphan now. I have nobody." That is when Jackson realised he needs to say something. So he softly whispered what he truly felt. "You have me." With that he closed the gap between them and pecked Mark's lips. The other was probably in deep thought to realise what happened, because the quick kiss was forgotten more quickly than it happened and he slept mumbling incoherent things.

        Jackson stayed by Mark's side the entire night. He was woken up by Mark the next morning and his neck was hurting as hell. He was seated on a chair and had fallen asleep on it. He quickly went to shower. His mind played happenings of the previous night and Jackson felt really bad for Mark. He only had his fathet. And he must be so heartbroken to lose him. Jackson never wanted to see Mark like that again. Then his mind came across the kiss. He blushed.

No matter how much he tried to bury his feelings, he realised that it would surface. Jackson Wang was in deep . Jackson Wang was in love.

And that's when he whispered to himself, "I love you Mark."

Author's note: Oh yes Chapter 4. A long one too. Hope ya all like it so far.

 A ver big thanks to @tookeyoo for the amazing poster. Thank you!!!