Taehyung counted the ticks of the clock in his mind, trying to feign concentration as his teacher spoke on. Unlike other students, Taehyung couldn’t bring himself to pay attention to this particular professor. Sure, the professor was young, charismatic and handsome, but that didn’t mean Taehyung’s attention was immediately captured.

It was just that there was something oddly annoying about the way Professor Kim taught. His words seemed organized to the point they beat the alphabetically arranged files on Taehyung’s father’s workplace. Another thing about Professor Kim’s lecture was that he knew Taehyung wasn’t paying attention. Therefore, as his sharp, hawk like eyes scanned the student body he would hold eye contact with Taehyung ever so often.

Etymology wasn’t the most interesting part of their syllabus, yet it was one of the only ones he needed help on due to his short attention span. However, the only benefit of having Professor Kim teach the subject was that he didn’t get to sleep in late.

Letting out an inaudible sigh, Taehyung held Professor Kim’s gaze as he explained the topic they’d been discussing. At this point, Taehyung was already regretting the adoption of linguistic studies, but tried listening to the teacher anyway.

“Dystopia is the direct antonym of Utopia, first used by J.S Mill in a parliamentary speech of his. It was used to denounce the government’s bad policies, by adding the prefix ‘dys’ which means ‘bad’ in ancient Greek. The word Dystopia was formerly documented as Cacotopia. Though ‘Dystopia’ is colloquially used at present time, the word ‘Cacotopia’ didn’t extinct completely as…”

Taehyung whispered to no one in particular, “It sounds like he’s reciting straight out of Wikipedia.”

Jimin, his friend and seatmate, snickered, “That’s the charm nowadays. Didn’t you see how many girls fangirl over Christian Grey?”

Sidetalking was heavily discouraged, but it wasn’t that their voices were audible to the truly attentive students sitting nearest to the podium where the Professor stood stiff like a statue in spite of the self confidence he exuded.

Well it wasn’t that either of Jimin and Taehyung were able to pay much attention anyway.

“What does Christian Grey have anything to do with Professor Kim?”

“Are you kidding? Both of them sound like they’re giving an award speech while simply asking you to punch them.”

Taehyung held back a chuckle, deciding to stare back at the Professor defiantly, whose forehead now held the subtle hint of irritated creases. Taehyung ducked his head soon after, shielding himself in the safety of other students’ frames till the class ended.

Taehyung followed the long line of students exiting the class, halting only when a large palm pressed itself against his shoulder. Turning his head around, he saw the professor, who indicated with his head for Taehyung to hang back.

In the absence of all students, Professor Kim seemed more relaxed as he pressed his palms against the podium behind his back. The casual posture decreased the tension in the air by a considerable amount, making Taehyung feel less suffocated. Even so, something about Professor Kim somewhat demure disposition highly unsettled him.

“Mr. Kim Taehyung… do you mind if I address you informally?”

Taehyung nodded his head in consent, finding the situation rather odd. That's why, even if the professor dropped formalities, he didn't. “Is there a particular reason I’ve been summoned?”

“Of course there is, Taehyung.” Professor Kim let out a sigh, his shoulders slumping low enough to give off the illusion that his sizeable frame was rather small. “I’ve been observing you for a while. It seems that Etymology isn’t your cup of tea?”

Taehyung only nodded, still unable to figure out whether it was some sort of an impasse situation where he was bound to get into trouble.

“Taehyung, you can be honest here. I’ve spoken to Mr. Min before officially joining as a teacher. Apparently, he described you as the most attentive yet annoyingly hyperactive student who was over enthusiastic about everything. If that’s the case, tell me why I have yet to see these qualities?”

Taehyung spoke for the first time, clearing his voice with a cough, “The college pressure is harsher around this time of the year.”

“I think your actual issue is with me.” Professor leaned back further against the podium.

“Why would you think that, Professor Kim?”

“Namjoon is fine. I was a double major in college: psychology and linguistics. I can easily tell you dislike me. Why is that?”

“I know that you’re aware half the male students do not see you in the most amicable manner you could have hoped for.” Taehyung tried to conceal the real reason behind shallow words, though he could clearly see the futility.

“I am also aware that the same is not plausible in your case. I didn't single you out for nothing.”

This was another quality about Namjoon that always got under Taehyung’s skin. He seemed constantly aware of his surroundings and during any conversation he was en garde. The fact he knew that Taehyung didn’t really care about how most female students and teachers were infatuated with Namjoon greatly annoyed the student.

“Your way of speaking is a little too morose for my liking.” Taehyung sighed, knowing the full consequences of criticizing a professor based on trivial reasons. “Everything seems matter-of-fact when you teach them, they lack sanguinity and are full of depressing things.”

“If I’m aware, then Yoong… Mr. Min wasn’t the epitome of positivity either.” Namjoon spoke and despite the confident countenance, he looked perturbed.

“There is this certain idiosyncrasy that conceals hopeful aspirations behind his harsh judgment. I feel you’re lacking in that criterion but that is an individual opinion. You shouldn't bother with it.”

Namjoon smiled tiredly, “Touche, I guess.”

“I have a feeling that you didn’t call me simply to ask about my dislike for you.”

Namjoon’s face contorted into an unreadable expression before he opened his mouth, “If you don’t mind, I’d like to ask for a favor.”

“A favor?”

“I’m pretty tactless when it comes to this… one person I know. He’s going through kind of a difficult time now and I really hope he’s with someone who’ll be good for him. I feel like your obsession with optimism can help him a great deal.”

Taehyung felt Namjoon’s words to be rather vague despite of his eloquence, especially since he didn’t even state what Taehyung was to do.

“What do you need me to do for him? I’m not particularly confident about…”

Namjoon held up a palm, “All you have to do is keeping him company. Have casual hangouts with him, talk and make him laugh.”

Incredulously biting his bottom lip, Taehyung conceded.

---

Taehyung didn’t expect Namjoon to bring him over to meet his friend so soon. After their little conversation back in the empty classroom, Taehyung expected Namjoon to exchange phone numbers, calling on him when necessary. But as he exited the university compound with Jimin in tow, his professor approached him casually.

When Taehyung complied to Namjoon’s request without question, Jimin gave him an inquisitive glance but for the time being, Taehyung brushed him off.

He incredulously slipped into Namjoon’s car, surprised by the neatness of the interior. After a brief moment of silence, Taehyung asked, “So, what is your friend like?”

“He’s cheerful, yeah, one way to describe him. Though he can get a bit overzealous at times.” Namjoon chuckled fondly while Taehyung contemplated the casual atmosphere for a fragment of a second.

Later on, it appeared that cheerful was quite an accurate depiction of Namjoon’s friend, who at once leaned up to encase Namjoon in a hug, a massive smile adorning his face that fully reached his eyes and for a split second, Taehyung found himself captivated.

“Hoseok, this is one of my students, Kim Taehyung.” Namjoon wasted no time in introducing them after Hoseok released him.

“Tutoring?” Hoseok asked, targeting his smile at Taehyung.

“Uh…” After a signal from Namjoon, Taehyung nodded, “Something like that.”

“Come on in, then.”

Taehyung was pulled inside by a strong yank on the arm to come face to face with a well organized house just as simply decorated as its exterior. From then on, it was like a casual hangout between Namjoon and Hoseok with Taehyung being the third wheel. Hoseok and Namjoon both tried to bring him into the conversation, but for some reason, Taehyung couldn’t seem to be able to muster out his usual, cheerful persona.

Maybe because he’d been sitting in a room with the most beautiful person he’d laid eyes on since Yoongi and his professor is right beside the said person, sitting a bit too close to be considered normal.

Nearly half an hour later, Namjoon stood up.

“I’ll go buy some food from the convenience store, you guys catch up.”

The meaningful glance thrown his way didn’t escape Taehyung. Sighing internally, he smiled at Hoseok after Namjoon’s abrupt leave which baffled him. Hoseok reciprocated and it seemed fallacious only for a flash.

“Taeyong?” Hoseok cocked his head to the side.

Not letting the smile slip, Taehyung replied, “Taehyung.”

“How old are you?” Hoseok asked after a scrutinizing once over.

Taehyung had never been one for spotlights, attention only discomfited him and Hoseok’s action was no exception.

“Twenty one. I suppose you’re around Prof… Namjoon’s age?”

Taehyung could swear he saw something shift in Hoseok’s expression, but he wasn’t fast enough to put a finger on it.

“Yep. Hey, is Namjoon always this casual in class?”

Recalling his morning conversation with Jimin, Taehyung denied with roaring laughter, “God no! My best friend described him as the real life version of Christian Grey just this morning.”

Hoseok raised an eyebrow, “Filthy rich with fifteen mistresses and an extremely …”

Taehyung exploded into laughter again, holding a palm up at Hoseok. The puzzled expression on Hoseok’s face was priceless before he too, broke into a grin.

“Too formal. Uptight. But hey, now that you mention it, how do you know what Christian Grey is like? Hell, I only knew that the movie was pretty explicit.”

Hoseok scoffed, though a smile was still present on his face.

“Did you really watch Fifty Shades of Grey, Hoseok?”

Hoseok looked thrown off guard, but whether it was by Taehyung’s accusation or the forwardness of calling him by his name was unclear.

“No! What do you think-”

But Taehyung was already rolling on the couch with laughter and Hoseok couldn’t help but join in.

 

---

Taehyung ran out of the cafe the moment he read Namjoon’s text message popping up on his screen, ignoring the exasperated groans from Jungkook and Jimin. The trio had been over this before, Taehyung spending less time with them to hang out with Hoseok, yet the frequency of Taehyung cutting their meet ups short had culminated the patience of the other two.

At that moment, Taehyung couldn’t really care, though. Hoseok was probably waiting for him at the dance school and Taehyung needed to get there as soon as possible. Dealing with his friends could be held off till then.

When he finally made it to Hoseok’s dance school, perspiration drenched his hair, plastering his bangs on his forehead in a not too pleasant manner. Scrunching his nose, he swept the wet strands away, approaching Hoseok with his trademark smile.

For the first time, however, Hoseok didn’t return it. In fact, he was outwardly seething, sending Taehyung a glare as he stormed towards him. He strode past Taehyung at the last moment, however, not even bothering to leave a greeting.

“What’s wrong?” Taehyung asked after catching up with Hoseok’s quick pace.

“Why are you here?” Hoseok snapped.

“Namjoon told me to come and pick you up since you hate going home alone.”

“I remember telling him that, why are you here?” Hoseok’s voice softened a little as he stopped his steps, looking up to stare at Taehyung.

Taehyung sighed, reaching down to take Hoseok’s hands in his, massaging circular motions on the back of his hand.

“Let’s go eat somewhere.” Taehyung said, despite the fact he'd had his share of hamburger with Jimin and Jungkook.

Hoseok complied, surprisingly, even insisting on paying the bill afterwards.

They were halfway through their meal when Hoseok spoke up, “We’re dating.”

In his surprise, Taehyung ended up taking in more of the hot tea than intended, inevitably burning his tongue in the process. After the first wave of shock wore by, Taehyung looked at Hoseok again, whose eyes were fixated on him like a hawk waiting to swoop down and catch its prey.

“Are you repulsed?” Hoseok asked in a monotone voice.

Yoongi’s face flashed through Taehyung’s mind and he briefly recalled asking the said man this very same question.

“No.”

It was like deja vu, with Hoseok in place of Yoongi and with the roles reversed. Hoseok’s eyes widened, completely caught off guard with that response.

“Did you see it coming?”

“No.”

Hoseok’s stiff posture was finally gone, being replaced with a relaxed stance.

Still on guard.

“Is that why you hate me?” Taehyung suddenly found the courage in himself to ask. “Scared that I would judge you for being involved with a man?”

Over their three months’ acquaintance, Taehyung could clearly discern the dislike Hoseok held for him. But over their three months’ acquaintance, Taehyung became fond of Hoseok despite the prejudice on the other’s part.

“No, I didn’t care what you thought of me.” Hoseok confessed. “It’s something… sillier, a bit more confidential.”

“Something to do with Namjoon?” Taehyung asked, cocking his head to the side.

Hoseok shook his head, “It’s stupid.”

“Hoseok, I might be young but even at the age of twenty one we’re subjected to a lot of things in life, exposed to elements that automatically enhance our insight. I might act like a playful brat all the time but that doesn’t mean I’m ignorant.”

There was a lift in Hoseok’s perfectly arched eyebrow. “Who knew Tae-Tae could use such fancy vocabulary.”

“I’m a linguistic major. Lexicography plays an important role there.” Taehyung sighed before continuing, “What I’m getting at is, most often ‘confidential’ and ‘silly’ do not coincide.”

That coerced Hoseok into giving in, “You promise not to laugh?”

After the cue from Taehyung, Hoseok began, “It’s kind of stupid but it started from when Namjoon and I were in high school. He was a model student and I was more active in clubs. So we didn’t meet much but one time, for the school festival we were stuck together in a club room working to prepare for the event next day.”

After a brief pause to inspect any nuance in Taehyung’s expression, giving away the slightest bit of hesitation, Hoseok continued, “I don’t know how we began, but we ended up talking all night about… life in general. I consider myself optimistic about certain situations to this day but… here comes the silly part, my viewpoint on the world has never been positive.”

That was news to Taehyung. Taehyung could easily detect that something was off about Hoseok, but now the jigsaw puzzle finally joined together to form the bigger, clearer picture.

“Yes, I’m listening.” Taehyung assured Hoseok, who was now staring at him in awe.

“So, at that time Namjoon was reading a book. It was a science fiction, if I recall correctly. Apparently it was set in a dystopian world of the future, with the hero being subjected to discrimination in every step and from there, the conversation changed course. You heard Namjoon narrating in that enchanting voice of his that puts you in a daze, right?”

Taehyung nodded, despite the fact he had never found Namjoon’s voice enchanting. Yoongi, however, was a different case so he thought that it was probably the feelings Hoseok was trying to describe. Hoseok continued, “After he was done narrating the story in a nutshell, I realized that this dystopia was no different from our so called utopia. I’m a person who tends to hold onto things and I’m holding on to this doctrine to this day. Namjoon… he’s moved on.”

“That’s why he wanted me to hang out with you.” Taehyung interjected a bit too enthusiastically. “So my sanguinity could influence you.”

Hoseok smiled sadly, “Taehyung, I appreciate your efforts but you’re going to fail. I don't dislike you per se, but this is pointless. You're wasting your time and Namjoon simply wants someone to replace him so I wouldn't complain." There was an uncomfortable pause between them before Hoseok broke the silence, "Like I said, I can’t let go of things easily. This doctrine isn’t going to leave me anytime soon. In fact, my whole world revolves around it.”

“What are you insinuating?”

“Namjoon is going to leave me if I don’t let go of this.” Hoseok sighed, “He’s always been consolidated. He needs someone he can relate to from time to time, not this constant collision we have. It’s gotten to the point that we know what’s perturbing the other but we’re scared to tread on that territory because we just can’t relate. We’ve become passive.”

“Does Namjoon know you think this way?” Taehyung asked, amazed.

“No, he doesn’t. And I’d rather he didn’t find out. I’m holding on to this relationship as well, but Namjoon will move on, just like he has.”

“It’s either you don’t trust him, or you really are blinded by your own hypothesis.”

“Hypothesis? No, Tae, it’s the absolute truth. You can easily see how this is a grand example of dystopia. Corruption? It’s here. Discrimination? Here. Massacre? Here. ual assault? Still here. Dehumanization? It’s a freaking propensity to degrade humans nowadays. Do you not see how much we objectify others? Even those we love? Do you wanna talk about injustice? Cause I can give you one hell of a fine example. And those human rights organizations can jump off a cliff because equality is a delusion in this world.”

Taehyung was at a loss for words at how vehemently Hoseok spat out the words, his hands clenching around the glass of iced tea. Panting from the sudden outburst, Hoseok gulped down the cool ice tea in one go, soon ordering another. His voice was loud enough to attract the attention of those adjacent to their table, but neither of them really cared.

Hoseok was seething and Taehyung had fallen into a pensive mood.

“So… my job was to convince you that this is not a dystopia from the very beginning, huh?”

Hoseok threaded his fingers through his fine, silky strands the color of ebony. “I guess so, but you won’t succeed.”

“This revelation was a bit too late on my part. Hoseok, you can rest assured, when I’m through with you, you’ll see this world in a whole new light.” Taehyung sounded more confident that he looked and Hoseok seemed to catch on.

“What if I don’t want to?” Hoseok challenged.

“Think of it like this. Your eyes are wide open and someone holds an artifact in front of you. You may not focus but you’ll see its outlines. You may turn away but you’ll see it in your peripheral vision. That’s what I’ll do. Because I was wrong, Hoseok. You’re anything but blinded.”

“How-”

“A simple phrase can speak a lot. I’m no psychology major like Namjoon, but the you won’t succeed was more of a self assurance rather than a warning to me.”

Hoseok only stared at Taehyung, as if he’d never seen the twenty one year old, exceptionally handsome with inconspicuously camouflaged intelligence, before.

It was true that Taehyung had mustered the courage to confess to Yoongi the day he declared his resignation due to his ambitions of pursuing music, but even after a rejection they still shared some sort of friendly bond.

The bond went past that of a student and a teacher, but unfortunately it didn’t go too far. Taehyung and Yoongi kept in touch for a while before the unnecessary connection seemed pointless to hold up, and Taehyung slowly yet steadily severed the tie with Yoongi without much protest from his ex-professor. Taehyung knew that it might have stung Yoongi, but he also knew that he was too considerate of Taehyung to make an effort to stay in his life.

The end of the friendship was neither party's fault. Yoongi couldn’t help that his affections for Taehyung were nothing but platonic and Taehyung couldn’t help but be cautious of another imminent heartbreak.

Taehyung would be lying if he said his breath didn’t hitch like old times at the sight of Yoongi. But despite that, he managed to force a smile and greet him, who approached Taehyung with an indifferent expression.

Neither of them could comprehend exactly how they ended up in the most unorthodox cafe in the city, but they couldn’t find it in themselves to complain. Taking a sip of scorching hot coffee, Yoongi inquired after Taehyung had confided in him, “Are you perhaps talking about Jung Hoseok?”

Taehyung’s eyebrows shot up at the prediction but he nodded nonetheless.

“We were high school friends. Namjoon, Hoseok, Seokjin and I were pretty much stuck together till graduation. Namjoon and Hoseok started dating behind our backs but the walls have ears too.” Yoongi elucidated, clearing up Taehyung’s suspicion. “I don’t know what happened, but Hoseok gradually kept changing after dating Namjoon.”

“Yoongi…” Taehyung started, the name heavy on his tongue.

“Hmm?”

“What do you think of dystopia?”

“A society where undesirable circumstances are deeply ingrained would be the direct definition.” Yoongi answered, the remembrance of Hoseok's negative outlook preventing him from rolling his eyes at the randomness.

“What do you think?”

Sighing, Yoongi contemplated his answer for a second, his thick horn rimmed glasses hanging loosely from his face.

“You know I hate labels.”

“So for you… utopia or dystopia don’t exist? Or do you refuse to acknowledge them?” Taehyung hesitantly asked.

“It’s a bit of both, really. I refuse to acknowledge them because they don’t exist independently. They are two opposite ends of a spectrum and they’re closer to each other than you think.”

 

Taehyung fell silent, unable to register any question in his mind. “So, you wouldn’t label earth as utopia or dystopia.”

Yoongi raised a brow at the obvious reiteration of his previous statement, not finding Taehyung’s words very bon mot.

“Like I said, I see it pretty much like a spectrum, but not quite like that. Don’t think that I see the earth as the middle point of spectrum, because it’s not. If you start from one point of the earth and circle around it, you’ll eventually end up where you begin. Start looking for a safe haven in a place you find dangerous. You’ll constantly find better places before you come back to the beginning point.”

Taehyung stared off into space, unable to understand what Yoongi was getting at.

“Even so, an equilibrium might be the ideal place for your residence but that’s a stagnant phase. That’s why, without the coexistence of utopia and dystopia, you wouldn’t last.”

“That doesn’t mean I can completely disregard the bad part?”

Yoongi sighed in exasperation at Taehyung’s skills of comprehension. “You’re hopeless. Are you seriously going to try to convince Hoseok that the world is a flowery place full of sunshine and rainbows without the existence of darkness?”

“That’s the idea.”

“There’s a fine line between optimism and hallucination. You don’t want to pull Hoseok out of one delusion and into another.”

Taehyung’s shoulders slumped, his countenance morphing into one of dejection. He sat unstirringly for a long while, which was extremely unusual given Taehyung’s usual persona. Yoongi raised an eyebrow at his agitation.

“The thing with Hoseok… Namjoon and Hoseok aren’t getting along well it seems. They’ll probably break up. We were discussing it the other day and Seokjin said that Hoseok could try befriending someone who would change his perspective. I instantly thought of you but… I never expected you to try this hard for it.”

Taehyung looked up, incredulous, “What are you insinuating?”

“You’re really whimsical.” Yoongi chose his next words carefully, “It doesn’t take much to leave an imprint on you so… let me get to the point without sugarcoating my words. Are you in love with Hoseok?”

“No.” There was no hesitation in Taehyung’s reply, expressing his firm belief on his words.

“Are you sure?”

Despite his earlier confidence, Yoongi’s predatory glare was enough to make Taehyung’s decision waver. “Not as far as I know.”

“What you mean is, you may fall in love with him but you aren’t yet.”

“It’s definitely not in my itinerary.” Taehyung said, knowing that he was being truthful. Hoseok was beautiful and companionable, hell, if it was under any other circumstances there would be nothing stopping Taehyung from falling hard.

But they weren’t under any other circumstances and Taehyung wasn’t in love with Hoseok. Not yet. He didn’t elaborate to Yoongi, choosing to keep it to himself.

Yoongi called the waiter and paid the bill. Sending Taehyung a sideways glance, he said, “Then you’re treading on thin ice. Tread carefully or you’ll lose your footing.”

Raising his palm in goodbye, Yoongi disappeared. Taehyung watched his retreating back. His slight frame seemed to shrink in size because of the long, heavy trench coat he wore. The soft mint hair and scarf wrapped around his neck added a finishing touch to the fragile aura he exuded, making him appear almost ethereal.

Taehyung bit his tongue, thankful he didn’t enunciate what sat on the tip of his tongue. In hindsight, he realized he could have said it, ending what was left of their once intense friendship.

While you still exist, I don’t think I can fall for him, Yoongi. The ice is thicker than I could have hoped for.

 

---

Taehyung chased Hoseok around the park on his bicycle, but it seemed that running had its advantages.

“Bring Soonshim back you evil villain!” Taehyung yelled, bursting into fits of laughter in the process.

Hoseok didn’t comply and only let go of the little dog when Taehyung crashed smack against a tree trunk. Hoseok’s frame looked magnified from the upside down position as he placed his hands on his knees, frame bent over forward to get a good look at Taehyung’s face that was now smeared with the dog’s saliva as it proceeded to him.

“You’re evil.” Taehyung accused, making Hoseok laugh as he hoisted the fallen boy up.

Taehyung let himself be dragged by Hoseok and dropped on a park bench, his bicycle balanced against a lamp post.

“Today was… fun.” Hoseok said slowly, something he never admitted before.

In fact, after their little tete-a-tete where Hoseok came clean about his own situation, most of the time Hoseok pretended that Taehyung was nothing but a hassle he had to deal with. Taehyung wasn’t deterred because despite of all the grumbling, Hoseok perpetually had a blinding grin plastered on his face.

But something about the confession felt more significant, a bit personal and Taehyung couldn’t help the fond smile on his face.

“Yeah, I had fun too.” Taehyung smiled at Hoseok, who averted his gaze to the ground, an agitated look adorning his face.

“I’ve been meaning to ask, but don’t you have any friends?” Hoseok asked, one eyebrow raised in question.

“Obviously I do. Plenty of them but I mostly hang out with Jiminnie and Jungkookie. They’re pretty awesome though they can be really annoying but hey you…”

Hoseok chuckled at Taehyung’s ramble, which was enough to put a stop to the talking. “Sorry about that.” Taehyung mumbled.

“It was adorable, don’t worry.” Hoseok laughed, making Taehyung’s face instantly change color. “Any girlfriends? Or boyfriends, if you swing that way.”

“None. Why?”

“I was just wondering why you still choose to spend time with me, nothing much.” Hoseok waved his hand in a dismissive manner, making Taehyung somewhat confused.

“I don’t know either, but there’s no one I want to spend my time with more than you. So, I’m not questioning it. Unless you’re opposed to this arrangement, we could keep going.”

Hoseok seemed to rack through his brains to come up with a right word, somewhat surprising for someone who was dating a Professor of linguistics. “I’m more or less the same, to be honest. It’s refreshing to be around someone who didn’t constantly insist on changing up my outlook on life despite being assigned to.”

Taehyung awkwardly scratched the back of his head, “I actually need to figure things out myself before I preach to you.”

Hoseok laughed, “See? It’s not easy to counter my points.”

“It’s not impossible either.” Taehyung challenged, somewhat offended at Hoseok’s implication.

“Give me your best shot, then.”

“That’s the problem. Right now, I have nothing much to throw at you other than what an ex-professor of mine rambled about and some stupid, useless facts I know from my etymology textbook.”

Hoseok chuckled and reached out to ruffle Taehyung’s hair, who instantly moved away.

“You’re cute.”

“Oh God, what the hell Hoseok?”

“Interesting that you use the word ‘God’ and ‘Hell’ in the same sentence.” Hoseok pointed out, making Taehyung roll his eyes.

“Let’s just go home.”

Taehyung stood up, gathering Soonshim in the basket hanging off of his bicycle and making to leave. Hoseok however, made no signs of stirring.

“What’s home?”

Taehyung quirked an eyebrow at Hoseok, “Is this a part of your elaborate hypothesis as well?”

Hoseok shook his head, “Whether the world out is evil or not has little effect on where you feel like you actually belong, be it unaccompanied. I’m simply asking… your place or mine?”

Taehyung nearly let go of the bicycle before croaking out a lame reply even he couldn’t hear, but Hoseok simply stood up and ruffled his hair. And then Hoseok left Taehyung frozen on spot with a whisper, “I’m just kidding.”

---

Taehyung’s intuition told him that meeting Hoseok wasn’t the best idea ever. After their meeting in the park, Hoseok always made him uncomfortable with his piercing gaze. It was as if Hoseok was examining something about Taehyung, though Taehyung had no idea what it was.

It was one of their more serious hangouts, where Hoseok’s eyes were absentmindedly roaming over a thick book as Taehyung simply sat in reticence just across him.

“What led you to thinking like that?” Taehyung suddenly asked, earning himself a surprised look from Hoseok.

“Dystopia?”

“Yeah.”

Hoseok ran a finger through his soft looking black strands, aware of Taehyung’s eyes instantly following the action. With a smile too sinister to not be a smirk, Hoseok answered, “I don’t know. Everything kind of hit me at once. I think I always saw the world in this negative manner but just didn’t find the right words to phrase what has always been… there.”

The prospect hit Taehyung hard, the gears in his brain turning without any new revelation. Taehyung uncomfortably shifted his weight, knowing that he should have figured something out by then. But there was no discovery. Nothing at all.

Hoseok cocked his head, “Why the sudden question?”

“Why would a teenager think of something… so dark?”

There was a hint of reprimand in Hoseok’s gaze, “Teenagers are more prone to dark thoughts. Half of the cynics in the world are teenagers.”

Taehyung laughed, though there wasn’t any mirth in that action. “Yes, but there’s usually something triggering them.”

“I don’t know, really. My unconventional choice of career as well as the frustration that comes with it, family problems, my orientation and the fact I couldn’t confide in my parents about it because of the social circumstances… that was when the awareness began I think. After that, everything I saw seemed like a slap to the face. Like I was dormant for a long time and reality hit me that everything I believed in was a delusion. The world had functioned that way forever.”

“Oh.” Taehyung said almost dumbly.

Hoseok propped his feet up on the coffee table, his posture relaxing.

“I guess that’s always where the search begins, right? If it’s a murder, then the police will inspect the crime scene first. If you lose your phone, then you’ll look through where you last kept it. Answers are the same, aren’t they?” There was a serene complacence on Hoseok’s face, giving his features an almost otherworldly glow.

After having that thought, nothing could stop Taehyung from taking an unpremeditated leave.

---

The weekend visit home was spontaneous. He was about to set out for work on Sunday morning when his mother called him, telling him to come home for lunch. Taehyung, being the obedient son he always was, took the first train home, arriving at his parents’ doorsteps three hours before he was told to.

His house was hectic, to say the least. He didn’t even get to cross the threshold when his siblings both pounced on him at the same time, sending him tumbling backwards, landing ungracefully on his back. Fits of giggles, cooing, pet names, excited screams and screeches filled the room soon after as Taehyung didn’t even bother collecting himself and his belongings from the floor.

Their conversation was a perfect blend of inarticulacy and articulacy, starting from what the naughty boy in his sister’s class did to anger her and how his brother had gotten scolded for not turning in his homework on time.

It was only after the intrusion of his parents, his father declaring that the younger two wasn’t allowed to hog all of his son’s time and they needed to have dinner right away, Taehyung stood up and walked upstairs to his room. He threw his family one glance before disappearing into his bedroom.

The whole time he’d spent in the shower, only one thought resonated within his head.

If only Hoseok came here with me, he’d abort that warped thought in his head right away.

During dinner, his mother went off about how some kid in ninth grade failed to do the elaboration of RSD and yet had the nerve to argue about his low assessment marks, when Taehyung sheepishly asked her what the elaboration really was.

Taehyung’s father simply laughed whereas his mother threw him an unimpressed look before sighing, “RSD means Reference Seeing Vision, which is the least distance of clear sight. If the object is nearer than that, then you won’t be able to see it as clearly.”

“Is that so?” Taehyung hummed, taking a spoonful of rice, relishing the flavor of his mother’s home cooked meal.

“Maybe that’s why you seem so confused about whatever it is that’s bothering you.” His father remarked, which Taehyung reciprocated with an inquisitive glance.

“What?”

“The answer is probably nearer to you than you think.”

None of them, not even his siblings, disturbed Taehyung as he let his thoughts engulf his mind. Taehyung mechanically finished his share of chores, said his good bye and hopped on the train back to the capital.

Halfway through the journey, the answer crashed on him.

All he needed was his etymology book from the very beginning.

---

 

Taehyung didn’t want to imagine what Hoseok thought of him as he knocked on his door obnoxiously loud despite the presence of doorbells. Drenched in sweat, backpack slung over his shoulders, round framed glasses dropping low on his nose and his not so chic fashion sported- he must have looked like a sight to behold.

Taehyung got the affirmation when he saw Hoseok’s mouth slightly open. Hoseok asked, his tone soft, “What are you doing here at this time of the night?”

“Needed…” Violent pants disrupted his sentence as Hoseok patted him in the back.

“Needed?”

“I needed to see you.” Taehyung was amazed he managed to finish it in one breath.

Hoseok eyes darted to somewhere behind Taehyung, who looked behind to see a broad shouldered man around Hoseok’s age. Hoseok waved at the man, who nodded before walking down the stairs.

“Come in, then.”

Hoseok didn’t turn down the heater despite Taehyung’s drenched state. When Taehyung protested, Hoseok only rolled his eyes and ran him a hot bath, all while lecturing about how he hated germs invading his space.

They were soon seated in Hoseok’s living room, mugs of hot chocolate warming their palms.

“And?”

“Hoseok… have you ever thought about what Dystopia means?” Taehyung got straight to the point, eager to spill his new discovery.

“Of course…”

“Do you know the definition?”

“A society with undesirable circumstances.”

Their words were calculated, few in number.

“I’m an etymology student, Hoseok. So you can trust me when I say I’m not making this up. The word dystopia was used by J.S Mill in one of his parliamentary speeches, where he used this word presumably for the first time. He said ‘What is commonly called Utopian is something too good to be practicable; but what they appear to favor is too bad to be practicable.’ And the latter is what he phrased as 'dystopia'. Do you know what that means, Hoseok?”

Hoseok raised an eyebrow, letting his actions do the work for him.

“It means that what you call utopia and dystopia don’t exist. Yoongi… your friend and my ex professor said that they co-exist, but the reality is… they don’t exist at all. There’s nothing called dystopia and there’s nothing called utopia. But like he said, the equilibrium doesn’t exist either. It’s all sporadic. There are good things in the world and there are bad things. Whether you choose to see them all or just see one is your choice, Hoseok. It’s not the world’s fault.

'At the end of the day, there might be things you don’t like but there are things you do. Maybe… maybe you don’t like how you’re being discriminated against for your orientation. But you do have a boyfriend who can make it all worth it. Whether the world is utopia or dystopia depends only on you because they’re just silly concepts that only belong in sci-fi novels.”

Taehyung stopped talking, seeing Hoseok’s expression change slowly. His cheeks warmed as he thought about how theatrical the speech was, but took consolation in the fact he managed to say everything he wanted to.

“After my long time belief, how do you expect me to see the world in a new light, Taehyung? Don’t you see that I didn’t want to let go of this doctrine simply because I couldn’t?” Hoseok’s words were sharp, pointed and he almost seemed furious. “I would’ve been content to live the way I was, being cynical and negative. Then you popped up and every time I’d find something wrong in a situation, your face would pop up, all smiling and positive telling me, this isn’t it. Positive things? Where are they?”

“Wha-”

“Don’t interrupt me. This whole belief of mine was the only reason I held on to my life. Yes, maybe I don’t have an ideal family situation, maybe my boyfriend never liked me in the orthodox way, maybe I’m a dance instructor who feels threatened by his students’ talents… but hey, it’s the way the wretched world works.

Why would you do just pop in and mess everything up? Why did you have to point out that it’s just me who is this pathetic?”

Hoseok’s voice pierces through the wind, taking away the eloquence Taehyung never possessed. He opened his mouth and Hoseok held a palm up, “I know, I know. Because surely Namjoon would give you some extra credits if you managed to fix up his boyfriend’s screwed up perspectives. Happy now?”

Taehyung sighed, hot beverage long forgotten, “Don’t act as if you don’t know, Hoseok.”

“Don’t know what?” Hoseok snapped again.

“After your little hide and seek game, you can never convince me that you don’t know why I decided to barge in like this. Why I wanted to salvage you is already evident in your actions, Hoseok and don’t lie, you wanted me to rescue you, take you away from the only dystopia that exists in this world. The dystopia that you built within yourself.”

“What are you getting at?”

“You know that my affections are less than platonic, Hoseok. Don’t feign ignorance.”

This time, it was Taehyung who snapped, raising his head to glare at Hoseok. Taehyung was always told that using anger to counter anger was the worst solution to a problem, but at that point he couldn’t remember that tiny detail.

The look of genuine confusion on Hoseok’s face only angered him more, but he decided to keep his mouth shut because he was sure that falling in love and confessing to his professor’s boyfriend went against the protocol to begin with.

“What... but Yoongi said-”

“He suspected that I liked you before I suspected it. He was simply trying to help me out. Indeed, I had feelings for him but that was a long time ago. If your behavior was derived out of the thought my attraction for you was momentary or fleeting, then you're wrong.”

 

"Taehyung... you can't be serious about this."

 

"I am and I want you to be happy again. Please let me make you happy."

After a long moment of silence, Hoseok quietly added, “Even if I do... that doesn’t improve anything. It worsens our situation. Seokjin… we were scheduled to go out but I canceled because you came here. I haven’t officially broken up with Namjoon and commitment matters.”

Taehyung asked, “What does that have to do with my confession? It’s not betrayal if you didn’t accept me before notifying Namjoon.”

“Yes but what conclusion do you think Seokjin reached? Seokjin is extremely truthful and when he returns to his shared apartment with Namjoon and Yoongi, they’re bound ask why he’s early and he’s going to spill it all.”

Cogitating on the situation, Taehyung spoke after a brief cessation, “The only thing you should be worried about is whether you want to accept me or not. I can take care of the rest.”

Hoseok smiled a little, “I think if I’m going to change my perspective, I have no choice but to accept you.”

The smile Hoseok got in return was nothing short of breathtaking, but he decided not to get his head in the clouds and warn Hoseok about what was to come as well. The last thing he wanted was for Hoseok to realize he didn't want to do this with Taehyung later on.

“This isn’t going to be instantaneous, so you’ll be stuck with me for a long time, Hoseok. After being accustomed to viewing the dark part of a situation, to focus on the light would be difficult.”

“If you can change me, then I don’t mind, I know that the change is going to be gradual and I’m willing to take that risk. Coming up with a deluded theory just to get rid of all the negative feelings is one of my worst decisions. I can’t reverse it, but I’ll try to overcome its effects.”

Smiling again, Taehyung stood up to take his leave.

“I’ll bring out a folding mattress for you. It’s dangerous to wander alone at this time of the night.”

---

Explaining everything to Namjoon wasn’t easy. Taehyung understood that Namjoon was mildly hurt, because despite the steady process of realizing the platonicity of his relationship with Hoseok, the two had dated for a long time. The fact Taehyung swooped in and caught Hoseok’s attention so easily wasn’t supposed to be easily acceptable. Thankfully, Namjoon wasn’t hostile about it and temporary froideur was all Taehyung dealt with.

His friends were displeased, to say the very least. Jungkook warned him about trying to keep the air between him and Namjoon unanimous. Jimin was annoyed that Taehyung was dating a boy, especially one a few years older who happened to be his professor’s ex. But nothing annoyed Jimin more than the fact Taehyung’s attention was given to Hoseok completely undivided.

Despite it all, Hoseok and Taehyung somehow made it past a year together. Hoseok still never got over his negative outlook. Most of the time, when Taehyung and Hoseok stepped out together, it was a constant verbal war. If it was summed up, it would sound akin to “the glass is half full” and “I’m telling you, it’s clearly half empty”.

Hoseok still didn’t dare to tell his family about Taehyung.

“Are they homophobic?”

“Not really.”

“What are you scared of?”

Hoseok didn’t reply, and like every other times, Taehyung took it upon himself to fix their situation. Without notifying Hoseok, Taehyung set sail for Gwangju the night before Hoseok’s birthday without notifying him. In spite of the status quo of their relationship, Hoseok went to Gwangju religiously for his birthday.

Throat dry, Taehyung tried gauging the expression on Hoseok’s parents face as he messed up his pe-rehearsed speech. It wasn’t that he created a blunder in sentences or words, but he forgot the whole speech. Right after the affirmation that the couple in front of him were indeed Hoseok’s parents, he at once said, “I’m Kim Taehyung and I’d like to date your son with your consent.”

After a long, uncomfortable pause, he was ushered into their house by a simple come inside. Rounds of interrogation followed before he was allowed to spend the night there, waiting for Hoseok’s arrival the next day.

The decision to convince Hoseok’s parents to let them date wasn’t in Hoseok’s knowledge, and it was the only thing that bothered Taehyung. But when Hoseok immediately burst into tears at the sight of Taehyung holding the birthday cake for Hoseok along with his father, Taehyung knew his decision wasn’t a faux pas.

---

That night, when sleep was beginning to engulf them as they kept their drooping eyes focused on the other, Hoseok told Taehyung with a smile, “Utopia doesn’t exist? That's a lie.”

Taehyung closed his eyes, smiling contently. Maybe he was a liar, but he didn't mind being caught.

---

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A.N: Happy (Late) Birthday to Fusionspeaks. This is a pretty crappy bday gift but I tried T^T