Jonghyun sighed, letting his hands fall down on the piano keys without aim, his shoulders slumping and his pink locks covering his eyes. He softly ruffled his hair and hid his face in his crossed arms, resting them on top of the piano. The cuff around his left wrist was pressing into his cheek, and an uncomfortable feeling was making its way up from his stomach to his face; it felt a lot like burning shame, falling about like specks of dust and settling on every surface like sadness.

Today was just one of those days; one of the days he had to hide in the music room of his department, seated in front of the piano, playing Nostalgia again and again, until he could convince himself he could deal with being an incomplete half wandering this Earth.  He was seated right here, he was playing that same piece when his soulmate found him two years ago. The first week of college had made him paralysed with fear and axiety and he spent it entirely by himself, touching the black and white keys in front of him, until a quiet Friday moring the squeak of the door broke the spell of self-pity he was wallowing in. He turned to see the sunlight illuminating a tall boy with long brown hair and the kindest smile he’d ever seen. The boy spared him the awkward moment of embarassment, and without hesitation made his way toward him, smile still in place. “Nostalgia, right? I love this song”. Jonghyun remembered the squeeze in his heart, the bottom of his stomach falling out from under him at those words. They were the same ones tatooed under the cuff on his wrist.

But the “yes- yes i-it is it’s one of- my favourite pieces” he managed to breathe out after an infinite amount of minutes while watching that boy come closer wasn’t what Jinki had on his wrist. He and Jinki became best friends in a matter of months: the sheer joy of life of the taller boy was exactly what Jonghyun needed to thrive quietly, and he could deal with not being his other’s half soulmate. He could. His case wasn’t unheard of after all. He could be strong. Most days. Some others he cried and cried while the object of his sadness held him, telling him quietly “Jonghyun-ah you never know, if you would only let me see the words maybe I could help you, it’s not set in stone-“ but he always shook his head furiously, unable to deal with the consequences those six words would have on his relationship with Jinki. He needed him too much; some other days, he just needed to be alone. Feel that hurt, feel it to the bones, to remember his heart was still capable of feeling.

Their second year of college was already half-way over, but to Jonghyun it felt like a lifetime had passed since that day. He didn’t know why he still found himself playing this same song, why he didn’t just erase it from the memory of his fingers, why it continued to call to him like the soothing  melancholy of picturing living a life different to the one you find yourself in. He still did it, and he was doing it today, the air crisp with the lingering signs of winter.

He sighed one more time for dramatic effect, and picked himself up. One last time, and he was going back into the world. He played for a second with the cuff before sliding his fingers on the keys, picking up the familiar melody. He heard a thumping sound, but he didn’t lift his head or stopped playing this time around. Once the last note rang out, he turned towards the door to see a stick-thin, black haired boy standing just in front of the door with his eyes closed. Jonghyun raised his eyebrows; he never saw him before, he would have remembered a face like that.

The boy startled, opening his eyes and immediately flushing in embarassement. He fumbled with his hands, seeming to hesitate between bolting and speaking, before he finally chose and said: “Nostalgia, right? I love this song” Jonghyun felt a shiver go up his spine at those words. He clearly had understimated how common they could be,or just how many people knew this Joe Hisaishi song. “I’m sorry, it just sounded so beautiful and I- I’m lost, I was trying to find a dance practice room but-“ He stopped then, his frustration clear. He was also really cute. Jonghyun smiled and stood up.” That’s okay, I can help you. I’m Jonghyun.”

The smile on Jonghyun face quickly became uncertain when he saw the boy’s eyes widen and his limbs become stiff. His mouth opened and closed a few times, and he really looked ready to run any second. Jonghyun tilted his head in question, concerned.

“Everything alright?”

The boy jumped, dazed, and held his right wirst close to his chest. “Jong-Jonghyun?”

Jonghyun knitted his eyebrows, and nodded. The boy held his wrist out in front of him, a blob of black clearing up as Jonghyun leaned in closer to read.

That’s okay, I can help you. I’m Jonghyun

Right there on flawless porcelain skin, written in three lines, the words that had just come out of his mouth. The universe stopped moving.

“I- I am Taemin.”

Oh.