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„Good morning, Siwon.“

„Good morning.“

„You probably know why I called you.“

„Actually no... I assume it's something related to Super Junior M but I don't understand why would you call only me and not the other members as well.“

„We had a meeting few days ago and we decided on the new leader for the SJM.“

„Really? Who is it?“ 

Siwon´s mind was left blank... The new leader? As soon as the director spoke the words, the image of Hangeng has popped out in his brain and breathing became a little bit difficult. How can anybody replace HIM? He was the best leader for SJM and even though he liked the other members, when he imagined one of them as the leader... he couldn't accept that... Hangeng was the only one... He couldn't concentrate on what the director was saying anymore...

„Siwon.... Siwon-shi?“

He looked at the director.

„I'm sorry, what?“

„I asked you what do you think about being the leader?“

„Me? You want ME to be the new leader?“

„Haven't you listened to me just now? When I explained why we prefer you over Zou Mi?“

„Oh yeah.... sorry... I... Uhmm... I need to think about this.“

Siwon stood up and left the room. He went up to the roof where he could get fresh air. There was a strange pressure on his chest, making his heart hurt. Him... They choosed him to replace the one person that was irreplacable in his heart. How could this happen? He couldn't do it. He wouldn't be able to perform his duties right. It was simply too much. Just when he finally started to live normally they had to bring back the painful memories. It was all playing before his eyes again... Hangeng's smiling face and both of them fooling around in the shows... the sworn brothers... With a sight, he went back to the office room.

„I am sorry. I can´t do this. I don´t think I am the right one for this position and...“

„Siwon. When I asked you what you think about this offer I wasn't asking whether you want to do this or not. It has been already decided. You are the new leader. I just wanted to discuss the details and your ideas for the future. How do you plan to handle the leading and how it's gonna be necessary for you to change your public image a little bit. We want to show more of your serious side.“

Siwon stopped listening again. The room was getting darker and his breathing more and more shallower.... How could they do this to him? No one knew about his feelings towards Hangeng but he had never hidden the close friendship they shared and how much has Gege meant to him. This was too much. He excused himself and left. He simply couldn´t stand the atmosphere in the office anymore.

After returning back to the dorm he was feeling rather unwell. He went to bed early and tried to figure out what he was going to do now. 

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Eunhyuk came back with Donghae around 10pm. They were both laughing and joking about the fan they met outside of the practice room. It was a very pretty ahjumna with an amazing T-shirt (both of them were hugging each other on it). She was obviously the Eunhae fan and when she saw them she just screamed like a little girl and started to laugh uncontrolably. The pair found it hillarious and even provided a „little“ private fanservice, since she was very nice and cute, which resulted in the ahjummna's nosebleed. Even now, they couldn't stop joking about it. The whole situation was just so surreal. Who would have thought, that nosebleeds can happen in real life as well? Ah... so amusing...

Once they reached the apartment, they shared with Siwon, Leeteuk and Yesung, they immediately felt the change in the atmosphere. Leeteuk was still out doing some MC work and Yesung also had a late recording of the new single for the upcoming drama, but they thought Siwon would be home. It was still pretty early, but the whole apartment was too quiet and dark. Eunhyuk shared the room with Siwon so he offered he would go check out the situation. Once he entered the bedroom, the bad feeling only increased.

Siwon was lying on the bed with his head burrowed in the pillow and hasn't acknowledged him at all. 

„Siwonnie... has something happened? Are you okay?“

There was no reaction from the other man but Eunhyuk knew he wasn't sleeping because his shoulders kept shaking as if he was crying. He hesistantly put his hand on siwon's shoulder.

„Hey, you are scaring me. What it is?“

„I miss him“

Siwon has mumbled and Eunhyuk was thankful for his kneeling position near the bed or he wouldn't have heard that. He silently cursed. He suspected, that Siwon's feelings for Hangeng were more than just friendly but since Siwon himself has never confirmed anything, he couldn't be sure. He also knew, that Siwon was only pretending to be alright after Hangeng left. He could see, that he was actually really depressed. It was so bad, it even started to affect his health. He was sick frequently in the few months after hangeng's departure due to the amount of work he pushed himself to do but recently things were starting to look good. Siwon seemed more relaxed and happy. He joined them more often when they were eating or hanging out together and he was willing to participate in games and even has done an amazing fanservice with Leeteuk in the last concert they held. So what has happened to make him fall to this state again? Moreover, even if he was hurting before, he has never seen him crying and be so obviously sad.

„Hangeng? I miss him too.“

Siwon was quit for a while. It seemed he was trying to stop crying and pretend he was fine again. However, his voice was hoarse when he spoke.

„They want me to be the new leader of SJM. I don't think I can do this, but I don't have a choice. How can I perform as the leader? How can I possibly take HIS PLACE?“

Eunhyuk cursed again. He feared something like this would happen. SJM needed the leader and he knew the company would announce one very soon but he honestly thought it´s gonna be Zou Mi and Siwon would be only having problems with accepting this change and being moody for a while. He would be thinking how this doesn't make sense and Hangeng was the best. He would never said those things aloud, he would for sure choose the silent way of enduring again but still... This was something Eunhyuk expected and was preparing himself for. He never even dreamed about Siwon being appointed as the leader.This was simply too much. He understood the company's point of view. Siwon was very responsible and caring and he did posses certain leadership qualities, but he was still very young, his chinese wasn't fluent and he was busy with acting and .... God... what were they gonna do about this?

Donghae was in the kitchen, trying to prepare the late night snack. He was sure Siwon was just tired or maybe falling sick, that's why he went to bed early but when Eunhyuk hasn't come out for some time, he started to get worried. Something must have happened or he wouldn't be there so long. His patience lasted exactly 10 minutes. Then he softly knocked on the door and without waiting for the response, he entered the room.

Eunhyuk was sitting on the bed with his hand on Siwon, who was lying down. He couldn't see his face but from the way how his body shook he realized Shi was crying.The sight has shocked him. Siwon was usually the one doing the comforting and he has never seen him cry in private. Really. Not even once. Eunhyuk stood up and escorted him out. After closing the door, he turned to Hae and quietly explained the situation.

„I know we wanted to watch the movie together tonight but I think it would be better if I stayed with Shi. They want him to be the new leader of SJM and he is not handling it very well. You know, how much he likes Hangeng and how hard for him it was to accept his departure. I guess, this brought back the memories and after the busy week he just had, his exhausted body couldn´t take more stress and he broke down.“

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Donghae felt a little bit dissapointed. It has been awhile since they had time to be alone and just hang out. But he couldn't be selfish. Siwon really liked Eunhyuk and he obviously needed someone to be there for him right now. It was funny how Siwon was closer to Hyukkie than him.

Donghae knew Siwon before SuJu. They were both trainees at the same time and shared most of the dancing and singing classes. They were pretty close back then. Probably, because both of them were equally busy and weren't as malicious as others. Most of the boys were looking at everybody as their opponents and rivals. Only the two of them were in this business more because of their passion towards music than the ridiculous need to become famous as soon as possible.

Hae has actually developed a crush on Siwon. Shi was tall and handsome, had a good background and often treated him to food or drinks. He was always smiling and joking and Hae couldn't help but to feel attracted to him. There were times when he considered confessing but he has always chickened out in the last minute. Siwon was very religious and he wasn't sure how he would react to knowing Hae was gay. When they announced members of SuJu and Hae was supposed to be in it together with Shi, he felt like his dreams came true. He was still worried, because they said it's only temporary and the members might change, but he was going to debut! And together with Siwon! He decided to tell the other how he feels when their first CD would come out.

However, when he started to spend more time with other members, he became really close with Hyukkie. The two of them were like twins, knew what the other was thinking without saying anything and he felt very calm and secure when he was with Hyuk. It didn't take long for him to admit, that he has fallen for the older male and judging by the way how the blondie treated him, the feelings were returned. Neither of them said anything, though. It would be too real then and they couldn't risk becoming public. So just silently they shared little moments together. Just like tonight's movie was supposed to be. Hae again felt a little bit sad. Those moments with his love were so rare and who knows when will they have time to be together, again? Yet, in situations like this. he couldn't be too greedy or childlish. He still cared for Siwon a lot. The man was like an angel. He was always there for them when they needed him. How could he not let Hyukkie help him? He just nodded and patted Eunhyuk on the shoulder.

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Enhyuk went back to the bedroom. Siwon has already stopped crying and was trying to compose himself. 

„Thank you. I´m okay now so you don´t need to worry. I know you had plans with Fishy so just don´t bother with me and go have some fun.“

„Oh please, stop with the pretending. I can clearly see you are far from okay. I don't understand why you express your love towards us so openly but when it comes to your problems you never talk about them and won't let us help you. You are always there when any of us needs you, but you won't let us do the same in return. Why?“

Siwon didn't say anything. He himself didn't know the answer. It was simply his personality.

The upcoming days were hell. Siwon was again trying to act in the way he has done when Hangeng left but because he has already broken down once he couldn't pull out the happy face no matter how much he tried. He pushed himself again and tried to do many projects at the same time but even when he was dead tired after all the work he still couldn't manage to fall asleep. He completely lost his appetit and when he forced himself to eat he would most of the time throw up everything or the good part of what he had managed to eat. So he stopped trying and just went without eating. 

Eunhyuk could be very perceptive when he needed to be and these facts hasn't escaped his notice. He started to spend more time with Siwon. Always making sure he had something easy to digest with him and tried to make Siwon eat it. He was even thinking about various options how to make him feel better and release a little bit of the stress. He wasn't very succesful, though. Siwon just refused to cooperate. He was almost apathetic to everything around him and no matter how much Hyukkie tried, he just couldn't reason with him. He was worrying about his friend so much that he has failed to realize how was all of this affecting Hae. Guess, his perceptivness had its limits.

Hae was a very cheerful guy. Always trying to see the better side of things and never giving up. Lately, he became more tense and seemed to be on an edge. There was a lot troubling him. His feelings for Hyuk were very strong and it certainly wasn't just some crush. He has been in love with the other man for years now and he was sure Hyuk felt the same but he was starting to have doubts. What if it was just his wishful thinking? What if he misunderstood hyukkie's actions? Lately, Eunhyuk was spending so much time with Siwon and he was pretty much ignoring Hae. They used to be always together. Sit next to each other during shows, tease each other during interviews and hanging out in the waiting room. Now, Hyuk was always sitting next to Shi, bringing him water and snacks and answering tough questiones instead of him. It was as if the whole world started to round around Siwon. He knew, that Siwon was going through a difficult period and Hyukkie was probably just trying to be a good friend, but he couldn't help it. He felt insecure. Siwon was afterall a prince charming. That guy was almost perfect in everything. Whatever the task, Siwon would perform well and even his failures were somehow cool. He knew how anyone could fall for him. Hell, he did too. So when he saw Hyukkie being so nice and caring, he started to worry. What if Eunhyuk realizes how amazing Siwon is and that Donghae doesn't really have anything to offer him? Hae might be a crybaby but he always thought he is a pretty strong person. Even when his appa died, he cried and cried but it has never affected his performance nor his health. He was sure nothing worse could happen to him but the feelings he was starting to have now... They were becoming more and more painful. Everytime Hyukkie put a hand on Shi's knee, he wanted to come over and snatch that hand away. Everytime Siwon would lean on Eunhyuk and the other would put his arms around him, Donghae felt a little bit of himself die. His heart just ached so much. How could the person he has loved for years and the person he liked in the past end up together, leaving him behind? He sometimes hoped, that he was just being too jealous and unreasonable. Hyukkie wouldn't possibly leave him just like this, without even explaining anything. Plus Siwon obviously didn't look like someone falling in love. He looked more like a death warmed over. Seriously. But when Donghae looked in the mirror he noticed how pale and skinny he has become in the last few days. If Hyukkie was taking care of Siwon only because he was worried about his health, how come he hasn't noticed the condition of the man he is supposed to love? Donghae knew he should probably talk about this with Hyuk but he was too affraid of the answer. What if Eunhyuk really loved Siwon now? Could his heart handle hearing him say it? Donghae didn't think so. He just endured and prayed for this to end quickly. He hated himself for blaming Siwon. Like it was his fault, he wasn't good enough. Slowly he was becoming more and more depressed and he felt his health worsening as well. He often had a headache and his whole body felt sore and tired. His eyes became very sensitive towards the light and his apetit was almost non-existant. The saddest thing was, that nobody really noticed. Everyone was too busy doing their work and the two members who would always check on him, were busy being with each other. Well, that was probably a little bit too harsh, but what was he supposed to think?

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One night, after they finished recording the new SJM song, they were returning home. Siwon was driving and Eunhyuk wanted to sit in the front with him, but Hae has stopped him. He had enough of their new closeness for the day. He sat in the front and made Hyuk take the seat in the back, behind the driver. Eunhyuk was worried about Siwon driving but he didn't want to fight with Hae. He missed his Fishy. He hasn't really paid attention to him for days now. So when he sat behind Shi and took a closer look on his love, he felt his heart constrict. Donghae looked sick. Seriously sick. He became used to the same expression on Siwon's face but seeing Hae looking just as bad has hurt him and he started to question himself. How could he miss this? It was obviously not just the result of one busy day; this had to go on for a while. Why hasn't anybody told him , that something was wrong with Fishy? Why hasn't Donghae come to him himself? And how on Earth, hasn't he noticed this? If it was something related to the family or work, he was sure Hae would seek him out so it had to be something related to him. Hyuk was confused. What has he done to make Hae become like this? Was it because they haven't had time to be together? He explained to him why he needed to take care of Shi, though. Hae was a very good person with a heart bigger than Earth so he couldn't possibly be as selfish as to want him by his side when Siwon was in such a need of comfort, could he? No... There has to be something else; something was troubling Hae. He knew him better than anyone and that expression was a result of many sleepless nights. Hyuk decided to speak to him as soon as they reached their home. Siwon would be fine for one night. Afterall, nothing he has done for him so far has worked and his Fishy needed him more now. 

Hae was looking out of the window, his eyes slowly closing. He was so tired. He hasn't had a proper sleep in days and it was starting to affect him. He was the only member that didn't share a room with anybody and he was damn grateful for it. How would he explain why he cries every night and doesn't sleep? His feelings were betraying him. It was so stupid. He liked Siwon, but right now he was hating him. Hating him for taking away one person that meant a world to him. Hating him for looking so pitiful, that he hated himself for hating him. Seriously. Siwon hasn't done anything wrong and yet, in Hae's eyes he was the worst of all right now. Hae didn't know what to do. Logically, he knew his feelings were wrong, but when did the heart listened to the brain?

Siwon was trying very hard to concentrate on the road but the fireworks in his head were making it a little bit difficult. When they finished recording and found out their driver had an emergency at home and had to leave, he knew he wasn't in the condition to drive. His state has become even worse and he was on the edge of collapsing but he was the leader now and both Eunhyuk and Donghae looked tired as well. He couldn't let them drive so he thought he would just endure it for a little bit longer. It was late and the lights on the road were making him feel dizzy. There were small tremors running through his body and when his hands started to shake he was sure, he wouldn't be able to make it back home. He decided to stop the car and call for the cab but he had to pass through the last crossroad. The light on the semaphore has just turned orange so he thought he would make it. It´s not uncommon to pass through when orange light is on and he was in hurry to stop as soon as possible. He hadn't seen the car from left coming at them in full speed at all.

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Siwon wasn't sure what happened. He has out for a while but the situation didn't look good. The left side of the car was totally demolished and by the way his ribs ached, he certainly had a few of them broken. He turned his head to the right and saw Donghae climbing out of the car. He had a few bruises on but otherwise seemed okay. However, the fear and horror portrayed on his face told him that Eunhyuk's condition was probably a lot worse. He was so scared to go and see him, but this was his fault. He should have stopped sooner or be more careful. He needed to take responsability and be there for s. He slowly pushed himself up and came out of the car. When he saw the state of the vehicle, his stomach churned. Shaking, his eyes found the place where Eunhyuk was sitting and the sight made him almost loose his footing. Blood.... So much blood. Donghae was trying to get to him, tears streaming down his face. Suddenly he heard a noise behind him. He turned and gasped. He totally forgat about the second car. It was turned upside down and there was a man trying to get to the passenger seat. The man looked alright, but judging by his posture, the man in passenger seat was also seriously injured. Siwon almost started panicking. Almost. This was all his fault. How many has he hurt? What if they die or have a pernament dissability? All because of his stupidity... He shook his head. No. Stop. Now was not the time to think about that. He got his phone and called an ambulence. Donghae was already beside Eunhyuk and he heard them talking, which was a good sign. Hyukkie was still conscious so he made his way towards the other car. The man trying to open the passenger door was half his size and seemed to be in shock so Siwon has gently pushed him away and with an ease opened the door and carried the person outside. The man was also covered in blood. He quickly checked the pulse and analysed his condition. It seemed that he hit his head pretty hard and had a concussion now; his body seemed okay. Since there was nothing more he could do for him, he stood up and made his way towards s. Donghae has already brought Eunhyuk out of the car and lied him on his back on the side of the road. Eunhyuk's eyes were now closed. For a second Siwon thought he was dead and his heart stopped. Fortunately, he noticed quickly, that Hyuk was still breathing. He sighed in relief.

Donghae was in shock. He almost lost his love for real. The sadness, the anxiety, the anger. Everything he has acumulated inside in the last few days has came forward, ten times stronger. When he saw Siwon standing there, looking pretty much alright he just exploded and started shouting.

„How could you do this? Why haven't you paid more attention to the road? What if we loose Hyukkie now?“ He grabbed him and shook him.

„Why are you unhurt when he is bleeding and unconscious? You were the one driving! You should be the one, that's hurt the most!“

He screamed at him and who knows what else would happen if the ambulance hasn't arrived at that moment. Donghae has calmed down a little and asked the medics to take care of Huyk first. Siwon also said, that he was fine and they should concentrate on the two who were injured the most. They were all taken to the hospital. When they were in the ambulance, Siwon called Leeteuk. He calmly explained the situation and told him which hospital they are gonna be at. He then quietly sat there watching paramedics do their job. This only angered Donghae more. Shouldn't Shi be more anxious? More nervous and stressed out? He was so calm. Even when he was talking to their leader, there was no sign of worry in his voice as if the situation didn't affect him in any way; like he wasn't personally involved, just some random witness. How could he be so indifferent? 

When they arrived at the hospital, they immediately took Eunhyuk into operation room and told them to wait outside. At one point, a nurse came and asked them if they are fine and also informed them, that they should go do a check up since both of them were also in the accident and they could have inner injuries. When Siwon quietly told Donghae to go, that he would stay and inform him if something happen, Hae lost it once again.

„Do you think I care about some inner injuries right now? I feel fine! I am fine! Eunhyuk is in there, God knows how seriously he is hurt and I should go and do a check up? Are you nuts? What if he needs me and I am not here? What? Are you worried now? About me? You should worry about HIM!“ He pushed Siwon to the wall and was about to throw a punch when the doctor came out. Donghae automatically turned his attention towards him.

„How is he?“

„Well, I am not gonna lie. It is pretty serious. He has received quite a lot of damage to his organs and they are bruised. They should heal quickly, though and I don´t expect any lasting damage. His ribs were also a little cracked, but again they will heal in time. Our main worry right now are his legs. They were crashed by the door and we can't be sure how serious it is until he regains conciousness. You should prepare yourself for the worst.“

Donghae just started blanky at the doctor. His legs? Was he saying, that Hyukkie has damaged his legs?! He was a dancer, how was he supposed to live  if he won't be able to use his legs properly? 

Donghae hasn't been himself lately and the way he was currently behaving was also totally out of the character. However, it was all the result of stress and pain. Eunhyuk meant a everything to him so when a situation in which his life was in danger occured and Hae has already been going through a difficult period, nobody could blame him for overreacting and not handling the situation well. He was tired and the main reason why he blamed Siwon was, that it was the only way for him to survive. If Eunhyuk has sit in the front as he originally wanted, he would be totally fine now. But it was HIM, who made them change the seats. However after everything, he really couldn't handle blaming himself for this as well. So he screamed and shouted and cried... And tried to push the blame on Siwon. 

Siwon couldn't do anything, he just watched how Donghae broke down crying after hearing what the doctor said. He wanted to help him but he knew his comfort wouldn't be welcomed right now. He was still in shock and the reality refused to sink in. The moment he would start to think about it, would be the end of him. He wasn't stupid. He knew he was probably injured as well, but he honestly couldn't feel anything anymore. No pain, no guilt, no nothing. Everything was floating around him, as if he was in daze. It was kinda nice, peaceful even.

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Leeteuk and Kyuhyun were the first ones to arrive at the hospital. Both of them felt horrible. It was like their accident a few years back all over again. Only now, they weren't the ones injured. When they spotted Donghae and Siwon, their worry increased. Donghae was sitting on one of the chairs, crying. Siwon was standing next to him, looking like a statue. His eyes were on Hae, but it looked as if he couldn't really see anything. Teukie squeezed Kyu's hand. He knew how hard this had to be on the younger man. Everything was bringing back the painful memories, plus seeing your friend go through the pain you knew so well... It was really hard. Both of them had slowly made their way towards the other two members. Donghae has immediately hugged Kyu and started sobbing. Kyu has strongly hugged him back and tried to soothe him a little. Teukie got a bad feeling about this. Wasn't Donghae closer to Siwon? Why hasn't he tried to find comfort in him? Plus looking at Siwon he didn't look so good. 

„Hey, Shi. How are you holding up? Do you need anything?“

Siwon just shook his head, not saying anything. Teukie was about to place a hand on his shoulder, when Siwon's eyes suddenly rolled back and he collapsed. Leeteuk just barely managed to catch him before he hit the ground. With Siwon in his arms, unconscious, he desperately called for help.
„Doctor, I need the doctor!“

Donghae and Kyuhyun turned their attention towards the other two as soon as they heard Leeteuk's shout. Siwon has passed out and Teuk was holding him in his arms, sitting on the floor. Siwon was having trouble breathing. He couldn't draw a breath and he coughed up blood. The three members started to panic. Fortunately, the doctors and nurses rushed over at that time and took Siwon away. Hae couldn't believe his own eyes. Siwon has been injured as well? But how? He looked okay... A nurse came over and took Donghae, who was still in shock, to the checking room. They had to make sure this one didn't have hidden inner injuries. A doctor has done a basic check on Hae and claimed he was fine. He just had a few bruises, but nothing was broken nor cracked and he didn't suspect any inner bleedings or damage.

Kyu and Teuk were waiting outside, while Hyuk was still being treated, probably with Siwon as well and Hae was in the checking room. At that time, Yesung arrived. He was shooting a CF outside the town when he heard the news. During his phone call with Leeteuk, the other said, that Siwon was fine and Hyuk was the one most seriously injured but Yesung had a bad feeling about this. He was anxious through the whole shooting of CF as if he knew someting bad was gonna happen. So when he found out, that three members were in the car accident, including Siwon, he feared what could have happened. He was trying to stay calm, afterall, Siwon should be fine, but the bad feeling hasn't dissapeared and when he spotted only Kyuhyun and Leeteuk in the waiting room, he knew he was right all along and something was wrong with Siwon. Yesung has loved him since the first time he saw him. Siwon was everything he ever wanted. His heart was linked to Siwon, that's why he knew something had to happen to him. It wouldn't hurt as much if Siwon was really fine. He should have listened to it. Damn. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
IN THE SAME TIME, EUNHYUK

Doctors have finished the operation and moved the patient in the ICU. Hyuk was sleeping due to the sedatives they injected him with. Nothing hurt and he felt warm. Like he only fell asleep on the sofa watching a movie.

Hyuk might have been busy taking care of Siwon, but that didn't mean he wasn't frustrated about not spending the time with Hae as well. Actually, the main reason why he tried to avoid Hae as much as possible was because he feared, he wouldn't be able to go back to Siwon once he saw his love. He has missed him so much. The accident has scared him and brought back many memories. Now, in his dream like state, both the memories as well as his fantasies have came out. 

For example, Hae and him playing with puppies. Oh how much his Fishy loved animals, especially dogs. Hae was so cute holding and kissing them. As a matter of fact, Hae sometimes reminded him of one. When his eyes would suddenly get bigger and he would pout, he looked just like a lost puppy or a kicked dog and Hyuk couldn't help the sudden urge to hug him and never let go. Oh and how y he looked with his glasses on. It was a shame, that company didn't like it and made him wear contacts. Hyuk also loved how messy Hae's hair were in the morning and he loved even more when he was the one, who would mess them up when they were watching something and Hae lay down on his lap. He often felt an urge to protect Donghae. Hae was such a kid, that it evoked protective feelings in Hyukkie. Hae has regularly felt very lonely, he missed his dad a lot and in those times he would always come to him. Hyuk hated to see him look so sad but he was glad, that it was him, who could comfort Fishy. When Hae smiled, Hyuk had to smile as well and when they looked at each other, it felt amazing. As if everything suddenly made sense. Just a small touch, a pat on the back, a kiss on the cheek... anything as long as it came from Hae could make him happy. It was perfect. Their relationship, the way it made him feel, it was all flawless. Just like Hae himself. Hyuk has never met a nicer person. Donghae was honest, caring, funny and so beautiful. 

Hyuk only wished they wouldn't have to hide all the time and that he could confess for real. He was sure Hae knew how he felt but still... Saying it aloud would be nice. Oh how much he wished, he could kiss the other man for real. He often deamed about different ways how he could made him his. One day , maybe when they won't be under so much pressure from the agency or when the people will become more understanding, he would come forward and declare his love for Hae. Nothing and no one would stand in their way anymore and they would be able to express their feelings even more than now. He knew they wouldn't loose any fans if the truth was revealed now. Well... maybe a few but certainly it wouldn't affect the sale of their merchandise as much as the company believed. For God's sake their selling point was fanservice and Eunhae was the most popular pairing (or at least one of the most popular). 

How often he imagined making out with Hae ... he even dared to fantasize about them having . Hae's body pressed against him... his strong arms, flat stomach... Just having those thoughts could make him feel hot.

 
He didn't want to be too greedy. He knew he should be grateful for what he had. Hae was close to him, he returned his feelings and they were both happy. Not everyone was that lucky. Let's take Siwon, for example. The poor guy has spend years loving Hangeng, only to see him leave and go through a painful heartbreak. So Hyukkie knew, he shouldn't complain. Still, he couldn't get the image of Eunhae couple becoming the real thing out of his mind. He wanted it so badly... it actually scared him. Everything was so right he often feared it wouldn't last.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

BACK TO THE WAITING ROOM

„Where are Siwon and Hae?“ Yesung asked the two members already there. 
„Siwon collapsed. We don't know why, but he was coughing up blood so he probably has some inner injuries from the accident. He was brought to the operation room and they took Hae to the checking room to make sure he wasn't injured as well.“
Yesung's hands started to shake. Siwon was injured and it was serious. Oh God. How was he supposed to hide his feelings in a situation like this?
„How is Hyukkie?“ he asked, voice trembling.
„They finished the operation just a moment ago and moved him to the ICU. We are waiting for Hae to complete his check up and then we may be allowed to go visit him.“
Just when Leeteuk finished talking, Hae has came out of the room. 
„So? Any news?“ He nervously asked.
„We don't know anything about Siwon, yet but Hyukkie was moved to the ICU and we may be able to see him if the doctor allows so.“

Donghae felt a little relieved. He needed to see him. All of them made their way towards the ICU department. The doctor in charge came to explain the situation.

„The operation was succesful. We managed to repair most of the damage. The chance of him being completely immobile is almost non-existent. His spinal cord wasn't injured and nervous system is also alright, so he should be able to move his legs. The question is how much he would be able to move them. His legs were completely smashed and he would have to undergo a long physical therapy, but we are optimistic. If you wish, one of you can go see him, but only for a few minutes. We gave him sedatives. He should be waking up anytime now, though. I think, it would be better, if someone he knows would be with him at that time. He may still be in shock due to the accident and the presence of someone familiar could help to calm him.“

Donghae immediately came forward. The others didn't complain. They knew how close those two were. The doctor guided Donghae to the room. 

Donghae slowly opened the door and came in. Once he spotted Hyukkie, he started to cry. Eunhyuk was lying on the bed, several machines were connected to his body, but he looked alright. There was no blood anywhere anymore, no tube shot down his throat as you often see in the movies. Just a small monitore next to him showing the stable beat of his heart. And yet, seeing him looking so fragile has brought tears to Hae's eyes. Donghae moved one of the chairs next to the bed and quietly sat down. He took Hyuk's hand and squeezed it hard.

„You gonna be okay, you hear me? You are gonna wake up and be just fine. Your legs will heal in no time and you will be soon laughing with me.“

Eunhyuk was still with Hae in the pleasant place created by his own mind when he felt someone's presence in the room. He was slowly waking up and he heard someone talking to him. He opened his eyes and saw Donghae, sitting next to his bed, tightly holding his hand. Eunhyuk smiled. Oh his Fishy... He had to be worried...

„Hae?“ He rasped out. 

Donghae's heart stopped when he heard his voice. He looked at Eunhyuk and saw him smiling at him. He bursted into tears once again and throw himself into him, careful of his injuries and started to sob loudly. Eunhyuk hugged him tight and tried to soothe him.

„Hey... I'm okay. Really. The drugs they give are awesome. I can't feel anything.“ Hae only cried harder after hearing this. It took sometime for him to calm down. He felt ashamed. He was supposed to be the one doing the comforting, not the one beiing comforted. How come he can't do anything right? Is he really so useless? 

„How is Siwon?“ Eunhyuk suddenly asked and Hae's heart stopped for the second time. Of course, he wanted to know about Siwon... How stupid of him to think, that... Gosh... What was he supposed to tell him now? That he didn't know because he was in here with him and hasn't inquired about the other? That he hasn't noticed how badly was Shi injured and he might pay the price now? 

Eunhyuk noticed Hae's sudden loss of words and started to worry. Was Siwon badly injured? He remembered him moving after the accident. He looked fine, so he couldn't be seriously hurt, could he? Then why wasn't Hae answering?

Suddenly the door to the room burst open and Kyuhyun rushed in. There were tears in his eyes.

„Donghae, come quickly! Siwon has regained consciousness but he is panicking and we can't calm him down. He keeps repeating your and Hyuk's name saying, that he is sorry. Doctor said he is still in shock after the accident and he needs to see someone who was in it with him to calm down. It looks as if he believes, he killed you or something. He is screaming and crying and it's really scary so please Hae... Come and help. I will stay with Hyukkie, okay?“

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To be continued