Wonshik was positively feeling like .

He shouldn't have felt like that, not that day, and he hated himself for it all the more. He was lying on the bed, tux getting all creased and messed up by lint under his back as he stared up at the ceiling, trying to guess when and where it all had gone wrong, but his head was too full and too empty at the same time.

"Honestly, though," Jaehwan filtered through the cupcake he was munching on, legs propped up on a chair while he was sitting in the armchair next to the bed, "what do you want me to do about this whole thing?"

"Just shut up and tell me it's the right decision," Wonshik mumbled, looking at Jaehwan.

"That's kind of contradictory if you examine the semantics of that sentence," Jaehwan said, and then the sugar topping off his right thumb.

"Just shut up, then," Wonshik replied. "And stop eating the cupcakes."

"Someone will have to eat them if there isn't going to be a party," Jaehwan answered and took another one of the cupcakes placed artfully on a tray.

"There is going to be a party."

Wonshik sat up, dragging a hand over his face. Jaehwan wasn't showing any form of condolence or sympathy; he was stuffing his mouth with the small, white cupcakes like he was in an all-you-can-eat confectionery.

"Jaehwan, my life is falling apart!" Wonshik exclaimed, angry at his best friend, angry at himself and angry at whoever thought this was a good idea.

"I'm just saying," Jaehwan took a bite of a cupcake, "if you don't want to do it, don't do it. I'm sure Hakyeon would understand."

"Do you even know him? He'd think I don't even love him." Wonshik distorted his voice and continued, "You've been lying to me all these years! I thought we belonged together!"

Jaehwan snorted, coughing afterwards when he choked on the bite. Wonshik didn't really feel sorry for him.

"It's not funny," he grumbled.

"It is!" Jaehwan smirked. "But anyway, if you really 'belong together', he should know it's just your coward stepping back from this whole thing, which, really, isn't so important. It's just a paper and a couple of rings. What's the big deal?"

"You don't know ."

"I may not know ," Jaehwan shrugged, "but you've been agonizing here for over an hour and I'm getting bored. Maybe you should—"

The door flung open and Taekwoon burst in like a man-shaped boulder, his jacket flying behind him and his prettily styled hair fluttering from the draft.

"Hakyeon's gone," he announced and promptly went pale like actually saying it out loud helped him realize what was going on.

"What?!" Wonshik asked, standing up from the bed.

"He's gone, he's not in the room, I— I just went out to the toilet and—"

"That’s pretty obvious," Jaehwan said dispassionately, gesturing in the general direction of Taekwoon's crotch.

Taekwoon looked down and zipped up his fly, the colour rising on his cheeks standing in harsh contrast with his previously white complexion.

“By the time I got back, he’d been gone,” Taekwoon said, fright making his eyes turn wide. “I searched the whole place, but he’s nowhere; he left his phone in the room.”

Wonshik looked at Jaehwan, even though he knew he was not going to help.

“He’s probably puking behind the bushes or something,” Jaehwan said.

“You’re ing useless,” Wonshik groaned. “Best man my —you’re the worst.”

Jaehwan was about to retort with something, but Wonshik was already out of the room, striding through the corridor as fast as he could, calling Hakyeon's name, but there was no answer.

He went outside, saw the garden all decorated with lanterns and colourful flowers Hakyeon loved; chairs covered in white satin in front of an arch decorated with even more plants Wonshik didn’t know the name of, balloons trying to fly to the sky but bounded to bushes by white ribbons. Wonshik's throat was starting to hurt from yelling as he ran laps around the garden, feeling sweat collecting on the back of his neck, his bowtie suddenly feeling too tight.

There was a small shed by the fence, and Wonshik ran up to it desperately, opening the door and peeking into the darkness.

“Hakyeon?”

He heard sniffling, and then, a hoarse voice said, “Get out.”

“Hakyeon,” Wonshik breathed, voice breaking as he opened the door wider and found Hakyeon sitting on the floor in his wedding attire, hugging his legs to his chest and resting his head on top of his knees. Wonshik stepped in and the flickering light, illuminating gardening tools and cobwebs, and a tiny man in the middle of all the dirt. “Hakyeon,” he said, and knelt down, placing a hand on Hakyeon's shaking shoulder. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

“I’m wrong,” Hakyeon mumbled, a little sob escaping him. “I don’t feel… the way I should.”

Wonshik's heart jolted inside his chest, and he sat down on his heels. Hakyeon curled in on himself even more, hugging his legs tighter.

“What do you mean?” Wonshik asked.

Hakyeon let out a shuddery breath and finally looked up, face streaked with tears and eyes bloodshot. He looked beautiful even like that, no matter how much he messed up his fringe or how puffy his cheeks looked, lips trembling as he cried.

“It’s not that I don’t think we should do this,” he said, looking away from Wonshik's eyes like he couldn’t bear looking into them. “I just… don’t feel ready. I know I said I did, but— and, I mean, I really do want to be with you forever, Wonshik-ah, but… this is a big thing and I’m scared and I just… I just don’t want to go out there and have everyone stare at me and… I don’t want to do it right now. I can’t.”

Wonshik swallowed hard, trying to contain his own tears as Hakyeon looked up at him, fragile and vulnerable and hurt, and Wonshik had no idea what to do about the situation. He was at a loss for words, because Hakyeon had uttered everything he thought and felt, but it still felt like rejection, like Hakyeon didn’t want him, like he didn’t want to call him his husband, like he was unsure of their future together.

“Are you angry with me now?” Hakyeon asked, the pitch of his voice going up.

“No. No, of course I’m not, Hakyeon.” Wonshik sat down properly, stretching out his legs around Hakyeon and trying to accommodate him between them, wrapping his arms around Hakyeon's shoulders and pressing a kiss to his temple. “I’d literally been lying on the bed begging Jaehwan to pour some courage into me until Taekwoon told me you were gone.” Hakyeon pulled away, looking up at Wonshik with wetly shining eyes, disbelief glinting in them. “I felt like it was… sort of forced on me? I know it was our idea, but it still feels off somehow, and not because I don’t love you. I love you more than anything—you know that, right?”

Hakyeon let go of his legs and hugged Wonshik instead, burying his face into Wonshik's jacket and smudging tears on it—it would cost a fortune to get it cleaned.

“I love you, too,” Hakyeon muttered, muffled by the fabric.

“We don’t have to do this right now,” Wonshik said, caressing Hakyeon's hair. “It won’t make us any stronger, and if we step back, that won’t make us any weaker.”

“The guests are going to hate us,” Hakyeon moaned and pulled back. “And—oh, God—Jaehwan, Hongbin, and Sanghyuk are going to joke about the whole thing until the day we die.”

“Do you want me to punch them in the face if they do?”

Hakyeon let out a small laugh. “I’d rather do it myself.”

Wonshik smiled and cupped Hakyeon's cheeks, smearing the tears on them with his thumb and kissing him on the lips softly. He felt the knots inside his stomach unravel at once, his heart rate going back to its normal state, which was probably double the speed than an average human being should have, whenever he was holding Hakyeon.

The door of the shed creaked, and Wonshik let go of Hakyeon, turning around to see what was going on.

“I so knew they were not going to do it,” Sanghyuk said, towering over them and their other friends, hands tucked into the pockets of his slacks, a Cheshire cat grin spreading over his face.

“Me too,” Jaehwan replied, holding the entire tray of cupcakes in one hand and shoving one of them into his mouth with the other. “Wonshik was ing all day, too.”

“And I thought the wedding would be cheesy,” Hongbin grimaced at them, eyes stopping at the way Hakyeon's fingers curled into Wonshik's jacket.

“Shut up, s,” Hakyeon grumbled, and stood up, pulling Wonshik on his feet as well. “And you stop eating the cupcakes, Jaehwan.”

“Someone will have to eat them,” Jaehwan said, reaching out the tray. “You can have some, too.”

They all saw it coming when Hakyeon narrowed his eyes; he bolted towards Jaehwan who shoved the tray into Taekwoon's hands, and started running towards the house, screaming blue murder as he went, Hakyeon chasing him, probably wanting to beat him unrecognizable for desecrating the desserts and having thick enough skin to offer him the cupcakes Hakyeon had ordered. If—when he got caught, he’d have to live with some ugly bruises for the next few days.

Wonshik smiled to himself, and glanced back at the other three in the doorway, Hongbin and Sanghyuk sniggering at the scene unfolding outside, and Taekwoon—

“Stop eating the cupcakes!” Wonshik shouted.

Taekwoon's hand halted in the air with one of the sweets held between his fingers. He looked at Wonshik, and very slowly lifted the cupcake to his mouth, biting off half of it in one go.

In the background, a loud thump and a scream signalled Hakyeon's triumph inside the house.