I Like That

…

You met Sehun in high school, which technically made you high school sweethearts. But there was nothing sweet about your relationship with him, it was filled with salty tears, bitter laughter, and sour words.

Sehun was beautiful, perfect chiselled features belonging on a marble bust. His hair remained just as soft even when he dyed it multiple colours in a month and was forever tousled naturally by his hands. Yet while he was beautiful, he was cold. Sometimes gazing into his eyes felt like staring at a statue, there were very little emotions in them, and what little was there was only a reflection of yours. His smiles brought thousands of women to their knees, no matter how unnatural they seemed to look on his cold visage.

You didn’t know what caused Sehun to look at you differently, but at the tender age of sixteen, you were absolutely ecstatic. It was something out of a novel, the handsome Casanova falling for the seemingly non-existent girl. You really should’ve known better than to dabble with such a man, but it was too late. You were already hopelessly ensnared by the trap set by Sehun.

At first you had hoped that having a girlfriend would curtail his skirt tossing ways, and it did, for a while. Or perhaps it didn’t, perhaps he just got tired of hiding it. Did he not understand how much you loved him? Or did he not care?

You have asked yourself the same questions to yourself for over five years, every single night as you wait for him to come back home. You’ve learned to function on little to no sleep thanks to your steadfast vigil to wait for Sehun to come home every night. Even though he acted as if he didn’t see you, it still brought some peace to your mind.

At least he’s coming home, right? That means he’ll return to me, right?

Why couldn’t you leave him? Why couldn’t you just pack your bags and abandon this failed relationship? Why? Did Sehun really have such a deep hold over you?

Yet, every single time you mustered up the courage to speak to him about the situation, you found it impossible for the words to come out. You loved him too much, even the thought of a life without him was impossible. Sometimes it was hard to recall what you had loved so much about him, but the truth stands that you did. Sehun held people at arm’s length, cordially charming is what you would describe him as. The only time he dropped this appearance was in the presence of ladies, his smile would turn sultry and sly, causing women to become completely infatuated.

You doubted that he could control it, it was a part of his nature. You felt as if Sehun could charm the off of any girl in his sleep, and it didn’t seem to register to him that it was completely inappropriate considering his status. You pretended not to see the blatant flirtation around him every single time you went together to an outing. Slowly you stopped attending such events, knowing it would only cause you more pain. However, as soon as you stopped accompanying him, Sehun would come home incredibly late, clothes disheveled and seemingly exhausted.

You could put two and two together. However, you could never bring yourself to say anything, every single time you tried, you failed.

You were too weak and your love was too strong.

…

“Go away. Go drink your alcohol or go drink your milk, whichever one comes first.” Your voice was carefully controlled, but it was clear it was about to break.

Sehun turned his nearly emotionless eyes to yours, face forcefully put into a puzzled frown. “What do you mean baby? You know I lo-”

You turned away from him, taking a few strengthening breaths before speaking again. “I like you, I love you. Aren’t they words that hold the deepest meanings? Than why is it that coming from you they sound so flippant and shallow?” You let out a bitter laugh, “I like you, I love you, how come I can’t believe you?”

“Baby, what’s wrong?” His voice was still bland and didn’t match the words he was saying. Even if you knew that, your traitorous heart couldn’t help but to yearn.

I don’t care. I don’t care. I don’t care. You repeated the words like a mantra in your mind, trying to prevent yourself from fracturing completely.

“Stop with the façade, you and I both know what’s wrong. It’s clear you aren’t being faithful, and I cannot live with that anymore. Do you not value our relationship at all?” You calmly study him, watching as his eyebrows furrow into real confusion.

“Our relationship never had any value, I thought you knew that. It was just convenient. Don’t you think so?”

“There was nothing in this relationship that was convenient, if you didn’t love me why did you stay with me?”

Sehun quirked his lips into a sarcastic smile, “Why did I stay with you? Didn’t you stay with me?”

Shock at the realization caused you to crumple to your knees, completely crushed. He made a move towards you, hand outstretched.

“If you ever cared about me, don’t touch me.” Your quavering voice stopped Sehun, “I’m fine, completely fine, so fine.”

You knew the moment he touched you, you would melt against his touch, forgetting all troubles for the blissful feelings Sehun caused. If he touched you now, your conviction would be destroyed. “Don’t touch me.”

“I don’t think you ever knew how deeply my feelings for you ran, even though I knew they were lies, hearing you say the words ‘I like you, I love you’ made them the best words I’ve heard in my entire life.”

 “So what do you want from me?”

Salty tears rolled down your cheeks. “I just need you to disappear, I don’t want anything else from you. Just disappear from my life, my mind, and my pathetic, foolish, naïve heart.”  

Why did you have to meet him? You couldn’t help but to resent the heavens for allowing Sehun to come into your life.

…

You lived robotically for a long time. While you felt as if there was nothing to live for, what little pride you had left refused to allow Sehun be the cause of your death. He had already controlled so much of it, you weren’t about to let him take this part too.

He was probably very happy, he could now spend time with those women he had flirted with every night, his hotshot lips whispering words you could imagine brought blushes and provocative touches.

It was okay though; you didn’t need Sehun. He shouldn’t be the cause of your tears or pain any longer. However, it was inevitable that he changed something within you. It was never so easy to trust someone again and you doubted you could ever bring yourself to love another.

If there was anything you wished you had said to Sehun, it would’ve been this.

If there was anything I would miss about you, it would’ve been your real smile.

You recalled his genuine happiness when he gazed wonderously at the star-dotted night sky, a gift you had given him. Even though you were the one to bring him to this magnificent place, he ignored you. But you couldn't bring yourself to be upset, Sehun looked so beautiful in that moment. His eyes sparkled with awe and were slightly creased due to the wide smile upon his infinitely charming face. 

I like your smile, I like that Sehun.

...

I hope you enjoyed reading this! It was a fascinating experience for me since it was my first time attempting anything remotely angsty myself.

I really loved SISTAR's summer comeback and after reading the lyrics felt sudden inspiration. Except the song was much sadder than I expected. 

HappyPistachio