Yoongi POV:

It was dark in the bathroom. I hadn’t the light because I didn’t want to see the results of what I did to myself; I just needed to feel it.

My hands shook as I held the familiar sharp object between my fingers. I placed it against my upper arm carefully and then pressed and dragged with force. I continued shaking, not really aware of doing it anymore, but feeling it happen and the warm blood seep from the cuts. There were tears in my eyes and they dripped slowly from the corners and down my face.

I dropped the blade and the clatter of it hitting the floor seemed to play over and over in the deathly silence.

I sat there and let my head fall into my hands whilst I cried and shook, suddenly feeling very small and scared.

When the tears had stopped, the blood had dried and all I was doing was hiccupping, I got to my feet and left the bathroom shakily.

As I lay on my bed I couldn’t calm my mind enough to sleep, I just kept thinking about what I’d done and why. I’m a waste of space. Nobody likes me, not even our fans; they’re just there for the other members. Nobody would care if I went. I deserve this, I’m ugly, weird and a freak!

The thoughts were buzzing around my head as I lay stone still on my bed and let the tears fall from my eyes. I didn’t even bother to wipe them away.

I went through the days as best as I could, not really trying, but just taking part. But then at night it would be the same horrible events that would leave me crying as I fell asleep.

I wanted to stop, for somebody to notice and help me. But at the same time I didn’t. Nobody ever notices me normally, so why would they help me. I’m just there in their lives, but not a part of it that they pay attention to.

It turns out they found out, Jin came and found me at breakfast. He had tears in his eyes -Tae had one of my bloody blades, which I must have not hidden, in his hand. They didn’t say anything, I don’t think they could, Jimin just took my hand in his and pulled me from the table to the sofa. There was no expression on my face and no feelings flowing through me. I didn’t feel anything, I felt empty and I knew that I should have been feeling something, reacting in some way, but my body just stopped when he walked in with the evidence of what I’d been doing in Tae’s hands.

Jimin, Tae and Jungkook sat on the sofa with me, but left the blade on the table. Jungkook gently took my arm in his hands and looked at me, asking permission with his eyes. I nodded. He turned my hand over to look at my wrist, but when he saw there was nothing there his eyebrows pulled together and he looked at me with questioning eyes. I took my hand from his and silently folded my short sleeves up to reveal the multitude of scars that adorned my upper arms. He gently a finger over them, curiosity getting the better of him before he could stop himself.

“Sorry” he whispered as he retracted his hand. As he moved I rolled my sleeves down, not wanting to see his or anyone else’s eyes staring at them. I didn’t know I had tears running down my face until J-Hope wiped them away for me, stopping them from falling off of my chin.

I couldn’t meet their eyes; they probably thought I was a freak for doing that to myself. Jimin took my chin and pulled my head up so I was forced to meet his eyes, and when I did, the tears that I’d managed to hold back fell with some force.

“Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.” I cried over and over again.  I was a blubbering mess, but Jimin tried to calm me down by pulling me into a hug and rubbing my back to soothe me. I pushed myself further into his hug and slid myself down his chest to rest in his lap. I curled myself in on myself with my head resting in his lap and he ran his hands through my hair.

“Please don’t do this to yourself Yoongi” Tae whispered as Jimin continued to run his fingers through my hair, “you don’t need to.”

“Yes I do” I answered more forcefully than I had intended to.

“Why?” J-Hope asked calmly.

“I don’t know, I just do; it helps.”

“Helps with what?” Jin continued in that tone of voice that sounded like he was asking these questions to find out more and help me. He didn’t sound angry or even confused by it, he just sounded calm and caring.

“How much I hate myself. How I feel; I’m useless and a waste of space that nobody truly likes.”

“No” Jungkook whispered and instead of it sounding calm he sounded like he was close to tears.

“Please don’t cry over this, you don’t need to. I’m not worth it.”

Namjoon shook his head, shaking off my comment and carried on talking. “There are other things you can do Yoongi.” he said.

“Yeah like what?” I replied sceptically.

“You can always come and talk to us. We’ll always listen to what you have to say and sometimes just saying it out in the open can make it feel better.”

I let out a dead chuckle, not believing that they would care enough to let me come and talk to them and ultimately cry to them, but he interrupted before I could say so.

“Before you say anything about us not doing that, just let me say we will Yoongi, because we care for you. We care a lot for you, a hell of a lot and we want you to feel good about yourself again. You’re our brother and we wouldn’t be able to function without you. So please, please don’t do this anymore, if you feel like it come and find me and I’ll sit with you and try my hardest to help. Even if I’m asleep, just wake me up, I don’t care. Please Yoongi, at least try, for me.”

That shut me up. I didn’t realise how much they actually cared for me.

“I’ll try…” I whispered.

Jimin let out a quiet breath, “Thank you” he whispered and then lent down to place a very gentle kiss on my cheek.