In a lavishly decorated room, brightly lit and spacious, she found herself sitting in front of a dresser with a rigid grace. She examined the girl before her. Her long crimson locks had turned to shoulder-length light brown. Eyes faded its luster, cheeks slightly sunken and pale. But it wasn’t something makeup can't conceal.

She moved her hand up to brush her cheek. The girl in the mirror mimicked her every move to perfection. But it felt like she wasn’t really her.

She breathed out and looked at worn out paperback journal lying at the edge of the table. Without a particular thought in mind, she leafed through the pages of the journal and stopped on a blank sheet. She stared at it for a moment.

 Sighing, she reached a pen inside the drawer.

This is going to be the last. She said to herself.

It has been almost 3 years since we had last seen each other. How have you been? I know I shouldn’t have the audacity to ask you questions like this ‘cause I perfectly knew how I made your heart shatter into pieces and never bothered to pick them up. I still remember those harsh words we threw at each other. I crushed your heart with equally spiteful words. And for that I deserved every scream and curse you rained upon me on that night. I threw you out of my life even after you were so willing and desperate to make things work. I wanted you to hate me so that it would be easier for you—for us—to disappear in each other’s lives.

 But it turned out to be the opposite. You have loved me even more and I did the same. If we loved each other as much then why are we not together? I’ve asked myself this for a hundred of times. And I knew the answer every time.

Do you know why?

Because love wasn’t just enough. It never was.

What was missing was the truth. I kept it hidden—I chose to hide it from you.

Mina had her fate sealed ever since she was born. It wasn’t much of a surprise since she came from a very traditional and powerful Japanese family. If there is one thing she hated about their cultural tradition, it was going through the selection of her potential matches. She knew she could never reason with her family, particularly her father.

She was 8 when they had finally set her to a prospective candidate from another influential family. His name was Toshiro, about the same age as her. She pitied him. He seemed to be clueless about the whole arrangement between their families. But she pitied herself more.

They weren’t even taking her personal feelings into account. Mina thought she was more of an asset than a daughter. A puppet with invisible strings, a bird bound by shackles. Her fate occurring at their whims.

The seasons changed and repeated its cycle. Mina grew from an innocent child into a young refined lady just like how they wanted her to be. They wanted Mina to go into the best Medical school and so did she.

Of all those selfish decisions they’ve made, sending me to Korea to study was the best thing. If it weren’t for them, I wouldn’t have met you. At least I have something to be grateful of despite the fate conspiring against me. I never knew those trifling moments with you would be a part of me forever.

The very first time I saw you, a nameless girl with an ear-splitting smile hooked her arm through yours, a drink on your other hand. In an atmosphere permeated by liquor and love songs, our eyes met for a split second but then you turned to your friends and hollered at them as you raised your glass. Though we are strangers, I can sense that you were the type to have all the time in the world .You looked so liberated, unlike me. I envied you—I wished I had the kind of freedom as you.

It was easy for me to remember you since you were Son Chaeyoung—the rebellious kid who was living her life to the fullest. I guess you were pretty much popular among the party goers. I didn’t predict to see you the second time around. Life is full of surprises apparently.

The second time was in a less crowded place—in a coffee shop. You were with your friends and I was sitting alone few meters away from your table. I heard you laugh but it sounded hollow. You were smiling but it didn’t reach your eyes. Your friends don’t seem to notice. I ask myself, if one has everything, how could it still possible to be so lonely? I wonder why. I guess you weren’t so different from me. I pitied you like how I pitied myself.

The third time I saw you and the first time you knew my existence were in the city library. You sat across me without paying any excuse or whatsoever. You didn’t mind. You were just flipping through the pages of some literature book, eyebrows deeply furrowed.

“Love .”

Mina heard Chaeyoung mutter under her breath.

She tore her gaze away from the Human anatomy book she was reading and looked at the distressed girl from across.

“What makes you say that?” The words quickly escaped from Mina’s throat before she could bite her tongue. For a moment she felt embarrassed by her impulse but she held her stare.

Chaeyoung looked at her, eyes slightly widening. A traitorous blush crept into her cheeks. Her eyes were shifting around the place, looking everywhere else but Mina. Suddenly she became conscious of her surroundings.

In a moment the disquiet passed, Chaeyoung cleared before answering. “It’s overrated.”

Mina tilted her head to the side and quirked an eyebrow. “Is that what you think?”       

I didn’t know where I have gotten the courage to ask you those trivial things. I didn’t know what came to me that day. But I’m glad you found me. I had not known that I’d find my freedom in you.

“Myoui Mina said she loves me!” Chaeyoung shouted at the sea with every ounce of breath she could put behind it.

Mina held Chaeyoung’s face between her hands and looked at it from a distance of six inches. She admired how smooth and angular her face was.

 Mina couldn’t believe herself that the same Son Chaeyoung was in front of her proudly professing her love.

“I love you always.” said Mina, in barely a whisper.

Chaeyoung smiled as she cupped Mina’s hands and placed a kiss on the older girl’s palm.

“I’ll always love you more.”

You have the ability to bring out other sides of me. Not only did you make me express myself more but you also taught me how to love. It was all you.

You were Son Chaeyoung—not the rebellious kid whom I thought her to be, but the Son Chaeyoung who tapped into my emotions. 

Chaeyoung sat across Mina, tapping her pencil’s eraser against her bottom lip as she watched the older engrossed in reading a book. She put down her pencil, her chin now held in her palms.

Mina noticed Chaeyoung who was flashing a stupid grin, the corner of Mina’s lips tugging upwards.

“Stop staring.”

Chaeyoung raised her brows.

“Why? I love watching you.” She scrunched her nose cutely and suppressed her grin. “Okay if it makes you uncomfortable.”

She picked up her pencil and continued to scribble on a sheet of paper.

Mina was surprised, Chaeyoung wasn’t scribbling.

She was finishing a sketch of her reading a book –and it struck her as infinitely beautiful.

I liked the way you looked at me—as if I was the most beautiful thing. I liked the way you hold me—as if I was feather thin that would easily break. I liked the way you smell—you reminded me of meadows and rain and it’s comforting. I might have liked everything about you except for one. Your addiction.

“Stop smoking. It’s bad for your health.”

“Make me.”

 “I won’t kiss you ever again if you smoke.”

 “But I’ve been smoking ever since. I can’t put an end to my addiction right away.”

Mina had to think of something. She hated seeing Chaeyoung depend on those cancerous sticks.

“A lollipop?”

Mina unwrapped the sweet treat and put in only to pull it out with a loud pop.

“Yes. Take lollipops instead of cigarettes.”

She the lollipop onto Chaeyoung’s slightly chapped lips.

“You wouldn’t die out of cavities but in cancer you will.”

Chaeyoung scoffed.

“You’re impossible.”

But she took the lollipop anyway.

Mina breathed in softly and smiled when she thought of something trivial to ask. She looked at Chaeyoung straight in the eye.

“Say, if I were your cigarette, would you light me up? Knowing that I would die the moment you flick your lighter?”

Chaeyoung didnt answer.

“Then quit smoking. Because I hate seeing you killing yourself slowly.”

Though there were times that you would habitually dig into your pockets. That I have known you were itching to light up a stick. I would come to your side and give you a hard stare. And you would show me your hand and smile at me. ‘It’s just a lollipop’ you’d say.

 I wish we’d forever live in those happy moments. Only a wishful thinking that is. I have yet to know what exactly life was going to throw at me—I have to be reminded that fate wasn’t on my side in the very first place.

Mina’s father was a man in his forties with a hardened face, a tall man whose eyes spoke authority. He stood firmly behind his desk, eyes staring ahead at the wind whipped leaves against the windows.

“Do you know why I called you over?” He spoke in Japanese.

Mina looked up at his father’s broad back. “No father.”

He turned to look at his daughter and threw a brown envelope at her.

“Open it.”

Mina winced at his words but did as she was told. felt dry and her heart began to ring in her ears as soon as she saw the contents.

He sauntered over to her, eyes smoldering with disgust.

“Father I’m—“

His palm came up with lightning speed. The clear resounding slap rang through the air. Mina’s head whipped to the side on sheer impact. Out of the corner of her eyes, she witnessed the pictures whirling, falling scattered on the floor. Pictures of Chaeyoung and her—on their coffee date last week, kissing full on the lips, some were even taken a few months back.

“I didn’t raise a daughter to be a disgrace to this family.” He hissed.

Mina dropped her chin, unable to meet his eyes. Her cheeks stung, her eyes, her heart—everything. Everything hurt.

“I expect you to put an end to this shameful act right away. Do you understand?” He said with finality.

She forced to speak, but swallowed any objection.

 “Y-yes father.”

I was again reminded of what I am—a caged bird. I was still bound by the imaginary shackles that they had put on me. And you as my escape from reality were nothing but a mere illusion.

“What if… what if I asked you to run away with me,” Mina looked up at Chaeyoung and wrapped her arms around her neck. “Would you?”

“Of course, I’ll follow you to the end of the world.” Chaeyoung answered her confidently.

Chaeyoung met her probing gaze. “Why are you asking anyway?”

Mina only hummed. “Nothing.”

“One last question, what if….. what if I asked you to leave me, for no apparent reason,” She looked at Chaeyoung expectantly. “Would you?”

“No.” Chaeyoung said in a heartbeat. “Seriously is there something bothering you?”

Mina softly smiled, “Nothing, just asking.”

They had sent Toshiro over to Korea. They forced me to spend time with him—on dates. He grew into a young fine man but I still view him as the same pitiful kid back then. He was still clueless as ever.

“I love you Mina. Please give me chance.” He said with all sincerity.

“Please I’d do anything. I’d give you everything for you to love me back.”

Mina lifted a bleak gaze to meet his. “I ask you to set me free.”

“H-huh? What're you talking about?”

“Break the engagement.”

“You know I can’t do that!” He waved his arms exasperatedly.

Just as she thought. Mina doubted he could ever give her that.

“Then don’t ask me something I couldn’t do.”

The dates went on even if I was treating him coldly. It was usually once or twice in two weeks but it had become more frequent and so were our fights. It started out as small—over few missed calls, unreplied texts, getting home late—until it grew big. I was finding it harder and harder to meet your eyes. I’ve come to the point where I can barely look at you without feeling the guilt in the form of tiny needles that were slowly jabbing their way under my skin. And it that way it became harder to love you.

I knew we would have to break apart at some point but I pushed the thought in the back of my mind.  But it came sooner than I expected. The cracks started to show. Our relationship wasn’t perfect after all. When lies couldn’t deceive my mind any longer, everything began to crumble.

Until that cold night of December came. I only wished that we could have ended things in some ways a bit more pleasant but I couldn’t think of anything other than that. Those words I said to you that night left a bitter taste on my tongue.

“Chaeyoung-ah, maybe we aren’t meant for each other.” It was a lie. Mina strongly believed they were. But they were just not meant to be together, she knew that.

My heart weighed like lead as well as my feet. It was so hard to take a step away from you. My mind told me to fight but my heart said the otherwise.

With a shaky breath, Mina turned her back on Chaeyoung and walked up to the door. She knew when she stepped onto the threshold; there would be no going back. The last thing she saw with blurry eyes was Chaeyoung looking so lost and broken before closing the door behind her.

I expected you to hate me—that you would never want me back in your life but expectation doesn’t always reflect realities. You overlooked all the hurt I drove into your weak heart and came back to me. You were more persistent from what I thought. Do you know how hard it was for me to not turn the knob when you’re outside relentlessly knocking on my door asking for forgiveness?

“Mina, please open up. Please I beg you. Let’s talk. If this is about my attitude then I promise I’ll change. If I’m suffocating you then I’ll give you more space. Just… please…” Chaeyoung begged, her voice barely more than an expulsion of breath.

“Please just give me one more chance. Don’t do this to me. I need you back into my life.”

Receiving no response, Chaeyoung felt defeated. She didn’t know what else to do. She sat hunched on the floor and ran a hand through her hair in despair, her free hand clutched on where the pain has never subsided.

The tears rolled to the sides of her face and buried her face on her palm.

“Please stop this Mina. It hurts. It hurts so much.” She sobbed.

Unbeknownst to Chaeyoung, Mina heard everything she had said as she was on the other side of the door, hugging her legs to her chest, crying silently. Mina could only wish the door was only thing that's keeping them apart. Mina could only wish.

The rain that fell on that night sounded almost like the tone of their tears.

 It had always been me who’d pushed you away. I have hurt you countless of times. But I never wanted to do that. I got back to living a dull and monotonous life. Without you, everything was never the same. I was as broken as you are but I didn’t show. I acted as if I was strong—but deep down I knew I wasn’t

“What the hell is wrong with you Chaeyoung?!”

It was unusual for Mina to raise her voice. Chaeyoung was taken aback but anger had quickly clouded her mind. She jabbed a finger at Mina.  

“What is wrong with me?! Ask that to yourself being so damn flirty with that !”

“So this is what it’s all about huh? Stop being so childish and petty! You’re being irrational. It makes me sick. We’re already through Chaeyoung. I never want to see your face again.”

A wounded look came into Chaeyoung’s eyes. Mina realized she had overdone it, expressing it too harshly. But it was done and achieved its purpose.

The crevices of my façade were slowly becoming a gaping hole but I still had to put up an act.

 “Go away Chaeyoung.” Mina said in a whisper, and then for a moment she had glared.

Chaeyoung became uncertain after what her eyes had meant—sorrow, pain– but not exactly hateful.

“Don’t be like this.” Chaeyoung sounded almost begging.

“Go away.”

“Mina,” said Chaeyoung. “Don’t be like this.” Tears now rolling down her face.

“Go away,” Mina steeled herself and fought back her lips from quivering.

“Mina please,” She said. Jeongyeon had dragged her by the forearm away from them.

“Go away.” Mina clenched her fists. Chaeyoung should’ve known that it was Mina’s silent beg for stay.

I wish you’d stop holding onto me when it’s clearly hurting you.  I hope you’ll understand what I’ve been trying so hard to convey. As the weeks passed, it felt like the days stretched into nights and nights seem eternal.  My love for you only swelled, never once decreasing but I held onto the thought of you getting better-off without me as you had eventually stopped trying to get us back. I thought everything was going to be alright.

But it didn’t. You became a wreck. All because of me.

Mina had lain awake in her bed. This was no different from any other sleepless nights of the past few weeks but she promised herself, tonight was going to be the last. Her flight to Japan has been booked.  She was only waiting for the familiar ringtone that she had specifically set for someone. She glanced at the wall clock—it’s nearly two. Her phone should probably be ringing right now.

As if on cue, her phone rang on her nightstand and flashed an incoming call. It was Chaeyoung. She unlocked it to answer, grabbed her car keys and went to the door.

Mina struggled carrying the unconscious girl on her back but she managed to bring her to her bed.

“Mina.” Chaeyoung mumbled in her sleep. She grunted and tossed to the side.

Mina crouched near Chaeyoung’s head. She leaned over and let her nose brush against the sleeping girl’s cheek.  Chaeyoung’s warm breath on her lips, her face bathed in thin light from the window appeared quiet and even faintly. Her fingertips traced the arch of her brows, then her nose, down to her lips.

As she watched the other girl sleep, Mina was seized by a mix of warring emotions, crosscurrents of longing and dread.

“Chaeyoung-ah, I’m so sorry.” Mina finally whispered the words she had been repeating so many times inside her head.

“I don’t know what else to say. I’m just…sorry. I'm sorry for everything. I’m sorry for hurting you. I’m always the one hurting you. I’m so sorry for putting you through all this. I’m sorry Chaeyoung.”  Tears were streaming down her cheeks as she sobbed openly like a child.

“Remember those trivial things I have asked you? There are no more what ifs, Chaeyoung-ah. The last thing I’m asking you is to let me go. I want you to be free, to be able to find someone who will love you without doubt and fear, someone who will love you more than I do.”

Chaeyoung stirred at the sound of her voice. Mina knew it was time to go. “Goodbye Chaeyoung-ah, please take care of yourself.” She chastely kissed Chaeyoung on the lips.

Chaeyoung’s peaceful sleep was her last sight before departing.

But I knew over time you’ll learn to get used without me. The wounds we both had suffered might be healed completely by time. Even scars, they fade. I could only hope the distance between us was great enough to keep our hearts apart. And I was right.

Now that almost three years have passed, I have heard that you’ve changed a lot by the time you were away. I wanted to see you again as selfish as it may sound but I wanted to believe that you have moved on, that’s why I invited you to my wedding. I would have understood if you had refused but no, you sounded genuine when said you’ll come. It might tear open scars and weep nostalgic emotions but I promise you, this is for the better. This is what we need Chaeyoung-ah.

A gentle knock at the door made Mina realize how much she had been thinking about. There was another knock at the same gentle rhythm. “Mina unnie, are you in there?”

Taking a deep breath, Mina had to control her swarming emotions. Her finger dabbed at a lone tear before it could slide down her cheek and smudge her makeup.

 “Yes?”

A girl’s head popped around the door and flashed a knowing smile at Mina.

 Mina understood and gave a tight lipped smile.

 “I’ll be done in a sec.”

“Okay.” The smiling girl chirped and went away.

As soon as the door clicked, Mina sighed and looked at page of the journal. She shut her eyes and exerted to see everything clearly.

She looked down at the page once more and finally wrote her last words.

I guess see you in a bit Chaeyoung.

With a soft thud, she closed the journal. Mina rose to her feet, noting how her wedding gown had become lighter. She headed to the door, leaving the journal behind.

I accept hate tweets: @black_starrxx

Also calling all authors who are interested in making a spin-off.

I want a happy ending too.