The Right Love? The Right Feelings?

-Hansol's Yuta

Loving him was heaven to me contrary to how people perceive it. Our company sees it as hell… A sin…

Why can’t our love be right?

Even if the feelings inside me never felt so wrong.

“Yuta, congratulations on your debut.”

“My Hansoruuu, thanks”

He hugged me….I hugged him back so tight... Making no distance between us for the last time…for the last time.

I don’t know what will happen after this…

I may not be debuting or something worst exiled from the company…

I really didn’t know…That’s why I told myself I should be cherishing my moments with him…

I don’t want this to last… I feel like not letting go of him but I need to break our hug…

Tears started to fall at his eyes. I can’t take it. It makes my heart broke into pieces. Crying Yuta is my weakness. I can’t take it.

“Yuta, don’t worry I would watch your performance” I told him as I wipe his tears away.

I told him that even though I am not too sure if I’ll be permitted to go.

“You promised”

“I promised”

*pinky swears*

“Yuta, let’s go and pack your things”

“Hansoruuuu I don’t want to pack yet…” he said while cutely pouting while tugging my arm

“hmmm. Yuta your manager will get angry if you didn’t pack”

“but hyung, if we pack now… our time to be with each other will be lessen”

“Yuta, we can talk while packing right?” I made a fake smile as I told him while brushing his hair

“Yes. You are right” he answered while giving me his healing smile… How adorable this guy can be? I really do love him. I smiled as he walks towards his room. Oh how I love spending time with him.

As I was thinking of us together, reality suddenly hits me. An inverted U has suddenly formed in my lips. Yes, Hansol. This might be the last time you’ll be seeing him… Treasure it…

We started packing. It seems like forever. Since Yuta is making it hard for us. He keeps on removing the things that I’ve already arranged. But then he stopped already.. And suddenly…

“Hansoruuu…” then he rested his head at my shoulders

“Hmmm”

“Can you go with me?” He said with a serious tone. I know this eyes of him… It’s the look in his eyes whenever he saying what he wanted badly…

“You know, I can’t Yuta”

“I’ll be missing you….” He said and caress my cheeks…

“I’ll be missing you too” and the urge to kiss him is boiling up in me… but I don’t want to ruin our moment… That’s why I settled with a kiss on the cheeks… He blushed hardly how cute he could be.

“You, you’re such a tease” he told me with his sassy look and suddenly felt his sweet plump lips on mine. The lips that I love so much… Those sinful lips… I can’t help the urge of tasting it more. Those delicious lips that my lips is yearning for. A hungry beast has suddenly monopolized my whole system… I can’t seem to hold on anymore… I’m being rough right now at his lips… But Yuta don’t seem to bother. He just let me… I hope this wouldn’t end. But I need to let go.

“Yuta, I think you should be going.”

“But I don’t want to.” His eyes begging me

“Yuta, this is what’s best for you”

And that was the last time we see each other.

After that I was called by the company…

“Hansol, you will be sent to SM China one week from now. You’ll be training there and it’s for you to reflect on your mistakes. We hope that your romantic attachment with Yuta will be gone by the time you come back. You thought we will be letting go the both of you. No you can’t leave us. You are one of our top products so you can’t. You’re dismissed now”

I left the office… What should I do now?

SM staffs keeps on watching my doings. They are making sure I wouldn’t meet with Yuta. Days gone by, I think Yuta, is very busy now…Does he think of me? I hope so. I miss him so much… Only one day left and I’ll be flying to China.

“Hyung, please this might be the last time. I’ll be seeing him.. Promise I wouldn’t let him see me. Just let me see him for the last time.”

“Okay, Hansol promise me you won’t let him see you”

He brought me to the place where NCT 127 is having their performance. Look how my Yuta is so beautiful in the stage. My Yuta is really great… My Yuta… This might be the last time I can call him mine.

“Yuta, you really shine the brightest in stage”

“I love you so much. Goodbye”

Then I left for China. Days gone by and sadness is eating my whole system. I miss him so much… After 3 months SM brought me back to Korea.

How I miss Korea. My country and where my Yuta was.

“Hyung, welcome back” Taeyong said

“Hansoruuu” Yuta said while sadness fills his eyes.

I gave him a cold shoulder even though I am dying to kiss him now, hold him tight. I promise the company not to be too close to him. They will let me be close to him only if I ignore him. This is better than not seeing him. I’ll try my best to improve this situation. But for now I’ll settle with this set-up.

It’s been a month since I’ve arrived in Korea. Yuta he indeed is really being eaten by sadness. His healing smile has gone. My Yuta is gone.

“Hansol, did we already break up?”

I saw the boss from the distance passing by. The boss gave me his reassuring smile. “We are not together really. Stop having delusions” I told him and I felt my heart crushing as I told those words. That’s the start of Yuta ignoring me.

“The next unit will be NCT Bassbot”

“Okay, guys. Please prepare now”

“OMG we can finally be together again guys.” Johnny said

Everyone was so happily celebrating as the two of us in silence.

We practice and practice endlessly. Till we get tired….

Until one day, Yuta and I were left alone in the practice room. I saw Yuta collapsed. “Yuta, are you fine?” as I slightly patted his cheek. I hope he is fine. I just can’t handle this. I carried him in my back. I need to save him.

“What are you doing, Hansol?” the boss asked me with anger in his tone. “Can’t you see Yuta is dying? So can you please let me pass?” I answered desperately

I brought him home and asked our company doctor to look for him. He said Yuta was fine and he only needs to rest.

“Yuta, I’m sorry. I was just looking for the right timing. You know I still love you so much. Don’t leave me. You know I am just protecting you. I can’t let you down. If this is hurting you so much-“ I was telling Yuta then he suddenly wakes up and cuts me off. “Hansol, I heard it all. Why can’t you just tell me your plan from the start.I have many questions to ask, but I think for now, this is the question I needed to hear the answer. Do you still love me like you did before?”

“I still love you but I think it is more than before” He smiled at my answer and let our lips meet. “This is the one I just needed the most. Assurance” he added. This is the start of our hideous relationship once more. Still hoping this will be right for them.