A/N: As promised, here's the new multi-chapter! It's only 3 chaps this time, but I hope you'll enjoy~ This story is the product of taking a long nap with my alt rock playlist on shuffle...my first Markjin dream happened (with all my music leaking into it), and this story comes out of some of the elements of that dream :p 

 

1. Who We Truly Are

 

Having detention every day for a whole month was getting old.

 

Before getting saddled with an extended sentence, Jinyoung had never had detention before in his life. It was something he reserved for delinquents and slackers, not people who walked with their heads down, trying to stay out of trouble like himself.

 

But trouble had found him nonetheless. One false accusation of having vandalized school property backed up by lying witnesses later, he was now into his fifth day of being stuck after school mopping up the cafeteria while everyone else was having club activities or heading off to college prep. He didn't particularly want to do either of those things considering both involved being around his classmates, but sometimes when the overly fruity smell of the soapy bucket and the nagging sensation at his back from bending over so much got the best of him, being somewhere else started to feel tempting.

 

Jinyoung glanced across the room to where his detention partner was sweeping up food scraps that had fallen off the tables. That was how this school managed their crop of problem students—paired them up and assigned them to different custodial tasks around the school in rotation. In the days before this, Jinyoung had already vacuumed the library, washed all the blackboards, folded brochures for a student recital, and did inventory of classroom supplies alongside his silent partner.

 

Jinyoung had no idea how someone like his partner in punishment Mark Tuan had managed to get a detention. Mark didn't actually do anything, at least not above the bare minimum of what was required of him. He turned in his assignments, he stayed just barely in dress code, and he didn't talk out of turn in class. In fact, he didn't talk at all. Mark kept almost entirely to himself, and to Jinyoung's knowledge, he didn't have any friends (not that Jinyoung was one to talk). Sometimes one of the exchange students, the one with the weird name from Thailand, would show up around him, but other than that, Mark sat alone in the cafeteria and in class. Just like Jinyoung.

 

Maybe they could have bonded over that, but thus far they hadn't. Mark hadn't said more than a few mumbling words to Jinyoung, and Jinyoung was terrified to start a conversation with him. Mark had an intense aura Jinyoung didn't know how to approach. He was extraordinarily handsome in a way most people weren't used to seeing, but he didn't have any of the smugness of the other class pretty boys. Instead, he came across as kind of cold, like he didn't want anyone to come closer to him, and whoever tried would have to chip through a giant wall of ice to get anywhere at all with him.

 

Jinyoung didn't have it in him to make that kind of effort. Maybe he would have before, back before everything had gone wrong. But not now. He was also happy to be left alone, to not have to say anything to people who already had preconceived notions about him that were all wrong.

 

Jinyoung felt his phone buzz in his pocket and paused the steady rhythm of his mop. A smile instantly flitted across his lips. Only one person still texted him these days besides his parents, and it was the exact person he wanted to talk to.

 

He pulled out his phone out, grinning when he saw the name on the top of the screen.

 

 

From: BBPenggwin

You must be in detention right now, huh? Are you holding up all right? Can you talk?

I know it's rough getting through it, but it'll be over soon. Everything you dread doing has an end point. Isn't that great? If you just keep your eye on that end point and go towards it, before you know it you'll have walked away from what you don't like and can make your way to something you do.

Fighting!

 

Jinyoung could barely contain the smile on his face. God, he was so lucky to have discovered Penggwin right before his detention sentence had begun. It gave him something positive to focus on, a connection that hadn't been soured by Heejun and his lies.

 

He read the note a second time then began to type out his response.

 

From: Bogsunga

Thank you ^^ Already the day feels sunnier

Today wasn't that bad. I passed a bio test, and no one left crap in my locker this morning. Progress, right?

It doesn't matter as much to me anymore that things have been rough, now that I have at least one person rooting for me.

I'm mopping today, though, and it's getting very boring. What should I listen to?

 

Another perk to Penggwin. He was a music lover, and he was always giving Jinyoung playlist recommendations. He didn't like the same kind of music that Jinyoung did, but that was exactly what Jinyoung wanted: songs that could fill in some of the blanks to this person he spilled his heart to. He liked to imagine Penggwin listening to the very same songs he recommended, his head being filled with the same sounds that went into Jinyoung's.

 

From: BBPenggwin

Try “96 Heartbeats.” It's by As Tall as Lions.

Let everything bad go and work hard!

 

Jinyoung pulled up his radio app and found the song. Penggwin seemed to really like Western alternative music from artists Jinyoung had never heard of before, and this track followed the theme. He immersed himself in the beat for a few minutes, bobbing his head along to it before resuming his monotonous mopping.

 

Penggwin had been the one bright spot in what had felt like a never ending streak of bad events. Jinyoung had been so miserable and lonely that he'd did something he'd normally never do. He made a post on the Pann forums asking someone—anyone—to talk to him. After weeks of his classmates either giving him the cold shoulder or outright harassing him, he was desperate for some kind of friendly human connection.

 

For the most part, the random comments he'd received hadn't really made him feel better. They seemed like they were from the same kind of people who'd made him miserable in the first place—thoughtless, immature teenagers. He was just about to close out of the page when he saw one comment that made him stop.

 

I'm not supposed to say “I know how you feel” because I don't, the person had written. I'm probably going through something different from you. And people can't really ever feel the exact way as someone else, right? That sounds fake.

But...needing someone to talk to...I'm also like that.

If you ever need to talk to someone just to talk, I'm here.

 

Jinyoung had felt a dull ache a that. Here at last was someone who sounded like him rather than someone who sounded like everyone else.

 

So Jinyoung had clicked on the person's username and sent them a message. He hadn't expected much out of it, but he got a response back right away.

 

If you don't mind me asking, is something wrong? If you just need to talk, I can do that. But if you really need help, I can maybe do that, too?

 

Jinyoung had felt a little anxious responding. It might have been a long shot, but what if the person attended his high school? Most of his classmates used Pann, though he wasn't sure they visited the pages of desperate losers like himself. If he admitted to what was going on with him to someone in his high school, they'd know right away it was him. Thanks to who Jinyoung had 'messed with,' he'd developed quite a reputation.

 

It's really dumb, he'd finally written. There's this guy in my class like the F4 ringleader, minus the eventual redeeming change of attitude. He was dating one of my female friends, but once she figured out his true colors, they broke up. I looked after her while she was recovering. He flipped out and convinced himself I was after her. On top of convincing everyone I'd cheated with his girl under his nose, he also had his gang of friends do things like steal my books, rip of my homework assignments, and dump trash in my locker. He trashed the boy's bathroom and told one of the teachers he'd seen me do it. I just got sentenced to a month of detention, and nothing's getting better.

 

The stranger had taken a long time to respond, which convinced Jinyoung that he had been someone from his high school who now knew exactly who Jinyoung was. He was almost terrified to read the message that eventually arrived in his inbox.

 

That's not dumb, he read. That's horrible for you. I don't understand people and what they get out of being such jerkasses to each other. You helped someone, which should only be a praiseworthy thing. I hope you don't feel ashamed of yourself. You didn't do anything wrong.

I suppose I don't really know you, so I don't really know what you're like. But if people are going to hate you, it should never ever be for a reason like showing kindness. I hope you don't change that part of you just because some people are ruining it.

Anyways, there's this song quote I like. “The little things that make us real show them who we truly are, we will in time.” If you keep being you and everything that makes you who you are, I'm sure someone will see it before long.

(Sorry if that was lame. I used to have trouble speaking for myself, and I've never really had a lot of friends. Music makes it easier to communicate. Hence the quoting).

 

Maybe it was a little lame, but it was exactly what Jinyoung needed. After that, he asked the Pann user to trade chat IDs with him, and they'd been messaging ever since. They only knew each other by their online nicknames, “Bogsunga” for Jinyoung (who liked peaches), and “BBPenggwin” for unknown-nice-person (who apparently liked penguins or maybe looked like one).

 

Jinyoung had worried detention would cut into their communication time, but he and Mark pretty much went unsupervised. Mark had no qualms about whipping out his phone whenever he wanted to, so Jinyoung decided not to care either.

 

Jinyoung got to the end of “96 Heartbeats” and hit the replay button. He thought about what Penggwin might look like as he listened. Jinyoung didn't think he could be terribly smart (his Korean was basic and there were a lot of grammatical mistakes which Jinyoung had to correct mentally in his head as he read), but that didn't matter since he had a good heart. He probably had a really nice smile, too. Whether their teeth were crooked or straight, nice people always seemed to have warm smiles.

 

He wasn't sure he could ever meet Penggwin in person, though. There was a sort of comfort in being anonymous. He didn't want Penggwin to be disappointed by what he was like in real life. Although Penggwin was a kind person and would probably be OK with whatever side Jinyoung showed him, Jinyoung liked how comfortable and confident he felt when communicating through chat. When he communicated in person, he inevitably came across like a needy loser.

 

But even if the rest of the world looked into the room and saw a needy loser mopping the cafeteria with the help of a silent loser, Jinyoung felt like something special with Penggwin's song in his ears and his words still making him smile. The little things that make us real show them who we truly are...

 

Someone would see it eventually. Maybe he didn't fully believe in it himself yet, but he believed in someone who did.

---

 

“Out of my way!”

 

Jinyoung had only just processed the warning when he felt himself being plowed into a nearby locker, his books scattering onto the floor. It happened so often that it didn't even hurt anymore. He just took the moment he needed for his head to stop rattling and bent over to collect his things. He ignored the snickers. He didn't even look up to see which of Heejun's goons had pushed him. None of it mattered anymore.

 

Let it go...let everything bad go...

 

Another hand reached out to grab his pencil case. Jinyoung winced; he'd just replaced it after the last one had been stolen, and now he'd have to get yet another one or maybe start carrying his pencils behind his ear.

 

He looked up this time. Mark was the one holding onto the case, extending it out to Jinyoung. It felt like the entire hallway was staring at them. No one helped the class pariah Park Jinyoung. Heejun didn't let people help.

 

Jinyoung took the pencil case quickly. “You shouldn't do something like that,” Jinyoung mumbled quietly. “They'll target you next.”

 

Mark didn't say anything, but the look in his eyes was strangely sad. Jinyoung wondered for a moment if anyone had ever treated him like this. He couldn't imagine it, but that look had to come from somewhere.

 

Jinyoung gathered the rest of his things together and hurried away. His head was a little bruised, which was something he was used to. But for the first time in a long time, his dignity felt a little bruised as well. He'd numbed himself from feeling the embarrassment of being singled out for torture by his class, but that look of sadness had brought it back. He didn't want Mark and his sympathetic eyes to see him in that position. He just wanted to be the anonymous guy with a mop working beside him, not someone who could be known and pitied for how he really was.

---

 

They were sweeping the hallways today. Mark was not talking to him as usual, as if nothing had happened. Jinyoung decided not to talk either.

 

As soon as he'd gotten a chunk of the work done, he checked his phone. He'd left Penggwin a message earlier (Someone helped me pick my stuff up after one of the F4 jerks knocked it out my hands, and now I'm worried everyone will start torturing him, too. Should I do something?) and was curious to see how he'd respond.

 

To his delight, a message from Penggwin was waiting for him.

 

From: BBPenggwin

I understand why you're worried. But that person probably knew the risks of what he was doing, and did it anyways. Isn't that a good thing? I don't think he'd want you to be concerned about about him (though it shows how nice you are that you're concerned anyways!). If people target him because of it, it wasn't because of you. It was because he did something he wanted to do.

That's what I think, at least.

I hope you're not letting it bring your mood down ^^

 

Jinyoung smiled. How did he always manage to say the right thing?

He typed out his response right away.

 

From: Bogsunga

I'll try not to worry! Actually, it did make me a little happy for a second that this person helped. I think he forgets that I exist half the time.

 

From: BBPenggwin

Why do you say that?

 

From: Bogsunga

I see him every day, but he never talks to me.

 

From: BBPenggwin

Talking is hard. That's why music rocks. Are you able to listen right now? I'm using my music app, so we could listen play the same song together.

 

From: Bogsunga

What are you listening to?

 

From: BBPenggwin

Ah, give me a second. It's on shuffle, and the song I was listening to just ended...

Okay, it on the group Metric now. The song is called “Help, I'm Alive.” If I wanted to be hipster, I could say you've probably never heard of it.

 

From: Bogsunga:

I've heard of it now. Thanks for the advice, by the way.

 

From: BBPenggwin

Don't mention it. Although, you owe me some advice now.

 

From: Bogsunga

Sure, what?

 

From: BBPenggwin

Hmmm... actually, I'd rather cash in on it later. For now, just listen.

 

Jinyoung fiddled with his radio app until the music Penggwin had given him this time flooded his ears, and he was more than happy to close his eyes and just listen.

 

He didn't snap out of it until one of his ear buds was abruptly yanked from his ears. Jinyoung opened his eyes, blinking. Heejun's nasty face was right in front of him.

 

“Enjoying detention a little too much?” he sneered. “I'm sure the principal wouldn't be happy to know you're slacking off.”

 

Jinyoung jerked back from him, his face coloring. He hated the way this felt. Just seeing Heejun made him feel sick to his stomach, but not in such a way where it felt like it would get better if he released everything. It felt like nothing could make the accumulated fear inside of him go away. Thinking of Penggwin helped, but right now, there was nothing standing in between him and his tormentor. He had to deal with him on his own, and he didn't know how.

 

“What, are you deaf now? Did you hear what I just said? Shouldn't you be getting to work?” Heejun shoved Jinyoung by the shoulders. “I should make you shine my shoes with your spit for what you did, bastard. You can't go around sleeping with a guy's girlfriend and try to act this pitiful as if you're some kind of a freaking saint.”

 

Jinyoung had exhausted his words of denial by now, and Heejun didn't care. He believed what he wanted to believe. Jinyoung being at fault was easier to believe in than his girlfriend breaking up with him on her own.

 

“Still not going to say anything?” Heejun taunted. “How about I make you talk, huh? Does your jaw need loosening up? I could help you out with that.” He clenched his hand into a fist and pulled it back. Jinyoung pulled away, closing his eyes and bracing his body.

 

Impact never came. When he opened his eyes, Heejun's arm was still wound up to sock him the face, but there was a hand grasping his wrist. Mark was standing behind him, holding him back from touching Jinyoung.

 

“Hey,” he said. Jinyoung barely even recognized his voice, having heard it so rarely before. “Do you want to get a month of detention, too? Only an idiot would start a fight in front of a witness. I would know.”

 

“As if anybody would believe the word of a delinquent foreigner,” Heejun growled. “Shove off. It's not your business.”

 

“I can make it my business. Haven't you heard? I like fighting. I wouldn't mind giving you a black eye or two if you're so desperate for it. Just like your friend Chanhyung. Remember how his face looked? I could do that to you. It would look nice on you, don't you think?”

 

He released Heejun's wrist, and Heejun dropped his arm back down to his side. He looked at Mark for a moment as if sizing him up. Jinyoung guessed that he didn't like his chances, since he started slowly backing away.

 

“You might not get it because you're an idiot foreigner,” Heejun said in a trembling voice, “but you do not mess with me. You'll pay for it, get it? You and him both.”

 

Jinyoung held his breath until Heejun turned the corner of the hallway and went out of sight. It still felt like his legs might give out beneath him, but he didn't want Mark to see anything like that. He tried to remain steady even though he felt more shaken than ever.

 

He looked up at Mark, who had remained in place, watching Heejun retreat. Their eyes met for a moment, and Jinyoung felt a strange tremor shudder through his body. It was the same sad look as before, but he couldn't help but wonder if he'd misread it previously. It didn't quite look like pity. He couldn't put his finger on it, but he didn't think Mark was in any way looking down on him.

 

Jinyoung didn't know what to say, so he just went with the first thing on his mind. “That's why you're in detention?” he asked. “Fighting?”

 

Mark nodded. “Just the once. I don't like doing it, but it was necessary.” He said something in English that sounded a little like that first piece of deserved it.

 

“Oh,” Jinyoung said. He couldn't think of what else to say. Should he be saying thank you? If not for this, at least for Mark picking up his pencil case earlier?

 

“I don't recommend it,” Mark said flatly. “Fighting. It's not for someone like you. You just keep on being the better man, all right?”

 

With that, he put his earphones back in and went to the other side of the hall to resume sweeping. Jinyoung remained standing where he was, his head and heart pounding. The adrenaline must have finally been catching up with him. He didn't know whether he wanted to laugh, cry, or scream. He didn't know what Mark expected of him. So he continued doing nothing.

---

 

 

From: Bogsunga

I'm a little at a loss right now. Are you there?

 

From: BBPenggwin

If you need me, I'm always there.

 

From: Bogsunga

That's the thing. I think someone like you only exists in internet-reality. I don't think I could find someone like you in reality-reality.

 

From: BBPenggwin

I just pinched myself. I'm real.

 

From: Bogsunga

But you're only ever going to be in this part of my life, aren't you? You're not going to be in the Bogsunga-gets-himself-into-deep- parts where I mess up on multiple fronts in real time and can only talk to you about it afterwards.

 

From: BBPenggwin

Are you fishing around for the possibility of meeting me? You don't want to meet me.

 

From: Bogsunga

Why not? Are you secretly an alien? A spy? A 60 year old preying on an innocent child?

 

From: BBPenggwin

I'm not like you're imagining. Probably.

 

From: Bogsunga

What exactly am I supposedly imagining?

 

From: BBPenggwin

I don't know. But it isn't me. That bit about helping in real time... well, I can technically do that. But the part about telling you something good to make you feel better, I can only do that now because you're not right in front of me and I can have time to think about it. If you were right there, I'd probably say something cheesy from a Country Western. Like “Chin up, kid, we'll get 'im next time”

 

From: Bogsunga

That's not so bad. At least it's something.

 

From: BBPenggwin

Sometimes I'm not even good for something. I'm a really uncool person, honestly.

 

From: Bogsunga

Well, then. We're two of a kind.

 

From: BBPenggwin

You're OK, right? Nothing too bad happened?

 

From: Bogsunga

I'm fine. It calmed down sooner than I thought it would. I'm a little anxious, though. I keep unintentionally involving someone else.

 

From: BBPenggwin

You don't need to worry about that. If you mean the person you mentioned earlier, they seem to be doing it by choice.

 

From: Bogsunga

I know. But I don't know why they're making that choice. I don't know what to do with it. I don't know if I should say thank you or if I should just leave them be afterwards. I don't know why that person just wants to help and nothing else.

 

From: BBPenggwin

I don't know either. Maybe they also don't.

 

From: Bogsunga

It seems like something someone would know about themselves.

 

From: BBPenggwin

You'd be surprised. Anyways, shouldn't you be going to sleep by now?

 

From: Bogsunga

I don't want to stop talking ˚‧º·(˚ ˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥ )‧º·˚

 

From: BBPenggwin

You know what?

I'm just glad the two of us started to begin with