"Let's take a break. Both of us."

 

"Sure."

 

Seungcheol grabbed his coat and nodded at him once, then disappeared. He disappeared for good. He didn't even mention for how long. Jihoon smiled bitterly at the thought.

 

He wasn't sure when he would come back. If he ever came back.

 

 

 

*

 

 

 

Jihoon wondered if Seungcheol ever had the urge to call him, to show up on his door, and tell him how much he missed him.

 

Jihoon wondered if Seungcheol ever stood by his balcony thinking about him, like he himself did every night.

 

Jihoon wondered if Seungcheol even remembered him, at all.

 

Jihoon wondered if Seungcheol had fallen out of love with him.

 

Jihoon hated himself for thinking about him too much when he was pretty sure the boy enjoyed his life to the fullest right now. Probably hanging out with friends, meeting new people at some night clubs, having one night stand with random strangers, spending his dollars on stupid things he called entertainment, basically anything but mopping around like himself.

 

Jihoon needed a distraction.

 

 

 

*

 

 

 

He wasn't too sure how they ended up growing apart like this. He didn't know how the both of them had never made any effort to go out to meet and talk about their ty college life like how they usually did. He wanted to blame everything on his final project but sadly he knew better. The fault was on them.

 

Their schedule clashed really badly this semester. When Jihoon's class ended, Seungcheol's class started. When Jihoon had a day off, Seungcheol's day was packed. It's like they weren't destined to be together.

 

At first they tried to find a way and got the chance to meet each other on the weekend. But homework, group assignments, and some project happened along the way. Jihoon basically lived in his studio and Seungcheol spent most of his time in the library.

 

It's been going on like that for a month and Seungcheol couldn't take it anymore. Studying Management didn't even do any good for him in this kind of case. So he arranged a meeting with Jihoon and dropped the bomb like that. He didn't even consider Jihoon's opinion in this. Maybe he's too tired, too stressed to deal with the consequences.

 

And Jihoon kinda hated himself because he couldn't do anything but to agree with him.

 

Maybe Seungcheol was right.

 

 

 

 

*

 

 

 

 

It's been a month since the last time Jihoon saw Seungcheol on that damn cafe they once called their hangout place. His final project had been submitted and he's now free from uni duty. Gone was his one and only distraction.

 

The first night after Seungcheol declared that they needed a break from each other, he'd been restless. He abandoned his study for two days and stayed at home mopping around. Thinking about how things went wrong, what should he do with Seungcheol, what could've been done. Then Soonyoung showed up on his door bringing a new draft that had been revised and boom, he went back to a full mode again. Sure he got reminded of Seungcheol at times but the thought of him quickly got brushed off because of deadline and another task at hand.

 

Now that he's done with everything, he got panicked. After he woke up that day, he walked around his tiny apartment searching for something to do. But he already did everything the day before. No dishes to be done, no garbage to be thrown out, not even a dirt could be found anywhere.

 

And he's too tired to go out. Opening his computer was not an option. Please, he got stuck with that thing for months and he's gotten sick at the sight of it.

 

He threw himself on the couch, about to reach for a jar of cookies on the table. Then he paused for a moment and looked down at the sweater he wore.

 

It was Seungcheol's. Well, not his anymore since the older boy gave it to Jihoon a long time ago because:

 

"Aw, look at you! What a cutie."

 

"Shut up. I'm wearing this because my clothes are drenched."

 

"You shut up. You look cute in my sweater. Keep it."

 

Jihoon was just a second away from pulling off the sweater he wore before his phone buzzed.

 

It was from Wonwoo.

 

'I met Seungcheol just now'

 

Jihoon didn't know how to react to that. All he knew is that his chest tightened at the mention of him.

 

He replied.

 

'Why'

 

'Coincidence. He looked sick.'

 

'Sick?'

 

'He said he hasn't sleep for three days. Group projects, accounting, student body bull, all that craps.'

 

For a moment he thought he lived in a drama where the main lead wanted to break up because he's been diagnosed with an incurable disease or something. Thanks, God, Seungcheol was just living a college life.

 

'Is he happy, though?'

 

'What are you talking about? He looks like , Jihoon.'

 

 

He didn't know how to feel about that.

 

 

 

*

 

 

 

Seungcheol was right. Seungcheol needed a break from him. He needed a break from being a boyfriend to someone. He couldn't focus on his study if he kept going out on dates and be responsible to the said boyfriend.

 

Look at him. Jihoon has been out of his life and he's still struggling.

 

Jihoon couldn't imagine how Seungcheol's life would turn out if they were still dating.

 

Oh, they're still dating, though.

 

Right?

 

 

 

*

 

 

 

 

 

 

Five months. It's been five months already.

 

Jihoon had cried, got drunk, cursed Seungcheol's existence, and hated himself for loving someone like that.

 

It's been five months. His semester had ended, so did the semester break and a new semester would start in a week.

 

So many things had ended in five months and Jihoon was sure that his relationship did, too.

 

It's been five months since the last time he saw him. He wondered if his hair was still ashblond. He wondered if he still used a freaking peach blossom fragrance.

 

He wondered if he still liked to think about him.

 

Jihoon wanted to stop wondering.

 

 

 

 

*

 

 

 

 

"For 's sake, Jihoon."

 

"Can you ing stop using in every sentence?"

 

"You haven't called him?! How did you survive?!"

 

"I feed my dog at home."

 

"What the is that supposed to mean?"

 

"Soonyoung-"

 

"Don't 'Soonyoung' me!"

 

"But your name is Soon-"

 

"Shut up! And Seungcheol, , that bastard!"

 

"Don't do anything stupid!"

 

"Wow, joke, but we know who are the stupidest ones in this situation."

 

"Don't meddle with-"

 

"I've been trying to keep silent and did nothing for the past few months, Jihoon. But this is not right. Have you seen yourself? You look smaller than ever. Sorry, no offense."

 

"I'm offended."

 

"No, you're not. I said that to you this morning and you just nodded."

 

"Please, I want to go sleep."

 

"I won't just sit and do nothing."

 

"Soonyoung."

 

Then there's a beep.

 

 

 

 

 

*

 

 

 

 

 

Seungcheol showed up on his door three days after that.

 

Jihoon ever thought about this situation before. How he might throw himself at the taller and crushed him in a hug. How he might just pulled him by his shirt and kissed his lips.

 

Anything but punching Seungcheol in the face. Very hard his knuckles cracked.

 

Seungcheol landed on his and Jihoon had never felt so satisfied before. He just knocked the thick-boned Choi Seungcheol to the floor. He did that.

 

Jihoon panted like he just ran for miles, hands still balled in a fist. The other looked up at him on the floor with his set of huge eyes. He stared at him in horror. Like he couldn't believe what just happened. To be honest, Jihoon couldn't believe it, too.

 

"Does it hurt?" he asked but Seungcheol didn't answer. He didn't even move from his position. He just kept staring wide eyed. So, he continued.

 

"Well, I'm hurt a thousand times more than that."

 

And, with that, he slammed the door. Not even regretting what he just did.

 

 

 

 

 

 

*

 

 

 

 

 

Such a big reversal. Jihoon had never thought about despising Seungcheol this much. He only thought about sweet things and the nice qualities in him before.

 

Now that Jihoon had seen his face, he only saw fire. He felt so angry, so upset, so disappointed that he wanted to just relieve all of his stress on him. How dare he making him live in despair? How dare he making a one-sided decision like that?

 

He didn’t care at all at this point. He just wanted to get mad at him.

 

Soonyoung patted him in the back after he heard the news.

 

"Wow, Jihoon, that's the most impressive thing I ever heard from you other than your music."

 

And it's a huge compliment.

 

 

 

 

*

 

 

 

 

 

Seungcheol followed him around after that. Jihoon just acted like he didn't exist.

 

The boy followed him to his class, to his studio, to the cafeteria, everywhere, and ended up in front of his apartment.

 

"Jihoon, please talk to me."

 

Jihoon sighed and turned around to face him properly for the first time. He noticed the dark circles under his eyes, and his newly-dyed jet-black hair. He looked amazing, but Jihoon would never admit that.

 

Wasn't this what he wanted? For Seungcheol to come back to him? Wasn't this the reason why he lived so poorly for the past few months?

 

"Get lost."

 

But that was what he told him.

 

 

 

 

*

 

 

 

 

He used to think that girls are the most complicated being in the whole world. He had a girlfriend once, in high school. But they broke up simply because Jihoon was shorter than her. Then why the would she date him in the first place?! Jihoon just couldn't understand. They gave him headache because he just didn't know what they wanted.

 

But now he realized that human, all kind of people was just complicated.

 

Jihoon was so confused. ing feelings, just what the hell did his heart want?

 

 

 

*

 

 

 

 

Seungcheol didn't give up. Of course. That's just how he was. ing rock head.

 

At some point near mid-term exam, Jihoon had lost it.

 

"You are a ing , do you know that?"

 

They were sitting on the bench just near Jihoon's department building. The smaller just wanted to read his book in peace when Seungcheol showed up and begged to talk to him.

 

"I’m sorry. I know."

 

"Do you know how wrecked I was after you left me at that ing cafe? You didn't even give me time to react! You're just gone!"

 

"I.... I don't know. I’m sor-"

 

"Of course you don't know! You don't know how restless I was, how bad my drinking habit was, how hard I cried every night, how I tried to understand you!"

 

Seungcheol didn't say anything. Neither did Jihoon.

 

After a good five minutes, Jihoon took a deep breath and asked him in a cold voice.

 

"Why did you come back? I thought we are over already?"

 

"No! Jihoon, I never-"

 

"Then what's been stopping you?!"

 

"I'm a ing idiot! That's enough reason,"

 

"No, I don't think so."

 

"Jihoon, please."

 

"Don't ing 'please' me, Choi Seungcheol. You are a blithering idiot, even Soonyoung knows that much!"

 

Seungcheol looked around. "Let's continue this in your apartment. Please?"

 

Jihoon didn't even have any choice.

 

 

 

*

 

 

 

 

Jihoon threw his backpack on the couch, then himself. He let out a long sigh and ruffled his hair tiredly while closing his eyes. He heard someone coughed a little.

 

Right. Choi Seungcheol.

 

"Go sit anywhere."

 

"This couch?"

 

"On the floor, on the kitchen counter, wherever. I don't care."

 

At this point, Jihoon knew how they would end up anyway. Jihoon just knew it. Even without Seungcheol telling him the reason, he knew that he would end up throwing himself at him.

 

But, it's not in the procedure.

 

Seungcheol decided to sit beside him. Jihoon could smell his peach blossom fragrance and he mentally cursed himself for missing it just as much as how he missed the person. ing feelings.

 

"I can't do this anymore, Seungcheol."

 

Seungcheol turned at him so quickly he might sprain his neck. They stared at each other for a while. Seungcheol's wide eyes against his tired ones.

 

"Jihoon, please let me explain. I was-"

 

"Gosh, please stop talking!"

 

"Jihoon, please-"

 

Then he pulled him by his collar and kissed him roughly.

 

ing feelings.

 

 

 

 

 

*

 

 

 

 

 

"My father was mad because I got three Cs last semester."

 

Jihoon hummed, playing with the buttons on Seungcheol's flannel while the older lovingly caressed his soft brown hair. He wasn't sure how Seungcheol ended up spooning him on the couch. But he would be a total liar if he didn't miss this. He'd been longing for this moment for months, okay?

 

"I was scared. He lectured me for hours when he found out. And he said something about stop dating for a while for the sake of my study. I cannot fail anymore if I want to graduate quickly. I already have two classes that I need to retake next year."

 

"So, I thought that we needed a break. I wasn't thinking about the consequences at all. I thought this would help and I didn’t think about your feelings. I'm so selfish and thoughtless, Jihoon. I didn’t care about how you feel. I’m sorry, Jihoon. I’m so sorry." 

 

Jihoon snuggled deeper into the crook of his neck. He closed his eyes and Seungcheol took that as a cue to continue.

 

"At first I was doing well. I spent my time in the library and went out with my friends less. I didn’t even drink. But, every time I went to bed at night, every time I opened my eyes in the morning, you're the one I could think about."

 

"You're a sap."

 

"I'm not joking! It's true! God, I miss you so much, Jihoon."

 

He tightened his grip on Jihoon's waist as he inhaled the scent of his hair.

 

"You changed your shampoo?"

 

Jihoon let out a soft chuckle.

 

"It smells like Busan, isn't it? With traces of jasmine and watery cyclamen layered with leafy greens, blond woods, and airy metallic notes."

 

Seungcheol snorted at that. He didn't forget how Jihoon could sound robotic and salesman-ish at times. But he gotta admit that he missed it.

 

"I cannot understand half of the things you're saying. And I’m a Daegu person. You said Daegu is all mountains."

 

"That was what InStyle said." He referred to the shampoo, but of course Seungcheol didn’t get the clue.

 

"InStyle?"

 

Jihoon looked up and pecked him on the lips quickly.

 

"Shut up."

 

"Jihoon-"

 

"I said shut your-"

 

"I love you."

 

Jihoon couldn't help but smile at that. He found Seungcheol's free hand, interlocking their fingers together.

 

"You're an idiot. But I love you, too."

 

 

 

 

 

 

*