I see the sun leans down to the horizon and I am here, playing with the sands, hearing the sound of waves running and bumping at each other. I hug my knee as I stared at the gradation of yellow, orange and red sky while thinking about you. The one who used to sit beside me in silence.

Why? I keep asking that to myself.

I take some sands and let it goes through the gap between my fingers.

Did I hold you too tight?

Foolishly in one word everything falls apart

I'm ok, I'm a bit busy these days

I met with friends and laughed often and even began to like the weekends

I didn’t count on how many days had passed without you. Your call. Your face. Your text. Your scent. Your nag.

You.

You didn’t know how hard I tried to even face the world, trying to float from the sea of depression.

You.

The memories of you kept pulling me down, tugging me so hard that I cried, while lacing my fingers together, begging for it to stop bugging me.

How should I fight when the fight was with the memories of you? That had been planted so deep, growing bigger every time I fed it with my lonesome nights. I could never win.

But that morning eventually came. When I saw myself like the worst human being in the world –trashy. Dark color surrounded my eyes, uncut and messy hair, not to mention I still had the feather pendant with me. The one you gave to me at my birthday, saying that it was a feather of an angel, that I was your angel that blessed you every time I smiled at you.

Then I decided to change. I couldn’t live in a world full of the imaginary you. The one I created string by string so I felt safe in my own cocoon. When the sun rays hit my face softly, I just knew.

I would be okay.

I began to face the people again. I tore the cocoon. I went out at Friday night, playing with my friends and wasted myself on Saturday.

But got lonely again as the Sunday came.

But I would be okay. I will be okay.

Shake Shook me up

I'm really regretting