Don't Fade Away
Don't Fade Away“LOOK EVERYONE ITS MINOH!” HaEun yelled as I was roughly pushed to the floor. I was currently in school and in the hallway heading to my last class. She stood above me and looked down at my small figure. “Hey Minoh, I heard you fell in love with Ren…” Ren...Choi Minki... “HaEun don’t…” Someone spoke up as she leaned down to my level and whispered words too harsh for me to hear, “too bad he’s dead." Tears fell down my cheeks as I remember how it happened. He was right in front of me. I could’ve saved him. It should’ve been me anyways. It should’ve been me, not him. I was there when he took his last breath. It should’ve been me...
I danced around on the sidewalk as he laughed and watched me. “I’m a ballerina!” I yelled smiling. “You’re the best ballerina in the world.” Ren said with a big bright smile. I jumped and twirled and made sure I pointed my toes. I stopped dancing and looked at Ren’s smiling face. “You’re not dancing.” I playfully pouted. “Nah I’m not a dancer.” He said crossing his arm and leaned on his left leg, sticking his right out. “You’re better than me.” I said walking up to him and rubbed his arms. He put his arms down and smiled again. His smile never failed to take my breath away. His perfect dark brown eyes and his always-changing hair. It was currently short and black. His bangs were in his face and the sunlight behind him made him look like an angel. I pushed his bangs out of his face and he stared at me while I did so. “What?” I asked as I blushed under his intense gaze. “Nothing.” He looked away seeming embarrassed. I linked arms with him and began walking again. I held him close to me. I held him like if I was to loosen my grasp he would fly away. I looked down at my dark blue vintage halter neck dress with white polka dots. I curled my hair a bit since it was finally long enough to do something with. I wore black saddle shoes and a red headband. My 2 other friends helped with my makeup. The reason I was so dressed up is because Ren asked me to go get coffee and my friends Andrea and Kassandra (aka Kassy) immediately thought ‘DATE’. We walked to the cafe and the cafe was unique. They had a piano that customers could play with and perform. “Minoh…” Ren whispered as we sat down. “Go sing…” He said. “No. Ren you know how I get stage fright.” I replied. “Just imagine I’m the only one here. Like its just me and you.” He said as he held my hand across the table. I looked towards the piano and gulped. “I-I-I can’t.” I stuttered as I saw the other people in the cafe. “Please. For me?” He looked at me with big puppy eyes and a pout. After looking at his cute face for a good few minutes I finally gave in. I stood up and walked to the piano. I sat down and felt multiple pairs of eyes on me. I looked at Ren and took a deep breath. ‘Just imagine its just you and him. The only people in the room. The only people in the world. Just you and Minki.” I thought to myself. I opened the piano and cleared my throat. I set my fingers on the cold black and white keys and began playing.
"I found myself dreaming, in silver and gold, like a scene from a movie, that every broken heart knows.” I sang. Ren looked at me like I was the only girl in the world. “We were walking on moonlight, and you pulled me close, split second and you disappeared and then I was all alone.” I played the piano and soon felt like it really was just Ren and I in that room. The smell of coffee was strong in the air and the feeling of love was pouring out into the song I sang. “I woke up in tears, with you by my side, a breath of relief, and I realized, no, we’re not promised tomorrow. So I’m gonna love you, like I’m gonna lose you, I’m gonna hold you, like I’m saying goodbye, wherever we’re standing, I won’t take you for granted cause we’ll never know when, when we’ll run out of time, so I’m gonna love you like Im gonna lose you, I’m gonna love you like I’m gonna lose you.” I glanced at Ren and he looked at me with his eyes watering. I made him cry, good job Minoh you made the love of your life cry. GREAT ING JOB now continue the song. “In the blink of an eye, just a whisper of smoke, you could lose everything, the truth is you never know. So I’ll kiss you longer baby, any chance that I get, I’ll make the most of the minutes and love with no regrets. Let’s take our time, to say what we want, use what we got before it’s all gone cause no, we’re not promised tomorrow. So I’m gonna love you, like I’m gonna lose you, I’m gonna hold you, like I’m saying goodbye, wherever we’re standing, I won’t take you for granted cause we’ll never know when, when we’ll run out of time, so I’m gonna love you like Im gonna lose you, I’m gonna love you like I’m gonna lose you.” I looked at him again. He was smiling with his watery eyes. I was singing my heart out to him. To my best friend. To the man I fell in love with. "I’m gonna love you, like I’m gonna lose you, I’m gonna hold you, like I’m saying goodbye, wherever we’re standing, I won’t take you for granted cause we’ll never know when, when we’ll run out of time, so I’m gonna love you like Im gonna lose you, I’m gonna love you like I’m gonna lose you.” The song ended and I stood and bowed to the crowd that cheered for me. I sat down at the table and looked at Ren who was speechless. “What? Do I have something on my face?” I asked. “Your voice… The song…” He couldn’t speak properly. “Why did you sing that song?” He asked. “Because… Because I wanted to.” I said looking at my hands that were on the table. “Minoh… Your voice is the most beautifulest voice I have ever heard in my entire life.” He said. I looked up and our eyes met. My face turned as red as my headband and I looked away embarrassed. “C’mon, this place is packed. I wanna walk around and talk to you more.” He said as he stood up. Before I could respond he took my hand and pulled me outside. We walked and talked more. The sun was setting and I was getting cold. “Here.” He took off the jacket he wore and put it on me. It was warmed and smelled like him. “Ren I…” I whispered as I looked at his flawless face. He looked towards me. “Huh?” He asked. “N-Nothing…” I refused to confess to him now. We waited at the crosswalk and once it was time to walk I went ahead. “MINOH!!!” Was all I heard before I heard a car horn and looked into two bright lights. Before the car hit me I was pushed out of the way. It all happened to fast. I looked up at the sky and heard people screaming. ‘Where’s Ren?’ was my first thought. I stood up and looked around but didn’t see him. ‘He didn’t….’ I looked towards the car and saw him. He was on the floor. He was bleeding everywhere. I ran to him and immediately held him in my arms. “Ren don’t leave me please please please don’t leave me.” I cried and begged. “God please don’t take him away.” I whispered as I held him close. “M….M…..Minoh…..” He whispered. I looked at his cut up face and smiled with tears running down my cheeks. “Ren please don’t leave me. Please.” I said. My tears dripped onto his shirt. “Minoh I….” He was trying to say something. “Ren? Ren what is it?!” I cried more. He didn’t speak. The paramedics came and took us to the hospital. “Ren please stay strong.” I cried as I held onto his hand. He held mine as a sign he was still there even though he never spoke. We got to the hospital and he went into surgery. “Please live…. Please be alive… Stay alive for me…” I whispered as I saw the surgeons take him away from me. “Minoh?! What happened!!” His 4 friends came in and so did Andrea and Kassy. “Ren.. He pushed me out of the way… He got hit by a car and he’s in surgery. It should’ve been me he didn’t have to do that. It’s my fault. I didn’t look. It’s all my fault.” I cried. The eldest of his friends, Aron, hugged me. “It’s not your fault.” He whispered. “Montana nobody knew this would happen, don’t blame yourself.” Jr said. I cried more, “I was going to tell him I loved him…” I whispered. The room went silent after I said that. “I sang to him at our favorite cafe. I was going to tell him I loved him. This is all my fault.” I was sobbing. “Minoh… Please don’t be hard on yourself…” Kassy and Andrea said. “How can I not be?! He’s probably going to die and it was all MY fault.” I said. I was so pissed off at myself. “He loved you too…” Baekho spoke up. I looked at him. “What?” I asked. “He was going to confess to you after today. He bought you this.” Minhyun pulled out a rose gold necklace with an “M” charm and a heart charm on it. I cried even harder and fell to my knees in the lobby of the hospital. “I-I’m g-g-going to l-lose h-him forever..” I cried and held the necklace close.
Hours passed and the doctors told me what room he was in. I ran to the room so fast I almost fell numerous times. Once I got inside I ran to his side and stayed there. He was breathing and he seemed fine. “Minoh….” He whispered. “I’m here. I’m here Ren…. I’m here and I’m not going anywhere.” I said as I held onto his right hand. He squeezed my hand and the tears began again. “Minoh I…” He spoke. “What Ren… What is it…” “I love…” The tears came down harder as his grip started loosening and the meter next to him beeped like crazy. “I love you…” He let go of my hand and I was pushed out of the room. The doctors came out with sad faces and I knew… I knew he was gone.
I got up from the floor of the hallway and looked HaEun in the eye. “You’re a you know. Also! Does Nico know you sleep around with half the football team? And does he know that you skinny-dipped in his best friends pool while he was over? Do your friends know that you talk CONSTANT trash about them? Does your family even know about the little 'problem' you had 9 months ago?” I spoke. The room went silent and she started crying. “Don’t mess with me HaEun.” I pushed past her and kept walking. I told the teacher of my next class I wasn't feeling well so they sent me home. I live alone and didn’t want anyone over. I dropped my bag on the floor and plopped on my couch. “Minoh? You’re home so soon?” I looked to my left and saw him sitting there. “I took care of HaEun, Rennie. I didn’t want to deal with anyone after that and I came home.” I said. I see dead people if you didn’t know. I see the ones that never truly lived their life. Ren never got to live his so I see him all the time. He ‘lives’ with me. The thing I hate is when he has to leave. He always fades away and it reminds me that I really am alone. “Finally. I was getting so sick and tired of that .” He said smiling. I reached towards his face but my hand went through it. “I want to touch you so badly.” I said sadly. “I know you do… I’ll find a way for it to happen again Minoh. I can’t be without you much longer.” He said. He became more transparent. “Please don’t fade away.” I whispered. “I’ll be back.” He reached towards me but right before his hand would’ve touched my face he was gone.
It’s been a year since his death and I couldn’t be more depressed. I always see Ren and talk to him. His friends know I see him. My friends know I see him too. I didn’t go to school today since it was the anniversary. I remained in my bed and stared at him. He grew stronger to the point where I could somewhat feel his touch. It was cold and ghastly but it was there. He was currently holding my hand and stared into my eyes. We remained on the bed just staring. “Minoh…” He finally spoke. “Don’t fade away please. Not yet.” I scooted closer to him. My head touched his chest. “I’m not leaving yet.” He chuckled. He rested his arm around my waist and held me to his cold spirit. “Ren I love you.” I spoke. “I love you too.” He replied. A tear ran down my cheek. “Don’t cry. You’re too beautiful for sad tears.” He said looking at my face. “I just… I can’t stand being with you but then not. I hate it when you fade away and remind me I am alone. We can’t grow old together we can’t have a family we can’t do the things we want. It should’ve been me Ren. You should’ve lived.” I cried hard. “We can.” He said. I looked at him with a confused expression. “I have a gift for you. Go to the living room.” He said. I got up and walked into the living room. “Why do I-“ I felt two arms wrap around me from behind. I looked at the hands, they were filled with life. I cried even more as I held onto them and felt warmth. I felt a heartbeat on my back and slowly turned around and saw the flawless face I fell in love with. “I made a deal with the man upstairs. I’m back. I told him how much I needed you and how much I needed to go back and he saw how you were suffering without me and he let me come back.” He said. Tears streamed down my cheeks as I hugged him tightly. He hugged me back. “Ren I missed you so much.” I cried. “I missed you too. I missed you so much.” I lead him to the couch and we laid down together. My head was on his chest and I listened to the music known as his heartbeat. “It beats for you.” He whispered. “I missed your cheesiness.” I smiled. I leaned in close to his face and touched noses. “I missed your teasing.” He said. “My teasing? Wha-“ He smashed his lips onto mine in a long sweet passionate loving kiss. “I’ve waited so long to do that.” He smiled. I felt his hot breath on my lips and went back for another kiss. His pink lips were so soft and kissable. I could kiss them all the time if I could. “Don’t fade away anymore.” I whispered. “I’m not going anywhere.” He replied.
He always told me, "the strength of our love brought me back." but it doesn't matter to me. He's back and he's not fading away from me anytime soon.
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