Love is a fake word.

"Babe when are you coming home tonight? I made your favourites."

"I don't know baby, probably late so don't wait up on me ok"

"But this is the third time you've been out this week..."

"I'll try to be home by midnight alright jagi?"

".....fine" I turn around trying to hide the tears in my eyes and head back towards the kitchen when i feel arms around my waist and someone breathing down my neck. I shiver.

"Don't be mad love, i'll be back before you know it hmm? Dont cry my dear i hate it when you cry."

"....ok.."

"I love you jagi"

"Love you too..." and with that i hear our old creaky door close.

Love is an abused word

"Jagi please stay home, you've been gone for more then a week an-"

"Y/n. You know why I need to go out tonight. Don't make this difficult."

"But-" he interrupts me.

"Don't worry I'll be fine"

"You can't ju-"

"I love you"

"No you can't just leave me again! Stay, at least for tonight."

"I love you, I'm sorry"

He's lying, he's not sorry. He quickly kissed my head before he left, left me in our little run down apartment. With a small kitchen containing our fridge, oven under our stove top and a small sink on the side. Our living room that consists of a small black couch with patches that need to be sewed up, little TV in front of it and our coffee table in the middle. The last little bit of our apartment was the bedroom along with the bathroom at the end of the hall. Everything's the same, I'm alone again.

The word meaning you have found another take care and cherish with all your strenght and finally having a sence of responsibility for one another, but also knowing you have someone to come back to every day that was rough, having a shoulder to lean on when all your emotions just can't be contained anymore. Having someone who knows who the real you is without the act you have to put on everyday. A word like this with such a deep and important meaning stained and tainted by our use of it in this generation. A word that people think is a game.

"Jungkook, do you-.....do you still love me? Do you still feel for me? A-am i still the one you think about everynight before you go to bed?...Am i the one you really want?" i ask with my face in his chest and hands grabbing his shirt.

"Why with the sudden questions y/n? Are you alright jagi?"

"Just- just wanted to know that's all. The voices are getting louder these days and i dont know how to shut them up. But when i asked you the questions they've been asking me, i finally have them at peace."

"Well then i'll answer each and every one." he said as he kissed my head

"Of course i love you, now and always. My feelings for you are always strong and that wont change. I think about you not only before i go to sleep but every hour, every minute, every second of the day," he says as he lifts my chin up with his fingers making my stare right at him.

"and my love, you are the only i have ever thought about being with." With that he gave a kiss. The tears i've been holding finally escapes my eyes as we broke the kiss.

"T-then why, Jungkook. Why do you alway's leave me. I'm always alone without you and you know how i feel when im alone. Its not even because im s-scared anymore, i feel so depressed. I feel like i actually lost e-e-everyone"I start hiccupping, i must look so pathetic right now.

"Y/n-"

"The voices talk to me even more when you're gone you know? They tell me about how you're not coming back, how I'm a fool and should just stop with this whole thing they call a dream, how im just wasting your time, how I'm just a person who not only drives everyone away but bring everyone who i encounter with bad luck. A-and how you actually don't feel the sa-"

"I love you, don't ever think other wise"

"S-say it a-again, say it again" i look up to him to see him looking right back at me.

He leans down and whispers into my ear with his soft voice saying,"I love you, I love you, I love you jagi, i really do."

I just lay there in his embrace as i let his words sink in. He loves me, he loves me. I'm not alone. Im not alone.

We stay silent as the rest of the movie plays in the background. He's always saying how much he needs me and how much he "loves" me but every time he tells me i now hear it, there is no truth in his voice. His eyes that were staring down on me looked so lost without any source of life in them. His body even tenses up. I've picked them up over the years, the signs, and each times any one goes in play it honestly hurts, hurts like ive been stabbed multiple times with the same knife. In and out, in and out, in and out. The truth is, I know he doesn't love me, I've known for some time now but, but I just cant stand the thought of someone else leaving me again. Not when the rest of the world is in such a mess right now, if he were to leave, I'd actually be alone. No one with me. No one. My biggest fear. My biggest nightmare. 

Lust and Disire is all he seeks, while I just need a lil company

"Jagi are you there? Jagi? Y/n?!"

"Yes jungkook im in the bedroom" I said as I sat up from the bed still a little lost in the morning hour.

"Ah there you are my love" He said as he sat down and snuck his arms around my waist and resting his chin on my shoulder.

"What's wrong kookie?" 

"Nothing love, just- let's just stay like this a little bit longer. I know how much you've missed me. I also can't have my girlfriend having all those annoying voices in her head telling her lies when I'm right here and that wont change." That woke me up, not only me but my voices too.

"But they keep saying it and i dont k-know what to do. I-I-I cant even tell the difference between real or fake an-anymore." The voices came back, i dont know how to shut them up! I start breathing faster and heavier, i feel like my eyes are going to pop out their sockets, my hands are at my ears trying to block the noise, and my knees are to my chest.

"Y/n im right here-"

"I don't k-know anything anymore jungkook.." i look at him, i dont know why but a small smile appeared on my lips. 

"Fight them y/n-ah, the only reality right now is me, here, with you."

"Love me?"

"Of course my love. For now and always."

He's lying again. I can already sense it a mile away now. It really hurts, to be honestly. But I can't bear the pain of not having someone at all. That I know will hurt more.

Once you break you can't be fixed. Broken is broken even if it looks new, it couldve been shattered but just recently put back together. However you may look in the future, you can't change the past.

We're watching a movie again. I dont know why but it seems like he just cant sit still, i let it go because i think hes just trying to get comfortable but the he pauses it.

"Y/n I have something to tell you"

"Yes kookie?" i look up only to see him looking right at the tv screen.

"I'm sorry my love but,...I-i don't think I..."

"What? Spit it out jungkook."

"Y/n I dont l-lo-love you anymore..."

"Y-you-you're lying to me. I-i dont like this joke k-ko-kookie. Tell me its a joke, please."

"I-im sorry y/n."

"B-but then that'll mean y-you'll leave me-"

"I know you knew for quite some time now, that all this was a set up. Why didnt you tell me?"

"Why.... why....... WHY?!" I stand up, i cant control how i feel right now.

"I didnt tell you because I thought that if I lived under your fake love and your fake words maybe one day, one ING DAY you'll just love me back. You'll be the one to save me from myself. To save me from drowning. THAT YOU WILL BE THE ONE WHO WOULDN'T GIVE UP! Yes you lied but you did it because you cared. You pitied me, and I loved it! I ing loved it Jeon Jungkook! I was in desperate need to have someone, anyone to care and give a ABOUT ME! I gave up my pride and myself just because for you."

"If you knew you could've told me! We could've found another living human being to put up WITH the the likes of YOU! Maybe Your stupid voices were right, you do drive everyone away, your just bad luck AND MAYBE IT WAS YOUR OWN DAMN FAULT THAT YOUR FAMILY ABANDONED YOU-"

He stopped.

I stopped.

My whole world stopped and maybe, maybe just broke. Again.

"Y-y/n, y/n I'd didn't mean that I was just-"

"Me, myself and I. Me, myself and I. That's all I'll ever need right? If I let no one in, t-then no one can hurt me. If no one hurts me t-then i wont need anyone to protect me right? Oh, but it looks like I've made a mistake here hmmmmm, there's someone in my house! And that person isn't me! Oh gosh what do I do?!"

"Y/n! Y/n please! I'm sorry I didn't mean it! I love you...."

"hehehe...hahahahaha! Oh gosh kookie! Love?! What a useless word! I don't need your pity anymore kookieeee. The lust is gone so please. Just leave. Don't come back. No one gets in anymore, not even you....hehe whats that word you always called me? hmmmmm let me think.....OH i know, LOVE. Hahahaha. My what a tease i am hmm."

"Y/n please..."

"JUST LEAVE" He looked at me with tears in his eyes while I was already sobbing, i dont know when i started crying but i guess i am. He looked at me one last time as he uttered a soft 'thank you' and some thing in the lines of 'i'll come back for you' before he left going to God knows where. Probably his real girlfriends's house. They'll break up soon. Nothing last. Not for long.

The voices were right. I just drive people away. My fear of being alone, forgotten is just to much to handle. Being alone means no one can forget about me, being alone means just having no one to be by your side so you have to stand up for yourself. What ever way you look at it, it will always have a bad side huh?

You're broken. You've fallen. Now you don't need, now you wont feel anything because all of that is in the past.

It's been 3 months since I started to live with me, myself and I. Same old kitchen with the fridge practically empty, the oven filled with pots and pans that haven't been used in a while, and the stove looks like it need's some cleaning. The same old living room with the same couch, same TV and the same coffee table. The bedroom is half empty with jungkook taking his leave and having g to bring all his stuff with him. The bathroom, the bathroom really looked like nothing has changed. It looked identical to the day both jungkook and I fought. 

I walking side and im face to face withmy bathroom mirrior. Gosh, i look like hehe. What is my actual purpose for walking these grounds. Why am i here. What am i doing with such a life.

The voices these days have been asking the same questions over and over again.

'Is life worth living if all you'll ever be is alone?'

'Aren't you tired darling?'

'Haven't you've had enough dear?'

'Dont you wish you can watch a far to all those who brought you misery and finally watch them suffer?'

They have a point. I see that there is no point in this pitiful life if all humans are going to do is leave, forget or just stab you in the back.

It'll feel a lot better in over on the other side dear, because, over there you can't feel anything at all.

My bathtub is already over flowing and fluding my entire apartment. My head hurts so much, must be all those pills I took earlier huh? The gasoline has already been poured all over my room, on my bed and has soaked my clothes. The lighters in my hand, I light it.

Now all you gotta say is goodbye

"Goodbye.."

I throw the lighter to the ground and everything catches in fire. The light is so bright but all I could see was black.

"News report: Small apartment building catches on fire. Investegators assume this was a suicidal act. There were no survivors. More information coming in tonight, stay tuned. Now for the weather-"

*Off*

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I think this is going to be a 2-shot, i dont know when it'll be up but i do have an idea for it:)))))