TITLE: (3/5)

In the time that I spent trying to figure Wordpress out, I kept coming back to look at your title, and every time, I thought I was missing something because it does not seem complete. While I understand that it may be the point, it isn’t full and it doesn’t tell me anything except for the fact that there will probably be awkwardness in the story.

FOREWORD + DESCRIPTION: (7/10)

Your foreword and description don’t exactly pull me in. After reading the story, I feel like your description is somewhat misleading. Yes, there is a lot of awkwardness, and yes, they both feel it, but with how I interpreted your story, it really felt as though that wasn’t the reason they were feeling awkward.

GRAMMAR + PUNCTUATION: (11/15)

You have proper capitalization and all, but your commas are all over the place. You have way too many commas, and you place them in front of unnecessary things. “She did not want to admit this to herself, more so, out loud, because she did not know how she would begin to apologize anyway.” Is one of the few sentences you have that has way too many commas. With words like because and when, don’t put a comma beforehand since these are subordinate conjunctions. There are a few more examples, but they’re all the same thing.

Another thing that you really have to watch out for is the fact that you switch between past and present tense a lot. “She was reminded of what she owes him” is a perfect example of this. You have was followed immediately by owes. For the most part of the story, you have written in past tense, but every now and then there are switches over to present tense. Watch out for that.

In the beginning and actually both times Chanyeol thinks of Krystal as Soojung, you have him go “Soojung—sorry, no—Krystal” and this is an effective way of showing that Chanyeol has to pause and stop himself, but you overuse the hyphens. Try to lessen that.

CHARACTERIZATION: (10/20)

There really was not much for me to go off of. With a story less than 2000 words, I couldn’t get much of feel for who they were. Besides the fact that they were just two people who felt awkward around each other, you didn’t give me much else to work with.

PLOT: (10/20)

The whole ‘unrequited love but it’s actually requited’ plotline is one of the most used plots ever. They get boring if there isn’t a new element added to them, and in your case, the element is awkwardness. It’s not enough, though. You’ve written around the real problem, going back and forth between Chanyeol and Krystal, not really delving too deeply into either of their personal feelings. While you do give some basis as to what is happening and how it happened, the whole structure of the story is loose and ill-fitted.

If I’m to be honest, it seems like you chose the title of the story before writing anything down and then tried to adjust to it.

FLOW + WRITING STYLE: (5/10)

You jump back and forth between Chanyeol and Krystal. In one paragraph, you’re describing Chanyeol’s awkwardness, and then in the next, you’ve suddenly moved onto Krystal. Your transitions are messy and they’re hard to follow, the timeline especially. You mentioned Yejin early on in the story and then suddenly went back to her when Krystal was thinking. Try to stick to one point of view, or even make it clearer and transition more smoothly to when you want to change views.

ENDING: (4/10)

It was a loose ending. You never completely cleared up whether or not Chanyeol still had feelings for her or not, but the description seems to imply that he does. It was a flimsy ending that you seemed to have put together simply from the title of the story.

ENJOYMENT: (2/10)  

I can't say that I much enjoyed your story. Yes, there was a beginning and an end, but neither of them were very clear. It was as if you took a short excerpt out of an originally much longer story and decided that it was now a full story on its own. Already, I’m not a big fan of straight relationships, much less ones that I know aren’t confirmed. You jumped from one thought to another way too often for my liking, and your attempts at connecting those ideas just turned out to be very repetitive.

TOTAL: (52/100)

I can see that you tried with this story. While there are certainly many ways that you could improve, you’ve put quite a bit of thought and effort into it. You tried your best to link your ideas together, even though it just ended up being repetitive. I am assuming that English is not your first language, as you have a few sentences here and there that are stiffly written and your grammar is not the best. Otherwise, you’re done a good job with this story.