It was still the same, the curve of when their eyes accidentally met—or his intentional attempt of finding a chance to look at her—still pretty, that smile, the same usual smile that stretched her lips until her bunny teeth showed up and it calmed his heart, the familiarity that built over the past year and it’s still there.

The hallway on this building was spacious before his eyes, and those pictures of his colleagues in different group hung up by the wall seemed to observe him as he took those steps forward. He walked past the other girls and they moved back, seemed already used to this and she smiled even wider when he approached her, wearing his best smile as he stared directly at her orbs. It felt like the autumn breeze was caressing his skin now, although it wasn’t supposed to happen in this stuffy air.

“Hey,” he started while studying her face a lot closer now through his spectacles. There’s a slight change in her expression that was quickly being replaced by her bubbling laughter and Jinyoung was made speechless once again.

 “It’s been a while.” She could not suppress the forming grin on her lips. He felt the warmth rising to his face and heard his heart thumped three beats faster. It made Jinyoung’s throat felt tight. No, it must be a lot longer than a while ago. He didn’t realize when his hand’s already reaching out to her, itching to touch everywhere that was her but suddenly he stopped mid-air (as if it was watching him, the faint music of Baek A Yeon’s Shouldn’t Have played on the background was also stopped). A lot of people were passing by then, and the clock ticked by but Nayeon was standing still, looking at him—as if she expected something, and it only became more awkward as he put his hand back on his side.

“Yeah, right. It’s hard even to see you here nowadays.” Jinyoung replied fast and regained his composure, forcing his laugh while tearing his eyes from her. He didn’t want his mind to slip again, no matter how much he missed the girl, he needed to pay more attention to his action now.

“Uh-uh. Hey, aren’t you supposed to say something, Oppa?” She brought her hands to the back and bounced to him happily. The thin lines of her lips quirked up, and the air melted into something more lively, accompanied with the glow on her glinting eyes. Jinyoung was stunned for a moment because it felt too real, and he wanted to go back—just like the old days, when everything was only about him and her.

Jinyoung smiled, and this time he took the courage to actually put his hand on top of her head and ruffled it gently. 

“Congratulations on your debut, Nayeon.”

*

The thrill of finally being able to debut was irreplaceable. It rushed through his veins and spread around his body and mind. He felt ecstatic and the excitement couldn’t seem to fade even the moment he closed the committee room’s door. He saw Jaebum on the other sides, looking all smiley too. Their eyes met for a moment and they smile wider, like anything could happen and it wouldn’t matter to them. Their 4 years of hard work and countless training has brought them closer to their dream—and even then, at this very important moment of his life, the first person he wanted to share his joy with was her.

His steps through the practice room were light and he let Jaebum rushed him on his walk. He wouldn’t mind to train for another ten hours or more if the day of his debut has been set. Jinyoung heard a different light steps coming from the stairs and he slowed down. Curious as whom it was, and he ended up looking back to the stairs behind.

“Whaaaat? You are supposed to turn your head in the opposite direction!”

Jinyoung was greeted with a ponytail that jumped freely when she suddenly stopped and continued stomped the way to him. And he wanted to laugh, just because Nayeon was pursing her lips while walking towards him—not because he heard his thought that it was cute.

“Don’t laugh.”

“Why?”

“You ruined it.”

“Ruined what?”

He noticed the mint colored apple hairband when she tilted her head upward before they locked eyes and it triggered something inside that made him fuzzy all over. It also made him remember those time, and he couldn’t expect that he has passed those hard time.

“I was going to surprise you idiot,” Nayeon said it as a whisper but Jinyoung still heard it ringing on his ears. But before he could answer back he felt a pair of warm hands grabbed his own and pulled him to the direction of the stairs. “Now, follow me.”

Jinyoung didn’t protest or flee away from her grip but he could catch Jaebum’s questioning gaze that was directed to him so he halted his steps—because let’s face it, angry Jaebum was the last thing he wanted to come in contact to.

“Just for a while, Jaebum oppa! Promise l’ll return him back.” Nayeon beat him first, already succeeded to earn the approval from the now walking Jaebum. She ran and eventually slowed down—and released her grip much to his dismay when they reached the stairs.

“Nayeon.” The words which fell through his lips were loud in the quiet atmosphere, the only noise he could pick up was the sound of their calm breath and their slow steps (and a little bit of his thumping heart that refused to calm down). He could only watch her swinging ponytail that touched her neck from behind when she just replied with a hum, not even bothered to turn around.

“I want to tell you something important. Whatever we are trying to do can wait, yeah?” He tried to stop her but it didn’t work. It was weird to see her change of mood to this more serious Nayeon, rather than her usual cheerful self. She kept silent and continued walking through the hallway that he recognized was the way to another practice room or that one place that would make him smile by just walking through it—their favorite place for their little rendezvous.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Jinyoung suddenly clutched her hand and turned her body. He couldn’t stay still in this atmosphere for too long, too quiet. They were in the practice room now. The circle lights spread around the black wall looked like the constellation scattered around them. It was comforting. It was their secret place. The place which air smelled like all of their memories.

Nayeon looked up with long sigh before reaching out, “Give me your hand, oppa.” She smiled at him, sweetly this time—but it’s like Jinyoung still could find a mistake in that smile. The smile that seemed like it took a lot of her power to hold. The smile that took turn with the tears on the corner of her eyes. The smile that was becoming a sob now as she put a mint colored bracelet on his left arm.

“Congratulations, oppa.” She broke between sobs before wiping her tears and turned her head to the side. She put his hands away, “You are finally debuting, right? Your dream finally come true, right? You can finally show the result of your hard work, right? And, and you finally also—”

She sobbed harder and Jinyoung pulled her closer, let her muffle her cry on his chest. Jinyoung felt like his heart had made a sudden twist and pull, and he held Nayeon tighter, ignoring his soaked shirt, the only thing on his mind was clutching her closer to his beating heart—didn’t realize that his eyes were getting blur with the salty drops that slowly blocked his vision.  The emotion that was bottled up inside stormed out from his heart and drifted away to the bottom of the ocean, together with the stream of tears that he didn’t know was exist in the first place.

“Thank you. Thank you so much, Nayeon.” 

*

“Everything’s gonna be alright.” Jinyoung had hoped that it could at least comfort her—and himself to be exact, because as much as it was comforting, the words weight nothing but a foolish wish. That day when he could finally get a picture on how things work was the first time he learned not to expect too much. Because he felt it, and he was sure that she knew it all along.

“I can’t trust anyone now, can I?” She asked, her breathing was stable now and there was only a drying trail of tears on her cheek. “Why? Why is everyone so cruel to me?” Nayeon left that question hanging in the thin air for minutes. She knew Jinyoung wouldn’t know the exact answer and yet she looked up to him to level their eyes, curled up her legs and brought them to her chest. She waited for him to throw any words or even gibberish—she won’t care, really because it’s the only thing she needed now. The only thing she could deal for now. His reassurance. His presence. And she was still looking up, eyes swollen and tired.

“Nayeon…”

“I just did what I was told, right?” She couldn’t contain it anymore, and it’s not like it could change the result anyway, so pouring it all maybe was the best solution. “And they just made me look like an evil mastermind who plotted others downfall.” She sighed and pulled at her hair, “Everyone hates me now.”

Jinyoung wanted to say no, wanted to say that it’s not true at all but all he did was the opposite, only listening to the steady rise and fall of their breath and the faint noises outside the practice room. Jinyoung knew that it was all nothing, the words, she wasn’t going to be easily convinced.

“Hey, do you remember that time when I felt like giving up on all this?” Jinyoung asked after a long pause. Nayeon just stare at him before she nodded slowly, and became more focused at time, like she was remembering something. “You were with me then, telling me that it was okay to be sad—to be disappointed, and I did. I was angry at that time, shouting—cursing,” He closed his eyes, unconsciously visiting his abandoned memory lane. That time when he was at his lowest point where he barely knew anything except himself. The only thing that mattered was that he must do well—they have to do well. He and Jaebum, as JJ Project. But reality just hit him hard on the right place. No matter how hard he had worked and prayed, it was never meant to be. He and Jaebum couldn't find the light on that path.

“It’s okay because you are human—that was what you’ve said,” He still remembered—felt like it was burned into his memory forever. “But, you never tell me to stop, because you know that it was my dream. I should work harder, and that you will be beside me—cheering, listening to me, and you said that you’ll also work hard. Until we can stand on the biggest stage together, achieving our dream one by one.”  It was her that gave him the strength to hold on and keep running. He just needed to see her once, and he won’t ever doubt anything.

“Now, where’s the Nayeon that I know?” Jinyoung smiled this time, gentle eyes meeting hers, a little bit wet but it’s okay, because Nayeon was also smiling now.

“I’m stupid, right?” She laughed audibly, eyes crinkling into a half moon. “Yeah. This survival show won’t end me even in a million years. I will debut! The one who is evil is that channel.”

They simultaneously looked at each other, and they couldn’t help the bubbling laughter that force to escape from the throat.

*

Jinyoung was tired, and in all honesty tired was such an understatement for him. But, it was all paid off somehow—their first winning trophies, and all the fans support, they were like the things that kept him going. He tried his best to ignore the aching muscle on his back and his shin, and forced himself to keep his eyes closed. The car ride was quiet, s has drifted to dreamland since they sat on their seat. The only pair of eyes that still blinked until now was his, and it seemed that they won’t close in a while.

He decided to turn his phone on. Still no message. He sighed and swiped his phone then opened the music player. The slow rhythm of the music might help him calm and eventually helped him to sleep, or else he should regularly tear his mind from her. The biggest portion that consumed his mind recently, and it didn’t help that he hadn’t heard a word from her since the sun had revealed itself.

Jinyoung did realize that this year was the busiest for her and her members, the nonstop schedule they had to attend, Jinyoung could imagine. Their song was a huge hit, and that meant their variety appearance was on high demand. He was happy for her, really. But it was a little bit unusual that she didn’t even update him about her recent wellbeing. He had sent several messages to her, but none of them was replied. It made him a little bit upset and worried at the same time. The image of Nayeon being worshipped and fatasized by many men made him anxious, but he tried to stay positive, tried to understand that maybe not every fans were like that, or maybe he was just jealous, and missing her—missing her smile, missing her laugh. Eventually, the image of Nayeon smiling to him on his head made him a bit calmer and brought him to sleep.

After that day, somehow it had became too often they didn’t contact each other. Too occupied on their own business and slowly blinded by the limelight they wanted to have for the longest time. Lost touch of how to love and feel loved anymore. The gap between them widened, and they gradually drifted apart. He didn’t know how it happened but it just that it was hard, maintaining a relationship when both were busy, when their every move was followed by the public. At some point, it became pointless. He was tired of all that. And maybe taking a break on their relationship was the safest choice.

It was the usual day for Jinyoung, he was in the practice room with s, perfecting the choreography for their very first concert on his mainland. He was happy and excited, all the members did—it was shown on their face that transferred into energy for the dance. They ended the practice sooner than yesterday’s practice. Jaebum said that they were good now, only needed a little bit more practice on the synchronization before freeing the members to do their own thing. The room was soon empty and a little bit too quiet for his taste. They had already left the place when the clock struck 9, but Jinyoung still held his feet on the tiles, unmoved, with eyes staring at the reflection in front of him. He was back to the old him, the mirrored image of himself caught the normal Jinyoung, not the usual expression he wore on the outside. He gradually saw the black pitch vision when he closed his eyes, enjoying the moment he was free from the flash and camera.

The door suddenly slammed open and Jinyoung tore his eyes open like he was about to be shot. It was making his mood sour, and made his heart beat erratically. He looked to the back to find out who had startled him, but instead he was greeted with the sight of a panting girl, hands on her knees, trying to even her breath. Her hair was messy but in a good way—Jinyoung didn’t even know why he thought that, but she looked prettier these day that her messy hair couldn’t do on her looks.  

“Nayeon?” His pupils dilated with surprise, clearly didn’t expect for the visitor to be her, especially on this hour. He scratched his head and cleared his throat. “What are you doing?”

Nayeon finally looking at him, hands were not on her knees anymore. She was not expecting this encounter either, judging by how she stepped back a little until she was covered with the shadow from the outside.

“Uh…” She finally came inside and closed the door, eyes everywhere but Jinyoung. It felt like they were in the 2011 again. This practice room, two of them—the only difference was now that it was not like it used to be. They weren’t the one who was different; they were still the same, just they now had their respective group’s name attached on their name. But it was the most significant. Their name, their groups. Something they used to yearn, even until now it still felt surreal, debuting, yet they couldn’t shake off this feeling, how distant they became to be for the past months.

“I—I’m looking for something. I think I dropped it here last time,” Nayeon said quickly, and walked past Jinyoung who was still standing up in the center looking a little bit taken aback. She went to the corner of the room and now Jinyoung’s eyes followed the movement. After he saw her going back and forth, Jinyoung heard a small ‘finally’ escaped from her lips. Jinyoung wanted to step closer, wanted to just take her hand and brought her to his embrace, or took her to their favorite spot, sat at their backs on the mirror when she bent her body to pick up a, probably mint colored thing he couldn’t quite catch, something looked like with a little apple.

Nayeon clutched the thing on her hand before she turned around and her eyes met with his for a brisk moment. “I… I should get going.” She said softly, almost whispering with downcast eyes. She wasn’t looking like herself for a moment there. She then quickly walked away, eyes still on the floor while she bit her lower lip. He couldn’t pinpoint what it was, and he was always bad at guessing, but Jinyoung was stoned, unable to move his mouth to form a sentence or force his glued legs to move and stop her from walking away.

*

Jinyoung couldn’t focus. It was his twice mistake in a row and he felt sorry for the other colleagues. The JYP Nation concert was going to be held on the 6^th and 7^th August, which meant it was one month from now on. He was feeling distracted, no matter he tried his best to concentrate, he couldn’t get into the feeling. Named Mix n Match, of course the concert would be filled with many collaboration stages. He was practicing for one now, and he couldn’t believe that God was playing with his fate now. He has a stage with his teammates, Mark, also Nichkhun, Chaeyoung and Tzuyu. But they didn’t really matter, because the person he didn’t want to meet the most, that girl with warm eyes—Nayeon was also in the list. He took a deep breath and saw Nichkhun went to the stereo and restart the song. Now he was finding his spot and tired not to mess up for the third time.

His eyes couldn’t stop trailing to her that maybe the all people in the practice room had noticed it. He looked through her reflection on the mirror wall, looked at her when she effortlessly swayed her hips, looked at her when she did that playful choreography with Mark—it was suffocating. It seemed that those months meant nothing. The more he distanced himself with her, the more thought about her consuming his mind, and it made him internally suffer.

Nayeon was out of her mind as well as she was caught spacing out a bit at times when dancing. She secretly threw him worried glances several times when he was not looking. She was also quickly run out of breath. It was maybe that she was tired but she looked exhausted, like a person who was training all the way from morning to another morning.

It was Nichkhun again who stopped the loud music and wrapped up the practice. Everyone agreed and took their respective water bottles and gulp down the liquid with pleasure.  Jinyoung was the quickest to grab the bottle and emptied it in one shot. He sat there on silence, steadying his uneven breath. Mark looked at him, his eyes showed concern but Jinyoung just brushed it off, saying that he was only tired and needed rest. “Make sure you rest after this.” Mark didn’t seem convinced but didn’t push him any further afterwards and he was really thankful of that. It was right after, he saw them one by one leaving the practice room, leaving himself all alone, or so he thought because he clearly didn’t expect to find Nayeon sitting absentmindedly on the floor across him. She finally noticed that everyone’s already left and quickly stood up and grabbed her blue bag. She walked slowly to the exit door and gasped when she saw shoes on the floor. Her eyes trailed up and she opened when she saw him in front of her.

She glanced at him first and then the exit door like she was contemplating. Jinyoung eyes still followed her every move so when he noticed Nayeon was going to take a step forward the other way, Jinyoung copied her movement and blocked her completely. She stared at him, a bit taken aback, and she turn straight to the other side. It was easy for Jinyoung to stand in her way and blocked her way again. Nayeon completely lost it and suddenly laughter erupted in the room. He was not prepared for that laugh, for Nayeon’s eyes going crescent again, for her cute bunny teeth to show since forever—for her, Nayeon, that was so close to him now, and he couldn’t help to pull her arm and brought her closer to his hug.

Her laughter that was gradually stopped suddenly became a muffled cry on his shoulder. She was bawling now and Jinyoung wanted to cry too, felt like the hollow on his hearts was slowly going back, regaining its original shape and made it whole again.

“Please don’t leave me,” he said to her after he released the hug, staring right at Nayeon’s wet eyes. He then put his thumbs on her cheeks and wiped her rolling tears. “Those days without you were the worst.” Tears flowed from her eyes again, she was a sobbing mess and she couldn’t stop her tears that continued to storm out her way. She covered her face with her hands, unable to look at the man in front of her.  

“Hey, look at me,” He gently put her hands away and place his hands on her shoulders, grabbed her ever so lightly. “Will you take my hands once again and be my girl, Nayeon?” he said to her slowly, gentle but determined eyes meeting hers. It was there, the light that caught in Nayeon eyes, making them twinkle like a constellation of stars in the galaxy.

Nayeon could only nod because she was still crying, but it was enough for Jinyoung, enough for him to feel alive again so he hugged Nayeon tight, until she was done crying and hugged her some more because he missed her scent, missed the way his hand Nayeon’s hair—missed their echoed melody of their heart beats while they were so close like this.

It definitely warmed his heart, Nayeon was warm.

*

He was sixteen this day, and was really, really nervous. He was inside one of the big three entertainment companies, JYP Entertainment, his dream was in front of his own eyes. This day was the most important day of his life and the smell of the air fresher made his stomach crunch and twist like he couldn’t breathe properly, too anxious to even wait properly on his seat until his name and number were called. It was nerve-wracking, and the silence on this room didn’t help him.

Jinyoung stood up, not because he was called to go into the door that would decide his fate, but because he was going out to calm his mind. His turn was not up until noon at least, and waiting here would make him more nervous anyway, so he decided to flee away for a while, catching some fresher air that didn’t smell suffocating like a harsh competition.

He opened the door when he noticed a bathroom sign, a good place for calming his mind he supposed and slowly enter it. The next second of it, he was screaming—God he was startled because he also heard a loud screaming the time he stepped on the bathroom. He was utterly confused, because why in the hell he saw a female in here. That was the strangest thing he encountered today, but he shouldn’t think about it now, because now it was the time to save himself from death. The girl he saw was radiating with fury, seemed like she thought that Jinyoung was planning to peek at her or something.

“Hey!”

Jinyoung pretended not to hear that and stormed out to the bathroom as fast as he could while praying for his life. Stupid was the first word he said to himself when he finally out of the bathroom and saw the sign on the door. It was clearly a pink sign with circle and a triangle shape that indicate skirt, but Jinyoung was sure it was a blue sign before.

“What a ert!” He could finally see the girl up close now, it seemed that she was not angry anymore, she looked rather annoyed with the way her hands were folded. He noticed the number on her front side—1605, it was only two number before him.

“What? No! I mean—sorry, I thought it was the man’s bathroom,” he tried to sound as convincing as possible so, he also tried his luck and launch his puppy eyes attack to her. Maybe it could work, and he finally could go from this hell. “I was so nervous back there I think my mind is playing trick on me.”

She eyed him up and down, recognition flashed on her eyes before she became a laughing fit in a second. “You were that nervous?” She asked after she could control herself, “That’s really funny.” The girl chuckle again, and this time she had to cover to not to laugh again. It was too bad that she had to cover her laugh, because now he couldn’t see that bunny teeth which made her laugh ten times sweeter.

“No worries, I forgive you.” She smiled this time and glanced at him. “I’m Nayeon by the way.”

“Jinyoung,” he said, eyes not leaving her and she smiled again. It was not helping. He was searching for a calmer atmosphere to calm his mind but now his heart won’t stop beating faster.

“I hope we can pass this audition and debut together.” It was weird, the way she had said that words were nothing special, just like a light encouragement and hope that almost all people in this audition said, but when he looked at her, Jinyoung felt like he could live on forever as he watched her glowing eyes—it was like he could see stars in them.

He didn’t know if it was her kindness or just the way her pretty eyes seemed to shine whenever she looked at him, but he was certain that he just fell at the first sight.

-FIN-

Thank you for everyone who has read it until the end. Lots of love<3