Bambam knew he wasn't born to be a boy.

He preferred being called 'she' and 'her', instead of 'he' and 'him'.

He preferred dress and skirts over blazers and pants.

But he knew he couldn't be who he wanted to be.

He was a idol in boy band, of all things.

It hurt.

A lot.

----------------

Bambam had a journal he would write in regulary, every evening, before Yugyeom came back from dinner or whatever he was doing.

He had the perfect hiding place for it.

There was a floorboard underneath his bed that he pull out easily, with enough space underneath it to fit the journal in.

The journal was entirly about his inner girl.

He would write about nothing else in it.

What would happen if someone found it?

Bambam prefered not to think about it.

-------BamBam POV--------

I had just finished writing my journal, falling asleep immediately after I put my journal back i it's hiding spot.

There was nothing different this time, I was just brainstorming different girl names I like for myself.

----Next Morning----

I woke up to Yugyeom shaking me trying to get me up.

I groaned and sat up, staring into the face of my crush.

Yeah, you read that right.

I like Yugyeom.

That's another thing about me.

I'm gay.

Or, from my girl side, I'm straight.

It's confusing.

I'll just say I'm gay, for now.

"Bammie, time to get up!"

I fell out of the bed sideways with a thump, then sat up.

"I'll get ready and shower," I groggily replied.

---------After Practice--------

I collapsed on the floor, tired.

After a while, I started eavesdropping on Yugyeom and Jackson's coversation, only to freeze as I heard the topic.

They were talking about trans people. Or, more presicilly, how much Yugyeom hated them.

"It's just wrong. They're born like they are and they should just acccept it. Exept they just do digusting things to fufill their desire. They're disgusting themself!" Yugyeom said, his voice slowly getting louder.

Jackson had an amused expression on his face, then he asked Yugyeom, "Well, is there anyone else you hate?"

Yugyeom growled, "Yeah. Gays."

I teared up at his words. As if being trans was bad enough.

"Gays are as disgusting as trans. They deserve all the bad treatment they are getting."

I sat up, all tiredness gone, and glanced at Jinyoung.

He had a worried look on his face, and when I went to stand up, he cursed under his breath and started running toward me, everyone's attention on him suddenly.

He reached me, a knowing look on his face and I nodded, tears already threating to fall.

He pulled me up and went to grab my stuff as Yugyeom approached me, asking "What's wrong, Bam?"

I stared at him for a second, a lone tear streaking down my face, then I turned and ran out the door.

-----Jinyoung POV-----

When BamBam ran, I cursed loudly as ran to the door, but Jackson caught me, saying, "What's going on with Bam, Junior?"

I tried to get away from his grasp, but it didn't work.

"Everyone here!" I snarled, glaring at Yugyeom.

I was scared that Bam would start cutting again.

I needed to get away and find him. Now.

"Let. Me. GO." I yelled

Jackson still was unrelenting.

", let me go! I'm scared of what Bam will do to himself when I'm not there!"

Jackson finally stepped back, confusion lighting up his features.

"Jinyoung, what are you talking about?? And what will BamBam do?"

"Wouldn't you like to know."

I ran to the dorms as fast as I could, trying to catch BamBam.

I found BamBam in his room, hiding his journal.

I knew he had been writing down all that happened..

Which meant he probably hadn't cut.

I ran toward him, a question in my eyes.

He shook him head.

I sighed in relief, then froze as he asked, "Can I?"

I picked him up easily, (he was reallly thin for some reason) and took him and set him on the couch, not knowing there were 5 pairs of ears listening.

I set him down beside me and turned to face him.

He looked nevervous, fidgeting with his hands, not meeting my eyes.

I grabbed his chin and lifted it up so he was facing me.

I looked him in the eye and said, "Bam, I know what you are going through is hard. But you can't cut. I'm going through half of it with you, actually." I said looking down shyly.

I flinched as he jumped on me yelling, "OH MY GOD WHO IS IT JINNIE!!"

I shoved him off me laughing.

"It's one of our teammates. And no, it isn't Yugyeom."

He looked down trying to figure it out. He suddenly shouted, "OHMYGODHYUNG. Is is Mark hyung?!?!"

I sighed, nodding.

He assumed a happy/sympathtic look.

"At least we have each other. No matter what. Even if we're gay and I'm trans and-"

I patted him on the arm, silencing him.

"Technically, since your trans, doesn't that mean you are straight?"

He fell into the pillows let out of muffled groan.

"Please don't. I've thought about that way to much."

I chuckled, glad that he wasn't think about cutting anymore.

--------Yugyeom POV------

After Jinyoung left, me and the others headed toward the dorm, intending to eavesdrop.

I had the best spot, and I could see everthing.

Jinyoung came in carrying BamBam.

He set Bam down of the couch and sat next to him, Bam seeming really nervous.

Jinyoung suddenly grabbed Bam's chin and forced him to look at him.

Jnyoung spoke, "Bam, I know what you are going through is hard. But you can't cut. I'm going through half of it with you, actually." He said looking down shyly at the last part.

'Wait, BamBam cuts? Oh no.. This is worse than I thought.'

Bam jumped on Jinyoung, yelling, "OH MY GOD WHO IS IT JINNIE."

Junior shoved him off, laughing as he did so.

'They are closer than I thought'

"It's one of our teammates. And no, it isn't Yugyeom."
'Wait me? And why does Bam look so relieved?'
Bam suddenly shouted, "OHMYGODHYUNG. Is is Mark hyung?!?!"

Junior sighed nodding.

I shared a look with Mark, trying to figure out what they were talking about.

I turned back so see BamBam with a happy/sympethetic look.

"At least we have each other. No matter what. Even if we're gay and I'm trans and-"

'WAIT, HOLD UP. Bam and Jinyoung are gay? And.. OOHH. Bambam likes me and Jinyoung likes Mark. But Bam is Trans??? OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH MY GOD he must have gotten upset when he heard me and Jackson talking and Jinyoung knew, and Junior hyung thought Bam must be cutting himself which is why he wanted to leave so badley. God I'm an idiot. Now I need to explain that me and Jackson were doing a hidden camera too, .'
Junior spoke, pulling me out of my thoughts. I glanced over to see that everone had already figured it out too".
"Technically, since your trans, doesn't that mean you are straight?"

BamBam groaned, buring his face in a pillow. "Please don't, I've thought about that way to much."

Junior chuckled.

'I need to talk to them. And soon.'
----------------------

A/N- HEY I'm back with another fic, this one is probably going to be a two-shot. I hope someone likes this and will read. There is not many fics like these out there so, for those who want something like this, here is is. I hope whoever reads this will like it. Warrior out!