Sungjong can feel everything around him except for himself. He is light, weightless.

Is this how immortality is supposed to feel like?

He takes a moment to appreciate it. Savour it…savour it?

Strangely, he doesn't feel groggy or lethargic, knowing that he has had all the blood out of his body, or most of it at least. He knows he's been in a coma for the last two hours. He knows everything - Sunggyu had described every little thing that would happen to him during and after the ritual and how he would feel. He doesn’t remember losing consciousness. The last thing he recalls is Sunggyu’s scent, the very familiar fragrance, the earliest smell ever he remembers, surrounding him from all sides. It was relieving, exhilarating even. He has walked into this ritual fully knowledgeable of every detail.

But currently some of the things are not adding up. 

Like Sunggyu had warned him that he would wake up ravenous, thirsting for fresh blood. He couldn't imagine then how that would feel like. He's felt hungry before but the book that Sunggyu read to him from said he would experience hunger like uncontrollable lust. 

And yet, he feels far from that. He feels tired like he has had a long sleep but he feels just as well-nourished as he did before the incident. In fact, he can even taste some of the cotton candy he had at the amusement park earlier on the back of his tongue, sweet and fond. He is supposed to lose all human taste senses.

So what's going on?

A fear that has been creeping up his spine since he woke up, one that he’s been trying to push down with his mind, now takes a firmer grip - did the ritual not work?

That can’t be, voices in his head scream in protest.

How can it not work when Sunggyu is the one who performed the ritual? The older vampire had prepared for years for this day - there is no way he could have made a mistake. 

What's wrong with me?

Forcefully, he opens his eyes. He's in the living room, lying on a sofa. The altar is gone, almost everything from the ritual has been cleaned up. Even as his senses orientate and he finally regains proprioception, he is painfully aware of his steadily beating heart. The cold fear from before plants itself firmly in his brain. His heart should have stopped long ago.

Another idea captures his attention - has he been dreaming all this while? Maybe the ritual hasn’t taken place yet? Perhaps he fell asleep and Sunggyu didn’t go along with the ritual after all. Yet, he can feel something within him has changed, something subtle. Like something dormant has raised its head inside of him. Perhaps it is the fear that he has always had, of losing Sunggyu.

Even as a child, he has had this inexplicable anxiety that Sunggyu would be taken away from him, even as the vampire had accompanied his every step. 

"Sungjong?" A soft voice makes him turn his head. The older vampire is sitting beside him, staring at him with eyes filled with forced calm. The elder is not emotive, but the dread that he sees in his eyes, beneath the clear blackness, is real and raw. "Sungjong are you alright?"

"I'm fine hyung," he assures him but for some reason his heart breaks.

Sunggyu’s worried and that can mean only one thing. With trembling fingers, he touches the crook of his neck, knowing Sunggyu would have bitten down there, severing his external jugular. He feels ragged edges of skin under his fingertips, in the process of healing, a bit of congealed blood around the wound.

“Sungjong?” Sunggyu’s cold but surprisingly delicate hand caresses his cheek softly, almost hesitantly, cautiously.

A flood of longing erupts within his chest - he's wanted to be like Sunggyu from the day he understood what it meant so that they could relate to each other more. He wanted to be a true vampire so that Sunggyu could tell him everything. He wants to be Sunggyu's confidante, his sole companion, his only one. But this barrier between them, the barrier of his loudly beating heart, makes him feel helpless. 

He's so frustrated that he wants to cry. His heart is bursting with want - he wants Sunggyu but he feels farther away from him than he's ever had.

"Hyung!" he cries out before jumping up to wound his arms around the elder. Usually, he wouldn't react like this but today...he can't help it.

The contact with Sunggyu causes him to shiver. It's weird because it has never happened before, not like this anyway, like electricity flying through his nerves. They touch all the time, hug and hold hands, but right now, Sungjong feels like his thirst is being quenched by the contact. It's so fulfilling that he feels a little ashamed of himself. He feels a jolt, the core of which seems to be just above his hipbone – it’s where his birthmark is.

"It's okay, it's the bond," Sunggyu murmurs near his ear.

That's right, the bond.

Since Sunggyu has turned him, they are supposed to develop a bond. An eternal connection.

Is that what he is feeling right now in every extra beat of his heart?

"Why is it- why am I...is there something wrong?"

He could feel Sunggyu's shoulders tense a little. Pulling away from him, he looks the vampire in the eye. There is something wrong, he can sense it.

"I-er-I don't know. I'm so sorry Sungjong but I have no idea what's wrong..." Sunggyu sounds desperate as he speaks. He's biting his lips and wringing his hands, both very unusual gestures for the vampire. He’s never been at a loss; he’s always been there with the answers when Sungjong asked questions, no matter how silly or how annoying. 

"Maybe-maybe you should do it again," he suggests in a small voice.

He hates watching Sunggyu panicking over something. Even though the vampire is trying to conceal his anxiety, Sungjong can read it in the subtle change in his tone, in his movements.

"No, no I can't." Sunggyu shakes his head. It’s almost as if he doesn’t trust himself anymore. Watching his face fall, he adds, "I'll do some research. I'll…figure this out, whatever I have to do, I promise."

Sungjong wants to panic but he can't when Sunggyu's velvety voice is whispering words of comfort to him, his arms encircling him. He feels secure and protected. Maybe it is the newly formed bond that is making him feel emotional but he wants to believe that everything will be alright. And yet, the ritual hasn’t worked so he doesn’t know how strong the bond could be. Certainly, not as strong or magical as it should be.

Frankly, if things don't work out, he doesn't know what he would do. Right now, he feels like he has no identity or a place beside Sunggyu.

“Change, go to bed, I’ll wash up.” Sunggyu motions towards the cotton garment he’s wearing. Sungjong’s eyes fall on splatters of blood on the carpet, his blood. Maybe Sunggyu was too afraid so he didn’t take out enough blood. But the Sunggyu he knows wouldn’t do it less than perfectly.

It’s not Sunggyu’s fault, it’s his.

“I just woke up,” he reminds the elder. 

“From a coma, sort of. You should rest.”

“But you said I’d feel energetic after I wake up and I wouldn’t need to sleep ever again.”

The older vampire’s face twists painfully.

“I know…just wait for a few days okay? Maybe it will kick in after a few days.” Even as he says it, Sungjong knows it’s a lie. It is clear that Sunggyu has never encountered anything like this before – he has no idea. “How do you feel in yourself though?”

Empty, he wants to say but there is no point spilling his disappointment onto the elder.

“Golden,” he tries to smile, but it only wants to make him cry.

With an apologetic smile, Sunggyu leans forward to kiss him on the forehead like he always does when he knows he has disappointed him. It’s an apology Sungjong doesn’t deserve.

Nonetheless, he accepts it, like a blessing and rises from the sofa, only to fall back again.

"Are you alright?" Sunggyu asks, his hand gripping his shoulder tightly, eyes filled with concern.

Sungjong nods slightly.

"Hyung, did I do something wrong?" He has to ask. It's like the world is crumbling down around him.  “Maybe I’m not even a real vampire.”

A flicker of fear rises to his eyes before he covers it up with a smile. Sungjong doesn’t know what to make of it.

“It’s even easier to turn a human, Sungjong. No need for all these ritualistic affairs, a bite would be enough.” His cold hand touches the back of Sungjong's hand and for some reason it's electrifying. "It's my fault if anything."

"Don't say that hyung." It just couldn't be his fault.

“I’m sorry,” Sunggyu repeats and for some reason, he feels that the elder is apologizing for what seems to be a lot more than what happened tonight.

It has been three weeks since the ritual and Sungjong is jolted awake from his sleep in a cold sweat, gasping for air. The dreams started three days after the ritual gone wrong, each vision more graphic and visceral than its predecessor.  Even now the smell of blood lingers in his nostril and a metallic taste saturates his buds. 

The younger man’s head is pounding - the headaches started around the same time as the dreams and right now it feels as though someone is holding his brain in their hand and squeezing with all their might. Sungjong stumbles to the bathroom looking for the painkillers he purchased; he has to hide them from Sunggyu for two reasons - he doesn’t want the vampire to worry, he can almost feel the older man’s guilt due to the failure of the ritual, and he doesn’t want to disappoint the older vampire any more than he had by adding yet another ‘human’ trait to the list along with regular heartbeat.

Sungjong sits on the toilet for a bit allowing the medicines to take effect before daring to walk again. He hates that these human medicines are the only way to relieve his pain even though his wounds magically heal within minutes.

It’s not only the headache though. Just above his hipbone, where he knows his birthmark is, is searing. It shoots up at times, especially when he feels particularly vulnerable. However, it is not as debilitating as his headache.

As the intensity of the pain starts to subside, his mind wonders to the dream he’s been having. He is not sure if vampires have dreams – he’s never asked Sunggyu. Probably not since the elder has never uttered the word in his memory. As a child, he used to have dreams. Never nightmares though; he learned the concept of nightmares from friends and TV. Yet, for the last three weeks, he’s had what could be described as nightmares. However, they are nothing like the dreams he is used to having - the pictures in his mind are so vivid, almost 4-D in their impact.

As he pain clears, his nightmare becomes clearer as well. He can see the fear in the unknown man’s eyes as he wields the sword that ultimately ends the man’s life. The bloody dreams are scary, but what Sungjong finds more terrifying is the power he feels as he takes a life, almost like he was fulfilling a destiny, as though he is meant to do this, to kill. He shudders at the idea, he doesn’t want to be a killer. Pushing the pictures out of his mind forcefully, he stands up and leaves the restroom to go to the kitchen, he needs a drink; his throat is dry and he is hoping to replace the metallic taste of blood that still lingers with something else. Blood is supposed to taste good and yet it repulses him.

“You’re finally awake,” Sunggyu’s voice startles Sungjong as he pours himself some water.

“Mmm, yes,” the younger man replies. He keeps his eyes low, not wanting to make eye contact, afraid the older vampire will notice that something is wrong.

The plan doesn’t work.

“Sungjong, what’s going on? You’ve been acting very strange lately.” Sunggyu can feel it the younger man’s trepidation.  The vampire knows there is something going on.

Sungjong is about to deny when the TV catches both of their attention.

“The body of Rapper Kim Namjoon was discovered in an abandoned building in the early hours of the morning. Kim was known for his explosive and charismatic stage persona, as well as his quiet off-screen life. The man’s death is the fifth in what seems to be a string of gruesome murders that have happened this month.” 

The news announcer continues talking, but Sungjong hears nothing, his eyes are glued to the picture of man on the screen - the blonde is handsome, but that’s not why Sungjong is mesmerized, no; what has captured his attention is the fact that the face is the same one from his nightmare. Swallowing, he remembers the man begging for his life, asking for a chance to say goodbye to his family. Sungjong recalls that the man’s voice was deep, husky and fear-filled, and that a part of him was by the mixture in the rapper’s tone. At first the man had threatened, not afraid of him at all. And then …

A sickening feeling begins to curl in Sungjong’s stomach, a sharp knife stabbing at his birthmark - why does he remember that? Why does he know the man was decapitated before the news announcer even says it? The room begins to spin as though Sungjong’s world has just flown off its axis, none of this makes sense. It was just a dream, wasn’t it? 

He hears Sunggyu scream his name but before he can answer the light behind Sungjong’s eyes goes dark. He hates the dreams, hates knowing things that he shouldn't know, and he is thankful for the sudden silent blackness that engulfs him.

Sunggyu is not sure what to be more startled by, Sungjong lying limp in his arms, or the fact that he knows that the slain rapper was not just another random murder, but a fallen comrade. It's impossible to not know who the vampires around the area are, even though he cannot communicate with them, or be near them in anyway. Even though he doidn't know Namjoon, his heart feels heavy.

The older vampire holds the young man tight to his chest as he stands to his feet. He carries Sungjong to his room and gently lays the man on the mattress. Sunggyu’s mind is on overdrive. The older man has no answers for any of the questions that are flooding him. Sunggyu is worried. It’s been three weeks and he has no answers for why the ritual didn’t work. He’s gone back thousands of years on vampire lore, as much as he could get his hands on, but there is nothing about what has happened to Sungjong. Failed rituals have only one outcome – the death. It’s incredibly rare for rituals to turn born vampires to fail; it’s usually turning humans that are prone to failure.

The past has been haunting him. The prophecy, it’s biting into him. That is the reason he hasn’t let Sungjong to return to his university. He has kept an eye on him; and to be honest, it has been easy since the younger showed no interest to leave the house, not even for a second. Besides, he has been ill – paler than usual, waking up sweaty and shaken. Perhaps side effects of whatever the hell that happened during the ritual.

All of it has worried him beyond reason. Worry – another human emotion. But in this instance, it’s completely justified. Everything is spinning out of control, he doesn’t have a plan or anyone he could turn to for help; and for the first time since becoming a vampire over two hundred years ago, Sunggyu feels fear.