Chapter One

We all wake up early for rehearsals and dance practice. Hoseok is the first to leave our dorm, since he leads our practices. I miss him on those mornings that he escapes so quickly. The breakfast table isn’t the same without him there.

“Morning.” I brush my teeth as Jimin groggily brushes his hair beside me. He gives me an acknowledging nod, and closes his eyes sleepily.

“Hyung left early.” He adds. I nod.

“I don’t really feel like dancing today.” I say. Jimin looks at me with a strange expression.

“Since when?” he asks. I shrug.

“I think I’m coming down with the flu or something. I just can’t find any energy.” I say.

“That’s because of the tour. But it’s over now. We can finally rest and just relax.” Jimin assures me. I exhale and sigh.

“It’s just one giant cycle, isn’t it? Comeback, tours, prepare for comeback, tours…” I trail, staring at myself in the mirror.

I dreamt of forbidden things all night. I didn’t want to wake up.

“I think Jin’s breakfast will give us an energy boost. I smell pancakes.” Jimin said happily, more awake now.

“Maybe we can get there before Jungkook eats half the table.” I say, a twinge of hope in my voice.

“Morning.” Suga says groggily, pouring a heap of syrup over a pile of fluffy pancakes.

“Jin hyung, we love you.” Jimin salivates at the sight, running quickly to grab a plate.

“Manager said he wants to talk to us about something today.” Rapmon said, once we were all sitting down. Jungkook was shoveling food into his mouth faster than he could chew.

“Slow down, vacuum!” Jin joked. Jungkook just shrugged and ate more.

“Something serious?” Jimin asked. I sat there quietly and ate. The atmosphere was always quieter without Hoseok, but it wasn’t exciting. Without Hoseok, it just didn’t ever feel right.

“Sounded serious.” Rapmon confirmed. I sighed, leaning back in my chair. There was always something.

“Hoseok said to be at the studio by 8. It’s 7:20 now, so we shouldn’t be late. He woke up super early.” Suga said. I didn’t have any issues with Suga. He and I got along well. But he was always looking out for Hoseok so publicly and adamantly. It’s like he wanted to be known as Hoseok’s shining star. Just because I didn’t profess my love publicly like Yoongi… I still felt just as strongly about Hoseok. More so than anyone knew.

I was thinking about our press tour in Osaka last week. Hoseok came out wearing his leather jacket and tight black jeans with a hole at his knee. He looked so ridiculously good, I could barely control myself. He looked at me once—just once. But the look in his eyes made me want him right then and there. The way his tongue brushed swiftly over his lips—such a tease. If only Hobi knew the affect he had on me—the affect he had on everyone. The unattainable angel. Hoseok hyung.

“I won’t be late.” I said, finishing up my fourth and final pancake. Jungkook had already eaten ten—I’d counted.

“Well now that you’re awake, I won’t worry about you Tae.” Rapmon joked. I was always the latest sleeper.

When we arrived at the studio, I spotted Hoseok immediately. He was wearing gray sweatpants and a navy hoodie, his bang drenched in sweat and his lips parted ily. As he walked towards us, I did my best not to look at him. Whenever I looked at him, I found it hard to regain focus.

“Jin hyung, thank you for those pancakes this morning.” He said, resting his hand on Jin’s shoulder. Jin shrugged and smiled modestly.

“I’m glad you got some before these monsters.” He said. We all started stretching, settling around the room. Hoseok smiled, nearly sending me to my grave. He glanced my way, his eyes settling on me.

“Hi.” I said quietly. He came next to me, placing his hand on my lower back.

“You sleep well?” He asked, his fingers trailing lower. I closed my eyes. ‘Focus, Tae. Focus on stretching.’

“I had good dreams.” I said. His eyebrows raised.

“Me too.” He said.

“You look like you’ve been working hard, hyung.” I said, my eyes trailing down his body. He breathing hitched.

“I could be working harder.” He said, his voice low. His eyes bore into mine so intensely, I had to coax myself to break away.

“Always the critic.” I responded normally, fully aware of his hidden intention.

“Stretch well, Taehyung. You’ll regret it if you don’t.” He smiled, his hand squeezing mine before he walked away.

I struggled to regain composure, never used to seeing him so beautifully in his element when he danced. When Hoseok danced, he became another person entirely. I’d never seen someone so graceful and y at the same time. He drove me insane.

“Namjoon, you need to match the rhythm a bit more. You’re a little too slow right now.” He offered lightly as a critique.

“And Jin, do something with your hands when you dance.” He added.

“And Taehyung…” He started. The room went quiet. I’d never been called out in front of everyone before. He usually pulled me to the side to critique me. He knew I preferred that. So when he called my name, I froze.

“If you’re not going to pay attention, just go back to bed.” Hoseok said. I felt my heart drop into my chest, the sound of his harsh words hitting me deep and fast.

“Hos—“ Jimin started to say, coming to my defense. Hoseok shook his head.

“I know when Tae is motivated and when he’s not. I’ve known him long enough to say that with confidence. So please, don’t defend him when he knows full well his mind is elsewhere.” Hoseok said.

Well yeah, my mind is on you! That’s what I wanted to say. But instead, I focused on how he’d just called me out in front of everyone.

“Yes, hyung.” I said, stepping outside the studio to get some air.

“Wow, Hobi is testy today.” Jin noted, joining me outside for a break.

“I don’t like that he said it, but he’s right.” I admitted.

“Why have you been zoning off so much lately?” Jin asked. I couldn’t tell him the truth.

“I’ll try and get more sleep. That should help.” I said.

“You want me to go talk to Hoseok?” Jin offered. I shook my head.

“I will.” I told him.

We practiced for another hour, my body drenched in sweat. Everyone was sitting on the wood floor, chugging water and panting.

“Hoseok hyung, can we talk outside?” I asked, trying to say it softly and subtly. He nodded, getting up.

I trailed behind him, seeing that the other members had noticed us go out.

“I’m sorry.” I said, leaning against the wall. He exhaled with a sigh, sliding down to the floor. I joined him there. He opened up his palm, resting it on my thigh. I slid my hand in his, his fingers closing around mine.

“I just don’t want you to lose focus.” He said sincerely, squeezing my hand before letting it go. I looked over him. His eyes were dark and serious, but yet somehow, in his miraculous way, there was warmth in them, too.

“It’s hard.” I said. He laughed lightly, nodding.

“I know, trust me.” He said, leaning his head against mine. We sat there for what felt like hours, not saying a word but knowing exactly what the other was thinking.

I didn’t have this with anyone else. Just Hoseok. I had never met somone who made me so nervous, so happy, so giddy with excitement—I’d never met someone who could make me or break me with just a smile.

“Oh here you---“ Jimin exclaimed, cutting his words short. I don’t know who pulled away first. But we were spotted.

“What are you guys doing?” Jimin asked, eying us with a confused and shocked expression.

“Oh, I was just comforting V after yelling at him.” Hoseok shrugged—impressing me with his ability to tell an innocent lie. I could tell Jimin didn’t fully buy it.

“Manager is here. He wants to tell us about an upcoming event.” Jimin said, getting to the point quickly.

“We’ll be right in.” I said. Hoseok exhaled, standing up before I could say anything.

“Hyun—“ I started to say. Hoseok shook his head.

“It can’t happen. It just can’t.” He walked away, the look in his eyes crushing the happiness I’d just had.

Hoseok and me—we just… there was so much left to say.

We walked back in and waited for our Manager to come talk to us. I didn’t really care what was about to be said—I was just watching Hoseok look anywhere but at me. My heart sank to the bottom of my chest.

Manager walked in, wearing ridiculous lime green pants and a checkered shirt. His fashion sense was one for the books.

“Good morning, guys. As you all know; the industries main event is happening at the end of the month. The Emerald Ball. The Emerald Ball is the most publicized media event of the entire year. It is also a tremendous honor to be invited. This year, the organizers made quite a large announcement. For the first time in the events history… guests may each bring a date. “Manager said.

The room had already been quiet, but now, it was completely still.

So many thoughts raced through the heads of the members. And then suddenly, a chaos ensued. Jin shot out of his chair.

“I can bring a date!?” He exclaimed. I immediately looked to Hoseok, who was laughing at Jin’s excitement. He suddenly glanced my way, and I dropped my eyes in an instant. He always caught me staring. I was always red and blushing.

“Actually, you all need to. It’s for our image. It will look good if you have a few female friends you can invite. You guys need to branch out more and not just stick together anymore. You need to network.” Manager said.

“We have to bring a date?” I asked, peeved by the idea.

“Yes.” He said.

“Can I bring a guy friend?” I asked. Half the room laughed, but Hobi didn’t.

“No. No guy friends. Just female friends—or whatever they are.” Manager said.

“Fans like to know you guys are popular with the ladies. It helps your image.” He said.

“Jhope… you’ve actually been formally invited already…” Manager’s voice trailed off.

“Huh? By whom?” He asked.

“Taeyeon.” The whole room gasped.

“She… she wants to go with me?!” Taeyeon was the most popular female singer in Korea.

“She told me that she thinks you’re handsome and funny. She really wants to go with you.” He said.

“If you turn her down, you may as well be the dumbest person in this room.” Manager said bluntly. Jhope laughed nervously. I froze as he looked to me.

“I’m flattered. Well, my heart may not belong to her but… we’ll have a wonderful time together.” He said.

“Who does your heart belong to?” Suga asked, his curiosity spilling out like a broken water dam.

Hoseok’s ears turned red, his eyes meeting mine. He looked away, scratching his arm nervously.

“You, of course.” He swooned. Everyone laughed.

Everyone but me.

Hoseok was being pulled away from me, quickly and aggressively. I couldn’t bare it. Hoseok was going to learn just what he was missing—and I’d show him.

After dance practice and the brief meeting with our manager, we all just wanted to go back to the dorms and shower. I slid into the backseat next to Jimin, peeved as I thought about the morning. Not only did I have to compete with Yoongi for Hoseok’s affection, I now had to compete with one of the most famous female singers in the industry. Anyone would be lucky to have Taeyeon, and she could have chosen anyone in the entire country to go with. But she chose my Hoseok. I wondered how she’d even gotten to know him—or if she knew him at all. But there was also a small sense of pride behind my jealousy. Taeyeon wanted Hoseok. She saw just how perfect he truly was. That softened the blow, just a little. Not enough to keep me sane, though.

“What are you thinking about?” Jimin asked. I looked over at him, debating what to say. I decided to go towards the truth.

“That Hoseok is going to the Emerald Ball with Taeyeon.” I said. Jimin smiled.

“Jealous, huh?” He asked.

“Psh, no! I’m not jealous of her.” I said. Jimin’s face looked confused.

“Why would you be jealous of her? You should be jealous of Hobi!” Jimin exclaimed. I realized my mistake and cleared my voice.

“That’s what I meant. I’m very jealous.” I said. He nodded.

“Me too. He’s so lucky.” Jimin said.

“But I suppose if any of us could be so lucky, Hoseok would be the one I’d hope for the most.” Jimin added. I tried not to make any dramatic expressions, even as Jimin said something sweet like that about Hobi.

“Yeah.” I said shortly, watching as the rest of the members walked towards our van. Hoseok was lagging behind with Rapmon, and they were laughing about something. I always wondered what the two of them talked about. They were polar opposites—yet they managed to be extremely close. Rapmon never really opened up with us. He was our leader, and he always motivated and inspired us. But he was always private about his own real feelings. There were multiple times though—multiple times I’d walked by his room at the dorm to see Hoseok in his chair; his arms folded and his face brooding and serious. They would sit in there for hours, just talking. I could only imagine what the two of them talked about together.