Chaos

Chaos

"Minyoung-ah," I called her, trying to talk to her. Upon hearing my voice, she flinched. Yeah, flinched, as if she was scared to hear my voice. 'I did hurt her so bad, didn't I?' That was what I could think.

She turned to me hesitantly, while trying to pull a smile. "Do you need something, Hakyeon-?" I could see her stopped herself from calling me affectionately. It was painful to see her being like this, moreover I was the reason.

I looked at her in the eyes. I almost couldn't bring myself to speak when I see the usually cheerful, sparkling eyes became red and swollen from crying. I swallowed a large lump-gosh, that hurt- before saying, "We need to talk..."

I could see pain flashing in her eyes and soon her eyes became glassy. She quickly lowered her head, giving me no chance to see her expression further. "Sorry, I don't think I can right now. I have to meet the girls," she said, her voice cracked in the end of her sentence.

'She's crying,' I thought. 'She's crying over me...' That thought alone was enough to make me feel like the lowest creature in this world. I never ever cared if a girl is crying over me before, but now it really hurt seeing Minyoung crying like this. ‘Is this my karma?’ I tried to find my voice once again, and asked her hopefully, "After school, then?"

She shook her head, then cover her face with her hand. I could see her hand trembling and her shoulders shake. She tried to calm her breathing. "I have my part-time job. Sorry, Hakyeon, I know what do you want to talk about but I can't cooperate with you now. Not this fast, everything is still so much for me to take." The next thing I know she ran pass me and I could hear her choked sob.

Without thinking twice, I ran after her, following her to her and her friends' usual meeting place. Once she got there, she hugged Boram, the oldest in the group, and started to cry loudly. I watched her with a throb in my heart. I kept looking at her shaking figure and then my gaze met Boram's eyes. She looked at me in despise, as if telling me to come close to Minyoung no more.

I looked at Boram, pleading silently. Hoping she would let me talk to Minyoung. But fortune was not on my side. Minyoung's other friends, the Heo twins and Hyekyung, their maknae, came. They surrounded Minyoung and Boram while looking at me with hatred in their eyes, making a barrier for Minyoung, afraid that I would hurt Minyoung more.

I felt defeated and desperate. It was frustrating to not have Minyoung around. She unconsciously became my everything. I was stupid to let her faith on me destroyed by my own hands. After looking at them for some more minutes, I dragged my feet to where I and my friends usually gather.

"Hyung... how's it going?" Wonsik asked me the time I got there. I rustled my own hair and sighed. Wonsik got my signal and just stay silent after that.

"I already said that a bet about love will never turn out good," Taekwoon said, looking at me. I just pulled a weak, worn-out smile as I sat between Hongbin and Jaehwan.

"I hope you will be able to fix things with her soon, hyung." Hongbin gave me a pat on the shoulder. I just nodded at him. I looked upwards, staring at the clouds above me.

"Where's Sanghyuk?" I asked.

"Got something to do, or so he said."

I sighed. This throbbing in my chest wouldn't stop. "Is this my karma?" I asked to no one in particular. I could feel their gaze at me. "Is this my karma for wanting to play with her sincere feelings?"

I recalled the moment she found out that  I was betting on her. Her betrayed expression, her tears, her choked cry. The way she stepped back with her shoulder trembling, looking at me in disbelief, shaking her head, and then ran away from me.

"If only I call the bet off sooner, maybe we'll still talking happily right now." I could feel my eyes sting. I closed my eyes, letting the tears down.

Not long after I let out my tears, Sanghyuk came. He rushed to me, hugged me tight and apologized. "I'm sorry, hyung. If only I can prevent Minyoung-nuna to see you... I was there but I can't do anything..."

I patted his head. "It's okay, Sanghyuk-ah. It's not your fault. It's mine and maybe it's time for everything to be revealed. Maybe it's time for me to be more thoughtful about people's feelings. Maybe... it's time for me to get my karma. To finally love someone and become a love fool... who ended up hurting because I hurt the person I love..."

"Maybe it's better to let her alone for some time and maybe you can make a plan to make her yours again. She still loves you, I'm sure about that. But she needs time to let you into her life again." Jaehwan said.

"Maybe. Let's just see. I'll watch over her from afar for the mean time."

-Time skip-

It had been a few weeks since my failed attempt to talk to Minyoung. I watched her from a safe distance and I was glad that she's getting better. She was finally able to smile and joke around with her friends, but I know that her smile didn't reach her eyes. I was sure her friends know that as well, but they just shrugged it off. On the other side, I finally had a plan to make her mine again.

"Hey, there." I greeted her, when I approached her in her favorite spot in the library.

She looked up with surprised expression, before that expression turned to a sour one. "I told you I-"

"My name is Hakyeon." I said with a smile, cutting her sentence in the middle.

She was confused. "Look, Hakyeon. I don't know what are you thinking right now but can you please-"

"What's your name?" I asked, cutting her sentence again.

She bit her lips, thinking for a minute before slowly answered, "Minyoung. My name is Minyoung."

My smile widened. "You have a pretty name."

She blushed then looked down to hide her blush. "You already said that before..."

"You got me," I mumbled. "Minyoung, look at me." I said gently.

She slowly lifted her head to look at me again. I took a deep breathe, and start talking. "I know what I did to you was unforgiven. But I'm here to fix it. I don't mind starting from the very beginning again, as long as I can have you next to me again. I want to be with you sincerely, because I love you, not because of any bet."

I looked at her anxiously, afraid that she will shove me away. She was lost in thoughts and I became more anxious. After a few minutes, I then started to give up. "If you don't want that, then I'll get away from you. I'm really sorry, Minyoung-ah."

I turned my body to walk away, but her voice stopped me. "Wait!"

"Yes?" I turned my body again.

"Alright, we can start again." She said, biting her lips.

I couldn't help but gaping at her answer. "A-are you sure? You're- nevermind. Thank you, Minyoung-ah. I swear I'll never let you down again." I said with a grin on my face.

She smiled, the first real smile after that incident. "Keep your words, Hakyeon-ah."

I nodded. I was going to hug her when I remembered that we're still at the very beginning stage, a stage where we just know each other.

"So... how was your class?" I asked, and from here, we started to head to happiness.

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