Leaving my life as someone who has higher IQ than most of the children around me is very hard. I mean my mind is always somewhere else on something world changing idea I have in that moment and not actually with the person sitting next to me. But I don't mind. I have my own little world and I'm okay with that. As long as no one wants to break me out of it at least.
My teachers knew they can't say anything new. They can't teach me because i should be the one who's teaching Them. So they are just left me alone with my own thoughts in my little world. Which could be good thing… except if i actually want, and need somebody to talk to me. 

No one did dough. So I kind of had hard time making friends. But it never stopped me trying. I wanted friends so badly that I went to everyone on the playground to ask them is they want to be my friends or play with me when I was around four or five. There was times when some of the children said yes and I had someone to play with, but most of the times I got rejected or completely ignored, which I never knew the reason behind it. Because I was always nice, smiling at everyone and friendly. I just did not understand why can't I get one friend. That would be enough this is what I thought all the time. If I could get only one friend for my life it would be fine. I would be happy. But I didn't. For a very long time.

Since I didn't know how is it to have friends at that time I never bothered about it, but living my life in the state I am living now… I guess it would be hard to go back to my lonely days. I still have those nightmare where I loose everything and I'm alone again. 

So you can guess I figured I am different from most of the children around me at this time. I was sure I can just be alone and do things on my own but sometimes I did wish to have a friend. When I got at the age I am now (twelve year old) I figured all the girls in my class talking about how cute the boy they met at the cinema or one of our classmates and to be honest I had a serious crush on this boy, but I wasn't sure if he even noticed me or not, so a friend could be at help with this problem of mine. But had no one and I was to afraid to ask the boy or confess my feelings to him so I did the only thing I had the courage to do. Admire Him from distance. Somehow my feelings grow as I did this and i thought, this won't work anymore. I know I am socially awkward and have to deal with it for the rest of my life but… I need to do something about this boy. I have strong feelings for him and I know if I want something I have to fight for it.

Well this is how Taehyun and I got to be friends. Like I told you before this is one of my biggest mistakes ever. Accept him as a friend, not to  meet him.
I knew him before we met on the funeral because we went to the same school for years. I was really into him since first grade but never actually talked to him. So when I saw him there crying on a chair in the hallway I had to go to him. I had to do something. He was very sad indeed. And I was as well. I knew what he feels in that moment and I wanted to be there for him.
- Hi. - I went up to Him, sitting on the chair next to him. But he did not noticed me so I had to say hello again. But nothing happened. I thought I was too quiet so I didrepeat it again. - Hi. Are you alright? - I tried so hard to reach out for Him but he did nothing. Not even looking at me.

I was sad for two reason in that moment. I was on my mother funeral at the age of twelve, and I knew I will live a very lonely life from now on because my father is never at home. And because our first conversation with Taehyung, what I imagined a lot of times, didn't go the way i wanted. Basically he didn't even looked at me. But when he did after a few minutes He was surprised I was there.
- Who are you? - he asked me with a shocked face. The boy sitting in front of me, the one I counted as my first love didn't even know who I was.
- I'm AeRa. We are attending the same school. I was your classmate last year.
- Did you know my mother? This is why you are here? Because of the funeral? She done a lot of work with the school.
- I came for another funeral. My mother's. - And I saw it in His eyes. That thing I wanted to see from the moment I wanted him as a friend, since our first grade.

His attention. He is fully aware that we gone through the same thing and we can understand each other. He find a buddy who capable of understanding his situation and I knew he'll take his chances and be my friend from that day. He can finally talk to someone.

But it was not enough for me anymore. It would be, years ago but now I want more. I want him to love me. I wanted to behis first love, like he is mine. But until he find out I am the one he wants… I can play along as a friend, right? I'm smart enough to know, the good things in life comes with patience and time. This is what I learnedfrom my mother.

In a short period of time I figured he likes to play on the piano, read books and that he is a really smart boy. He's like me, except the gender and a socially awkward personality. Match in heaven, you would think.

He hardly talked for around a year after his mother death and his friends slowly get lost on the way through next year. But not me. I was there for him every time he needed and this is why he let me in after a while, trully in. I didn't realise it at first. But his way to get close to someone is to talk with the piano and his music. This is his way of connecting. And God, I did felt everything he wanted to tell me. He drown into my very soul with his melody. I loved every second of his playing. I felt so into it a catched myself listening with open mouth. And sometimes I even forgot to take a breath. It was literally breathtaking for me. He took my breath away every time he hit the key on his piano. Why? I don't know. It just simply did.

Two year went by very fast. I was literally go out of my mind thinking I have to go to high school when the summer ends and I have to meet new people and maybe Taehyung will forget about me in our new school. He will be popular because he was good looking and talented and I was the girl with red hair and awkward personality. He will never want to be my friend if he meets cooler people than me. Because I knew he's okay now. He was back to his normal self. I mean talking, playing around and being friendly again. And they loved him. Loved him again. And I was jealous. Because let's be honest I was the one next to him in the hard times and I could feel him drift away very easily when we were together for a while now. It won't take long and he'll be goneand I was afraid of that. I didn't wanted this to happen. I wanted to keep him for myself. I didn't wanted him to meet some new a girl and fall in love with her instead of me. But he did… not long after we started our first year in high school.

How did I noticed? It was not hard. Firstly he started to play upbeat, fast piano songs for me. Told me he is in a very good mood today all the time, but when I asked why, he never told me the reason.
- I'm not sure. I just do! -  He smiled at me one day and I had enough. I just wanted to know.
- There's no way you don't know. You are, my friend, acting very weird these days and I want to know the reason. - hit his upper arm, like I always do.
I sat next to him at the piano like I always did. He never let anybody to sit there except me.
- As your best friend, I deserve to know. Hope it's me dough. - I Smiled at Him.
He looked at me. And there it was. Something in his eyes what made my stomach jump a little. I knew this look. This is what I look like when I look into the mirror and thinking about him. This can't be real. This hopeless fool look on his face reminds me of myself and I wonder if it's because me or someone else.
- You make me happy of course but my happiness is a different kind from what you give me as a friend. - So it's not me… who's then? 

- Explanation, please!

I tried to be happy for him, but I remember how much I cried on that night in my room where nobody sees me. He find himself a first love, who's not me. He fall for this girl,I don't even knew who, and she took his heart away from me. I didn't even noticed when all this happened. It just did. In a second.

- I just don't know what to do. This is the first time I have these feelings. I never felt this way towards you because obviously we are friends. So… what should I do? I'm so confused right now. - He broke my heart without knowing it. What a dumb.
- I think you should tell her. If she doesn't feel the same way, it's better to know. - Even if it hurts like hell.
- Do you think so?

He was so insecure. I should used this up and turn it over to my side and make him forget this girl, but I was way too nice to do that. I'm such a fool.
- Yes.
That was it. He ran off. I knew it went well even if I didn't get the chance to talk to.him on the next day or week. Because the whole school was talking about them. “They are so cute together.” “I can't believe it! She's so lucky!” “They will be together forever!”
I heard a lot of different things but I haven't seen them, not even once. But I did agreed on one thing. She was lucky. Luckier than I was for sure. I've been next to him for years, longingly, but he can't see me the way he sees this, who knows who, girl.

I went to the theater where the piano was in the school every day for a month, hoping he will be there but he wasn't. He stopped playing on the piano. I haven't heard of him for weeks. Nothing. It seemed like he totally forgotten about me. Until one day I got a call… he was crying.
- What's wrong, Taehyung-ah? - I ran to meet him. I was so worried.
- She said, she just wanted to be popular. This is why she acted so nice towards me, acting like she likes me back. How is it even possible?
Everytime it happened in my dreams I told him.to be with me instead, but when I got a chance to do… I felt scared to loose our friendship and I said nothing except what he wanted to hear.
- I think she'll change her mind. Don't worry about it too much. You two will be together again. If not, you can find someone else. Don't think too much into it.
- Where can I find someone who's better than her? I don't care about anyone else. I only see her. - Such a fool. You are hurting me. -  I even stopped playing on the piano because she hated it! Maybe she find out I played on it in secret! What to do? I can't play on the piano anymore.
He stopped playing because of her. Because she hated it? I can't believe this.
- But you love it. You shouldn't change because of someone who…
- If she wants me to give up. I will. I don't care.
- But I love listening to you playing… - I need him to play.
- It doesn't matter! You doesn't matter to me. Even with your pathetic feelings for me.
- What did you just said? I know you angry and sad but… - I was shocked. - How do you know?
- I will never like you. You are not a girl for me. Just a dude. Nothing else. Did you wish so hard for our break up? You got it now! Are you happy? I felt like crying in this very moment.
- Why are youdoing this? I never… I'm happy for you. I am! - no matter how hard I tried to explain it to him. He didn't listened to me. - If my feelings would be the problem, our friendship were already over. I never wanted you to give up on piano or change your ways. I loved you the way you were. And I wished for your happiness. If it's with someone else… I…
- I don't care! I'm leaving. I have to talk to Minie! - and he ran off.
This was the last time I talked to him. It's been three years now. I still in love with him and I miss him every day but his out of my reach. I never heard Taehyung playing on the piano again and he never talks to me. He always walks past me without noticing me. I become alone again, and honestly I hated it.

I hear them whisper about me sometimes. How big a loser I am, and things like this. They are talking about me got rejected and forgotten like I should be. They never understand how could someone like Taehyun be friends with me. We are on different level, and I haven't seen it until this very moment. But I do now. I'm not good enough for him. He deserves better.

I was standing in this gray gloomy area and I wondered where I am. I had no idea. It was nowhere to go. Only this figure for bigger as times passed by. He (I could see now that it's a he) walked in my way, fast. He wanted to reach me before my dream is over. But I wanted to wake up. I wasn't interested in knowing him anymore. I got lost while I was waiting for him to get here. 7 years been gone and he couldn't reach me. I don't care anymore.
I turned around and walked at the other direction. Without looking back. I wasn't in the mood. My gloomy dream showed it perfectly well.

I hope you guys enjoyed it. I personally think it's better than the first one and i hope some of you will leave a comment below, because i really want to know what you guys think. 

Not much of Moonbin yet, but He will be here soon. :D