That 23^rd of September, MinHo woke up with a strange sensation that forced him to stay in bed ten minutes more than usual, staring at the ceiling. He couldn’t explain what it was, he just had this feeling that something bigger than him was going to happen soon, a feeling that carried him all day.

At first he thought it was because YooNa hadn’t replied to his last message or because of the match he would have played that evening, a friendly with the basketball team of Kyung Hee University but this weird anxiety that suddenly twisted his stomach hadn’t leave even when they won, even when they were relaxing under the audience’s acclamations or when Siwon proposed to have and after party at the pub near their campus,  in which most of the students reunited for a drink or two.

He recognized some faces among the crowd: there was Kim Kibum who was laughing high together with some friends of his drama club, those lunatics who usually dressed in the dark and were nice like an hungry crocodile and, oh well, wasn’t he Kim JongHyun the one who was bothering a waitress with long red hair, together with his band? He saw the poster outside the bar, apparently they have to play tonight.

MinHo hoped to be already at home when the show would have started.

It was a night as the others but something seemed out of place…

“Where’s Siwon hyung going?” asked Suho, following him with the stare.

“Talking to the waitress, his friend. He’ll ask her a discount again, as usual.” Replied JongIn, looking then at him with concern “MinHo hyung, is everything okay?” he asked, ignoring the languid smiles that the waitresses thrown at him every now and then.

He shuddered “Of course I am, why shouldn’t I?”

“Lately you’re acting strange.”

“I’m okay.” He replied softly, a tremble smile on his face “Maybe I’m just a bit tired.” He added, flapping an hand.

JongIn looked at him suspicious but didn’t insist and he was very thankful for this.

He couldn’t tell them what was going on in his mind or they would had made fun of him for sure!

His friends were great but sometime they couldn’t take things seriously, especially after the second round of beers.

“Ready for the third free round?” Siwon bumped into the conversation with that big smile of his.

Third round, actually…

“Oh, no, please.” Suho started to complain, teased by JongIn and Siwon.

TaeMin took advantage of their isolation “MinHo hyung, just chill out. She won’t come.” his hesitant voice sneaked into their small talks and MinHo came back to reality.

“I’m not thinking about her.”

And it was true.

Well… Okay, he was thinking about YooNa but she wasn’t the main problem here. Or was she? This situation of “said and not said” between them lately was getting more frustrating.

“But you check your phone every ten seconds.”

At this point, MinHo sighed in frustration “She said she would have come.” He avoided his stare.

TaeMin sighed, sagging on the chair “She wasn’t at the game, so…” he didn’t complete the sentence, there wasn’t need but MinHo looked at him with serious eyes so he continued, meekly “You should be having fun and forget about her for just an hour or two. We’d just won a match with one of the strongest team, you should be celebrating with us!”

He knew…

MinHo knew he wasn’t acting right towards his mates who were enjoying their little party but he couldn’t control himself: his mind kept telling him that he should had been sat near YooNa, not Siwon; that she should had been there with him too, with her hand landed on his knee ant that big bright smile of her. And even if he tried to follow their conversation, laughing when picking up the last mistake of JongIn -who had the bad habit to thrown the ball to the opponents when agitated-, there was nothing to do, she always came to his mind.

“Why don’t you just break up?” Siwon suddenly asked, like he had caught his thoughts’ stream.

MinHo looked at him like he had two heads “Are you insane?! I can’t leave her! It’s already five years!”

“Yes, and?” he asked with a smirk “It’s not so important if you don’t love each other anymore—“

“We love us. At least, I still love her… And she loves me too.” He said confusedly, like he couldn’t clearly explain what was going on in his mind.

The fact was that things were okay just like this, his life was complete and he wouldn’t had changed anything: he’d got a scholarship to college, he was one of the most brilliant student in his course, he was going to be the captain of the basketball team after Siwon’s graduation, he also joined the athletic and soccer clubs, he hanged out with the most cool group in town and he was engaged with one of the most beautiful girls in their university:  Park YooNa. You know, it was all fun and games and—Well, okay maybe things with his parents weren’t great but who didn’t have family issues?

“She loves you so much she didn’t even call you.” He replied sarcastic, playing with the beer’s label.

MinHo was getting frustrated and was also on the verge to overthrow the table and sod ‘em all when his phone rang.

Speak of the devil…

To see YooNa’s name blinking on the phone didn’t make go away that strange sensation and even his eyes didn’t shine as they always did when her name was spoken.

It was Siwon’s fault.

Siwon and TaeMin and JongIn and their insisting that they should break up. That wasn’t the first time this issue came up but this time he didn’t have the energy to support his emotions.

He was about to answer when Siwon stole his phone.

“Siwon!”

“Uh, YooNa’s finally calling!” he smirked “Hi YooNa, it’s me, Siwon! So glad to hear you, it’s so much time you don’t hang out with us—Oh, it’s true, you’re so busy—“

“Siwon, give it back!”

“MinHo? I don’t know… I’ve seen him talking with a cute waitress and—“

“Give it back, you idiot—YooNa!” he finally took the phone, throwing at each one of them a stink eye “No, of course I wasn’t with anyone, is—Is Siwon who’s a complete idiot—What?” he covered his ear with the hand, trying to understand what was she saying “ I can’t hear you well. Wait a minute, I’m going outside—“ he stood up fast, turning up his nose when looking at Siwon “You sure are an .”

“Come on, I was just kidding.”

MinHo rolled his eyes and when he turned, he accidentally bumped into a person. A girl, to be exact. He didn’t mind at all about her, he just glimpsed her light blue waitress’ dress, bright red hair and smashed pint glasses on the floor.

“Look where you’re going!” he said harshly, jumping over her.

The last thing he heard before going out was her ironic “Thanks for the help” and a regretted Siwon

“Forgive him, NaRi. He usually is a nice guy.”

And he was, really.

It’s just… He was irritated, frustrated and with all this emotions shacking his brain, being nice was the last thing on his mind. He sighed, maybe he should had apologised with that girl, she was just working after all… Well, of course she could avoid to be right behind his chair and—
“Yes, I’m still here…” he rubbed his temple, tired “What? Now?” he looked behind his shoulder, watching his friend drinking and talking.

YooNa wanted to talk. Now.

Maybe this was the “thing bigger than him” that had woken him up in anxiety.

He hesitated on the sidewalk and at her annoyed “Well?” he could just sigh “Give me ten minutes. I’ll be right there.”

 

What happened next is just pure confusion.

He was crossing the street, talking with YooNa and there was this irritating whistle, like tires brake all of a sudden and screams coming from the crowd at the bar’s entrance and someone shouted his name but he couldn’t speak.

His eyes were foggy and his head hurt like it was about to break.

Then, he slipped off into an oblivion of nothing.

 

 

Prologue ~ Hiraeth

 

[(n.) a homesickness for a home to which you cannot return,

 a home which maybe never was;

the nostalgia, the yearning, the grief for the lost places of your past]

 

 

 

“MinHo? MinHo, can you hear me?”

“… JongHyun?”

“Don’t stay so near, let him breath.”

“… Kibum?”

“I can’t find a pulse, maybe he’s dying. Oh my God, what should we do now? Think, JongHyun, think—“

“You’ll be the one dying if you don’t stop it immediately! You’re making me anxious!”

“Forgive me if I’m worried about my friend, who is between life and death.”

“Oh, please, he’s not dead! Look at him, he’s conscious now!”

“Is screaming really necessary?” MinHo groaned, opening one eye, interrupting their quarrel.

“MinHo!” JongHyun hugged him so tight he can barely breath “Thank goodness you’re still alive!” the bright smile of JongHyun was the first thing MinHo saw after focusing: he was in the infirmary, he could clearly smell its typical scent and hear the soccer team’s noise while training outside on the field.

Why were they training if outside was night—Wait a minute… Bright…

Why was the sun shining so bright?!

Last time he checked it was night, he was at the pub with his basketball’s team celebrating their victory, he could still hear the high music that obliged him to go outside to answer at the phone… Then, everything got dark.

He sat and a painful headache started to pound his brain. He crawled his fingers through the hair, touching a bandage that wrapped the head and that seemed soaked with blood on the temple.

“What the —“ he tried to take them off.

“The bandage stays on for now” Kibum scolded him “Looks like that idiot hit your head pretty bad.”

“Hit my head? Who?”

“Kim JongIn.”

Kim JongIn…?

Because of his blank expression, JongHyun spoke “Kim JongIn, you remember, don’t you? The captain of the basketball’s team, the  idol of the entire women’s population here in school, the biggest ever existed in the world, the—“

“I know who he is!” he shouted, interrupting him harshly “Why would he punch me?! We’re friends!”

Kibum and Jjong looked at each other before bursting into laughter.

MinHo punched the bed, nervous “What are you laughing for?! We really are!”

“In your dreams” Kibum gave a stare to JongHyun, who was scrolling his shoulders “Let’s be serious for a moment… You don’t remember anything?”

“I remember I was drinking a beer at the pub with my teammates and—What? What’s that face?”

“Pub? Teammates? What are you talking about?”

“Maybe you were really dreaming…” JongHyun his lips, uncertain.

“I wasn’t! I was at the pub then my phone rang and I went out and—And—“ he passed the hands on his face “What the hell is happening? Why am I here?” he looked at them in confusion “No, actually, why are you two here, with me?” he emphasized that “you”, rising his eyebrows.

“You’re here ‘cause JongIn gave you a one-way ticket to the infirmary.” JongHyun repeated, rolling his eyes.

“And we’re here ‘cause we’re your friends.” Kibum pointed out, sighing.

At these explanations, MinHo is the one who burst out laughing, nearly falling off the bed “Friends… Me and you? Please.”

Jjong turned up his nose “If it wasn’t for us, you’d still be lying on the floor.”

“The next time JongIn decides to use you as a punching-ball, we’ll ignore you. Even if you’re agonizing.” Said Kibum, a bit impatient.

MinHo stopped, feeling completely lost.

That was weird.

This must be a nightmare… He couldn’t be  friend with those two… Losers.

You know… They were Kim “Diva” Kibum who spent most of his time judging the entire world, who’d declared war to fashion and dressed in the dark; and Kim “The you have to stare? If you stare again I’ll kill you” JongHyun, the one who dropped university at his second year and had started to join this band that, well, besides playing horrible music they didn’t even know the meaning of legality since he had just gone to prison like two times… For little things, of course, but still…

MinHo closed his eyes, then opened them again… Nothing, he was still in the infirmary, with those bandages on, it was sunny and he was surrounded by people who shouldn’t be there.

The world wobbled a little when he tried to stand up but JongHyun helped him to not fall and after a first moment of loss, characterized by his soft smile, he moved away his hand.

“Are you feeling well? Maybe we should take you to the hospital—“

“Leave me alone” MinHo went out of the room without waiting for them; there was no need since those two were already behind his back “Why don’t you just leave me alone?”

JongHyun sighed “Because—“
“And don’t say we’re friends, ‘cause we’re not.”

Anymore, at least…

They’d been together for so long but then something had just broken and they’d taken different paths… It was life and he couldn’t do anything about it.

“For goodness sake…” Kibum sighed heavily “MinHo, listen—“

“No.”

“Your attitude is starting to getting on my nerves—“

“Key, they have almost opened his head like a watermelon, you have to understand him.”
“For this reason we should take him to the hospital—What are you doing?” Kibum asked almost hysterically.

“I’m trying to open my locker” he tried the combination three times but nothing, the locker didn’t open “The —This thing is broken!” he kicked it.

“It isn’t. It just isn’t your.”

“What are you saying?!” he stared at JongHyun “Of course this is mine! It has always been! It’s near TaeMin’s—“ again, they were on the verge of laughing but MinHo interrupted everything “But I imagine that TaeMin isn’t my friend, mh?”
“If you mean Lee TaeMin, no, you’re not” Kibum took his harm and dragged him to the other part of the corridor “He’s JongIn’s best friend the one, I want to remind you, who was trying to kill you just because you stared too long at his girlfriend.”

“Girlfriend?!”

“Well, that’s a big word. Let’s say that she’s his last purchase” he specified ironically “By the way, never forget the first rule if you want to survive here: never look JongIn right in the eyes.”

“What is it, a ing grizzly?” Kibum rised his eyebrows while MinHo stared at his locker –which shouldn’t be, actually- “Will the combination be the same?” he whispered to himself, quiet scared.

Everything seemed—No, everything was strange.

The university, the corridors, the rooms, the smells were exactly the same but having Kibum and Jjong around after all this time was quite disturbing.

And weird too.

“Why don’t you try? Who knows you’ll find your common sense in there.”

“Kibum!” JongHyun scolded him but he just shrugged his shoulders, irritated.

“Or maybe I’ll come back to my world. You know, the one in which we don’t talk at all.”

“And let’s hear, why shouldn’t we talk to each other on the other side?”
“Jjong, please. Don’t go along…”

“No, I want to know” he smirked “Come on, I’m all ears.”

MinHo started to roll the dial, hoping the lock will open this time “We don’t talk ‘cause we’re not friends. Kibum hangs out only with his course’s friends and you—Ugh.”

“Don’t ugh me!”

“You’ve set up this pop/rock band of  freaks who seems having so much fun smoking like tomorrow won’t come, drinking like you’ll never experience alcohol poisoning and—Well, I don’t really know in which other things you’re in and I don’t really care.”

They’d hold their breathe for the entire story, Kibum was the first to break the silence “And what about you?”

“I’m the captain of the basketball team—Well, it’s Siwon actually—“

“Siwon… Who?”

“But I’m going to be next year. And I’m also part of the athletic and soccer’s club, I’ve won so many medals that I don’t even know where to put them and I’m engaged with the most popular girl in the entire university: Park YooNa” he looked at them with the eyes tale “But don’t tell me, all of this is just my imagination, right?” he finally opened the locker “The —“

“Who’s YooNa?”

“Jjong, I don’t’ think that this is the most important thing here—“

“Of course it is! He believes he has got a girlfriend!”

Kibum ignored him “For me, you’ve amnesia.”

“I’m fine, you’re the ones who’s acting strange. And I have a girlfriend for real, I can prove it” he took his mobile from the bag, searching for her number “That’s strange…”

“Let me guess: you can’t find her.” Kibum smirked.

“Maybe I’ve deleted it by mistake…” luckily he remembered it but when he called it, all he could hear was a metallic voice saying “The number you just called doesn’t exist or is out of reach--”

Really, really strange.

YooNa never missed a call, she lived with the mobile glued to her hands practically. Ok, in the last period she seemed to avoid him but she was so into her rising modelling career and so under pressure for the diet and the photos… They were going through a hard time, nothing more, and he knew they would had solve it sooner or later.

He just needed to be patient.

“ it.” He slammed the locker’s door, running through the hall.

Kibum rolled his eyes “MinHo, please, where are you going?” he was exasperated like a mom who was sick and tired of scolding her turbulent child.

Typical of Kibum. At least one thing hadn’t changed in this bizarre world.

“To find YooNa!”

He had to find her first, then he would had find a way to understand what the hell was happening.

The last thing he heard before leaving the university at his back, was JongHyun’s deep voice shouting “Remember that we live together, room 36!”

 

~

 

That was strange –how many times had this word already popped out into his head?-

He had ran though the city looking for YooNa, his perfect and lovely YooNa who would had eased the pain with just one smile and maybe would had explained what the hell was going on because, really, the city was the same but something didn’t seem right.

Like JongIn using him as a punching-ball, Kibum and JongHyun being his best friends… It was like the world had been turned upside down and now he had to find the way to fix every little piece.

Too bad he had one green piece for a vast land of blue…

Anyway… Strange –again-.

The street in which YooNa lived was the same, he recognized every little detail but at the same time it seemed… Different?

Nothing was left of its characteristics luxury, it used to be full of life but now it was so quiet, like the time had stopped. And if it wasn’t for some people who walked around –at first glance they seemed homeless but maybe is imagination was just playing with his mind- he would had started to think that this place was completely abandoned.

He looked at the building, a number of few apartments arranged in two floors and when he took just one step, a sudden sound paralyzed him: a big black cat jumped off the trash can.

“A heart attack is exactly what I need…”

He took a deep breath while climbing the stairs that could break at any moment, holding the handrail that was burning under his fingers… Maybe it was the chilly air or maybe he was just scared to death at the possibility that there won’t be any trace of  YooNa.

As it turned out, the buzzer didn’t report her name: there was a Park N. and… The other name had been covered with a doodle, it was unreadable.

He took another deep breathe while pressing it but, of course, it didn’t work.

“Great… Does anything work here?!” he knocked “YooNa? YooNa, are you here? It’s me, MinHo!” he kept on knocking, harder “YooNa, for goodness sake, open this ing door—Oh—“ he nervously railed his hand through the hair, while peeling off the bandages when a girl appeared across the threshold and, surprise surprise!, she wasn’t YooNa.

He shouldn’t had been surprised but still, he felt disappointed.

“Were you trying to tear my door down?” she said ironically, with voice furred like she’d just woken up and judging from her red hair up into a messy bun, dark circles under the eyes and the large t-shirt that revealed the right shoulder and the thighs, she really was sleeping until some seconds ago.

For sure this disaster wasn’t YooNa… At this hour in the afternoon she would had been running through the park or posing for some magazines, not sleeping.

She was familiar, though.

“Oh, but you are… Ugh, what’s your name?” her soft voice took him back on earth.

“Have I seen you before?”
“We frequent the same school.”

“No, I mean… Somewhere else…”

“Nope. I think that we haven’t introduced yet. I’m—“

 “Choi MinHo, pleasure” he bowed a little and she frowned “Listen, I’m looking for a person. A girl, her name’s YooNa. She should live here.”

She massaged her neck “No YooNa leaves here.”

“Isn’t this the 23?”

“Yes, but I live here. I’m—“

“There must be something wrong” his smile wobbled “ Look, my girlfriend has been living here for three years now and—“

“And I’m leaving here for three years too” she blinked “But do you want me to look for her in the guard robe?”
… Is she making fun of me?

“Are you bull me?”

The way she was looking at him, with those eyebrows perfectly rose and the fingers drumming on the doorjamb were making him nervous.

She rolled her eyes, tired “Listen, that’s my house, I don’t know any YooNa—Well, there’s my sister but she doesn’t live here so… I’m sorry, maybe you made a mistake.”

“But—“

“Bye.” She slammed the door, leaving him in the chilly hair with nothing.

Great, that’s simply great!

YooNa had disappeared nowhere and at her place there was a complete stranger who seemed to know him and that was nice as a rattlesnake.

Distraught, MinHo looked at the sky “At least you could have put someone nicer in this ing apartment.”

“I can hear you.” He could clearly hear from the other side of the door.

This witch…

 

He was in this stupid reality for about an hour or so and he missed already his past life.

The perfect one.

He was scared at the thought that he didn’t know anything about himself here yet and he wasn’t so sure he wanted to know.

“The is going on?” he leaned his head on the banister, shattered “I want to go back home.”

 

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