“When I say ‘I love you’, I don’t mean that I love what being with you does for my career, or I love how often you’re willing to shag. I mean I love you. I love making you laugh, and seeing how you react to things, and getting to know the little things about you. I love who I am with you, and I’m trusting you not to hurt me.”

“So, this is it?” his voice startled her who was lounging under the blanket near the window. Her head turned towards him, clearly not expected him to be standing near her doorway, already walking nearing her spot. “What?” she asked him in silent, almost being missed if he wasn’t already near her. “Wasn’t that supposedly is my question?” he asked her back as he crouched down in front of her, leveling their eyes together. Unbundling her out from the safe of her deep purple-colored, fluffy comforter, he took in her appearance.

She was beautiful but she never acknowledged that. Bear from those additional make-ups and out of her flashy stage outfits, she was everything that he adored. Clad only in her white baggy, V-neck knitted sweater, and grey, flannel shorts, she was the epitome of beauty. Her legs seemed longer below the hem of her shorts and he could see the black tank underneath her sweater, clearly effortless yet comfortable enough for someone named Kim Taeyeon. Taking a closer look, he startled once he saw what her eyes contained there.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” he talked against the silence surrounding them. Outside was raining and she was sad. Her apartment was dark with no lights but he knew she likes it this way, because she could see the view of the Han River much clearly, other than this was a clear definition of her melting and loner. His angst and annoyance from just now had evaporated away as he observed her current state, then and there. She was supposed to welcome him back, waiting on him in his own apartment, yet once he was there, there was nothing.

There was no Taeyeon, no light, and no warmth, only darkness and a cold, lonely pad to come home to. He waited. He waited for almost two hours till he realized he was being stood up. She had told him in their last call together that she had no schedule and she had verbally promised to be home for him. Home. He realized now what he felt once he heard her used for the word, his pad. A place where their escapade and adventure started and ended that was home to her and he had never felt to fly right that instant to her side before.

But now, everything had gone in a flash. She wasn’t back in their home. He was being stood up. She broke her own promise which was something she never did before. He chased over her everywhere, up and down, all over Seoul. He had called few of her friends and even that little boy of her used-to-be-boy to ask if she was ever with them. But none had the positive answer. Until Tiffany mentioned her own pad to check up by, and yes she was there, in all flesh and gloomy state that she loved being in no matter time and day.

“What’s wrong Babe? I thought you’ll be waiting for me in our home, so what’s this? Why were you here? Why were your eyes swollen and red? Had you been crying?” he asked her carefully and slowly, pressing on the word home as he said the questions to her. She just shook her head and pat down the spot next to her on the red love seat, to which he swiftly shrugged out of his jacket to snuggle next to her warmth. They shared on the blanket together and he left her to be alone for a while until she stretched closer to his side and snuggled in.

He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and pulled her much closer until there was no more space in between them, as if that was possible. “Do you wanna talk now?” he pressed back into the unanswered question that was left into the air just now. “Why do you love me?” she asked him back. That was unexpected of her to answer a question with another question, yet he was left speechless with that one innocent unknown. Though he noticed something else in her voice just now, it was timid, and almost bearing down to a whisper.

“What?” he almost screamed in panic. The L-word was never frequent in between them but both showed their affections towards one another with their actions. How he had changed to the better man that he was now, no longer frequent club hanging, no more booze or weeds in need for him to de-stress. The family thanked her for his changes, the friend worshipped her for his changes for they saw how patient she was with him. He wasn’t an easy man, but she stayed and helped, and everyone loved her for that.

She was also changing to the better, though if you asked him, he would say that she was corrupted by him nowadays. She had more fun and there seemed no longer world-size-burden hanging off her shoulder. She drove around, she smiled around and she played around. The family was grateful for him, the friends were in awed for the changes in her. But now, seeing how fragile and timid she was cuddling next to him, he felt broken. And he felt as if he was the fault that caused her this way.

Had she never felt his love? Had he never showed his affection much? Had they fallen out of control now? Yes, they were busy, but they loved their works. One thing that was the common ground for them was their passion for their job as the performer. They could talk endlessly on those beautiful music and unfinished melody, on the never-ending love and support from their fans. They loved being on stage, singing and performing, dancing and touring thus it was never came in between before. Was this happening now? Was their job keeping up now?

“Why do you love me?” she urged him out from his own misery thoughts with the same question yet again, but this time with much firmer voice and no stutter in between, with her eyes searching for his, still wide with fear inside there, waiting for him to answer. He changed their position and settled them to face each other on that red, small love seat. She was waiting and he didn’t know from where to start. Taking her right hand into his left, he cupped her face with his right, thanking god for she still leaning into his touch.

As he was facing her, he brought her face closer and kissed her forehead longingly, before giving them back that needed space as he opened his can of worm. “There is actually no reason for me not to love you. You’re everything that I wanted to and that I’m not, is it making sense to you? I mean, if the reason of mine is because of your beautifulness, then won’t I love you when you’re old and crippled? If the reason of mine is because of your wittiness, then won’t I love you when you’re senile and starting to forget everything?

If the reason of mine is because of your job, then won’t I love you once you stop singing and dancing? If the reason of mine is because of your kindness, then won’t I love you once you become older and cursing on everyone? Thus, when I say ‘I love you’, I don’t mean that I love what being with you does for my career, or I love how often you’re willing to shag. I mean I love you. I love making you laugh, and seeing how you react to things, and getting to know the little things about you. I love who I am with you, and I’m trusting you not to hurt me.

I know we’re still trying together, but please don’t be afraid when I say, I do picture us together till the end of our lives. I see you as the mother of my children, as the wife and family of mine, as we wake up and sleep together, in one bed and one home, no longer running around the clock just to meet and greet, but living and growing together. A brand new version of a happily ever after by Kwon Jiyong and Kim Taeyeon,” she was crying as he was replying her and they both fall back onto the seat as she launched herself into his arms.

Not what she was expected but she didn’t really know what to expect as he was the Kwon Jiyong, and Kwon Jiyong never half assed everything he was tasked on with. And they stayed like that quite a while until she remembered that he was coming straight from the airport, as he touched down from the Nagoya. Sitting up swiftly, her face was still red and blotchy, but she was never minded on such nature, sending him an almost giggle from her cute act. “Have you eaten? Aren’t you tired? What time did you-” “Babe,” he stopped her.

“Those can wait, but now we have to talk. Why were you crying today? Why was I have to come and search for you?” he stilled in his previous position, as now she was the one who was fidgeting with their entwined fingers in her laps, eyes hiding away from his hazel ones. “Taeyeon, answer me please,” he begged. Damn this woman for making him wanting and doing everything that he hated to do once upon a time. She picked up her façade and eyed him straight in the eye as she uttered her comeback, “I read those comments”.

Not understanding, his face was crooked in confusion but she had already turned her eyes away from his yet again, back into playing with their fingers down in her laps. Seeing how she was biting her lips, a knot appeared in between her brows, clearly saying that she was holding herself from bursting out in tears again, until a bulb also came into his mind, “Oh Taeyeon-ah,” he swiftly sat up and pulled her back into his arms and settled her into a muffle sobs and cries. She was a mess and no wonder she was all alone just now when he found her.

She hadn’t meant to forget on being in their home, she was too caught up in her own messed up emotions making her forgotten on the promise she had made to him before. “I love you Babe, haven’t I tell you enough?” he asked her as he tried to rock her into a hush state, not really wanting to be the reason for her cries. He despised that she was afraid and crying over those hateful remarks and ugly rebuttals, but this was the foul side of their passions. He also sometimes read them and he himself couldn’t really say that they didn’t bother him.

Not everyone loved them and sometimes because of how she carried herself in public, he forgot that she was also a woman, a beautiful woman yet also a fragile being. “Hush Babe, I’m here now,” he coaxed and swayed her noiselessly until there was only hiccup left. Cute, he thought to himself but stopped just before he could chuckle on her. This situation right now, wasn’t one for a joke. And they stayed that way for a long time, her in the safe of his arms, then and there within the darkness and only the light from the outside world of her favorite view.

Pulling out from her very own safe haven, she wiped off her leftover tears away before turning on the side-table lamp next to the couch as she stood up and tied whatever left of her already grey-colored, short hair. “You need to eat, I’ve already bought a few groceries and stocked up your fridge back home, so I don’t really know if I got anything edible here, but give me a few minutes and~” he tuned her off, and watched over his lady, already went stalking into the kitchen as she rambled on, already behaving back with her mask and act as always.

All the lights were on now, and he also made himself useful as he walked nearing her new spot. “I’m sorry but ramen noodles?” she asked him earnestly with a beautiful smile, though it hadn’t still appeared on her eyes this time around. Thinking only to let the matter aside once again, only for this time around until she was stable again, he nodded in assurance as he strutted right to her side, “How can I help?” “Take a bath?” she tried to joke and he glared back to play on her current dry humor, only to elevate up her gloomy mood as she tried to grin.

“Ha-Ha, but really how can I help?” he asked her again. “And I am serious, you can take a bath. I mean, yes you’re not smelly but your tee is wet so you might as well take a bath or lounge in just to work out the kinks after the flying,” she explained. Nodding his head after giving it a thorough thought, he took a step closer and hugged her closed. A kiss on her temple, and he went down the hallway into her tidy but not-so-girly room. And as she heard over the closed door and the running water, she sighed and started on her ramen-cooking duty efficiently.

She was waiting for the ingredients to boil together inside that golden pot when he walked into her space and caged her up the counter by the waist, back-hugging and startling her out of the oblivion. “Hey,” he greeted her with his face inside her neck, smelling up her lovely honey-led skin lotion mixing with the fresh, sweet berries of her hair shampoo. “That was quick,” she answered him easily, hands placed over his around her waist. “I miss you,” both said around the same time and both chuckled after realizing the situation.

“Go sit by the table, I’ll be there,” and she pushed away from him and worked with the mittens and hot pot, as he strutted down the said space with a few bowls and chopsticks in hand. Helping himself with the carton of fresh milk, he sat next to her as she scooped some of her cheese ramen specialty for him. They ate in silence until, “Can we talk now?” “I thought we’re talking since you’re home just now,” she tried to joke and clearly still wanting to prolong in changing the subject and he raised an eyebrow in response to her attempt.

“How long have you been crying?” he probed on, despite her not wanting to have any of this dreaded conversation. “Taeyeon, answer me,” he pleaded and sighed inwardly once he saw her façade soften. “I don’t kn-” “You mean that you don’t know how long had you been sitting there crying? In the dark?” to which she shook her head at his outburst. “I love the darkness, and you know that,” she encountered, eyes narrowing in annoyance that he nodded in backing down, understanding over her obsession with that scene.

“Why do you read them?” he addressed the real matter now to which she shrugged easily that his brow went up again, in asking for her to explain. “They were there, how can I not read it? I mean eventhough my English is limited, I still can read though I’m not that fluent in enunciating it,” he only nodded in response. “You knew this will break out someday, so what’s with the breaking down?” and she hung her head down to his question. Seeing how she was taking her time, he gathered their bowls and everything down into the sink.

Hot chocolates in both hands, he put one in front of her that she muttered a thank you almost whispering. Her legs had been up and propped in between her body and the table, while for him to cross-legged in his seat. “I guess their words getting on me,” she muttered the words carefully and slowly and he was almost not hearing it, not when he was there by her side, silence surrounding them. He sighed in hearing to her response. “Dear, I love you and isn’t that enough? I’m risking everything just to be with you, isn’t that enough to you?”

“I know, and that’s what I don’t understand,” she answered and he was furthered confused. “Everything that the words said about me, about my sisters and families, about you and others, just because of the rumors that us being together, making me wondering why are you here when they preferred you with your old crushes. I mean you get their blessings now, so why with me still?” she explained to him, to which he nodded, understanding and acknowledging her fear and insecurity over their budding relationship.

“Me too Dear, I get that feeling as well, but maybe because I’m a man, still a little boy at heart, so I don’t really put them into heart. What’s the matter to me is that you’re here accepting me, our family love us together, our friends knew and helping us, and our company is protective over us from the mess,” he laid his feelings out for her to know that he was the same. “And don’t you think that I’m asking myself the same?” and he chuckled lightly seeing how she cocked her head to the side, as if doubting and asking for a clarity.

“I’m not perfect Taeyeon-ah, yet you stayed with me. I’m on the left when you’re in the right, I’m all boozes and high yet you’re this pure princess and sometimes I felt like corrupting you, yet you’re here, so why with me still?” he inquired her the same and smiled when she pouted her small mouth and readied to rebutting him, yes, he knew her in and out by now. “I love how you moved with my parents, how you played with my brother and sister despite their obsession over you. I love how your family accepts me in and how you’re trying to provide them.

I love how you spoil me crazily though I forbid you to, how you heed in to my friends and befriended them despite us being too far from your usual crowd. You’re the man that I need and I don’t need another just to satisfy the others just because they’re unhappy with my decision, it’s my life, I live in it and not them. I love you, and you’re perfect for me. I don’t love you for all that ‘booze and high’ as you said it, but I love you for the man that you are, that only I can see and not the others, don’t you ever doubt me Kwon Jiyong,” she said firmly.

“What are you smiling on now?” she was pissed from seeing how he was smiling meaningfully while she went all out baring her emotions on him. “You said it yourself Dear, yet you’re forgetting it always,” he inquired her knowingly as he stood and walked out. “What?” she snapped and followed him to the couch in front of the TV with the mug of hot chocolate warmed in her hand. Settling down comfortably, he pulled her closer and she snuggled by his side despite her current annoyance with his act just now.

One hand around her shoulder and another with the controller as he searched over the channels for anything to kill time, and stopped by the music channel before answering and explaining, “You said that you’re living your life and not them, you won’t please others just because they’re unhappy with your decision, so why breaking down?” and she hid her face from him as her own words came back to her. “Don’t hide yourself Taeyeon-ah, you’re beautiful and I can watch you all day if you let me,” he said as he pulled her chin up facing his eyes.

Fingers playing in her laps, she whispered the real doubt that had been haunting her for sometimes, “I’m afraid if all this is only a mere stop and a game for you. I’m afraid if what they wrote is the truth. I love you too much to bear for a heartbreak that is gonna come with it”. Pulling her closer and tighter, he kissed her temple before whispering his own assurance, “Just like how you ask me just now not to doubt you, then don’t you ever doubt me as well, I picture myself with you till the end of time, doesn’t that saying something to you?”

The music from the speaker played their emotions well that night, as it seemed to convey their hearts out to one another, “Just like how you like me with your family, that’s how I see you as well. The fact that my family seems to love you more than me says something to me inside. The fact that your family accepts me despite all my stories tells me everything needed,” and his smile went longer when he felt her small hands went around his waist, legs atop of his which were up and supported by the coffee table, tangled together.

Sitting there in all silence and tranquility, they were both serene to be together. His one hand around her, while another back to the controller to find something else to catch his eye, hers were both around his waist, fingers doing circles and tracing some unknown patterns there, until he caught one to stop going further down. “Don’t, we’re being sentimental now and let’s stay just like this for a while,” he said to which she huffed and puffed as she lightly punched his stomach in annoyance, pulling away her fingers out from his grasp.

“What have I say about your violence?” he asked her disbelievingly, hands went down to rub his stomach as if to ease the pain. “It’s not that painful, don’t be a drama queen,” she probed uninterestedly as she examined her beautiful nail arts, thinking that it needed to be change for a new cause tomorrow. Witnessing how he was being disregarded, he played it cool until she realized that his fingers were by her sides, eyes up and locked into one another, she warned, he ignored. The pad soon was filled with her laughter and squirming from his attack.

Witnessing and hearing her uncontrollable laughter, warmth crept into his heart and he stopped in the middle of his tickle attack, still kneeling above her, legs by each of her small waist, he dipped down and kissed her fully on the lips. “Home?” he asked after a while, after the oxygen was a clear need and she nodded excitedly as he stood and helped her up from their scandalous position. Her lips were swollen, his hair was messy, both clothes were disarrayed, yet they walked hand in hand, out of her pad towards their home together, stronger and assured.

# we started this ship innocently, with only some fics from @kpoponly @melted-choc and @onehundred (just to name down a few) and merely a coincidence in between our fav leaders but then it stopped briefly during that JiKo / BaekYeon fiasco and continuing only nowadays again. we didnt ask for that rumors to be created and delivered, we didnt ask for those Knetz to pay attention to them too much. we're basically hoping and praying for one day they'll see each other and have some interactions together eventhough only through some mere collab but a fan can be hopeful right? stop saying that Ji is a bad boy and wil never be good for Taeng or Taeng is a for playing and being plastic, because no one knows what under those facade, remember that they're artists, and they only show what they wanna us to see and expect, not the real them when they're with families and close friends. it was and still is a ship, seemingly to sail but fail to be out so far from the shore, just like you haters' shipping him or her with every single other person i know and i respect that, so cant you respect us #RoyalistDreamers? if not us then please do respect him and her, they've had enough on their plates so ing in the comments and calling names are so not mature, grow up and be prepared to accept them with whoever they chose to be with~ i mean they're approaching their thirties and i dont wanna see my leaders to be left all alone when the rest of the world is living and in love, importantly they're happy and still rewarding us with good music so what else do matter?

## to you guys #RoyalistDreamers, you know i love you right? i love the dedication that you guys have for this ship, all the edits, the vids, the confessions, the coincidences that have been found, thank you but please, calm yourself and stop being easily baited with their words or acts, let's stay together all through this until SM-YG finally let this two King & Queen to stand together on one stage ^^v

### to those that have come to read this, thank you and do R&R, i never proof-read my work so any mistakes, please do tell me~! oh, and i'm sorry for the long author's note, just finally gotta say something on this matter, finally got the time and the internet connection LoL