https://youtu.be/59nAovgXpVk : listen to this while reading for slightly more feels 😉

Depression, it had consumed me, since the day I woke up with jennie no where to be seen, why did she leave? where did she go? no messages no notes, not even the decline of a call, it always rung till it went straight to voicmail, I didn't know if jennie was missing,dead, or hurt, in fact I'm starting to think it was all in my head. Thoughts of moment we had together, feelings being replayed.....

I had resorted to cutting and self-harm but ofc rose wouldn't let me continue after she found out, even if I locked the door she would kick it down and would hug me till i feel asleep,crying. Jennie had my body mind and soul, I would sacrafice my life for her, and I wake up to find her.....gone. This all within the span of 3 weeks, three weeks of dread heart ache and no will to live, what was life without jennie anyway, even if I am an idol, even if I had other people who loved me it ment nothing if jennie was not there as well. I feel lost with out jennie. 

how did I fall so hopelesly in love with her just to have her be gone, doesn't she know i'm worried, doesn't she know I can't sleep at night wondering if she is ok, if she has moved on or if she simply does not care about me anymore. jennie, she had only been gone for 3 weeks but after a year of being together I do not know how to respond, i feel as if my mind is telling me to put myself out of my misery and end it now, moving on is not an option, jennie is the only one and idk how much longer I can deal with these thoughts of depression....yes, if it were up to me i'd wait for jennie till the end of time, but my mind is conflicting with my heart and my mind is slowly winning.

I waited till rose left to go for a short walk and I locked myself in the bathroom, I fill the bathtub with water and grab the pills out of the closet, I dont even care