“I’ve been crying the whole night

as this is my first breakup

it hurts more than I thought it would be

does everyone experience the same pain after a breakup?

why does it seem like I’m the only one having it so difficult?”

it is the dead of the night again where jihoon laid still in his spacious, cold bed, frail body trembling slightly as he blinked away endless of unshed tears, sobbing silently as a familiar dull ache eats away at his insides slowly. he takes a deep breath in hopes of calming himself but to no avail. he gives up.

“as time goes by my tears have run dry

I have gotten used to passing each day without you

I am able to smile naturally when I met you coincidentally

does it mean that I’ve matured even by a little bit?”

jihoon was never a social butterfly — he preferred keeping to his books and music sheets, withholding his silence unless he was spoken to. he avoided crowds as much as possible, even going out of the way deliberately sometimes just to be able to enjoy the little to none tranquillity left in his life. it seems that, however, today just wasn’t his day.

“jihoon!” oh crap why.

jihoon lifts his head reluctantly as his eyes met that one person he was dreading to see all week. of course, his luck has ran out after nearly 9 days. he should have seen this coming. he sighs. attempting to put all the venom he had in his body into each syllable, he managed a rather weak “what do you want?”

“are you avoiding me?” desperation laced evidently in his voice.

“no, definitely not,” he whispered just loud enough for them both to hear before he took off.

he wasn’t sure which is more difficult — holding back the tears that are threatening to fall, or convincing himself that he doesn’t miss anything about the other boy. he do not wish to know.

“even if it hurts, I’m bearing with it

the reason is because of you

today is no exception

I’m crying and sniffling in pain because of you”

it seems to be nothing more than just a routine to jihoon now. drag himself out of bed to school at the crack of dawn, try to keep his sanity during classes, go to his music club just for the sake of it, go home, cry himself to sleep, repeat. he is pretty convinced that he doesn’t think of a certain someone that much anymore, but everyone other than himself knows fairly well that it is because he never left his mind once.

“I’m going to have a hard time in the future missing you

but I should forget it all

and continue living like it was nothing

taking your existence like growing pains

I will mature from it and forget it all afterwards”

everyone who knows jihoon would say that he is a strong man despite his tiny frame, he will never be beaten easily by anything and would stand back up stronger even if he ever did fall over. jihoon took pride in his character, but why is it that the more he tries to keep up with it the more his façade would slowly ebb and crumble away?

“I can now smile even when I’m sad

I’ve grown up that much

but never forget that I’ve once liked you a lot”

it’s been 4 months since he got crushed into millions of pieces by the person he love dearly, 3 since he started getting over himself and learnt to have a life without him. he managed to pick himself up as time passes, fragment by fragment, and mended the pieces of his broken heart to the best of his ability with thread and stitches. it hurts even more along the way if possible, and though it is not a perfect job, it doesn’t matter to him. nothing ever does anymore.

““you’re gonna come back again”

that was what I thought

but you kept drifting further and further away from me,

more and more”

it is about time he lets the past come to a rest, where he can finally stop dreaming of a certain someone’s face at night before waking up in tears, facing an empty bed and a reality just as harsh. it is about time he lets go and accept that he is never coming back. jihoon took in a sharp intake of the cold air surrounding him and exhales quietly, letting the last of his tears drip into his lap. this is the last time I’m going to cry for you.

“when this song ends the memories of you and i

I want to forget them,

bit by bit.”

i'm sorry i can't do anything more for you, or stay by your side till the end, but i'm happy. thank you for all the precious memory you've given me.

i guess this is goodbye,

choi seungcheol.

do check out the next chapter for the full song lyrics, i typed the whole thing out for real just because there is literally NO lyrics video online that could accurately grab the meanings behind each word — there are too many mistranslations or inaccurate timing with the hangul & english subs. it's such a pity honestly, because it is a really amazing song. all translations belong to me, pls use/repost with proper credits. thank you.

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