As time passes, the hours of practice and physical exertion bury the regretful feelings trying to break through.  

Byulyi spends a day off going through her clothes, getting rid of the ones that no longer fit her, putting them in another pile for donations.  

She’s managed to lose some weight with her long days, all the dancing she’s been doing, the lack of time to eat have helped her along.  

There’s still weight she can afford to lose but at this point she can’t bring herself to strain herself anymore.  Debut keeps feeling further and further from her, it’s disheartening.

The spring air is becoming thicker with summer seeping into the city.  

There’s a lot of things that have become impossible for Byulyi.  She’s gotten used to not being good enough.

She ties her hair into a low ponytail, lifting the bag of old clothes over her shoulder.

“Ah,” she says to herself, “hopefully these find good homes.”

-

The girl at the counter is pretty.  Byulyi puts down her bag, eyes lowering when the other looks at her.  

“Welcome,” the girl says, “are you here to drop off or pick up?”

Byulyi offers a small smile, kicking the bag in front of her, “I’m here to drop off.”

The other girl has wide eyes, eyelashes curving prettily, lips soft pink, almost like petals.

“I’ll get someone to bring this back for weighing,” the girl says, smile pretty.

“I-I can do it,” Byulyi stutters, “it’s not that much.”

The girl leads her to a small room, piles of neatly folded clothes in shelves, unsorted bags in the corner.

Byulyi drops the bag on the weighing machine, watching the numbers go up.

“Why do you weight them?” Byulyi asks, voice nervous, trying to break the still air of the room.

The girl turns to look at her, writing down numbers on an empty form.

“Some people do this for money,” she says, “but we also weigh them to keep track.”

Byulyi nods, watching the other girl check off boxes.

“Sign here,” she says, smiling once more, “so we can keep you in our records.”

They’re close enough that Byulyi feels the way her heart speeds up, reacting at being so close to such a pretty girl,

“Thank you,” the girl says once Byulyi hands back the forms, voice light, cheery.

It’s enough to ruin her day, another reminder of her past.  

But she can’t help it.

Can’t help how attracted she is to other girls.  Prettier girls than her.  Their bright eyes entice her, their softness so alluring.

She groans as she walks outside the building, the sun higher up, people still at work, streets empty.

She starts walking, letting her feet guide her way.  Her mind is not with her.  Thinking frantically, wanting to know what’s wrong with her.  

Byulyi ends up in front of the Rainbow Bridge building, her feet used to taking her there after months.  She considers going inside but realizes there’s no one she would like to see.

So she moves past it, walking to the convenience store, making the most of her feet’s faulty habits.

When the door opens, the cashier greets her, a teenage boy, kind looking.

Byulyi bows in acknowledgement, making her way to the drinks section.

She stops at the corner, eyes landing on the other person rummaging through the refrigerators.  Byulyi takes a step back, shoes squeaking against the tiled floor.

Hyejin looks back at her, bare face shiny with the lights of the store, eyes gone soft without makeup.

Byulyi thinks of going to the nearest aisle, the snack aisle, wait it out until the other moves away.

“Hi,” Hyejin says, pulling out a can of coffee, “I didn’t see you in the practice rooms today.”

Byulyi swallows, throat gone dry.

“I didn’t have to go in today,” she answers hastily.

Hyejin closes the refrigerator, taking a step towards Byulyi.

“You still get days off,” she says, mostly to herself.

Byulyi nods either way.

“Enjoy them while you can,” Hyejin finally says, voice louder, bordering on bright.

Byulyi watches her walk away, hears her make small talk with the cashier, voice soft, fragile sounding, so appealing.

She only moves once the door closes, the outside noises leaking in.

The day drags on after that.  Byulyi becomes restless, stays idly in her small apartment, she only has a radio, playing the latest hits, transitioning into news.  

The evening boredom bleeds into sadness and Byulyi calls it an early night.
-

She wakes up early for a day full of training, drinking a hot cup of tea as breakfast, slipping on her most comfortable shoes.  

The morning is still dark, Byulyi watches as the street lights start to fade out, flickering at the brightening sky.  The early risers walking briskly to their jobs.  The lights on buildings beginning to switch on.

The quietness of the hour is a little discomforting, Byulyi picks up her step, moving into a half jog.

She finds herself at the main entrance at the same time as Hyejin, looking just as sleepy, just as unsettled.

“Good morning,” Hyejin says, opening the door, moving a little to the side to let Byulyi pass through.

Byulyi nods as an answer, moving quickly, planning to push through when Hyejin’s voice catches her again.

“Are you almost done for your assessment?”

Byulyi stops, turns slightly to face the other girl.

Byulyi has been working hard on perfecting her song, has taken extra care of her vocals.  But under Hyejin’s expectant gaze she wonders if it’s enough.

“Yeah,” she says anyway, “it would be crazy not to be.”

Hyejin laughs quietly at that, nodding in understanding, shuffling closer to Byulyi, letting the door go.

“You’ll do well,” she says, voice barely breaking over the dull morning.

Byulyi watches her walk away, towards the main offices, the CEO.  

Her day starts not long after that.  She gets herded into a vocal room, piano in the corner.  The building is full of trainees, many already promised to companies, to soon to come groups.  Byulyi has seen them come and go but the girl waiting idly by the corner is new, Byulyi stops in her tracks.

Usually she practices with some other girl trainees, others from the same company trying to debut.  This girl looks a little lost, her cheeks still full, eyes bright.

Their eyes meet in the mirror, the other girl turning to face her fully, mouth dropping into a silent question.  Byulyi doesn’t say anything as the silence covers her, suffocates her, tensing when she sees staff approach them, a heavy hand resting on her shoulder.

“Have you met?” someone asks her, Byulyi can’t really focus, eyes caught in the pinkness of the girl’s lips, the urgent feeling in her chest, burning, bordering on panic.

“I’m Kim Yongsun,” the girl bows to her, hair falling in a curtain with the motion.

She feels the way forms her name Moon Byulyi.

There’s a lot of things that could go wrong.  Debuting is rarely promised.  As Byulyi watches staff surround them, watches the way Kim Yongsun smiles, she feels her chances fall away.

When Kim Yongsun’s arms circle around her waist, her heart skips a beat.

-

Byulyi finds a quiet corner.  On the last floor under the window at the end of a small hallway.  She plugs her headphones into her phone.  It’s an old model, chipping at the sides.  It’s one of the few things Byulyi could not leave home.

There’s pictures of her mom, her sisters, songs she loved passionately in middle school.  

She watches, unfocused, as the shadows of the moving clouds and sun change their slant on the floor.  It's quiet, the floor full of offices, most empty.  She can hear the faint pings of the elevators, the taping of shoes.  She doesn’t think much of them. Scrolling through her mp3 files, Byulyi can almost feel at ease, forget the meeting between her and the other girl.  Her evaluation is coming up soon, Byulyi can’t be let behind.

“What are you doing here?” the voice sounds too familiar, a low tone, bordering on indulgent.

Byulyi looks up, eyes going up the soft lines that make Hyejin up, landing on the unwavering gaze the other girl pins her down with.  

“Nothing,” she murmurs, manages to look away, stops her music from playing.  Hyejin walks closer, sneakers worn out, toe nudging Byulyi’s foot.

“If you’re good,” Hyejin takes a small step back, mouth dropping into a smile, eyes changing, almost challenging, “a pretty face like hers doesn’t really matter.”

Byulyi doesn’t say anything to that, starting her music back again.

She looks up after a couple of songs and Hyejin is gone.

-

Byulyi is passing through the hallways, vocal rooms all occupied, Byulyi’s had her days worth of practice, moping around for far too long.  The night is dark when Byulyi looks out the window, when she takes the stairs back down and all the vocal rooms are still full.  

She hears her, knows it’s her.  It’s a voice she hasn’t heard before.  

It’s a powerful tone, notes shaky at times but Byulyi knows it’s already better than where she stands.

She doesn’t have to look to see that it’s Yongsun but she opens the door quietly, watches for a second as the other girl sings lyrics printed on white sheets.  Her technique is not the best but she sounds so good already, Byulyi’s stomach sinks.  

She closes the door slowly, stuffing her hands into her pants’ pockets and begins walking home.