He always knew he was different. Youngjae knew - from the moment the words “she” and “her” rolled off the tongues of his peers and how it gave him discomfort. He knew very well that he wasn’t normal and that the pigtails and dresses weren’t at all what he wanted and that scared him.

He was ten when he realized what he was. It was an early age but when he heard his parents having conversations about people who were born as one gender but didn't feel like they were that, he knew. He was mostly scared because the way they talked about it wasn't good at all.

He’d sit in front of the mirror in his bedroom and imagine what it would be like to have short hair and wear boyish clothes but the only problem with that was that liking boys wouldn't be normal if he were a boy. But feeling like a boy when he was a girl wasn't normal either.

He met Jaebum when he was six years old. Jaebum was eight, and he’d run around the backyard teasing him about how he couldn't skip rope and he would tug on his ponytail for fun. Sometimes Youngjae would laugh, but most of the time he would cry, so Jaebum’s parents would scold him and tell him to apologize and kiss his tears away, because “that isn't how you treat a little sister”. Youngjae always liked Jaebum. Whether that was when he grew romantic feelings for him at fifteen, or that was him enjoying when the bigger boy hugged him and kissed his forehead while apologizing for tugging on his hair.

He was always Jaebum’s “little sister”. He’d treat him like a little sister and take care of him like a little sister and it was nice, but whenever Jaebum called him “babygirl”, he wanted so badly to scream and shout that he wasn't a girl - that wasn't who he was and he wanted him to stop calling him that. He wanted him them to stop using “her” and “she” and start using “him” and “he.” But he couldn't say it. Because he was young and afraid because he wasn't normal like the rest of the world was.

At eighteen, Jaebum standing at the proud age of twenty, he sat his best friend of twelve years down with trembling hands and uneasiness in his voice. “Are you okay, babygirl?” Jaebum asked. He reached over and grabbed his hand, rubbing soothing circles into the top of his hand.

“I-”

“You what, babygirl? What’s wrong? Why are you shaking so much?” There was worry prominent in his eyes and all Youngjae could think of was his heart pounding at his ribcage and the stream of words that somehow couldn't make it past his lips.

“I have something to tell you.” He blurted, feeling bile rise up his throat and a sudden clenching at his lungs.

“You can tell me anything, you know that.” He moved over and sat next to him, tucking his hair behind his ear.

“I-I want to,” he mumbled, “but I’m scared.”

“You have nothing to be afraid of, babygirl. It's just you and I only. I wouldn't do anything to scare you away.” He kissed his forehead softly.

Youngjae closed his eyes for a few minutes, breathing deeply before opening his eyes to meet with Jaebum's.

“I’m not a girl.” He said finally. “I know my body says otherwise but I’m not a girl and I’ve never felt like one. I never liked when you called me ‘babygirl’ or when people called me ‘she’ or ‘her’. I never liked being called ‘Jiyoung’. I’ve always just wanted to scream at you to stop calling me a girl but every time I just got so scared. And I’m still scared. That you’ll leave, that you’ll abandon me because I’m not normal and I’ve never been normal. I’m a boy, Jae. I’m a boy and I know it.” He shut his eyes in fear of a disgusted reaction on the older’s face. “I want to be normal. But being a girl doesn't feel normal at all.” He shakily mumbled the last few words, eyes still shut tight while tears ran down his cheeks.

After moments of silence, he felt Jaebum’s hands on his face, thumbs wiping the tears from his face, and a kiss on his forehead.

“Look at me, babyboy.” Youngjae’s heart pounded at the sound of that as his eyes fluttered open to Jaebum’s equally as tearful eyes. “I’m always here for you. Boy or girl, he or she, him or her, I’ll never leave you. I’m glad you told me. I wouldn't want to keep calling you babygirl your whole life a disappoint you all the time.” He tucked his brown locks behind his ear, hand moving down to rest on his neck. “Am I the first to know?”

Youngjae nodded slowly. “I wouldn't tell anyone but you first. You’re the most important.”

“Is there anything else you have to tell me?”

“I like boys.”

“That's perfectly okay, babyboy. There's nothing wrong with you at all. You’re normal and I know that my boy is going to be the best. And more confident. We’ll bury this girl and let this boy awaken. What’s your name?”

“Youngjae. I want to be Youngjae.”

“Then I welcome to this world, my babyboy Choi Youngjae. Nothing has changed, I still love you the same.”

Coming out to his parents was a different story. After he came out to Jaebum, the elder took him out to cut off all his hair and buy him clothes suit to his tastes - his parents had just seen it as him wanting to try something new with himself but deep down inside he was just becoming what he knew he was. He was sat down with his best friend at his side, their hands were grasped together tightly, and his parents in his line of vision.

Youngjae figured it was harder to tell them than it was to tell Jaebum. He remembered the initial disappointment in their faces and the hisses underneath their breath but when his mother came to him and held him in her arms while whispering, “Welcome to the world, Youngjae”, he knew he would be okay.

From here, the process started. He made it clear to his parents that he wanted to undergo hormone replacement therapy and they willingly granted him the money to pull through and he couldn't be more grateful.

Every month Jaebum would crash in his room and tell him about all the ways his body was changing and it made Youngjae laugh and giggle and smile and it was probably the happiest he’d been after a while.

“Jae, your voice got lower again!” Jaebum pointed out with a cheeky smile on his face. “It’s hot.”

Youngjae flushed slightly, hitting the other on the arm lightly. “Shut the hell up.”

“I’m telling the truth.”

Jaebum always knew he was a little bit different. When his parents would about getting a girlfriend and when girls would come up to him and tell them about their love for him, when people would ask if Jiyoung was his girlfriend he’d think about how Jiyoung would be if she were a boy.

At the age of fifteen, Jaebum knew he was gay. It was inevitable - the thought that he would lose sleep over, the fact that he tried to avoid something he knew was looked down upon. He was absolutely and utterly terrified.

At eighteen he came out to his parents. His parents only. Unsurprisingly, they were loving and accepting of him as they always had been. He was afraid to tell Youngjae or, “Jiyoung”, for that matter. Because Youngjae was raised in a conservative home and there was no doubt that the younger would develop the same beliefs as his parents.

So when Youngjae came out to him as a transboy that liked boys, the spectrum of things had changed completely.

At the age of twenty-one, Youngjae standing at the proud age of nineteen and was through with a good chunk of his transition, he sat his best friend of thirteen years down with trembling hands.

“Is something wrong, Jae?”

He shook his head. “No, babyboy. The world is perfectly right, and it’s about to right itself even more.”

Youngjae raised an eyebrow and quirked his head in curiosity at the other who sat there taking deep breaths, and somehow it reminded him a lot of himself when he came out.

“I’m gay.” Jaebum felt a ton of bricks be lifted off his shoulders, and he wasn't expecting Youngjae to say anything comforting at all, so he laughed at the other’s response.

“Cool, so how was the rest of your day?”

“Do you really not care?” Jaebum gasped the words out between his fits of laughter.

“Of course I care but why should it matter? Do you want me to make a big deal about this because I really can't, you're talking to your transgender gay best friend.”

“God, I love you.”

“Love you too, Jae.”

Youngjae didn't know how it really happened. He was twenty-three years old, about five years into his transition, had undergone two reassignment surgeries, a mastectomy and hysterectomy and he couldn't be happier. Or so he thought. So when Jaebum came up to him one day without a word and grabbed him by the waist so that their faces were centimeters apart and whispered, “I want you,” he was, much to say, a lot a bit confused.

Before Jaebum could do any more, he stopped him but still held their bodies and faces close. “Can't we talk about this first?”

“What is there to talk about?”

“About how we feel?”

“Great, I really like you and I have for a while and honestly when you were a girl I used to think about what it would be like if you had a , now just shut up and kiss me.”

Youngjae chuckled and avoided Jaebum’s advances. “You’re not gonna ask me how I feel? Just because your feelings are valid doesn't mean mine are.”

“Fine. How do you feel?”

“Fifteen Jae, I’m twenty-three now and I don't know why the hell you’ve kept me waiting so long for this.” Jaebum’s eyes were raking all over his face while he spoke, and when he heard the last words, he mumbled a, “God, I love you,” and captured his lips in his own.

AAAAH i hope you liked it this was probably one of my first fics in a while that i didnt restart six times before i could actually like it ;; thank you for reading, loves! until next time!