My scribbles on the wall will soon be my memoir, memories of me will soon be gone. I do not wish to be forgotten, no one does. I do not want the assistance of a physical memory to remind people that I was there, that I existed. Now I just hope that he will not forget.

 

I hope he remembers me.

 

 

 

I hope he remembers, the day we first met.

Bed hair, white shirt, tight jeans, snapback, beautiful smile. A bump on the shoulder, turning my world upside down. He splattered pink and blue hues across my black canvas. His voice was a pure white as he said sorry. His gaze was mesmerising, his soul was bursting with colours. He shrieked as a butterfly landed on the tip of his nose. Beautiful. His sheepish smile as I laughed at the scene. Our small talks as we walked by the pavement. An exchange of numbers, an endless conversation into the deep night.

 

I hope he remembers, the cheesy confession.

A letter to his home, a drop of surprise. Cheesy confessions stolen from dramas, cheesy confessions of first impressions Constant checking of his SNS to see if I was blocked. A nervous wait for a response I thought will never come came. A sigh of relief, when a notification came. A wide grin at “I am too good for you but okay, I will consider. Tomorrow, 3pm at the usual.”

 

I hope he remembers, our first date.

Clothes all over the floor, countless times of me staring back at myself thinking “I have no clothes”. The dilemma over which scent he will like best. Which shoe should I wear, will it match my outfit? Should I wear a cap, should I put on glasses? Should I dress casually, or dress to impress? What will he wear? Turned out, he wore a simple cotton white striped shirt matched with ripped jeans. He was there first, playing with something on his phone. Lips slightly pouting, eyebrows creased together. From ice cream to cake, to bubble tea and back to ice-cream, he was a kid alright. A peck on the cheek to end the night.

 

I hope he remembers, the time we had together.

The laughter that ceases with our lips touching each other. A gentle touch that sends waves of shock throughout the body, gentle words that heal the heart. Butterflies in our stomachs, flowers in your hand. Cherry blossom petals the falls in spring, but I was falling too. Talks about our future, our dream. A certain anxiety was growing in me.

 

I hope he remembers, the time we cried together.

The tears that will not stop falling after watching Miracles in cell 07, the tears that I wiped. The tears from laughing so hard when you told me I broke your laughing bone. The tears that came when your dream was at the tip of your fingertips, but slipped right through. The tears that came when I told you I want to be remembered when I die, the tears that did not stop flowing.

 

I hope he remembers, the promises we made.

Seeing each other in our best suits, walking down the aisle. A love story that never ends, “till death do us apart”. Faith and trust, to be weaved in our bones. No lies and no secrets, no fights without a proper makeup. No forgetting, no excuses. To more memories, to fill up those empty pages.

 

I hope he remembers, the lies I told.

I am fine, I am okay, you will be fine, you will be okay, everything is going to be alright, just trust me, believe me, I hate you, let’s break up, I do not want to see you again, leave, It was not my fault, I did not do it.

 

I hope he remembers, the night I left.

He believed in me, but I did not. Teary-eyed, we bid goodbye. When will our next hello be? Will he be alright? Will he be okay? Will he live in my guilt? Turning around, he was on the ground. Sobbing like a child, aching for an embrace. Shaking his head in disbelief, words to convince. He will be alright, right?

 

I hope he remembers, the words I said.

Will you remember me when I die? He assured me, that even if the whole world turned their backs against me, he will stay by my side. When the whole world erases me out of their minds, he will not. He will draw my face again and again. He will believe in me; he will wait for me. Funny, how he believes in Fate, Destiny and all that. Will he still wait for me?

 

I hope he remembers, the last time we met.

“I’m getting married next week, 20 years is a long time”, he said. It was tough for him he said. Park Chanyeol is his name, great personality, I would have been best friends with him he said. Live a good life, I am sorry (please don’t forget me) was all I said. My heart ached, but did his? Our fairy tale was a trailer, making way for his upcoming movie. Mine begins with The End. I wanted to hold his hand, but the silver wrapped around his ring finger repelled me. I wanted to tell him how much I missed him, that I regretted it. But the grey in his eyes stopped me.

 

I hope he remembers, that he is my world.

I wanted the world to remember me so that I will not be just a name in a yellow book. I wanted them to remember me for a long time, even when I die. A significant figure. I do not want to die forgotten. I can’t be a genius, I can’t be someone that goes on to the newspaper and become famous. I can, however, be on the news at least once. If I did it. The world will remember me. But I forgot that he was my world, and I crushed it. This is why you should never be with a guy who will give up his everything for you because you should be his everything and he should never give you up for anything in the world.

 

 

“094A Oh Sehun? It is time for your execution.”

 

 

I hope he remembers, that I love him.

Till death do us apart, Baekhyun.

Don’t forget me.