One year and nine months.

That was how long it took for all six of them to be together again, to end the lawsuit for good. Himchan could still remember the devastated look on each of his team mate’s face when they were going through the rough patch. Junhong had looked so scared and his eyes were often misted over whenever someone mentioned about having to disband if the problem persisted. Youngjae had kept a straight face but Himchan knew that inside, he was struggling to keep himself intact. Daehyun had cried one night at the rooftop of their dorm and Himchan was the one who found him and comforted him. Jongup was the same as Youngjae. He had kept a straight face but often times he would wake up in the middle of the night to sit down in the kitchen, doing nothing particular. Himchan had caught him one night when he couldn’t fall asleep and it was from that night that the two of them always stayed up and talked about anything that could take their minds off the lawsuit.

Yongguk though…

He started distancing himself from the others, including Himchan. He didn’t respond that much whenever someone talked to him. It was like he was locking himself in his own world. He was keeping himself in the dark, refusing to let light seep through. Himchan had reached out for him but he had taken a step back before he could touch him. He was treating Himchan like a plague and it had hurt the other quite deeply. Himchan had never thought that Yongguk would do that to him. They always shared everything with each other. They were best friends. Well, best friends turned to lovers but that was another story that Himchan would keep to himself for the time being.

When Himchan realized that Yongguk was slowly increasing the gap between them, he knew he had to do something about it. He knew he should take a step closer to him and do his best to not let Yongguk jump off the cliff of depression. Yongguk was known to be sensitive. It was with that emotion that he had the ability to write songs that could touch one’s soul. But such emotion was also a curse to him. He would think too much. Every word would mean something to him. Every problem, even if it was minor, would affect him in ways that would hurt him. He would try to bear the burden alone because he was the leader and he refused to see his bandmates suffer. Himchan had a different opinion on Yongguk’s way of handling things. He wanted to be by his side so that they could fight together, that they could share the burden but Yongguk had pushed him away. Himchan didn’t understand why Yongguk would do that to him. It was like Yongguk didn’t understand that Himchan was there to give him full support and it frustrated him to no boundary.

They started fighting. Their arguments became so often that Himchan had forgotten why they fought in the first place. Yongguk never replied to Himchan’s message after that. He didn’t pick up his phone calls. They drifted apart when they moved out of the dorm to return to their families. Himchan thought he should give Yongguk some space so he did. He let Yongguk travel around the world to patch himself up again, to cover the wounds that had been inflicted upon him.

When Yongguk came back—they were still on hiatus—he didn’t return to Himchan. Instead he stayed with his family and lived his life as if Himchan never mattered. It was when Himchan visited him at his house that they broke up for good.

It had hurt Himchan so much at the time when Yongguk told him that they should break up. But he didn’t cry in front of him and he certainly didn’t ask him for the reason because he was afraid that it would hurt too much. He merely nodded and flashed Yongguk a smile. He then bid him farewell and went to the train station to cry for as long as he could remember until Jongup called and had asked to hang out with him.

Everything was in the past now. Himchan made sure to move on and forget about Yongguk’s hurtful words towards him. It was hard, really but Himchan didn’t let it ruin his life. He figured that it would only be stupid of him to cry about it forever. There are plenty of fishes in the ocean; Jongup once said to him after he heard about the break up. The boy had been so sweet to accompany Himchan throughout the night as he bawled his eyes out. He even made sure Himchan got home safe and texted him goodnight before Himchan went to sleep. Himchan was grateful to have such a good friend. Jongup was always the best no matter how weird he could be sometimes. He was Himchan’s favourite dongsaeng anyway.

“Oh.”

A new presence in the room brought Himchan out of his thought. He blinked and looked up at the person standing by the doorway. It was Yongguk. The same guy he dated over a year ago.

“I didn’t know you were inside…” Yongguk attempted to turn away to choose another room but then Himchan cleared his throat.

“It’s okay. What are you doing?” he managed a chuckle. “The others already chose their rooms. So you’re stuck with me.”

Yongguk seemed hesitant. Himchan understood why. He flashed Yongguk a soft smile and patted on the bed next to his.

“The bed’s free.”

“I can ask Jongup to-”

“It’s okay, Bbang.” Himchan assured before he stood up from his bed and gave Yongguk another one of his smile. “You can unpack your things. I’ll check on the others.”

He exited the room before Yongguk could argue. When he was outside, he leaned against the wall and exhaled heavily. It was so hard to just smile at Yongguk. He had to give himself the credit for able to face Yongguk bravely like that. It took everything in him to not mess it up. He thought after months of not meeting Yongguk, he would be able to talk to him normally but it was proven wrong when their lawsuit ended and they met up with the CEO to renew their contract. Himchan had choked up when he saw Yongguk stepping inside the meeting room that day. He looked healthier compared to their pre-hiatus. It had given Himchan a sense of relief to see Yongguk in such good condition but it didn’t help him from remembering their break up. Himchan thought he had moved on completely but he was dead wrong. He still couldn’t look at Yongguk without feeling the need to cry.

“Himchan hyung!” Junhong called out from the room opposite his and Yongguk’s. Himchan pushed himself off the wall and walked into the room where Junhong was sitting on the floor, looking confused as he rummaged through his luggage. When he saw Himchan, he sighed and scratched at his head. “I forgot my earphones.”

Himchan shook his head and rolled his eyes. “I can lend you mine. We’ll go to the store tomorrow to buy you a new one.”

“Oh-ho!” Junhong cheered before he continued to unpack his stuff.

Himchan chuckled at the sight. Junhong was all grown up now but his personality remained unchanged. He was still the same kid Himchan met four years ago. Despite claiming that he was no longer a boy, that he had become a man, the others never took him seriously, especially Youngjae and Daehyun. The two vocalists would always about being the maknae of the group and that he would always be the baby forever. Junhong hated that but he couldn’t do anything to shut their mouth.

A hand on Himchan’s shoulder startled him. He turned around to find Jongup standing behind him, smiling.

“Did you come here to help Junhong unpack, hyung?” he asked.

“I don’t know.” Himchan shrugged.

“I can handle it by myself. I’m a grown man!” Junhong assured with a wave of his hand.

Both Himchan and Jongup exchanged looks. Himchan chuckled and stepped outside the room with him.

“Do you need any help?” Himchan asked.

“Actually, yes. That’s why I came here in the first place.” Jongup smiled. “I need you to help me unpack and organize my things.”

“Ah, typical Jongup.” Himchan teased. “You always need me to do your chores, don’t you? Or else you’ll ruin everything.”

A soft laugh slipped from Jongup’s lips. He led Himchan to his and Youngjae’s room. The vocalist wasn’t there. He had gone to eat with Daehyun and the manager, Himchan recalled.

Upon entering the room, Himchan shot Jongup a look of disbelief. The room was a mess.

“How the hell did this happen? Did your luggage explode or something?”

“I was unpacking my things and I got distracted by the comic book and then-”

“Never mind that.” Himchan interrupted. He wasn’t going to listen to Jongup’s explanation. He wouldn’t understand anyway. With a huff, he sat down crossed legged on the floor and grabbed Jongup’s luggage before he sorted his clothes out and placed other unnecessary things aside.

Jongup sat down opposite him and watched in silence. When Himchan realized that he was the only person who was doing the work, he sent one foot to Jongup’s knee.

“Yah, aren’t you going to fold your clothes?”

“But you’re doing it right now,” Jongup said.

“And you think you could just watch? What? You think I’m a maid or something? Aish,” he threw a few articles of clothes to Jongup’s face. The other laughed at that. He started folding the clothes nonetheless.

“So, are you rooming with Daehyun hyung?”

Himchan paused for moment before he shook his head, keeping his eyes on the green polo shirt he was folding neatly. He’d bought the shirt for Jongup on his 20th birthday. He had forced him to wear it countless times before. Now, he didn’t need to force Jongup to wear it. It was like natural for Jongup to put on the shirt whenever they went out together. Himchan noticed that while they were on their hiatus. When he asked Jongup why he would always wear it, he would only answer him with a casual shrug, telling him that the shirt was comfortable to wear. Himchan agreed with that. The shirt looked good on Jongup too.

“Then are you rooming with…” Jongup trailed off before he creased his brows and leaned forward to look at Himchan. “Yongguk hyung?”

“Yeah,” Himchan nodded, still refusing to look Jongup in the eye.

Jongup reached out a hand to stop Himchan from folding the clothes. His fingers curled around Himchan’s wrist tightly. If anyone had seen Jongup become angry, it was only a few people who were close to him and Himchan knew well that Jongup was close to being angry with the way he was holding onto his wrist. He didn’t understand why he would feel that way though.

“Why?”

“Both of us chose the same room. That’s it.” Himchan explained simply.

“And you’re okay with that?”

“Why wouldn’t I?” Himchan raised a brow, only finding the courage to look at Jongup now.

The younger man had his brows pulled together and his lips in a tight line. He looked so serious that Himchan wished he could just laugh it off and make him join along.

“You two…Yongguk hyung…” Jongup shook his head slightly and blinked a few times, looking confused now. He slowly released Himchan’s wrist. Himchan thought he could see the trace of Jongup’s fingers on his skin. “It’s gonna be awkward, no?”

“I don’t think so. It’s not like it’s the first time that Yongguk and I share the same room.” Himchan waved a hand dismissively.

“But this time it’s different,” Jongup uttered. When Himchan stared at Jongup’s face, he realized how concerned the other looked.

“I’m gonna be fine, Jongup-ah.” He smiled. “I’ve moved on, remember?”

Jongup didn’t push about the matter this time. He only nodded and continued to fold his clothes but Himchan was aware that the younger one was deep in thought.

-

After cleaning the entire apartment and unpacking their things completely (excluding Himchan’s because he was helping the others out), all six of them could finally settle down. Junhong and Daehyun had fallen asleep right after eating dinner. Youngjae was in the living room watching a singing competition on TV with Jongup sitting next to him, playing his Nintendo DS.

Yongguk was nowhere to be seen.

Himchan thought he’d seen the other retreat to their room after dinner.

“You guys should sleep early. We have an interview tomorrow.” He told Youngjae and Jongup as he walked past the living room to get to his room. “Make sure to switch on your alarm.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Youngjae replied with his eyes still fixed on the TV screen.

Jongup lifted his eyes from the device in his hands to give Himchan a smile. When he saw that Himchan was heading towards his room, his smile faltered slightly. He gave Himchan a look. The older raised a brow at him. Jongup shook his head then, seeming like he changed his mind.

“Goodnight, hyung.” he said.

“Night,” Himchan smiled before he opened the door to his and Yongguk’s room.

Once inside, he closed the door gently and shook the image of concerned Jongup off his mind. When he turned to Yongguk’s bed, he could see that the other was fast asleep. He figured that Yongguk was exhausted after all the ruckus of moving back to their dorm. He hadn’t slept well. Himchan knew that because he saw Yongguk working on their new songs day and night. He had to prepare for their comeback. Well, of course all of them had to prepare but Yongguk was the leader and the producer at the same time. He had tons of work to do. Himchan could see that he was beginning to stress over their comeback but it didn’t worry him that much. The stress would be worth it later. This was not the kind of stress they were facing back when the lawsuit was threatening their career.

All of them were yearning to see their fans cheering for them again. It had been too long now. Himchan wasn’t sure whether he could stand on stage for their comeback. He was afraid that he would forget how to sing or dance once he faced the audience. But the excitement was there, nonetheless. He couldn’t wait to interact with their fans and take pictures like the old days again.

Yongguk stirred as Himchan made his way to his bed.

“Himchan?” he croaked as he sat up in the dark.

“Ah, did I wake you?” Himchan smiled at him apologetically.

“No, I mean…ah no.” Yongguk scratched at his head and then gestured towards Himchan’s luggage that was still sprawled in the middle of the room. “You still haven’t unpacked your stuff properly.”

“I was busy helping out the others,” Himchan replied as he bent down and zipped the luggage close. “I’ll just do it tomorrow.”

“Are you sure? You can turn on the light. I don’t mind.” Yongguk said. He made an attempt to get out of bed to reach for the switch but then Himchan stopped him.

“It’s okay, really.” Himchan assured. Yongguk gave him a sheepish smile. “Go to sleep now, Bbang. We have a schedule tomorrow, early morning.”

“Yeah, forgot about that.” Yongguk chuckled. He was silent for a moment as he watched Himchan slid the luggage under his bed. When Himchan settled on the bed and was about to pull the duvet over his legs, Yongguk cleared his throat. “It’s quite unbelievable that we’re starting work tomorrow.”

“I know,” Himchan agreed. “From tomorrow onwards, we’re gonna be so busy with promotions. Ah, I can’t wait to see Babyz.”

Himchan turned to face Yongguk and he froze when he realized that Yongguk had been watching him this whole time. The other man had a distant look on his face, as if he was reminiscing things. Himchan gnawed at his bottom lip before he turned the other way slowly. He was sure that Yongguk had seen him staring back at him under the moonlight. He closed his eyes and forced himself to fall asleep.

“Goodnight, Himchan.”

The deep voice startled Himchan. He opened his eyes and let the moment linger, recalling the way Yongguk would always whisper those words into his ears as they snuggled warmly in each other’s arms. Those days had been so calming and nonchalant. Himchan never thought he would be in the same room with Yongguk again. Not when they already broke up.

They’d created a great distance between them. They were no longer connected to each other like they used to. It was heart breaking to know that they weren’t the same anymore. All of the sudden the gap between their beds right now made so much sense to Himchan. It proved physically that their relationship had broken for good.

There was no us anymore. It was just Himchan alone.

With a soft sigh, Himchan whispered back to Yongguk in the dark.

“Goodnight, Bbang.” 

A/N:

For now I will leave it as somekind of draft or oneshot (?). Maybe I'll come back and turn it into a multichap. I have so much to improve in my writing. It's the reason why it's hard for me to write these days. 

Thanks for reading!  n_n