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Tzuyu, 12:35am: Let’s get ice cream

Jun, 12:36am: Tzuyu wanting dessert? I never thought I’d see the day!

Tzuyu, 12:36am: I deserve it after everything lately

Jun, 12:37am: you right, you right

February emerges without much fanfare, mercifully. In the weeks since Tzuyu apologized, everything has been looking up. The Chinese government started removing hateful posts against her from Weibo, and public opinion in Korea seems to have taken a large uptick for her; the outpouring of sympathy and support has been nothing short of overwhelming. It makes it harder for her to go places in public than before, but if the only consequence of the ordeal is greater public recognition then she’ll take it and not complain.

She and Jun meet up under the cover of night. Tzuyu thinks back and remembers the care with which she dressed the first time they met up. As if anyone would really have been following her back then, especially compared to now. The idea is laughable in hindsight.

They meet up at a convenience store halfway between their dorms. They pick their ice cream—he plucks hers from her hands when they’re waiting in line and pays for both—and they head outside to walk around while eating.

“Your speech at the Golden Disk Awards was brilliant,” he says as he peels the wrapper off of her ice cream, handing it to her. “It was just enough to be low-key sassy.”

“Thanks. It felt so good to be supported like that. The response was just… unreal,” she replies, still in awe from the memory. The thunderous applause she’d received that night and at every performance since then made her heart glow with happiness. It made the derision she’d received from doing the apology feel more bearable. It made it feel like she’d made the right decision, after all.

“So you’re a hot item now, I’ve noticed,” he says, referring to how much positive press and new CF offers she’s gotten in such a short time. There had been something amazingly reassuring about the first company that had contacted JYP for endorsement. Since then offers had come pouring in but she’d never forget that first call. She’d also never forget the fair weather businesses that had dropped her so easily. Businesses are ultimately for money in the end so there’s no hate that she’s holding onto, but the impression is still lasting.

“I don’t know about all that,” she says modestly, appreciative of the comment nonetheless.

“Be confident, Tzuyu. You deserve it,” he says, chomping down on his ice cream bar. She doesn’t know about all that, but appreciates the encouragement.

“So you have a concert coming up?” Tzuyu asks to change the topic. She can only talk about her own achievements for so long.

“Yup, next week,” Jun says with a skip in his step. If she didn’t know better, she’d never guess that he’s older than her for the childish quality that ades his mannerisms.

“Encores from the ones in December, right?” She asks, tossing her wrapper in the trash.

“Look at you, knowing things,” Jun says approvingly. “You wouldn’t happen to be a Carat, would you?”

Tzuyu just gives him a look that’s somewhere between a glare and gaping.

“Don’t be like that,” he scolds her, pouty. She knows he’s just exaggerating and doesn’t give him a reaction. “But anyway, I’ll be singing onstage. Alone. For the first time.”

“What are you singing?” she asks.

“Mom, by Ra.D,” he replies, hip lips pulling up to one side at the thought. He doesn’t have to say it for her to understand how sentimental that is. The volume of texts Jun’s mom sends him is rivaled only by the amount Tzuyu’s mom sends her. As hard as it is for them to be away, it must be a painful sacrifice to let a child leave to a foreign country only to chase a lofty dream with little guarantee of success. The amount of trust in that action seems more staggering every time she thinks about it.

“Let’s hear it,” she commands; he balks.

“Right now?”

“Yeah right now. What, are you shy?”

“No,” he replies sheepishly, his tone betraying his response.

He sings a few lines for her. It’s not perfect, but it reminds her of the soft, slightly flat way her mom used to sing her to sleep and it's so sweet.

They’re chatting about what they’ve done the last few days when Tzuyu feels a few water droplets hit her head and looks up to see only the open expanse of night sky above her. She frowns, ignoring it. She must be imagining things.

Though it turns out that she wasn’t. The sky opens up and the downpour is swift and heavy, drenching her in what feels like a matter of seconds.

“We’re near my dorm, let’s go,” Jun says, and she runs a few blocks after him until they reach his building. He swipes his card at the scanner by the door and they dash into the entryway, pausing for a moment to catch their breath. They make eye contact and just start laughing at the absurdity of the whole thing. So much for running helping keep them dry even the slightest bit.

“Let’s get you some dry clothes,” he says, throwing his keys on the counter as they enter his dorm. The living room is dark and the whole dorm has a quiet, still quality to it.

Jun enters one of the bedrooms as she stands awkwardly dripping in the living room. He emerges with an armful of clothes.

“Here you go,” Jun says, handing her a pile containing a towel, a pair of pajama pants and a white t-shirt. He’s either naïve or a dirty ert, she hasn’t decided on that one yet.

“Ummmm,” she says, looking down at the pile.

“What?” He looks at her in confusion.

Naïve. It’s definitely naïve.

“Switch,” she holds out the white shirt, beckoning for him to trade with her. She sees the realization wash over him, followed immediately by mortification

“Oh,” he says quietly flustered, heat creeping up his face.

“It’s okay,” she says with a laugh, plucking the black shirt from his frozen hands and slinging the white shirt over his shoulder, giving it a reassuring pat.

She goes into the bathroom to change. Her jeans make a loud wet slap when she throws them on the floor, and the pajama pants are wonderfully soft and warm by comparison. She goes to remove her shirt and struggles with the zipper in the back. Of all days, why did she have to pick todayto wear a shirt with a zip she can’t get herself?

She struggles another minute before swallowing her pride.

“Jun?” she calls out softly from the doorway. He pokes his head around the corner, into her line of sight.

“Sup?”

“Can you, uh… help me with my zipper? I can’t get it.”

“Oh, yeah. Of course,” Jun replies, trying to sound unruffled but failing entirely.

As Jun approaches Tzuyu she turns around and pulls her hair to the side. He’s standing behind her but hesitates. She’s been this close to him plenty of times but something about this feels… weightier. Significant. He reaches up, gently pulling her zip down as she holds her breath.

He inches the zipper down, revealing the gentle slope of her back, an expanse of unblemished honey-colored skin over sinew. He’s so careful not to touch her, and tries to ignore the implication of the clasp beneath the zipper.

She turns to face him and the way he looks at her is electrifying and treacherous.

“Thanks,” she breathes out, voice barely audible. When did his heart start beating so quickly?

The air is thick with tension. This moment is dangerous and he needs to get out of here, but he’s glued to the spot.

There’s a cough from one of the rooms and the spell breaks, both of them jumping about three feet apart in surprise.

“I’ll let you…” Jun stammers, backing away.

“Yeah, I’ll just…” she steps back, pulling the door shut behind her.

He puts their wet clothes in the dryer and they settle onto the couch to wait out the storm.

“Movie?” he asks simply. If the smack of sheets of rain against the window is any indication, it’ll be a while before it lets up.

“Yeah, let’s do it.”

The atmosphere between them is less playful than usual. She keeps thinking about the way he looked at her earlier, the complicated, almost pained expression on his face. She wonders how she must’ve looked in turn. That, and if she was imagining the tension between them entirely.

They decide on a classic scary movie, Tzuyu’s favorite. Something about them makes her feel so alive, and it matches perfectly with the stormy weather. He puts the volume on low, with captions, so that they don’t wake everyone. They start the movie with a foot of distance between them but halfway through she’s clinging to his arm, attention fixed raptly on the screen, awkwardness between them a distant memory already. Scary movies might just become Jun’s favorite, too.

But it is late, and Tzuyu can feel her energy fading as the movie plays on. There’s still the soft patter of rain falling outside.

“I need to go home,” she mumbles, nestling against his shoulder.

It’s the last thing she says before she succumbs to the heaviness pulling her down, down into the comforting blackness of sleep.

“Hyung, check this out,”

“Omo she’s wearing his clothes…?”

“Should we wake them up?”

“Shhhhh she’s moving,”

Distant voices intrude into Jun’s consciousness and he tries to tune them out, burying his face further into something that feels an awful lot like hair.

Then it hits him: it is hair. It’s Tzuyu’s hair.

He bolts upright in shock, halfway processing it in his sleepy brain. Tzuyu falls onto the couch behind him, eyes flying open as she lets out a sharp noise of surprise.

“What… where… what…?” She fumbles sleepily over her words as she sits up warily. Her eyes widen as she surveys the room.

Crowded is the wrong word, but they’re definitely surrounded by a multitude of boys.

“What time is it?” she rubs her eyes blearily.

“It’s 7,” someone replies. Good, so she hasn’t missed any schedules. Her unnies might not have even woken up yet, for that matter. The perks of being between promotions.

“What about your schedules? Seungcheol demands. “We’ve got to get you out of here! Your group members are probably going crazy—”

“Chill, dad,” Tzuyu cuts him off. The group titters. “I just have dance practice at 10 today.”

“I’m just looking out for you,” Seungcheol responds defensively, a smile pulling at the corners of his lips all the same.

“Ummm but still. Explain.” Jeonghan adds.

“Explain what?” Tzuyu asks.

“This.” Jeonghan gestures between the pair, the rest of the group fixing them with their for-once undivided attention. Tzuyu’s lips curl up at the corners at their seeming inability to process the situation.

“We fell asleep,” Tzuyu responds simply.

“Yeah, we can see that,” Jeonghan responds, withheld impatience peeking through his words.

“We got caught in the rain nearby last night and came here to wait out the storm,” Jun explains. Some of the guys look unconvinced, Woozi, Jeonghan and Minghao especially. Wonwoo is smirking conspiratorially in the back.

“Really! Do you think we’d fall asleep sitting up on purpose?” Jun protests.

“Riiiight,” Seungcheol says dismissively, still a bit mistrustful. “Tzuyu, you should probably let Jihyo know where you are.”

The woes of a leader. He gets it.

Mingyu takes it upon himself to make them breakfast. Tzuyu changes into her now-dry clothes from yesterday while he does.

“Jun,” she hisses, poking her head out of the bathroom door and waving him over from his spot on the couch with Wonwoo and Hoshi.

When he arrives she turns and pulls her hair to the side so he can zip her up, but this time it’s a 180 from last night; he hurriedly pulls it up and steps back before she can turn around.

“Thanks,” she murmurs, rubbing her shoulder nervously.

He’s probably overthinking things, but it feels like they took one step forward, then two steps back.

Jihyo’s sitting at the kitchen table sipping coffee when Tzuyu walks in the dorm.

“Take a seat,” Jihyo says, not unkindly, but it’s also not an offer Tzuyu feels she can refuse. “What happened last night?”

“Are you asking me that as my leader, or as my friend?” Tzuyu asks as she sits.

“Both,” Jihyo replies with a shrug.

“Well, Jun and I were walking near his dorm and it started raining, so we went inside to wait it out. It kept raining and I fell asleep there by accident,” Tzuyu explains. She feels like she’s had to tell this story an awful lot for how early it is in the day.

“And…” Jihyo trails off.

“And what?” Tzuyu says, an edge to her words.

“And…?” Jihyo leans in. Tzuyu scoffs.

“It’s not like that, Jihyo-unnie,” Tzuyu says. Jihyo fixes her with a long, critical gaze.

“I’m not sure if you’re lying to me or to yourself,” Jihyo remarks lightly, tilting her head in question.

“I’m not lying!” Tzuyu bolts out of her chair, causing Jihyo’s eyebrows to shoot up and her eyes to widen in surprise. “Besides, you’re one to talk,” Tzuyu huffs.

Jihyo has never seen Tzuyu so easily ruffled. It can only mean one thing: she was right.

Weibo

Jun, 8:10pm: sorry for everyone being weird the other day

Tzuyu 8:10pm: it’s no problem

Tzuyu 8:10pm: I’m just glad that nobody got in trouble

Jun 8:11pm: same

Jun, 8:11pm: well, other than the everlasting taunting I’m on the receiving end of for being the first to have a girl sleep over

Tzuyu, 8:11pm: ㅋㅋㅋ

Tzuyu, 8:12pm: you sure they aren’t lying? Wonwoo looks pretty shifty…

Jun, 8:12pm: ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

It’s a cold wintery February day when Jun, Hoshi, Dokyeom and Seungkwan make their way to the Super Junior dorm. Light flurries of snow whip around in the air and cover everyone in a slight frost, and Jun hunches forward into his coat, wishing he’d had more foresight and worn a scarf.

Dokyeom and Seungkwan are hosting SuKiRa with Ryeowook later in the day, and some of the Seventeen members are paying a visit to their Suju-hyungs before the show. Many of the Super Junior members had expressed that they felt a certain connection to Seventeen, as they were the first prominent 13-member group to have come around since suju, so from time to time the boys meet up with them for coffee or at their dorm. Today is one such day. Jun has to remind himself more than once of why he agreed to go when he could’ve been bundled under the covers at this moment. He’s got questions that need answers.

“Hello, hyung,” they all greet Ryeowook at the door, and he hurries them inside and out of the cold before they exchange hugs and handshakes.

They all sit and talk in the common area for a while, and Leetuk and Kyuhyun join them. Jun feels like he can’t fully relax, and waits for a moment where he can get Ryeowook alone; he’s the hyung Jun feels closest to.

Ryeowook is pouring himself a cup of tea when Jun enters the kitchen after him. Jun doesn’t have any grand plan so he just starts talking.

“Hyung, can I ask your advice on something? There’s something that’s been on my mind lately… I’ve just been wondering, not that there’s anything to worry about,” Jun starts haltingly.

Jun pauses, making eye contact. Ryeowook’s silence as he stirs his tea is unnerving. He only raises his eyebrows to encourage Jun to continue.

“Is it ok to date someone? Like, how does one justify it, I guess? Not feeling guilty for hiding something from their fans and company and even their members?” Jun wavers, peeling at the wrapper on his water bottle before meeting Ryeowook’s eyes. “It just seems wrong to be so disloyal to them in one sense, and yet… should work go so far in limiting one’s private life?”

“Ah, so you’ve just been wondering, is that it?” Ryeowook looks at him with a knowing gleam in his eye. He’s always had this disconcerting way of seeing right through Jun. In truth, Jun expected as much but couldn’t very well have come right out and explained his whole situation, not that he’s really sure of what he wants to do or what he really feels, for that matter. Besides, if Ryeowook told Seungcheol—and he still might—Jun would be toast.

But the thing is, Jun has just been wondering. The philosophical angst over the concept makes him feel like a dramatic cliché teenager, but it’s there. In a tangential way it’s related to his reality—which is as far as he’ll allow himself to entertain the idea—but usually the morally correct thing in any situation is crystal clear to him. On this topic, however, the lines are fuzzy at best.

“I'll tell you a secret in case you haven't figured it out already: everybody does it. Of course it's ok,” Ryeowook says. Jun breathes a little easier, tension he didn’t realize he was holding on to melting the tiniest bit. “The fans and the company think that they own you, but you still have to keep pieces of your life for yourself. It’s one thing to love your fans, perform for them, communicate with them and work hard at practicing what you have to show them, and it’s another thing to give your whole life away.”

Ryeowook sighs, eyes unfocused as if he loses himself in thought for a moment.

“And I’ll put this inelegantly now: fans will give you about dating because they feel like you owe them your loyalty in exchange for theirs. It’s misguided and they think it comes from a place of caring, but you don’t owe them everything. If they really, actually cared about you then they’d want you to be happy instead of wanting to control your existence.”

Jun almost can’t believe what he’s hearing, and the bluntness with which Ryeowook says it. It seems so callous to talk about fans and the company that way, the two things that have allowed him to achieve the success that he has today. Ryeowook’s been in the industry for so long though; he must be hardened by time. More than anything though, he seems tired.

“As for your members, I’m sure you’re aware of what level of honesty is best as far as your personal relationships go. It’s important to pay mind to the fact that their success still rests partially on your behaviors. Use discretion, always. But, speaking from experience,” Ryeowook sets down his cup of tea, not especially forcefully, but it makes his point nonetheless; Super Junior has endured its share of controversies during its run, “one member’s scandal will not hamper the groups popularity once it has been attained.”

Jun just kind of gapes at Ryeowook. It almost feels like too much to process. He’s not used to this level of frankness when it comes to such a delicate topic. Admittedly, Jun appreciates the candor.

“But then, this is all hypothetically speaking, I take it?” Ryeowook quips with a twinkle in his eye, giving Jun an evaluative look up and down.

At that moment, Hoshi enters the kitchen, pausing when he sees Ryeowook and Jun and senses the tension of their conversation.

“What’s going on?” Hoshi asks, looking between the two in uncertainty.

“Just giving sage advice,” Ryeowook says with a subtle wink at Jun. Before Hoshi can ask further Ryeowook picks up his mug and exits the room.

“What was that all about?” Hoshi turns to Jun.

“He just gave me a lot to think about,” Jun replies evasively.

“What about?”

Jun thinks on it for a moment—he doesn’t want to be dishonest, but telling the full truth would open up a conversation that he has no desire to have right now—before settling on an ambiguous answer.

“Life.”