I chose a bigger font this time so you guys get distracted by my words. Anyway this just kind of came to me. It's slightly angsty but I don't know if I put in enough emotion to make you guys emotional but that's okay. This is in Jaebum's point of view, so it's a JJ Project oneshot. I felt inspired to write this randomly.I updated earlier in the week so you should check it out. Thank you for reading and all of your support. Please comment, subscribe, and upvote. @(*^*)@

Jaebum don't know why he was here. My Jinyoung should be having a night out instead of me. He'd been cooped in the house since the baby was born. It'd be even better if he was here with me, at my college reunion.

It had been twenty years since he'd graduated from college, the first time. He could barely believe it's been so long since he was a kid who was barely a teenager in the adult world of college. He was going through puberty when his “adult” classmates drank, paid bills, worked and had . Being surrounded by older people had permanently screwed him up. He'd been forced to grow up and took on everything that came with adulthood. He ended up losing his ity at sixteen to a female classmate. He graduated college before his childhood friends had graduated high school. It'd been a tough journey, admittedly, even though he lived with his parents those four years, but he graduated and proceeded to continue his education, which was the only thing he was certain of. His master's degree was then joined by his doctorate. He was a doctor of literature, what a joke, especially poetry. Unexpectedly he'd become a teacher and well the rest was history. He always thoughts it'd been one of the best decisions of his life because that's how he met the love of his life.

It'd been a horrendously bumpy road to get where he was today. He hadn't faced too many difficulties in his professional life. He'd learned how to charm his way throughout his career. He was seen as valuable because of his youth and intelligence, which made becoming the person he was today so easy. The issues came in from his personal life. Once he'd lost his ity, his personal life went downhill in terms of being attached to other people. His emotional growth had been warped to the point he slept around and avoided relationships. He had friends, Mark being the closest one. He was never able to stay in a relationship since he became bored easily. He didn't cheat on them though. Then he'd met a special woman in one of his doctoral classes.

She filled in his personality cracks and kept him interested, well relatively compared to his other flings. She made him more human. She never thrilled him though. She wasn't exciting or adventurous. She was safe. She was everything his exes weren't. Maybe that was where the problem began. She could easily be replaced by somebody exciting that also provided the same comfort. There was no cement to make him want to stay. He never truly imagined a future with her. He never felt compelled to do certain things for her. He was passive because he believed that a mundane life was probably the best when he'd lived so differently throughout his young life. He proposed because he thought it was the best he was going to get. He could live contently with her.

His passion would be conserved for poetry and his professional life. His students were close to his age and he enjoyed being with them. They made him feel alive. That could have been a indicator that his personal life would continue to be imperfect. The fact he found the most happiness in the classroom. When Park Jinyoung walked into his class, everything really  went to hell. They had a dynamic that outmatched that of him and his fiancée. As they became more familiar with each other, the dynamic evolved into something indescribably wonderful. He blamed his youth, even though that wasn't the culprit, on not wanting to take a chance on Jinyoung without a safety net, that safety net being her. A relationship with a safety net happened to be termed cheating. It had turned out for the better though, but he'd always feel regret for hurting her like that.

Jaebum walked around the event hall. The reflective marble floors and sparkling chandeliers displayed the wealth people he'd graduated liked to flaunt. People were grouped around tall, draped in black tables with small floral centerpieces. Not wanting to be seen in a bad light by his colleagues and fellow professionals, he joined in on the chatter. They were in their early 40s while he was in his late 30s. Whether it was the age difference or some other factor, Jaebum was incredibly bored by the words floating around him. The chatter was as pretentious as ever. Half of the people bragged about their success, their children, or their partners. The other half was bitter and tried to undermine the achievements of others or made anything and everything about themselves. Unfortunately, these groups weren't clear cut and were muddled. In the midst of them were people who were genuine about their interest in others, which oddly enough included Jaebum. If they asked, he'd tell them he’d gotten married and had recently had his first kid, a boy. He only spoke about himself if prodded; Jinyoung had made him become that way. While moving through the groups, he saw a familiar face.

“Hello Rosalie. It's been awhile since we've seen each other.” He joined her at the table she was currently sitting alone at. He place his glass of champagne in front of him. I guess this is where he'd be eating dinner at.

The woman looked up and her pretty features pinched into a look of disgust. She attempted to smother it by reminding herself how to act in public.

“Hello Jaebum. It has been awhile.” Her voice laced with the venom of disgust.

“Who are you here with?” Jaebum pretended not to notice and continued the conversation normally.

“Robert Lee. You went to school with him.” She pointed to the slightly overweight man in the ill fitting suit. The pants were too long and a little bit too big. The shirt was too tight and in an awful pattern. Jinyoung would kill him if he went anywhere dressed like that.

“So that's who you're dating now? He was pretty awkward when I knew him.” That probably wasn't the best thing to say according to the reaction she gave. Her lips pursed and she brought on a fake smile that showed all of her teeth like he'd said something amazing.

“Well he's not like that anymore. He owns a medical research company.” Their dinner was served. Her boyfriend was more interested in the bar.

“That sounds interesting. There's no such excitement going on in my life.” He couldn't help if he sounded a little sarcastic. He wasn't jealous and his words were honest, but that was the tone he took whenever he talked to her.

She faked another smile.

“I disagree. I heard you got married recently.” Her voice had taken on that venomous quality again.

“Somewhat. It's been four years since we got married.” The food wasn't so bad. It was a decent cut of steak and some fancy sides.

“To whom?”

He hesitated. Jaebum didn't enjoy being the source of people's grief. In the past it hadn't been enjoyable but it also didn't bother him. Maybe it was the fact that he was a father now or how he'd hurt her in the past had caused him to feel that way.

“...Jinyoung.” He said before taking a sip of his wine. Jaebum wanted to focus on anything other that what he was talking about now.

Her eyes narrowed and a grimace broke through her uninterested facade.

“That that you cheated on me with?”

“He's not a .” He was duty bound to defend his husband’s honor. He figured this conversation would probably get out of hand soon. He tried to quickly finish his food.

“He's not a ? He's not a ?! HE IS A FOR WORMING HIS WAY INTO OUR RELATIONSHIP. You might not get it because your head is too far up his but he caused you to stray and be unfaithful and now here I am with nothing.” Heads turned toward the screaming woman. Jaebum pulled her wrist to go in a more secluded area, which happened to be outside.

“Are you okay?”

“Don't pretend like you care.”

“I did care once. It's for the sake of the past that I want to explain my actions towards you.”

“You mean the actions of you cheating on me and then ending our engagement to be with some 20 year old college student?”

“Yes… those actions.”

She scoffed.

“Why should I listen?”

“I don't want you to blame Jinyoung anymore. It's not Jinyoung's fault. It's mine. Don't blame him because it was my decisions that were more hurtful towards you.”

“This is for him? You always do things with him that you never did for me. Why do you treat him so well when I never got the same from you?”

“I'm not a perfect person and I definitely wasn't a good boyfriend when we were together. Jinyoung doesn't deserve the blame for what happened to us because he never wanted it to be that way. I pushed my desires on him and he was too naïve to tell me no… Every time I went behind your back, he always asked me to make a decision between the two of you. He didn't want to be a side item. He wanted to be in a legitimate relationship with me. He never wanted me to betray your trust. Jinyoung's a sweet guy who’s a lot purer than I am.”

“You never even told me how you two became… involved. I didn't even”

“It started innocently. At first, I just thought he was attractive. He was taking a class of mine and we got to know each other through different class dialogues. As he became more active in class, I involved him in more activities. I began to develop feelings for him. Then I kissed him at some point. We became more and more  interested in each other and then we started secretly dating and then I fell in love. I started things with him not the other way around.”

She seemed to ingest the things he was saying. There was a pause in the conversation that put Jaebum on edge.

“What was it about Jinyoung that made him better than me?”

“The fact that he was him and you were you. He was different from any person I'd met before. Jinyoung is very intelligent, caring, and spirited. He is able to handle the parts of me you thought were difficult. Everything about him is something that makes me want to devote my life to him. I love him a lot.”

“You're becoming too poetic.”

“That's only a smidgen of my talent. You were everything I thought I needed while he was everything I truly needed and wanted. I finally found someone who made me feel the way I felt when at work. He was something I'd been missing.”

“Of course. Of course you get everything you ever wanted while I'm left to pick up the pieces. The great Im Jaebum is blessed with the best job, a good house, a nice car, a wonderful husband, and a child while I'm left with .”

“You knew about the kid?” Jaebum asked sheepishly.

“Of course I knew. I still work at the university. All of your former associates, even the school dean was talking about how proud he was of you and all of your accomplishments. They all sing your high praises. They ignore the fact that you ed a student. They ignore that you left. They ignore me and my feelings. They're not even subtle about it.”

“I'm sorry you found out like that.”

“You wouldn't have told me in person anyway.”

No, he wouldn't have.

“... How are you doing?” That probably should have been the first question he asked. He'd thought himself a person who genuinely cares about what others had done but it seems in    case, he became a person who only talked about himself.

“ty. I'm 43, unmarried, and I have no children. The future I was betting on, where I wouldn't be so pathetic, was ruined when you broke up with me. I have yet to be in a relationship that rivals the one you're in. My job is the only thing that's relatively nice.”

“It's been seven years, why haven't you properly moved on? You could have been married with at least one kid by now.”

“We were together for ten years. It's not that easy to move on. I loved you a whole ing lot. I thought you were my Prince Charming l, although you had the personality of the Beast. I met people my parents chose, and I dated as much as I could, but who would want to date an old lady like me.”

“You're not that old.”

“I'm too old to bare a child without jeopardizing my and the baby’s health. My emotions were crippled by you. You're living an excessively happy life, and I'm miserable. It must be destined that it's like this.” She paused “I don't love Robert  . He's alright but my feelings for him are lukewarm compared to what I had with you. I like him the least of anyone I've dated recently.”

Jaebum sighed. He wanted to cry for her. He never realized the impact he'd had on his ex’s life. She'd been strong and so sure of herself when they were together that he assumed she’d deal with the breakup well enough. His feelings for her had withered at some point before Jinyoung entered the picture and he felt the same went for her. He never took her feelings into account. That she may have had deep feelings for him. It also didn't help that her fiancé had left her for a younger man, someone sixteen years younger.

Jaebum was usually analytical, that was a component of his job as a professor. It seems he didn't analyze the repercussions that their breakup would entail.

“I'm sorry that we ended the way that we did... I didn't respect you enough to end things properly. I was selfish, and I took advantage of you and Jinyoung. The things I've done may not be illegal but they are criminal. My actions have caused you unnecessary pain and agony. I've interrupted your plans for your life, and although you can never get those years back, I sincerely apologize.”

“You're a selfish man. That's a true statement. Sorry can't fix everything you know.”

“I agree I am selfish, and I know that sorry doesn't fix everything. I want you to have a clean slate. I want you to be free of the burden I left on you. I want you to find happiness with someone that truly loves and appreciates you. I obviously wasn't the one for you, so I want you to let go of everything we had. Let go of the memories, the feelings, and possessions.”

She began to tear up. He said the words so soothingly that the tears just flowed. Obviously she'd been tied down by her past. She blamed him for her not moving forward with her life but it was partially her fault. He'd moved on and created a new life and she should do the same as well.

She stood up from her chair and hugged him. It was a goodbye hug. A hug that said let's never speak of the past again. It was a farewell to everything they'd endured together. They'd been there for each other, but their relationship needed to be treated as something that should be remembered but not longed for.

“Hey I was looking for you.” It was her boyfriend. He touched her shoulder and nodded in Jaebum’s direction.

“Let's breakup.” She didn’t even look at him. She focused her attention on calling for a taxi.

“What?! Why?” The man was flabbergasted. Their relationship had been going well. He’d even been considering marriage.

“I need to make changes in my life and I'll never be truly happy with you. You're not a bad person and you’ll be able to find someone, but I need something else in my life.”

Jaebum smiled. This is what he wanted for her all along. He wanted her to get rid of the components that didn't satisfy her.

“Is this your doing? I know you guys dated in the past, but it seems you can't move on.” His stance to on an offensive form. He was even pointing his finger at him He was directing his feelings toward the wrong person, well he wasn’t completely wrong.

“I might have influenced it, but I'm not interested in her. You just have no dating skills.”

The man rushed at him. He was shorter and smaller than Jaebum so he easily avoided him. He refused to get into a fight, especially for no reason, so he waved and quickly made his way back inside to enjoy himself.

The rest of the night he danced with his acquaintances. He was finally able to show off his  dance abilities in public since their wedding. Being a professor left little time for hobbies like that especially when you're married with a baby. He didn’t say a final goodby verbally but he thinks he thinks they’ve properly parted, this time.

Jaebum walked into his house and looked around. It was quiet, which was surprising. It was now, looking down at his watch, 11:42 PM which was prime crying time for their son. He put his briefcase in his office; he'd gone to the reunion straight after work. It was Friday so that meant he had nowhere to go in the morning. He peeked in the nursery and saw a small figure sleeping soundly in his nursery. God was good today apparently. He walked down the hall and into their bedroom. An attractive man was in his bed reading. His black-brown hair laid softly on his head. He was wearing a college sweatshirt that belonged to Jaebum and some sweatpants. He was a mesmerizing sight.

“Hey hot stuff.” He walked toward the closet to undress and change clothes. He was contemplating a shower but he wanted to talk to his Jinyoung before he fell asleep.

Jinyoung looked up and smiled.

“You're home?”

“Yeah. What happened with him?”

“I have no idea but he went to sleep about an hour ago and he should be down for a couple of more.” He put his book to the side and looked toward the closet.

“Shouldn't you been sleeping then?” Coming out in only boxers and a white undershirt. He walked to the bed and threw himself on it. This mattress was one of the best investments, he thought.

“I wanted to read and wait for you. I also have clothes in the dryer.”

“I'll deal with it in the morning.” Jaebum propped his head up and faced the younger male. He wanted to give him his undivided attention.

“Are you saying you're going to deal with him in the morning?”

“Yes my love. I’ll do anything to let you get your beauty sleep, but you’re always gorgeous.”

“You're so cheesy.” A blush appearing on Jinyoung’s ears.

“I missed putting my son to sleep so I need to have some bonding time. He might not even know I’m his father.”

Jinyoung rolled his eyes and placed his book on the nightstand. He seemed to be preparing for sleep.  

“How was the reunion?” He was wrapped in Jaebum’s arms and the sheets covered them.

“Interesting. I saw a lot of people i’d forgotten about. I also saw Rosalie.”

“Why was she there?” Jinyoung’s curiosity piqued.

“Her boyfriend was my classmate apparently.”

“She’s not married?”

“No.”

“Did you talk to her?”

“Yeah…”

Jinyoung knew he didn’t want to fully answer what he was asking. This only happened when Jaebum did something questionable. He sighed and continued his line of questioning. “What did you talk about?”

“Us. The situation. I apologized for how I left it. I told her to move on and be happy. She said she wasn’t able to be in a relationship that rivaled how she felt about me. I never thought about how I broke her heart and trust. I really ed up by doing what I did to you two. I was selfish and I went about my feelings all wrong. I’m sorry for what I did to you in the beginning of our relationship by putting you in such an unpleasant situation.”

Jinyoung ran his fingers through the other man’s hair; the latter had moved his way into closer with his head in his lap. He’d felt guilty during those times, but he’d tried to put those times behind him; he’d even met up with Rosalie around two years ago to apologize. He never asked how Jaebum had ended things, but he figured he’d done it half-assed. It was one of his faults. Half doing things because he didn’t think about the deeper repercussions, that not everyone had his personality.

“You already knew that though. I feel bad that we ended up living happily and she was miserably seeking something to replace what was abruptly taken from her.”

“You’re so kindhearted.” He saw Jaebum’s eyes radiate the love he had for the other.

“Thanks.” he paused to think about what he wanted to say. “She’s not as young as me. She’s older than you in fact. You ended your relationship with her when she was making plans to create a future, a family, with you. You definitely ed her over.”

“I know but... What should I do?” Jinyoung was his personal Jiminy Cricket.

“Nothing. Let her live without your interference so that she can live the rest of her life free of you.”

“Do you want that too? Do you want me to let you be free?” He couldn’t help but be a little self conscious after all that had happened tonight.

“Noooo. I love you. I’m happy with this life we’ve created. I know what type of person you are so I can accept your negligence in certain situations.”

“You telling me that doesn’t make me feel that great.” Jinyoung smirked against his shoulder.

“Well that’s not my problem. Go shower you smell horrendous. I’m going to sleep.” He settled under the covers and closed his eyes. Jaebum got out of the bed and walked over to Jinyoung’s side of the bed.

“I’m sorry for being the way I am. Thank you for being the way you are. I love you.” Jaebum placed a soft on his temple soft kiss on the temple. Jinyoung snuggled into the blankets a little more.

Jaebum walked into the bathroom and washed all of his thoughts away. He knew that his relationship with Jinyoung was special and he was lucky to be so happy with him.  That seemed to be the resounding conclusion he came to every day and every nights. He quickly scrubbed his body since he had to wake up early in the morning.

After he exited the bathroom, clothed, he snuggled under the blankets with his husband. He smelled so nice and Jaebum just snuggled close. Park Jinyoung had a heart of gold and Jaebum knew everyday that he didn’t deserve him. Jinyoung loved him and that was one of the many gifts of his life. He was given a world treasure when he fell in love with Jinyoung.