He awoke from the same nightmare that had been plaguing him since he could remember. Every night, the same thing, and when he woke up from it, the same muffled sobs, the same shirt sleeve rolled up, the same blade taken from under his alarm clock, the same feeling of relief as the blade ripped his skin, and his pale white arm was stained red once again. This time was no different. Taehyung rolled over, reaching for the razor. He found it, feeling the thin blade against his fingertips have him a disturbed sense of relief. He rolled up his sleeve, revealing row upon row of cuts, some quite faded, others freshly scabbed. He brought the blade down to his flesh, hesitating a little, before slashing down fast. The blood bubbled to the surface. Then, to his surprise, instead of feeling the relief he normally had, he felt worse. A tear fell, then another, and another, until he had to shove his face in his pillow to stop crying. Once he did, he picked the blade up and made another cut, this one more shallow. A loud sob escaped his mouth, making Taehyung jump. He waited 10 seconds to see if Jungkook, who was sleeping above him, would notice. Once he was sure that Jungkook hadn’t awoken, he started carving words like Fat, Ugly, Stupid and . A light suddenly flickered on, startling Taehyung. He looked at the light switch, seeing Jungkook standing there, staring wide-eyed at the older. “H-Hyung, w-what are you doing?” Jungkook stuttered, on the verge of tears. Taehyung looked down, starting to shake with invisible sobs. Jungkook walked over slowly, crouching beside him. “Taehyung, why do you do this to yourself?” When the other didn’t answer, Jungkook tilted up his chin. Bad idea.

       Taehyung started crying loudly, curling into a ball. Jungkook hugged him, Taehyung started hoarsely whispering “No, don’t touch me. I swear, I’ll be better. Just don’t touch me at all!” Jungkook kissed the other’s forehead. That was a very bad idea. The latter started screaming high pitched, waking the other members up. Jin burst into the room first, having heard the commotion well before the others.

       “What’s wrong Kookie? What happened to him?” Jin asked, kneeling beside Jungkook.

       “I-I don’t know what happened. He just woke up crying and isn’t being forthcoming with info,” Jungkook started crying a little. Jin leaned over and hugged Jungkook, rubbing circles into his back. Taehyung had stopped screaming but was crying silently into his pillow.

       “Kookie, go tell the others to go sleep and if they can't, just tell them to wait in the living room. I’ll handle it, okay?” The other nodded. “Good. Go now.” Jungkook got up and left them. Taehyung looked up from his damp pillow to see Jin staring at him.

       “Why did you do this to yourself?” Jin’s face was plastered with fear and sorrow as his eyes scanned the sheets that were slowly turning red.

       “Please leave me alone. I beg you.”

       “I'm not going to touch you. I know you don't like that, so please tell me why.”

       “I can't tell anyone, hyung. Please leave me alone.”

       “Fine,” Jin replied with a sigh of defeat. “But clean your wounds and wash the sheets. I'll leave you alone. Come out after you’re done, so you can talk to the others. You’re going to explain yourself, no complaining.”

       Taehyung got up to stare at his work. Something about his work didn't please him like other nights. He went to the bathroom to wash his cuts. He looked at his puffy, red eyed reflection. It made him want to throw up. He ran his cuts under hot water which scorched his skin. He bandaged them and gathered the sheets. He threw them into the laundry bin hoping no other members would see. Taehyung knew that the members would see him as weird when they figured out that he doesn't like human contact. It was always a conflict that never seemed to go away. Now he fears they'll find him even more weird because of his self harm tendencies. He got a cloth out of the closet and ran it under cold water, squeezing out the water and applying it to his eyes. Thankfully, the red around his eyes disappeared, and he went out to face the others.

       All the members were sitting around the TV, waiting for Taehyung to finish. As Taehyung walked out, everyone sat up straight. Taehyung noticed this, being put on edge. He sat down in the only free chair, which was a seat at the head of the room. He could practically feel the tension as he sat down. Jin cleared his throat, making him jump. “So, Taehyung, what happened?” Jin asked in a kind voice.

       “Um…” Taehyung felt a lump form in his throat. He had never actually talked about his self harm to anyone, he normally kept to himself. They were the first to know, except for…

       No, he couldn’t think about him. He would only cry more. He could already feel the tears forming. He rubbed his eyes quickly, before tears could escape his eyes. He breathed a deep breath before he began to speak.

       “It all started in Grade 3, and back then it was only people bugging me, or picking me last, or ignoring me. It slowly escalated, and that’s when I knew that I couldn't escape. I just wanted to die. Since I couldn’t do that, I guess that’s why I started cutting.” By then he was crying, the tears slowly coming down. One by one the members came over and group hugged him. He started to panic inside, wanting to scream as loud as he could. He wanted throw them off and run away, but he kept it in, faking comfortableness as the members hugged him all together. He felt his shoulder getting wet, seeing Jungkook crying onto it. He heard him whisper “Hyung… let’s get through this together… okay?” The amount of genuine care he could feel coming off of the members was amazing, and, for the first time in a long time, Taehyung felt loved.

       After 3 months, Taehyung fell back to his usual routine. Cutting, crying, fearing human touch, starving, and being swallowed by fear and depression. s soon forgot about his problems with all the practice and work they had for their new album. They were preparing for their first performance on stage for their new song. Taehyung was very anxious for their performance. Not only was the choreography hard and tiring, his fear of human touch consumed him. Every practice, Taehyung cautiously maneuvered around people touching him. The last time he ever touched anyone was 3 months ago when the members found out that he self harms. Of course the members didn't realize that Taehyung kept on harming himself. Actually, they believed that he was getting better. But in reality, Taehyung just got better at hiding it.

       As the members were waiting for the cue to go on stage, no one noticed Taehyung scratching his wrists, looking side to side anxiously. Finally they were called on stage, and the concert started. The first song they performed was Fire, an easy one for him. As the songs went on, he got more and more anxious. He was doing well until House of Cards came on. As Namjoon announced it, he started to break down. Thoughts like, “What if I mess up?” and “I’m such a failure” corrupted his mind. As the intro played, he tried to calm down. He breathed slowly, trying to slow his pounding heart. The song went through and he became more and more tense, waiting for his solo. He began singing, his voice matching every note perfectly. He could hear all the fans love and support, but the shouts of “!” and “Ugly!” were more clear to him.

       The concert ended with Dope, a fan favorite. As they did their bows, Taehyung noticed the dark red spreading on his sleeve. As the lights dimmed, he ran off stage. He grabbed his clothes from the stylists and rushed off to change before the members noticed. He changed quickly, taking the blood-stained shirt with him. He thanked the stylists and went to wait for the other members. Once Hoseok, the last member, finished changing, the manager made a surprise announcement. “We have orders to let you guys indulge for once. You can have burgers, or ice cream. You choose.”

        For ice cream shop, head to chapter 2

        For burger shop, head to chapter 3

Hey guys. Thank you guys so much for reading my new story. I wrote it with my new coauthor, Ben. And I must say that he is an excellent writer. I hope you guys will love and support him and me throughout this story. I chose to do an interactive story because I wanted to read on. I couldn't find any decent ones on BTS and I swear I dug deep through the Internet. So people don't have to go through the pain that I did, I chose to write one. I really hope you guys will like it. But Ben and I never wrote one before and we really don't know if this will go well or not so please comment if it's working or not. Anyways thank you for subscribing and reading my story. We will try to update soon. We love you guys all. <3333