I’m back ;) Not for long though! Sorry, Just trying to update all my stories before I leave to LA.

Warning!! Depressing thoughts, mentions of self harm!

Hoshi POV

I drove home as fast as possible. As soon as the I opened the door to our dorm, all worried eyes were on me. Dino was about to ask about Woozi, but I ran up to his bedroom as soon as I stepped foot into building. I was followed by Mingyu and Joshua.

“Did you guys find anything?” I asked, thinking that they had already found the razors.

“Just bloody clothes…” Joshua replied, looking down.

My eyes widened and I ran into the bathroom opening every single drawer in my sight. Empty Empty EMPTY! They were all empty!! I ran towards his closet, leaving all the drawers in his bathroom open. I open the his closet and find nothing but nicely folded clothes. I NEED to find them!! One by one I removed every piece of clothing and threw it onto the ground.

“Hosh! Calm down we searched the whole room!!” Mingyu said running towards him and grabbing onto his arms.

“Impossible!!” I spat and removed my arms from his grasp.

Where? Where in the hell would he hide his razors!! I kept thinking about it...Then I had an idea of where.

“The bed!! Check under the bed!!” I yelled.

Soon after Mingyu, Joshua, and Jun (Who had joined us while I throwing clothes around) Pulled off the pillows and blankets. In the process of removing the Pillows they found a black notebook.

Jun picked it up and placed to the side, wanted to see what was under the mattress. After they pulled off the mattress they saw Woozi’s ‘Escape’, His razors, a bag of them.

“We’re keeping these in my room, don’t tell him.” I said, taking the horrible bag filled with torture.

Minutes after I went to living room where the others were.

“Hoshi you have some explaining to do.” Wonwoo said staring into my soul.

After what felt like hours I had explained everything that the doctor told me, from beginning to end, not even looking up once. When I finally decided to look up everyone was in tears, some were having breakdowns and other were teary eyed.

“I don’t know why and I wish I did…” I whispered, also crying.

“The notebook! That might explain somethings!” Jun reminded.

My eyes widened and I ran up to his bedroom, which I had fixed after wrecking it, took the notebook and ran back to the crowded living room. Everyone was gathered around me and I opened it, shaking a bit.

‘Jan.14.2016

You know what? Pain is the only thing that makes me feel alive. Sure pain hurts, but it’s one hell of a stress taker. No one knows about this, they never will. My parents abandoned me, and I won’t tell them, otherwise i’ll drown in pity. How am I going to hide it? Smile. Fake smiles. I am the type of person that will sit in the bathroom and cry, but then walk out like nothing ever happened. What about my feelings? Oh don’t worry about them, no one does anyways.’

My heart broke. Why didn’t I know, I could have saved him from the world of darkness that he is trapped in.

‘Jan.15.2016  

Time to start making this album! Yay...Haha no. I think I’m going to fall apart...I want to got to bed. Because, you know, sometimes, all you can do is lie in bed and hope to fall asleep before you fall apart. I’m hiding what i’m feeling but I’m tired of keeping all this inside my head.’

My tears started falling. Everyone was crying, we all wish we were there for him.

‘Jan.16.2016

The first day of making this album is already complete crap...I’m starting to reach the point in life where i’m used to crappy things that happen to me. People talking behind my back, people hating you for no reason whatsoever, people hurting you and not caring that they ruined your life. Promises will be broken even though they were promised. There are people you used to talk to everyday that you will never speak to again. The truth is, I can’t care anymore, It hurts me it’s too tiring.

So i’m used to it…’

My hands were shaking, my sight was blurry, my breathing was uneven. I threw the book on the floor not wanting to read it anymore.

---------------------------------------------------

Boom! Updating before I head to LA!!

That one Asian girl,

Sumi~