Five years had passed since I last saw him.

My company confirming that he had found but for bad news, he want to stop his journey with us.

Who’s the caused of that?

Of course it’s me.

I’m the one who pushed him away.

     I was so young and selfish at that time. I can only see my bright future and forgot that I stepped into other people life. It was my worst memories to have good memories with him. I heard he was doing really well with his new job as a composer for one of big company in Japan. He move out from Seoul to Japan to find a new starter for his carrier but it all bull.

    My EXO, EXO-Ls, my work-buddies all know the reason he left.

It’s probably because of me.

He want to get away from me that bad..

My fault..

     After the news of him founding in California are up in about two months after he lost, I flied to there to meet him with the manager. But luck was not by my side when he told our manager to come alone without any of EXO’s member. I know he didn’t want to meet me. I just can watched him from far when he did the confession with the company and some TV stations.  D.O WANT TO START NEW CARRIER become a hottes topic in 2016.

It was the last time I saw him and hold him.

    His tears still lingering around my mind when I hugged him at the dorm at time he want to clean his stuff before he moves out. I begged him to stay, I’d cried in front of him but I know he was so broken. He cried in my held, he told me he loved me, I did the same. But, he didn’t believe me anymore. I told him I loved him, even though we were broke up I still care about him, that is my second big mistakes. I love him, but I do love Krystal too.

“You don’t love me anymore, Kai. It’s the end of us.” He said.. 

     Maybe it just a bad feeling because I’m the one who made him suffered, maybe I just pitying him, maybe I don’t love him anymore. Maybe he is right..

    After he left, our schedule still the same, we work even harder to cover our lack and it all worth because we still won Daesang Award. My relationship with Krystal are just good even though we are not a couple anymore. Two years after we dated, we though we didn’t have the  chemistry any more so we called it broke up.

   And through the time he left,  my mind were just rewinding my beautiful moment with him. Every time I want to sleep at night, I feel Kyungsoo was there next to me, watching me and took care of me. When I listen to his new songs, my tears will running down. How I miss his voice calling my name.

    Maybe I was wrong. Maybe Kyungsoo was  wrong. Maybe I’m not pitying him, maybe I don’t love Krystal.

 Maybe I really love him..

   It’s too late for me and him now. I think he already find a new boyfriend or girlfriend. Its been 5 years, he probably move on from me. I was so stupid back then, now I regret everything.

I should choose him.

I should beg for sorry.

I should try to stop him.

I should never cheated on him.

I should just die.

     I tried to vanish all my times with him but it looks like, more did I tried to forget, more vivid his laughter became. I did everything just to ignore my feeling. I even dated Sehun for eight months. We were going out and I though he is my everything, my destiny, my place to call home, my star that shine me. I’m so happy that finally I have someone to lean when it hard.

   Sehun took care of really well. We were bestfriend that become boyfriends. Everything was so fine with us but why I don’t feel like it? Each time when I went to sleep, his face still dancing in my mind. The room that I shared with him still have his smell that makes me even harder to breath.

   When I finally give up to try to forget him, I asked for break up with Sehun. He  is a good guy, a good buddy, a good boyfriend to me but I can’t be the one for him. Its hard for us at first to act like nothing happened but things gone well after a couple of months.

Just for him and not me..

   I kept missing him more and more. I don’t know how can I live these past years without him? He is my savior, my knight to my dream, Kyungsoo, could you come back again to me?

   I want to  hold his hands again, kiss his lips all again, laugh with him over stupid thing, cook with him and eat his food, I want to have child with him and name the kid as Kyung In. I want to live with him in my future but why? Why our path is not the same as before? Why I need to be so stupid?

  Do Kyungsoo, how are you?

Have you takes your breakfast? Lunch and dinner?

Did your work going well?

Do you miss me? I miss you. A lot.

   I want to ask him all this questions again. I want to be able to caress his cheeks again.

Love and People.

Why I can’t have both?

   Without him, the day seem so hot and the night was so cold. Without Kyungsoo, the food taste so dull, the drink can`t vanish away my thirst. Without him, everything is abnormal. I need him..

Kyungsoo hyung..

Would you comeback to me?

Would you forgive my mistakes?

Would you accept me again?

Would you be my boyfriend again?

Kyungsoo hyung..

I’m still here..

    Most of our